Friday, February 26, 2016

Ahhhhh, misinformation abounds.

Pic is from Faustus Crow...

Lets look at these little gems from a website I found today when researching the concept of "spirit wives and husbands":


Spiritual spouses ,[popularly known as spirit wife/husband] subjects are very deep spiritual issues that are kept away from millions of Christian today.They are specially commission by Satan to molest, trouble and scatter good and godly homes, if at all they allow marriage to take place.
I pray for you that, the almighty God will open your understanding on this matter, in Jesus name.
Characteristic of spirit wife/husband.

1. They are spiritual enemies living and sleeping with one. (what?)
2. They are very stubborn, aggressive and dangerous. (yes, yes, and no)
3. They are terrible enemies with killer motives [they kill-joy, peace, health, brain, calling, virtue, marriage etc.].  (Mmm.  Nope)
4. They violate the right of their victims. (Doubt it?)
5. They also molest their victims with sex in the dream. (Oh yes... YESSS hahaha)
6. They are no respecter of race.color, age, tribe, position. (True.  Scary ain't it?)
7. They are desperate and very wicked in their activities.  (Nope)
8. Spiritual spouse activities are not physical-but the resulting effects are terrible sicknesses, emptiness, and diseases. (Horniness, wetdreams, fullness, and a lack of std's)
9. They turn dreams life into a serious battle. (Nope)
10. They are specialist in stopping, frustrating and killing marriage with passion. (a "specialist", lol?)
11. They don’t give up easily. (Truth)
12. They can entice with physical gift. (where's my gift?)
13. Mercy is far from them. (only when you're in a BDSM dream)
14. Hardly did they miss their target. (Amen)
15. They may come with familiar faces most of the time. (Yep)
16. They empower lust and decay in the society. (Nope, people fuck up society, usually through control of others)
17. Prostitutes are used as strong bait to hit hard on their target.  (Nope)
18. They can impersonate physical spouse. (Spirits have no form:  They "impersonate" what they want to be at the moment, usually to learn or experience it)
19. Spiritual spouse use dream to challenge and attack the destiny of man and woman. (Actually, that's a good thing)
20. They are very jealous. (Prolly)
21. They cause disaster on the day of wedding.  (What lol?)
22. They attack marriages with divorce.  (No, people do)
23. They bind men and women to terrible spiritual marriage that troubles the physical one. (I just don't get the big spirit vs. physical thing here)
24. They turns joyful homes to battle ground (No, that's called "two wolves" circling, and people havec fucked homes up all by themselves)

Their Entry Points

1. They can enter through immorality. (Not mine:  She steers me from immorality)
2. It can be through pornography.  (I doubt it)
3. Spirit wife/husband can be inherited.  (Like a sheep?)
4. They can enter through rape.  (I doubt it)
5. It can be through evil dedication of individual (maybe, although like attracts like, so the person is probably just as bad as what they've called for... in other words they wouldn't care anyway)
6. They can enter through underwear manipulation. (LOL, what?)
7. Through tattooing and incision.  (...)

Signs Of Their Presence.

