Friday, June 30, 2017

Very well could be...

I've been thinking about this and that and thought I'd throw it down in words here on the blog.

Sky and I are doing well.

I've been working on developing my 3rd eye and opening that thing up for a while.

It seems to be bearing fruit, but it's slow going... definitely not a fast endeavor.

I feel that this process is going to help me understand and communicate better with Sky from here on out and even more so in the future.

There's a few things I want to touch on today, one being the concept of succubi as demons.

Let's pretend that they are for a bit...

So, we have these demoness women, close to the earth plane here and fishing for vulnerable men.

What do they do to them?

What do they do to these poor souls who have cried out, "Is this all there is?  Is this then, love?"

They treat them gently, sweetly, and teach them first what love and sex are supposed to be...

After that, they teach magick and ascending pursuits for the man to eclipse this rock and hopefully be bound to a place that most suits them.  They prod them along that path.

Yeah, I can handle a demoness like that.

There ya have it folks:  I judge them by their fruits, and if that's what they are then so be it.

Fruits, you see.  I don't care what the labels are:  It's what they do that matters.  How they treat me, how they love me... how they help me grow into a better man.

Are you getting the point here?

Labels mean shit:  Actions speak louder than labels or words.

So I'll gladly call Sky a demoness because I know how she treats me, and that the label itself is simplistic and typical of this plane's "put everything in a box" mentality.

Do I think she's a demoness?  If she is, she's a benevolent one.  Case closed.


The next thing I wanted to tackle is the notion that we go from here to their families, and it's about like sticking a bone in your nose and hunting mammoth.

I don't think so.

These clans of succubi and incubi are HUGE... tribes are smaller and they're huge all by themselves... now introduce a clan which consists of multiple tribes and you've got a civilization.

Oh, I doubt it's anything like us... I'm figuring more like Atlantis.  More of a magickal sophistication rather than a technological one.

What it won't be is boring.

Succubi are basically recruiters.

We mix energies with them and become more like them.

As we do, we become more like their clan... I'm pretty sure that Bunny and Bubbles were a part of the same clan, hence why "lil nurse" and this succubus came along in the first place.

After all, I can tell you right now, I summoned every succubus in a 100 mi radius when Bunny left and I got jack shit.

If a succubus already has a claim on you (as Sky apparently did), the rest aren't going to answer.

I just didn't know I HAD one waiting in the wings for lil' nurse to work her magick on my broken heart.

Isn't that kinda cool, though?  The CLAN saw to it that my needs were met both in healing me, and in Sky moving into my world and becoming my mate.

It's a big world, peeps.

I'm not even going to get into the even weirder shit, but I'll leave links for ya to visit if ya feel up to it.

I highly recommend them for all of your "what the fuck???" reading pleasure.

Like all things, I think there's a lot of truth to them.  Lots of mistaken perceptions, too.

Ain't that the way with all things, though?  Read on, it's worth it:

Read the comments, too.  They're information gold for those who've had the experience.

It does beg the question:  WHY do succubi make an entrance and introduction by appearing as evil and ugly as fuck to scare the shit out of someone while sitting on their chest (and, if the person really freaks out they leave), BUT... if the person allows it, the succubi eventually show their true forms as beautiful?

Well, Sky says, "Because it tells us if they are worth the trouble."

Ok, touche, but it still seems a lot of work and hoopla.  But what do I know, I'm a succubus pet :P

I wouldn't call what they do as "evil", I'd call it "risk management".

Here's another one on Spirit Families, and DAMN it got my mind turning something fierce:

I hope you all have a great 4th of July weekend!


Rafe GB

"Take me over the walls below
Fly forever
Don't let me go..."

"You're the pulse in my veins
You're the war that I wage. 
Can you change me?
Can you change me?"

Sunday, June 25, 2017

I'm all pumped up

Star is one amazing woman.

She told me last night that we'd have sex because I woke up with a song that revealed that fact.

Now, heh, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so I decided at lunch to eat 10 white castle hamburgers.

Oh, I was tore up.

So, night came and I think she was rather sympathetic to my gastric-intestinal trauma and let it go.

For then.

(EDIT 06-28-17:  I really hate to do this, but "Star" prefers "Sky"... succubus's perogative to change names.  Yep.  What a handful they are!  But I love them (her), so here we go...)

