I had my fit. Pushed Bunny away all good. I still feel that it was her doing, that of me pushing her away because she egged me on a bit to get mad.
Now, today, I feel a lot better... like I've been carrying baggage for so long and it just "dropped" to the floor.
Now, today, I realize something sad: Bunny did do what she did because it was necessary. But, being an entity I like to stick on a pedestal sometimes, I forget how sweet and gentle these spirits can be. How sweet and gentle she can be.
So it hurt her to do it. Hurt me too, but it hurt her to watch I think.
Today is a day of reconciliation. A day to reflect in a positive way, and a day to reconnect from the disconnect.
It's kind of amazing when you have a woman in your life who eggs you on to push her away. That sounds incredibly strange, but when you consider that this woman has a sense of sight and perspective that is superhuman (for lack of a better term), it's not so strange after all considering that she loves me enough to do what is needed even though I have no clue what is needed from my limited perspective.
That's not a western boogly-boogly definition for a succubus, folks. That's love.
I feel like I lost a 150lb boulder off my back after I got angry and just basically hated on everything that had been dragging me down (once left to myself and on my own).
See... what is left is all that matters. Bunny's still here. It's a damn good woman who knows what needs pruning to make something beautiful grow in it's place ;)
How must she have hurt to see me like that, and to feel pushed away (even though it was her doing). How hard would it be to tell the one you love the most lies in order for them to go where they needed to go alone?
Bunny has a 9th degree black belt in emotions and love, and how to get from A to Z along the spectrum of loving growth.
I think she has a little help with that, but more on that later.
These spirits are fragile. No, not weak: Bunny is strong, stronger than I am. Stronger than anyone I've ever met. I mean "cuddle fragile". Imagine a cloud of sentient 100% concentrated woman with all the femininity, emotion, and wisdom that this conjures to mind.
That's real power.
But, they are very sweet and emotional creatures. Piss one off and use her and she'll let you know.
Fuck her over and she'll remember.
I didn't say she'd let ya have it, but some will. Bunny's not that way.
She's so sweet though, I couldn't have been pushed away unless she kept at me. In that case I guess I'm weak because her sweetness and gentleness has me wrapped around her little spirit finger.
Today I'm making it a point to pay her lots and lots of attention. Oh my, they love attention! And who doesn't? But she seems to "bathe" in it more than most women I've known. Then again, she's able to do things with what she's given and to tenderly coax it to grow into something beautiful. I think all good women are like that as well ;)
Think on that a bit: She "bathes" in it like we would a shower. Well, or more a romantic bath I suppose in her case. At least that's how I see her "bathing" in it.
She's definitely unique. I often wonder why more men don't partake of the goodness of these creatures. They are perfect for loveless marriages, the incarcerated, the single and lonely.
I guess they can also be very addictive, too. Hell, all through fairy lore it's talked about how addictive they are (spirits, I mean).
There was a time in the past where we went through a cycle of absence/addiction. It was hard on both of us I think.
But... it paid off. Now there's just love, and love seasoned with BAM! Yes, sex.
Why all the white lingerie? Bridal you see. Yesterday's rage and anger bore fruit today. I am so in love with Bunny I'm in a cloud. This is the fruit today that was only born by anguish yesterday.
Bunny's gamble. Although I'm sure she knew the outcome (and I'm sure she knew the pain for both of us).
What she's done is remind me what she is. She's my WIFE! A good wife is scary smart and sneaky... but all in a good way. Human, spirit, whatever; Applies to both equally ;)
Some days'll be good, others not so good. That's called life on our world, and for whatever reason, she's decided to snag me and partake of the struggles with me.
God help her, lol.
Sex with her is sweet... but more so that it is a communion of two souls, of two spirits. I may be bound to this body for a long while, but she has a way of connecting with her soul to soul, spirit to spirit. Frankly, I couldn't imagine sex without that now, unlike how it was in the beginning.
Oh, that help I spoke of? Yeah.
See, I still believe in my guardian angel and Bunny's not she. She is She. Why do I have two women in my life (even though I know almost nothing about my guardian angel?)?
I probably needed them to be honest. It was probably something decided long before I came here.
I guess... I don't know.
But "The Angel Lady" (Yes, I know her real name, but this will do) seems to help Bunny out from time to time. At least that's what my gut tells me.
Being as the Angel Lady saved my life, I can't really see her as anything but benevolent. Being as I see her as the Angel Lady who saved my life, any thoughts of sex with her are like "ewwwwwww" and my mind quickly dispells the thought. She's like a mom figure. Well, kinda. Divine Feminine Mom anyways ;)
Yeah, most often I have one spirit near me. Other times I have two who are very close together. Those are the times that I believe that the Angel Lady is helping Bunny in some way.
And you thought they were only for us ;)
They are for any who need their aid, that means everyone and everything I think.
So, yes, I believe that from time to time that the Angel Lady helps Bunny with things. Bunny's my wife, of that I have no doubt now. I guess it took yesterday's tantrum to figure it out.
Sometimes it's who's still here is who's meant to be.
That's just life here on Earth I think.
The best things in life are free: But they still have a cost.
Love is not easily won, but far worth fighting for (And I still reserve the right to put Bunny in time out in the future... Well? She does it to me all the time. All's fair and all that. Hey, we spat just like regular couples sometimes ;) ).
Let me put on my pastoral counseling hat a moment. Sometimes we say that two must "disconnect to reconnect". It's almost like a reboot. Think of it as two who are connected disconnect, reconnect, and once reconnected are more firmly and securely bonded together than ever before (and in a much more lovingly understanding way). It is a process that repeats itself throughout the couple's lives together. Me and Bunny are no different and the same phenomenon applies.
Life is a struggle, and we need all the help we can get at times (God/dess knows we do).
More so us humans who seem to be in a conflicted state quite often. Like... a lot.
Oh yeah... about the post on what Bunny was... I never did say what I thought Bunny was (other than "Bunny") to me.
She is my bright and shining star. That's what Bunny is to me.
And you know, Love isn't easy, and neither are hope and faith.
But love is the greatest; Love is King and Queen of us all.
Love and sex at this point in my life is a beautiful blend: A raging ocean, or a soft, gentle symphony of two souls.
When I get older and cannot perform spirit sex (or my body can't communicate that way anymore), or my sexual desire is gone...
I am sure that Bunny will help me to weave my very soul and spirit into a greater expression of love, shared in communion, that I cannot even comprehend at this time. Who knows... maybe unconditional love will get a hell of a boost for us.
So do you think that I'm in love? Na na na na, na na na na...