1. They cause late marriage or no marriage at all. (thank the gods)
2. Rejection by opposite sex. (you're... welcome!  Except this isn't true:  Women find me "mysterous" in that I feel to them as if I am taken, but there is no one in my life to take me that they can see.  Also, the succubus or incubus association generates sex appeal that the woman finds intriguing as it's both mysterious, slightly dangerous, a little dark, and yet so deliciously unknown... the thrill is there and it's picked up on by women, somehow)
3. Constant sex in the dream. (Can I get an AMEN!)
4. Chains of marital troubles. (Nope)
5. Miscarriages after sex in the dream. (Doubt it)
6. Inability to make love to your wife.  (Doubt it.  I know a few men who have both)
7. Serious pain when about to make love. (They make lubrication for that)
8. All decision to stay single. (Hell yeah! Although, I'd call it a "substantive alternative" to marrying)
9. Early menopause. (Doubt it)
10. Missing menstrual period in the dream.  (What?)
11. Having prolonged pregnancy (Doubt it)
12. Physical disappearance of marriage ring. (LOL)
13. Lost of job and valuables just after marriage ceremony.  ( I just can't lol)
14. When your loving spouse suddenly becomes your enemy.  (Like in every marriage that exists at one time or another, usually because one person or the other is being selfish and/or trying to change the other person to what they want them to be)
15. When one is pregnant in the dream.  (Nope)
16. Breast feeding in the dream and even seeing breast secreting milk physically.  (Where do they get this made up shit?  I mean for real?)
17. Inability to conceive.  (It's called infertility, there's treatments for that outside of 3rd world countries)
18. Having evil or bad body odor.  (That's called "bacteria."  Try a shower)
19. Constant wet dreams.  (Yeah.  Hehe)
20. Wedding in the dream.  (That would be great.)
21. Nursing children in the dream.  (I'm sure nursing a child in a dream is completely non-instincual... give me a break)
22. Inability to maintain holy life.  (Ahhh... here it is:  I'm holier now than I have ever been.  Closer to spirit than I have ever been.  What nature of man is the true man?  Body?  Or spirit?)
23. When one is always jilted by serious partner.  (You probably pissed off your physial wife or husband)
24. Feeling tired every morning.  (That's called stuck in a shit job and being in a shit marriage)


1. Give your heart to God –Not negotiable.  (Done)
2. Repent from all inherited and personal sins.  (Done)
3. Break every soul ties with all spirit spouses.  (Break all ties with mind controlling jacktards:  Done)
4. Pray aggressively against their activities in your life, set ablaze their marriage rings, certificates, wedding garments and children, etc.  (Children?  Wait, set ablaze their children?  That "holy"?)
5. Receive the baptism of Holy Ghost.  (I did.  Twice)
6. Determine to live holy.  (Yep, done)
7. Make Bible your best friend.  (It's one of my resources.  I've had 6 years of Bible school to study it.  I'm thinking perhaps more than the person who made this list.  All of it is conjecture and nothing more than trying to convert fear into donations... what's new?)
8. Add fasting to your prayers.  (Probably the only good advice on this whole list.  And yes, I have done that)
9. Start doing something in the house of the Lord.  (Done)
10. Go for deliverance.  (Mmm, no.  If there was something harmful I would, but I wouldn't need to "go anywhere")

When I read things such as these, and remember when my family was saved from a horrible accident that could have claimed my son's life... I felt her presence.  I knew right then that she helped me directly.  Now, she's not always here physically:  No.  But when it counts, you can be sure she's there, and for that I know the truth of what she is... I know her by her actions!

To be honest, I don't care what she is anymore, and I'm often baffled as to what she is... but I know this.  She is wonderful, she is loving, she is protective, she is caring, she is... indescribable.

When will the world stop treating sexuality like it's something for the spirit to be divorced from and not itself created by spirit (of which the earthly "fuckening" (lol) is but a pale reflection of)?  When will the world stop forgetting that we are spirits ourselves FIRST, yet in a physical body.

Something tells me that if that were the case, all things would be sorted in proper order.

Until then,  lets all send our donations to support this jackhole and his ramblings.  Yeah... no.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Gotta write this down...

I was in deep communion with a spirit minutes ago as I was awaking from sleep.  It was my lover, and she was all teacher for this one.

Ok, words coming fast before I lose the concept of what I was knowing (I've already lost a lot that I don't think could have been put into words anyway, but I need to share what I have left):

Spirits observe us, learn from us, are interested in us, and even love us (and yes, some don't like us at ALL).

Spirits basically run what's behind the scene across the veil.

We live, learn, love, cry, die... and they watch it all.  They are fascinated by it, learn from it, try to understand it.

We think circularly, they think linerally.  Time in our plane is linear, while across the veil it's circular, or spiral.  Direct and complementary opposites.

Some of us can sense them, can commune with them, and there are brief moments of the 4th wall disappearing as they commune with us.

We, being made in God and Goddess's image, through our strong emotions and intent, shape the intelligent substance of the veil into form.  Everyone does this as a matter of being alive and being human... we don't have to know how electricity works to flip on a lightswitch and get light.  Some of us do try to understand how it works... but it works regardless.