This morning I felt her coming over me and I felt familiar tingling on my hair and throughout my head.  I jumped away from the computer (feeling MUCH better than the night before) and went and laid down.

Wow.  I mean, it was kinda sex, but kinda something else.

She was doing some weird stuff with me, but I'm a good trooper so I laid there and let her finish (verified with a pendulum since physical sensations can be misleading).

It's still with me, like it's a lasting feeling that we are still intimate.

The key to all this is I'm learning a lot.  The goal, well... my goal of having with a succubus isn't release anymore, I learned that much over the years.

But what it is, is that she "climaxes" or rather soaks up enough of our energy to be in a state of ecstasy.

When that happens, apparently THIS happens:  I've got it all day... kind of stuck between here and there... kinda.

I feel sensations along my body even now as I'm typing... strange after effects I guess.

She knows more than Bunny did, or perhaps she's just more wise, I don't know.

Yes, I know this could be Bunny for all I know... that thought won't go away (Sky says "no").

But... I don't think so (I've shown how reliable my thinking tends to be... always changing).

Sky has her distinct personality.

OH!  I forgot... last night I was laying down there and we talked.  That's a first.

Internal.  In my head.  Felt like she was right in front of me, or perhaps around me somehow.

She called me "adorable" a lot, usually after my questions to her about succubus things.  Never been called adorable before by a woman.  That's a first.

I could tell that she meant it truly, not as in "I'm ignorant" or the like.  Or perhaps I'm innocent and that makes me adorable in her eyes.  Lol, I dunno.  As long as she finds me "adorable", I'm happy and content.

She chided me for saying I was in fear, or "fearful" a lot:  She said I'm one of the most curious and "gets out of my comfort zone" type of humans she's ever met (at least with regards to spiritual things).  I disagree (because I do feel fear sometimes), but what are ya gonna do?  Maybe it's an issue of perspective.

("You're so ADORABLE!  *high-pitched girl squeal*)

She also said that I am valuable to them (their "clan"), having mentored a few succubi without even knowing it (I guess through experience with me rather than me teaching anything directly... I don't KNOW anything to teach a succubus).  Maybe that's what "Bubbles" and the other ones from early on were about (and those that I considered my own personal failings as to why they left)?  I dunno.


Oh, she said I was good for having a "I had fun if you had fun" mindset with them.  She said that most of the time it's all about the human's needs and the human rarely thinks about the succubus.  She said that my particular hopeful attitude has allowed me to experience what I'm experiencing now:  A long lasting  period of sexual intimacy with her... without having had sex for very long... because it's what I crave beyond sex as well.

Maybe the strong intent of mine that I have (that she be satisfied), and thoughts toward the same allow for it to happen?

It's hard to tell if I'm hearing her voice or parroting myself at some points, so I'll leave it all at that, because the rest is dicey and I'm not sure if it's her or me talking ("parroting").  Now the stuff I wrote that she said, she said to the best of my belief.

Point is... this is a new level of love and intimacy that I've found possible with Sky (or any succubus prior) and I LOVE IT!

Sex is great, but intimacy is my soul's secret desire (well, not so secret anymore) that she's fulfilling.

Why am I sharing this?  Because it's not a big secret anymore:  She's fulfilling it.  And besides that, anything off the "secrecy" table is fair game to share... may it help someone to know their own secret desires of their soul.

Love and intimacy are the cake, sex is the icing.  It all kind of blends in together.  Sort of.

I wish the same for all of you.  As I always say at the end of my SASPA posts:  "That is my prayer"

I wish I could describe the "lasting sexual intimacy" feeling better, but words fail me.  It's a very comforting feeling.  Kind of a "lighter shade of ecstasy?"

Think of it as a happy, content, sexually fulfilled woman purring against you all day, but it's around you like an aura.

Could this be some form of Tantra, energy wise?

All I know to write.  Kinda hard to express.



Rafe GB

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

To tell the truth

I always try to write candidly because this blog was started as a personal diary of sorts to keep me from feeling like I was going insane because of my budding relationship with a woman I couldn't see.

