Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Just thinking about Bunny...

Bunny, Bunny, Bunny.  Quite the enigma she is.

I like her nickname "Bunny" or "Succubunny" because it belies her power.

That's why I think it's so fitting and fun to use.

Honestly, it brings the idea of a "pet name" to a new level, considering her strength, her presence, her simply being amazing at everything she is.

I love irony:  I always have.  Not sure where I got that, but I love irony when it reveals itself to me in whatever form.

Irony like this:  I put this off for later, saving as a draft, and then later I inhaled a fucking pea and about choked myself to death.

Irony:  Great sense of humor, but the punchlines are killer.

Oh well, fuck it.  So here I am back at it.

I'm going to expand this post into a goofy rambling section, but hopefully one that gives you an idea or two to take away.

I didn't create this blog entirely for myself:  I wanted to help others in some small way.

No, I won't hold your hand:  But hopefully give you some tools from time to time to get yourself out of a rut.

Getting out of a rut is my freakin' forte at this point in life.  I seem to hit every pothole there is in life and had to find some way to get out.

Just for for fun, my advice to live a better, more satisfying life is to:

#1 Find good spirits and befriend them
#2 Treat them right and with respect
#3 Give them treats each day (bourbon, wine, sweet milk, whatever kind for whatever spirits they feel like or your instinct tells you) and ask for nothing in return but love and friendship.
#4 Have patience:  In time you will have many positive spirits around who help to elevate your base vibration.
#5 Be happy.

Hey, it worked for me.

Is that using them?  No.  If you invoke water, prepare to get wet and clean.  That's the point.  It affects you just because it does.

They'll probably begin to like you and think of you as a sort of pet.  Eventually, they'll love you and bless and enhance your life.

Don't worry:  They won't ruin your life, possess your ass or anything else our animal minds can conjure up in fear.

Once you're happy, will you love them any less?

That's what I thought :)

Ok.  I guess I'll break from talking about Bunny and talk about me a bit.

One thing I did was I like to get into my paint.net program and screw around.  Especially when I'm in a light trance.

I started thinking about the universe and stuffs, and I came to the conclusion that God/dess is not just the creator of Good, but of Evil as well.

Yes, we can blame it on some bad boy devil, and many do.

But the point is the buck stops at the top.  No excuses.

Do I think this is wrong?  Who cares:  I'm not God/dess.

They can see far more than I can, but one thing I do see is that THEY allowed it, therefore they created it.

Isaiah 45:7 King James Version (KJV)

"I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things."

As soon as beings were created with free will, tadaa... good and evil came with it.

It had to:  There is no other way it could have happened.

Even if the whole Lucifer story is true, think about it:  If he didn't rebel, 100 billion created angels later one would have.  Maybe she would have been named Luciferina.  Lol.  I'm half joking.

Which reinforces my view:  This plane is for shortbus souls who needed to learn something in full retard mode.  Yeah... us.  All of us do or were wouldn't be here.

I honestly think that this whole song and dance, this whole bullshit acting on stage that we call life is for one reason:  To prove to us who we really are.

Are we good?  Evil?  Where in between?  Are we soft/hard, moist/dry, light/dark, up/down, are we back/forth... you get the idea.  We're here to find out who we are and where we belong.

I don't believe in hell per se, no.  I believe hell is what you make it :)

No, lol.  Actually, I believe that we go where we want to, and that's the point:  We find out where we will go by who we are.

I don't think God/dess loves anyone less because of vibrational differences.

I think God/dess loves evil people as much as the good.

I don't even think of hell as punishment, no:  Because those who choose it want to be there.

What is hell like?  I think that people who like XYZ will be with others who like XYZ.  The "hell" part is simple:  No unwilling victims.

They can't prey on the innocent anymore.  That's the constraints.

Look:  I know that anyone could do what is considered by others as "evil" given the right motivations.  To protect, to save, to prevent.  Whatever, I know.

I know it's not so simple.  The point I'm trying to make is that:

I think there are many vibrations, many dimensions.  To me... this makes sense:

We gravitate towards others that are like us.

Is it any different in this life?  Why then not believe that this life is here to help us define ourselves?

Evil is a lifestyle choice.  So is good.  It's what feels like "home".

And of course I realize that there are a billion shades of grey in between.

I don't like evil.  But it's here, and it always will be.  I don't want it, I don't like it:  But it exists.

So be it.  I do what I can in my own small way to diminish what I don't like, and to enhance what I do like.

Who alive is different?

I also believe that there will be a multiversal redemption of all to what is good and loving in time.

The greeks had a word for that:  Apocatastasis.

"A redemption and return to a primordial condition".

Why all the stage acting?  Why all the play?

I don't know.  Nobody asked for my input, unfortunately.

But in the end, yes, I believe that evil will be redeemed by it's own will:

When the last entity that is evil decides to reach out for goodness, then evil will finally be destroyed:

And that this is the only way it can, and will be.  No suffering, no threats.

No violence, no punishment:  Free will to reach out for goodness.

Maybe that's the price for creating free will:  Evil is born, yet with infinite patience, good prevails.