That which is shaped by emotion and strong intent becomes thoughtforms, then servitors, then egregores (tulpas fit in there somewhere in the eastern model of creation).  The last stage of creation is Godform.  Godforms change.  For instance, I've heard of a Godform rising called "Conkretus". It's a being who cares little for life, and is symbolically formed of concrete in body and oil for blood.

Another example (not a Godform, but in history a strong egregore) is the sword... in the old times there was a powerful egregore of weapons such as the sword, the arrow, the axe, etc.  The egregor is connected to all weapons of this type like a spider web connecting the egregore of each device to the egregore itself.  Just by holding a weapon one could feel the alien intelligence of the powerful egregore that seductively wished to be used, whether to kill another or one's self.  It existed to take life, although obviously the indirect result was saving another life.

This egregore over time became less and less powerful.  It was replaced by the gun.

This is both good and bad.  It's good because the egregore of martial weapons never was able to become a Godform, bad because of the obvious...

Hold a gun and feel... there's something alien there... it softly begs to either slay another, or to slay one's self.  It's so subliminal that it is not noticed by most.

So many toddlers shooting their parents I've wondered about lately... even if they haven't ever seen a gun, how did they know to point and shoot?

Most people can't feel the entity, but it's there... if you ever get a chance feel for it now that you know about it, you can feel it and know it for what it is.  There's something more there than just a chunk of metal.  There's an intelligence connected to it, a parasite.  It wants to grow.  It doesn't care how.  It wants to kill.

I was a military policeman for 6 years and I had to carry.  I would always qualify expert in both rife and pistol.  Now when I just touch one I feel sick because I can feel that entity within that connects them all, whereas before I could not.

The untreated mentally ill are very suseptible to it's siren song, and so are innocent children.

I strongly feel that this is why there are so many random acts of violence as school shootings and the like in recent times.  It seems there's not a day goes by without some massacre, somewhere.

Every time a gun is used the egregore behind it grows stronger.

I don't like talking about this stuff that much.

Let's just say that at some point these entities/spirits become self aware.

I think we know this at some deep level, as the whole concept that we are creators bleeds out into the world in the form of AI that goes rogue in movies and books, hell, even the concepts of aliens, zombies... it's as if we know something, but it only bleeds out into our realm through warped images and warped stories... yet is a shared knowing that we all feel at some deep level of ourselves.

So we're dealing not just in cycles of death and rebirth of us into something else, or something higher or perhaps just larger or smaller or alternate after death, there are also numerous cycles happening that we cannot see... yet have solid implications.

Spirits learn from humans by observation, and in turn humans learn from spirits by what they maintain in the physical that we interact with, including nature.

I'm beginning to think of things across the veil as perhaps a plane full of intelligent potential that reacts to emotion by forming into something else.  I'm not saying that all entities/spirits were created by us, no... I'm not even saying that the tiniest fraction of entities/spirits that exist are created by us, but I do believe that all entities were created by someONE, whether a higher being, us (in the case of what I have been talking about) or "other" (to account for the unknown).

I do believe that our creations are innumerable and beyond the means to fathom, much less count.
But compared to the infinite of what is, even something innumerable is yet a tiny portion.

Perhaps this is why "reiki" exists and was "rediscovered" by Usui... perhaps reiki is the natural state and transmission of this intelligent potential as pure energy.  Kind of like, if that substance is the building blocks of what is here, then by channeling that unmanifest substance to another, repairs are made... and since it is an intelligent "substance" (language is so poor for describing spiritual things) it knows how... even if it's traumatic memories that need healed, or physical, or otherwise.

Yes, I am also asserting that memories and trauma have "mass".  Everything does, just not in the way that we understand it, it has SOMEthing.  I believe in higher planes and many other things aside:  Just because something doesn't register on this plane doesn't mean it doesn't on another, nor that it doesn't exist in another (for instance the mental/emotional/spiritual planes).

And sometimes, I don't think it's allowed to heal, in that being under a higher authority a healing may conflict with a person's lifeplan between them and God/dess.

But intent... intent and emotion are the driving force.  The will to heal, or to kill.

Even that's a cycle.

During my training as a witch, many of the elders would disagree with each other about cursing and healing.  Newer elders would say that one can heal, or one could curse and that one does not need to know how to do one to do the other.