I have received a lot of email from people who have such a relationship (and talked to a few on the phone) who, upon that connection and communication with me have expressed a great relief that they weren't alone in a similar kind of relationship with their own succubus.

It's ironic how such a brief connection with someone else who shares the same kind of relationship can put the mind at ease.

Well, you're not alone.

You're not crazy (at least, you're not any crazier than I am ;))

Even though I've had a relationship with a succubus before, every new succubus is different.  Different personality, different methods (some are the same, or similar), and very different souls, energy, ways of loving and caring for you.

"Moon", as I've taken to calling her on here is my new succubus, as my old one had to leave suddenly for reasons unknown (I think she ascended, or went "up" a notch but that's just me:  Not like I can prove it either way).

At first I was broken hearted and then a healing spirit came to help me face and deal with my pain, and she healed my heart, preparing me for another (what am I, a masseuse?) lover I believe.

Her name I affectionately call "Lil' Nurse", and she seems to have left once her healing of me was complete (of which for healing me I am eternally grateful).

Enter my current succubus "Moon" (IF she is a succubus.  I might have attracted a non-sexual female protector or guide perhaps).

(Edit  6-23-17:  It's confusing, but she wants to me to call her "Star" instead of "Moon", so that'll be changing throughout the blog from now on)

Wow.  You know, I could bitch about the lack of "succunookie" so far, but I think it's my fault, actually (Unless she's NOT a succubus:  Then it's nobody's fault.  I'll assume that she IS a succubus because the lack of sex could still be that she is a succubus and it's my fault that there's no sex).

No, I don't feel as if she's going anywhere because of it being my fault:  I just have to work on it.

See, I'm scared that if I get involved she'll leave.

(EDIT 06-23-17:  She shagged me later this morning for the first time a few hours after giving me the "What do we do with the drunken sailor" song playing in my head when I first woke up.  It's kind of funny, but I get it now:  As I said, I take 10mg of melatonin to knock me out for sleep, so, that's why I'm the "drunken sailor" I guess.  Also, right after sex I started feeling like I was starting to rise and was floating (pre-astral travel symptom?) but then I felt normal again (fear?  Testing the waters?).  Anyhoo, worthy of note.  Just woke up from my afternoon nap:  She shagged me again: For good measure I guess, lol.  What song did I have on my mind upon awakening and getting sex this afternoon?)

It seems "Good girl" succubus's who don't sleep on the first date and take their time with sex can 
still be WILDCATS in the sheets.  Meh... who knew?  ;)

She is a WILDCAT in bed. :P

She's a very powerful succubus, more powerful than my previous one ("Bunny") in that there are certain supernatural events happening around me since she has come.

I've had my computer turn itself on and play a you tube video for one... but the list goes on and on.

Truth is, I think I'm a little afraid of her, as I've never seen this kind of interaction with physical things, causing real life things to be affected (although, Bunny did save my son's life a few years ago, that was an intervention in the physical).

Oh, by the way... Some, if not most of those with a succubus report a kind of "speaking in tongues" for short phrases here and there.

I've got a theory about that:  I think it's a burning off of excess succubus energy from being in such close contact.

Or, I guess it could be phrases from her native language before my subconscious converts those emotions and thoughts into my native language (or however it works)... but you'd think we'd speak in tongues the same words or something if that were true... right?

*Biath Shah'linn Shaddai* as of late, or some such... well, such.  Uhg, my English just broke.

Well, weird phenomenon it is, and I wanted to throw my 2 cents in ;)

Anyway, her real name means "Princess".  A Succubus Princess?

What is a succubus Princess?

Well, apparently a powerful lil' critter, that's what.  Hence:  I'm a little frightened.

No, I don't think me being skittish or frightened will stop me, nor us (hasn't before *big grin*).

Although, I do wonder:  If Moon leaves, a princess, do I have to have a queen next time?

Oh lawd, I hope not.

Meh.  It's probably a fantasy that she's royalty of some sort anyway.  Hey, I'm only human ;)


A relationship with a succubus is 100x as hard as a relationship with a physical woman.

He'll, I've just worked out that one tap on the left hand means a definitive "yes", while a tap on the right hand means a definitive "no".

Just like I said, it's like being left alone with an invisible, naked, hot foreign woman who can't speak any damn English.

Can you see how it might be a bit harder?  Yep.