Other witch elders, usually from the "old guard" dating back to Gardner, say that the very act of healing is to curse, or to kill... for instance to heal a body, a virus must die, etc.

They say that in order to heal well one must know how to curse well, that it's one and the same.

I like to stick with my normal stance of "both are right, both are wrong" because I don't know the answer.  There's a yin/yang to everything... that I do know.

I do know that cursing brings one down to the level of the person being cursed and that this is something to consider in a magickal universe that we live in.

I have found personally that magick takes the path of least resistance (me and my buddy from "myspiritlover" were discussing that last night... btw he has a new book out, check it out).  Most often when magick is cast for a desired result, the magick changes you to be in line vibrationally to receive the end result.  I believe cursing does the same thing.  Is there ever a reason to curse?  I've heard it best described that cursing is doing something that the magickian or witch knows is stupid for a rational reason, and decides in weighing all options available to consciously do something stupid anyway.

I personally try to just rise above the problem and it usually works itself out... but as we learn in life not everything plays by the rules (or at least doesn't according to the rules as we understand them).

I only mention these things in the light that all things are circular, endless things spiralling that we aren't even aware of across multiple dimensions of being.

Cycle, cycle, cycle, spinning, spinning, spinning, dancing, dancing dancing dancing... throughout infinity.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Wrestling with myself

See that meme?  Yeah, that's how I feel.  Except I'm both the wrestler and the angel fighting with myself.

I see the changes I have to make and they feel insurmountable.  There's the part of me that wants change, and that part is fighting with the part that doesn't want change.

It's kind of funny, really.  My spirit family (I'm just going to call them this from now on I think, makes it easier and frankly it's about as accurate as I can think of) has been trying to spur me on by repeating certain lyrics from the song "Jenny" from Nothing More.

My spirit family often uses signs, symbols, and lyrics from music or even words spoken by someone in my memories and flashes them to me as a medium of communication.

Kind of interesting really.

Smart, too.

As far as change goes, I think I know where to begin at least.  Tomorrow as I just happen to have an appointment that should give me the momentum to get the ball rolling.

If that doesn't get me going, I'll have to resort to plan B.  I'll have to make a plan B first.  Lol.

Oh, ego, let me just change myself without your constant challenge for once...


On the less serious side of things, I decided to "prank" my lover since she and my spirit family seem to enjoy pranking me in my dreams so much... (with her it's sometimes sexual, sometimes play... with the others it's always play, play, play.)

I discovered not so long ago that I can "evoke her" and then sexually tease her while limiting her ability to influence my body and be able to touch me back.  I learned that if I concentrate hard enough, somehow it affects her across the veil and she doesn't get to dominate.  As above, so below they say...

So last night I evoked her and teasingly and passionately delighted her all in and around her yoni, thighs, hips, the back of her knees, her lower back and buttocks, her fingers and arms, her breasts, her lips, her neck, her ears... and pretty much everywhere in between including little love bites, and then back to teasing and passionate pleasing of her between her legs with nothing but my tongue and my hands and fingers.

All the while preventing her from reciprocation.

She was a hot mess by the time I slowly willed myself to sleep while doing all this (with my own evil smirk because that's what I intended to do).

That sure put her off her balance :)  Ahahahaha.

All's fair in love in war though... she got me when I woke up with a vengeance... it's like she had been planning all night.

Sweet vengeance I say, hahaha.

Yes, sometimes she does tease, and lately I've felt a difference sometimes that she is doing it for a purpose and the energy is being changed to help me evolve as I've said before, but, she's a she and she's a girl:  And this girl's a prankster.  Sometimes she just teases because she can :)

So it's nice to get her back for once in my own way, ahahaha.

Friday, February 19, 2016

The Gardenia

This is going to be a little different than most of my posts, but I feel it deserves to be shared.

I've been reaching out to communcate more with whatever benefactor seems to have fancied me.

Must have bad taste :P

Anyway, yesterday I caught a scent of gardenia for a few seconds here in my apartment.  I don't have any gardenia here in my apartment, nor were the windows open, nor the doors to the outside.  It was strickly a scent put into my brain by a spirit or at least someone not on this plane (is all I can figure).

I decided to take this a step further and experiment, so I went and bought some gardenia wax cubes for my scentsy warmer.  I put 2 into the warmer plate, let them melt for the evening, and at bedtime, I of course had the room smelling wonderfully of gardenia before I went to sleep.

It should also be noted that I have been meditating on the Kabbalic 72 names of God.  Well, usually I pick just one of the 72 names a night and chant it as a mantra or meditate on the meaning as I'm falling asleep.

Oh, here's a pic of the wax cubes I'm talking about that go in a warmer:

Now, the next morning upon awakening (this morning, actually), two words were burned into my brain:  "Fervid Censer".  I am very forgetful, but when things like that are "burned" into my brain I'll get no peace until I find the meaning.  So, having a 3rd degree black belt in "Google-fu", off I went.

I found this (it's called a Fervent Censer and it's from Guild Wars 2):

Now tell me that isn't the wildest synchronicity one could have?

Anyway, Gardenia mundanely represents "To symbolize a budding ecstasy, usually the result of secret and newly blooming love." according to one site.

The magickal correspondence seems to be "Healing, Love, Peace, Spirituality".

(I always look for a surface meaning and a deeper meaning to everything.  Yeah, gets cumbersome but it's my way)

So, it seems that a higher love is being spoken.

Now, this doesn't mean that it was or wasn't a spirit or my benefactor, or who knows?  But it was someone, and with a  pretty clear symbolic message, regardless.

This actually makes a bit of sense, as I was just talking to my buddy who seems to go through a lot of spiritual stuff near the same as me, even when we don't share it until later.  What we were talking about was that I was feeling a strange "hunger".  Not for food, money, sex, power, nothing.  A hunger for something that cannot be truly named.

And, that's what I've been chasing.  As best I know how at least.  Which means I don't know what to do next, but, they spoke first so I'll just listen and try to be open.

I didn't say I have the answers because I don't, but I do think this all is very synchronicitous regardless, and wanted to share...

EDIT: I took a short nap after studying a little from the book "Words of Power".

During my nap, my lady showed up and rode me like a riding lawn mower. The strange thing is she rode me up, and up, and up until I was about to lose it... and then BAM: Awake.

This isn't the first time she's done that... although it was the most powerful.

Now see, I think this was planned and I'll explain: She wasn't teasing me to tease me, no... this was a way to get all that sexual energy rising up my spine and driving it like a nail through my crown chakra.

This was something done with reason.

Why do I think so? Because usually after a fella gets all worked up and then nothing there's pain down there. But when I woke up, yes... there was discomfort, but after 10 minutes it was gone... desire, sexual impulse, all of it... gone.  That's not the way it usually works...

And that just doesn't make sense.

Unlike the lady I know now, I have in times past been regularly fed on by a succubus that left me completely drained.  Like, can blink your eyes and that's all the energy you have left drained (Her actions were actually doing me an indirect favor as sometimes when I enter a hypomanic state I produce too much energy than I can handle).  But I digress.

So, I know the energy wasn't consumed because I know that feeling well.

No, it was transmuted.

Guess I'll see what happens next :)

Sicut In Caelo Et In Terra!

Sunday, February 7, 2016

The serpent

 I had a really strange dream today.  I was in my dream, and I had bought a snake.  Which is funny because I'm not a big fan of snakes.  But in the dream, I was wary of the snake, even though I trusted that it would not hurt me.  It was about the size of a garden snake, or a black snake?

Anyway, it's favorite place to be was around my neck.  It wasn't constrictive, nor was it a threat other than I was very wary of it.

I did a little dream interpretation this evening and found that "Owning a snake in a dream means gaining power and authority."  I also found out that the neck, or the focus of the dream being about the neck means "trust or one's trustworthiness", also "fullfilling a promise, aquiring knowledge, status, or honor".

I don't see these things happening in waking life, but maybe it's a sign of things to come, or perhaps a spiritually important circimstance.

I don't know.

I do know that I liked the snake even in being wary of it.  I remember putting it into a nice bed and covering it up so it would keep warm.

When I awoke, the strange thing was the amount of spiritual heat I could feel around my neck.