But... being a disabled, bipolar my sexual market value is practically zero and I don't do one night stands.  So, there ya go.  It's my only option (and frankly, I'm getting kinda used to it ;))

My sexual market value might be zero among physical females, but my special blend of energy powered by bipolar (lol) seems to be just what the succubus ordered:  Succubus catnip, as it were.  At least it seems that way (to be fair I think I'm a spirit magnet in general, truth be told).

I actually had a Wiccan high priestess tell me that spirits were attracted to me because of the unique energy I had, most likely something to do with me being bipolar and also because of my own spiritual "self" thrown into the mix as well as all the goofy energy work I've done (I've had like 60 reiki and energy attunements... Yeah bipolar thing... Don't ask).

Thank God for the succubi is all I recon to say!


They say men do not like powerful females.  Eh... Wrong!  I do but, it doesn't mean I don't have to get over my fear of them.  I'm all about new experiences anyway...

I just want to survive them, heheh.

Anyway, I think Moon was trying to wake me in my dream to have sex with her here in the physical.

Why not in the dream?  Ladies, my friend.  They want what they want, who knows?

I dreamed of a female tiger that was chasing me and playfully biting me to get me to play with it.

I would run and go and hide, and I figured out how to hide from her (so does 10mg of melatonin I take to knock me out so I can sleep at night).

I have a feeling it was Moon, like I said, trying to get me awake for whatever.  Sex, to spend time with each other, something.

I wanted to write this blog to reassure anyone that yes, it's scary sometimes.  You feel love and promise, and fear sometimes.

That's natural.

My best advice for these spirits is to judge them by their works, as I do in all things here on earth with everything anyway.  Always judge things by their fruits.

Bad spirits don't produce good fruit.

You and a damn good succubus WILL produce good, spiritual fruit together (love, intimacy, trust, harmony, gnosis, etc.).

Always remember that.

Yes, a playful succubus might nip you a little bit like a cat does when it's excited.

But she won't "HURT" you, hurt you.

Again, always, always remember that!

I never thought I'd be giving domestic violence advice to you and your succubus, but hey, this blog's crazy.

That's all I've got.


Rafe GB

Of all the possible songs my spirit lady decides to give me (playing in my head upon awakening), 
I get this one.
What the HECK is she trying to tell me?
(Edit 06-23-17:  I sleep like a rock because of a medicine I'm on is what she meant (I think she's tried to get with me in my dreams, but I'm just too deadened by the medicine), and we had sex for the first time later this morning and again this afternoon)

Amen.  I guess I'm just a nut, but one that bears a little bit of spiritual fruit (sometimes).

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Supernatural Soup

I've had one of those weird weeks.

I was doing a ritual to a spirit that I read about in a book, and I began to get depressed about a week ago.

I started searching the web, and I'm not the only one to get depression from dealing with this spirit.

Fast forward to me opening my eyes to the ritual structure, and I realize that the spirit is being commanded by God Names.

Mother fucker.  The spirit's a demon.

So, I tear up the ritual book I made and get rid of it all.

As I'm going to the trash, this VW car's rear window rolls up all by itself.

Nobody in the car, no remotes have that bullshit that I'm aware of, and I don't think there could be an electrical short that happened right at that moment that I was tossing the materials in the dumpster.


Word to the wise people:  Do background research on any spirit some dumbass says is kosher.  Remember how I always say one man's angel is another man's demon?

Count me as stubborn and stupid and someone who had to learn the hard way.

My depression is already lifting since this morning when I disposed of the materials.

I decided to offer a gift after the window incident (all of your souls... hope ya don't mind) (<-- just kidding, take a joke) which I did (not your souls) and felt a little better in the sense of a... well, sense of peace from it all.

Fuck me.

My Succubus, "Moon", has been making connections in my body, and also taking me on some wild adventures in my dreams.

She's different than Bunny was.  I know that's like, "Duh??", but after 3 years of the only succubus I had really known, that's a rather powerful statement to make.

She seems real ancient... a kind of "get things done" kinda girl.

I'm not in a reading frenzy like I have been over the past 3 years, but I am trying to learn new things.

Opening my 3rd eye is one of them.