It's still there, even now, hours later.  Strange, isn't it?

My lady succubus has been around, but she's moved into more of a role as... teacher?

She "shifts" who she is to me, never staying the same as I grow.

Kind of like a guardian angel type in the way she seems to lead me as of late.

I can feel that she is proud of me, also that she loves me.  Not so much the way it was in the beginning, but more of a... evolved kind of... I'm not sure of the words to be honest.

I guess I see it as I move, she moves, I grow, she grows to match but in a different way.  From lover, to counselor and friend, to ???

She's even taking to my magickal progress.  Watching over my personal experiments.

In all honesty, I'm starting to learn to feel her always, and as I've learned to be able to sense her, I know now that she's never far away, and never has been since we've met.

Only in my old perceptions did I think that she was distant at times.  Just an unclear, simple spiritual blindness.

Who is she?  How many times I have asked that.  And I don't know.

She's never done me wrong, always done me well.  Both me and my family.  I have to confess that.

Monday, February 1, 2016

At least she's amused.


I've been on the fence about writing this post, but since I went all out in the last post about her coming to visit me, I figure I'd better.

Part of it is embarassment, but hell... you guys don't know who I am from Adam.  So... it's ok.

Well, Saturday night I waited a spell in bed for her, but she didn't show and I was tired so... I fell asleep.

I woke up feeling pretty disappointed... but it is what it is.  Or so I thought.

I figured she stood me up.

Last night I did the same thing thinking... what the hell it couldn't hurt... then I fell asleep.

Heh.  And here's the part that I wasn't sure about posting.

Quick history lesson:  When I was little, I was a long and flowing, curly blonde haired lil' hippie fella.

On a cattle farm.

And for some reason, I hated clothes.  HATED them.

Also... as an example of good parenting, my mother would put a bell collar on my ankle to let her know where I was, or wan't, on the farm.  Because letting your 3 or 4 year old son run around on a cattle farm with a bell on his ankle is a good idea. (?)

Anyway, When I would go out (in the spring or summer or whenever it was warmish), the first thing I would do is strip down to nothing but my ankle bell, my shoes, and my socks.  That's it.

Wore nothing else but my long and flowing, curly blonde hippie hair.

Ok, fast forward.

So I'm dreaming last night that my lady is there, lookin' all pretty an all... and running away from her is me (Albiet the 3-4 year old version) buck naked, long and flowing, curly blonde hippie hair with a bell around my ankle.  Truckin' it.

As fast as I can away from her.

And there she is in my dream:  All pretty and amused as all hell just watching this all happen.

I don't think I'm running away from her personally as in my dream I'm like 3 or 4 and I have that mentality in my dream as well.  In my dream I don't care who it is... if it's someone it's someone to run away from.

I get the feeling I did this Saturday night with her as well in my dreams.

For what reason am I doing this?

I don't have a clue.

I do remember that back then I liked to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.  Freedom.

But I dunno what's goin' on.



You know, the more I think about these dreams, the more I'm figuring out.

For one thing... I know I call her a succubus, but is she?

Think about this:  In my most recent dreams, I'm a 3-4 year old boy.  I'm "me" but I'm the "me" that was that, I am, however, much more.  "I" am the sum total of what I have been, what I am, and what I will be.

Now take her:

Is she a succubus?

Or is the word/label "succubus" even accurate?  Me labeling her a succubus is like me saying that her as a 3-4 year old little child IN COMPARISON TO who she is, is all there is.

Don't think I'm bashing succubi... that's not what I mean.

Just as I am not a young boy running naked through the cattle farm anymore (lol), she is not so easily pinned down to a label of "succubus".

Maybe in the beginning it served her purpose.  Until I learned more...

Whatever she is, she's an amazing female entity.

I hope she's in many more dreams to come, even if she just shows up for amusement (or a laugh or two) to watch me as a young child, wearing white shoes, white socks, an ankle bell, and wild-assed curly hippie hair, running... running... running... through pastures full of really bored cows.

It's all good in the end :)

Who knows, maybe she responded to the mantle of succubus in the beginning because she likes succubus cosplay?

Or "whips and chains and all that brings"  :)