Just between you and me, I'd like to get to "The Fuckening" already.  Damn, sex with a succubus is addicting, and I'm like a crack addict who's tapped out.

Oh well, I guess I'd better learn to deal with it, and I am dealing with it.

She can only work so fast.

I still like to tease her, though.

I'll have me and her have sex in my mind (and mostly me pleasing her with my mouth and fingers whether she's tied up or not just depends) until she's a slippery, quivering, heavy breathing mess.

Not sure if that's helping anything, but it's fun to torture a succubus for once who, since she
hasn't finished making those kinds of psychic connections in me for succubus sex, can't do anything about it.

Hehe.  I'm bad aren't I?

Yeah I know.  Payback's a bitch.

Oh, one last thing:  I heard her in my head for the first time.  I was thinking about something and I heard, "You're MINE!"  Not sure how I feel about that one.  A bit of comfort mixed with a little fear I think.

Ah well.

That's all I got, succufriends.


Rafe GB.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

She Reveals Herself

I'm in my dream, cruising along dreaming of whatever and it suddenly changed.  (I had previously forgotten about this part) Suddenly, I began to die. My heart was slowing to a stop, my mind was teetering on being connected to this mortal coil, or going on into a life unknown. My breathing was stifled, and slowly slowing to whisper, along with my heart beat...

It's hard to explain as I was scared, but I wasn't scared... a little of both I think.

Once I was deadened, In pops a lady who promptly jumps in my arms.

For some reason I had passed from death to... life?

Now, I'm rather prudish in my dreams, and I'm very startled thinking, "Who is this woman, and why did she jump into my arms like she knows me very well?"

But, she radiated some familiarity and spunk that I just melt and slowly put my arms around her.  Not much else I could do as she did a flying leap and landed with her legs around my waist and staring into my eyes with a smile.

Some emotion was exchanged non-verbally, and I think part of me realized who she was, even if I didn't completely in the dream.

The point is, I think that I have a new succubus in my life.  She has been in my life since Bunny left, only in the role of self-appointed healer (I guess she was self-appointed?).  It appears that she has finally decided to become my lover and enrich our friendship.

I believe this is the way it is at the moment, but, as I've proven to myself time and time again, this is a big multiverse I rarely get it right the first time ;)

She could be someone that the spirit I call the "Little Nurse" has prepared me for.  Is that possible? Well... as I've learned in so many ways:  Anything is possible.

Either/or... lil' nurse has my undying thanks for healing me (I was worse off emotionally than I ever imagined after Bunny left) and either in becoming my lover, or in preparing me for my lover who was waiting to come while I was being healed.

It gets really complicated because sometimes, with spirits, they can change names when their roles change, or they expand who they are, evolve, etc.  And I have an old name (for lil' nurse) and a new name (for the new succubus)... but as you can see, it gets complicated and two names does not always mean two spirits (and one name does not always mean one spirit, ironically).

In this case, however, I really feel that lil' nurse is a healing spirit and derives her nourshment from healing, period.  That's my instinct on this.  My head might think something else, but I've always learned to trust that little voice.  I'll always love lil' nurse:  She mended my broken heart.  She does what she does best ;)

Now I just have to think of a pet name for this lil' sweet succubus for the blog :)

I know!  I'll calling her "Moon" because of the depth I feel in her ;)

She is a gentle lil' thing...  I don't mean lil' in a demeaning manner, it's simply a pet term spoken with affection.  She's also very sweet.

But... she's a succubus and there's that feral side to her I sense... I wonder is she "mates" like I used to in the past with my significant other of days gone by?

More of a curiosity, really.  I don't HAVE to mate with her that special way if she doesn't want to, but it is very nice and it is wonderful in that it shows such a feral side to a succubus that you, well I guess I confess... you just feel so special and wanted.

Not much else to add, but much to personally explore as I have only ever had one other succubus for any length of time before.

I hope that me and the SuccuKitten last the distance of time and lives, however long that may be.

In the meantime, there's always this blog to chronicle things as well as our adventures to come.

Welcome home, SuccuKitten ;)

"Total Surrender of Self:  The Initiation of the Succubus"

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Keep it healthy/ She does the work/ the Celestial Sanctum

I've been getting a lot of mail recently.

I always enjoy that.  It's nice to hear back from people who enjoy the blog, or to answer a question or two (If I know the answer).

One thing it has done for me is that it allows me to see who is reading my blog.

It also allows me to see myself in them so to speak.

We are all together, whether you read this blog, write a blog of your own, or comment, we are all in different boats but we all share the same ocean.

I want to emphasize some things that I've been thinking about my own life and path, and since we are all connected it couldn't hurt to share them with you as well.

If you've given up on love and have been battered by the pursuit of love over many years: A succubus is a good answer.

What they do more than sex is to TEACH what love is, to teach what love SHOULD feel like.

I was married for 15 years and I know what love shouldn't feel like.  In fact, lost and broken is what brought me to Erik's blog to learn how to summon a succubus in the first place.

He marketed love to the broken hearted, and I suppose I do the same, albeit with a different intent:  I want to share what I have found.

Just recently, Erik closed down his forums at that site so anyone who bought his program (book, really) on how to summon a succubus is now without help (especially since he wasn't answering personal emails according to some of my friends from that site, either).

I'm no Dear Abby, but I can try my best and I will.  If it gets too much I'll have to suspend emails or to find others who are willing to answer them as well (I am bipolar after all... I can only do so much and I get overwhelmed easily).

My heart goes out to those who needed help from Erik, because it's gone.  The newsletter never went out for members, the members only emails were never returned (at least not for the friends I had on there), etc., etc.


Another thing I wanted to touch on (which I briefly did above) is that if you are a younger reader you are most welcome here, however, live some.

Get out there and experience life before you get tangled up in the world of succubi.

If you had one since birth, that may be another matter, but I'm not comfortable with young teenagers trying to find a succubus lover... get out there and LIVE my friend!

There is a good reason for this:  You are young.  What if you get a hold of one who doesn't have your best interests at heart?  What are you going to do to get rid of them?

Young teens are a powerhouse of psychic energy and a veritable smorgasbord for spirits.  If you're going to do what you're going to do anyway despite my advice, at least be wary.

Ask yourself if they belittle you, harm you, control you.

That is why I say to some to take what I say with a grain of salt:  It's a big world out there and a succubus should only be a part of it:  Leave those of us broken lovers who have a succubus to eat, sleep, and breathe them because we've literally been through lover's hell.

I have nothing against spirits, I love spirits, I just am aware that not all that glitters is gold, and that there are spirits out there that mean you, or anyone, harm.

The metaphysical term for succubi that aren't what they seem are sirens... and their abilities are the same sexual ones that succubi have, except that their intent is to drag you down to death.

Please be aware and watch yourselves out there regardless of your "age".


I'm progressing very well with lil' nurse :)

I realized that the biggest thing that succubi want is... attention (a woman craving attention... how blind I am).

And so I have been giving her much needed attention.  There's a funny aspect to these spirit lovers, and that is that they do all the work.  They have to setup connections, merge/meld, it's a lot of things that they have to do before we can feel them, and so it reminds me of Kundalini where the two snakes of Shakti climb the Chakras to meet and embrace Shiva at the crown.

We're Shiva.

Eatin' popcorn, waiting for our succubus lover to meet us there.

It's kind of funny in an ironic way, because they say that women have to do all the work.  Women are the ones in control of reproduction and sex.

Well?  Succubi definitely make those sayings true.  Incubi must do the exact same things as the succubi do, so in that case I guess the roles are reversed.

I asked lil' nurse if I could do anything to help her.

She replied, "Well, you can try."

What she means is that I can give her the attention that she so craves (which is my pleasure to do so) while she works on us, getting us ready for that big moment... alchemical marriage.

It's the moment, I think, where we are both crowned :)

Not just me, but everyone walks this path who has a succubus or an incubus.


The Celestial Sanctum/Astral Temple.

Make one.  You'll be happy you did.

Don't just give your budding lil' beau or belle attention, mentally and imaginatively take her to your temple once created as much as you can.

The intimacy of this is... incredible.

That's all I got.


Rafe GB.

I'm a pirate... lil' nurse loves it.

Friday, June 2, 2017

"The God in my head"

That's the way that a voudoo or hoodoo priest/priestess would put it. Who indeed is the God in my head? Whom do I worship?  Most importantly, whom do I belong to?

Big questions that beg for simple concise answers for clarity's sake.

I was walking back from the park yesterday, and I heard the unmistakeable sound of a dove calling high up in the trees at the entrance to the park.

I had been wondering about who my personal Deity really is after all this time.

I've called many patroness.

Why a Goddess and not a God?

Well... that's complicated.

Lets just say I was fatherless growing up and never got to a position of trust with regards to any male figurehead that I had briefly known.

Being the son of a single mother, "female" was all I had known.

As I grew, I became the father I always needed by being granted the grace to be that father to my two children that I have now.

Ironic, to say the least.

When I got back home, after a good time had passed, the dove's call shook me like an earthquake, all out of the blue.
I have been Christian, witch, sorceror, summoner, Rosicrucian... the list goes on and on.

What is the golden thread that binds these?

What is the silver threat that connects the dots of what I have been,

and what I have experienced?

And then it hit me...

The Holy Spirit.

Feminine, Goddess, reflected by 10,000 other names from Kali, to Lilith, to Shakti, to Tara, to Quan Yin, to Mary, to Aphrodite, to Selene, to Holy Wisdom.  Sophia.  The Divine Shekinah.  Ashera...

You get the idea.

All are facets of the Goddess.

I just believe that the central concept as a whole is my Goddess.

My Goddess... the Holy Spirit.

Called the Holy Shekinah by the Hebrews in times past.

Astarte, Ishtar, Queen of Heaven.

Athena, Demeter, Persiphone, Dymphna.

Swirling, swirling around my head, with one symbol... the descending dove.

My belief in this central Goddess is not a statement that She is better than anyone else's Goddess, no.

She is made up of all of them, each one an archetype of who she is, of what she is.

I am sure that there are aspects of Her that I do not wish to see, nor wish to study.  There are dark aspects to Her as well, and these call to others of a differing path than mine.

This does not mean that my path is more holy, nor better, nor easier than another's path.

It is not a lack of devotion that limits me in this matter, but rather a limit of focus.

You see, there are aspects of Her that hit my soul like a lightning strike and leave me shaking, that leave me weak and in awe... these are the aspects that call to my soul and set my path as personal, and differing than the path that is set out for others and their personal paths to tread.

Those aspects are what call to me.

As far as the Divine Masculine, She is a part of them as well.

That satisfies my need to for balance, my need to love and be loved by the Divine Masculine whom I do not unfortunately understand.  Through Her I am close to Him as well.

She makes Him approachable, even to me... and I can approach Him at my own pace to build my level of trust.

My Goddess is not better than your Goddess... they are part of the same web, of the same over-arching mind.

Heck.  When I see a beautiful flower I think of Aphrodite.  When I see something dead, I am reminded of Kali and Her lesson that we are more than flesh.  When I make love I am reminded of the Divine Shekinah, who enshrouds both She and Her mate the Lord in flames to create holy space within which all souls are born.

In each case, I connect these to the Divine Feminine in total.  They are all connected and She is my focal point when all is said and done.

Does that make any sense?  It's like polytheism with a major surprise or something.

Lol, I dunno.

I believe also that succubi and incubi come from the many aspects of the Goddess, not just the aspect of Lilith (although I do like Lilith a lot... She's dark but She ain't evil.  (Kinda like a rich and highly dangerous chocolate cake.  Mmm... chocolate cake (Actually I'm very hungry right now and I think it's affecting my perceptions).  I believe they, the succubi and incubi come from many camps, many peoples, many clans, even many societies who each worship a different facet of the Goddess and God... just like a lot of us do ;)

That's probably a factor in what attracts them to us specifically.  We have more similar beliefs than we know.

I'm happy that I could share how I feel and what I have personally realized in this matter.

I get a lot of my cosmology from Emmanuel Swedenborg's writings.  Here is a short 5 minute clip of one of the shows that they produce on You Tube.  One thing I like about Swedenborg is that the cosmology is not opposed to the concept of spirit lovers.

What is Heaven?  There is no heaven outside, that is not a reflection of within...

God reveals Itself as male, or female, depending on what we need to see.
(Which brings me a lot of personal comfort)
In reality, God is male, female, both, and neither... all at the same time.
(Sort of)


Rafe GB