Some interesting quotes:

"Nature has no principles. She makes no distinction between good and evil."  -Anatole France

"Nature is a whore", lol.  Just like in the song lyrics by Nirvana.

"The essence of the Hebrew Bible, transmitted by Christianity, is separation: between life and death, nature and God, good and evil, man and woman, and the holy and the profane."  - Dennis Prager

"All things, good and evil, come out, it seems, of the East. The Illuminati, like the Ismailites, dealt in allegories; and like the Mazdakites, they played with fire."  - Ameen Rihani

(That quote is actually quite ironic, as Lucifer is the cardinal point of the East in Demonolatry and arguably the most famous name of demonolatry's four quarter associations)

I don't see demonolators as evil, honestly.  Just different names for different forces.

They view the demons as divine.  That's fine.  One man's angel is another man's demon.

I didn't like it personally, but, we all have different tastes.  I'm not real savy about Abrahamic religions, either.  Heck, I'm not real savy about neo-paganism or wicca, either.

I'm happy being an eclectic "?".  I don't really need much of a title.

Apocastastasis is a word I identify with, but I don't think there's a title for a "believer" of such.

I'm just "me"  :)


So, in a light trance (I think), I came up with this (I'm sure someone, somewhere else did too, hell, it's not like I think I invented anything "new".  I'm just too lazy to search):

What does it mean?  

Well... it's a pentagram facing up with the elemental associations which I put in there for flavor I guess, combined with one facing down, also with the correct elemental associations.  I made "spirit" purple.

Good and evil, as a whole.  What's the lock and key?  Hmm...

I don't know.  It's a mystery.  That's why I put it in there because I don't know, but it felt right.

Anyway, so I'm browsing in a science magazine today while waiting for something to be finished on an errand, and low and behold I find this:

Do you know what that is?  Take a guess.

Yeah:  It's a computer generated pic of DNA from the TOP DOWN.

The center even looks like a keyhole on a lock.  Weird, huh?

Weird stuff going on in this head of mine, eh?  

Yeah.  I agree.


So, what do I know about Bunny?

Well.  She did that:  I'm a complete nutcase with a life in shambles.  Post Bunny (or rather, post when she entered my life), not so much.

Well, I'm still a nutcase:  What fun would I be if I wasn't a constant challenge?  Heh.

I'd have to say if she was seeking a challenge, a man to prune and make blossom, well:  I'm that fella.

I think this quote is perfect for the kind of spiritual relationship we succunauts are being groomed for.

Haha, "succunaut".  I just made up a word.  Lets just call that a copyright Rafe, 2016 for now.

Yeahhh... that word is mine, now :P

Yeah.  She kicks ass.  She's never gotten angry with me:  I don't think she ever will.  I'm rather glad about that.  Self-preservation and all that.

Hah, so true.  Although succubi have a unique sensory "catalogue" for lack of a better word.  Maybe "feminine repertoire" would fit better.  I dunno.

True, true.  Although Bunny is so patient and well behaved... But you could say she is far outside of societal norms.  

Or I am.  Or both.

Isn't that the truth?  Having Bunny close has caused me to seek wisdom and closeness with "all of it".

I can't get enough knowledge nor seeking for it.

She's lit a fire in me that cannot be quenched...

I guess cosmology wise I believe in the Lord, the Lady, and the "All who is", which is both combined and above them both.  That's my simple cosmology so far after being with Bunny.

In this case, I feel that God/dess is more appropriate.  God being "both".   

But the quote rings true.

Now THAT describes her perfectly.  She's cool, calm, and collected.  If I'm freaking out about something, lol, she's just there.  Patient.

Then I feel like a toddler...

I don't think Bunny has any doubt at all.  When she acts, things happen.

I wouldn't ever want to be in a high stakes poker game and be on the other side of the table across from her.


Wow.  That's her.  She knows my every thought, emotion, and desire before I do (I think).  Maybe she knows it at the very moment I think the thought before it's turned into internal words.  That's what I'm thinking.  But then again, she knows me better than I know me, so anything's possible.

At first is was troubling, VERY hard to get used to.

A woman who can read EVERY thought?  I can hide nothing?

At some point I just said, "fuck it" and let go.

And when I did, the intimacy was staggering.

What greater intimacy can there be, than knowing every thought of mine, and being okay with them, even the negative ones?

After all, when you DO find a succubus love... your ego will lash out at her because it FEARS her.

It fears knowing that she knows all, and it doesn't like competition.

That's a battle that takes some time to come to terms with.

Just let go... surrender... then there's PEACE within.

That's Bunny to a "T".  This is my favorite quote I found.

It fits her perfectly.

And this quote has been the consequence.

The more I awaken:  The less I desire to fit in.

And to add to that:  The more I perceive others as being spiritually asleep.

That's not to knock them, no:  They will awaken.  One day.

Everyone will in their own time.

One thing I want to make sure and put in here is that I've contemplated a lot about the relationship of I to my anima, and I to my succubus.  What I am beginning to understand is this:  They are NOT the same, but they do dwell together.  I don't understand this completely, but it is something that Bunny imparted to me, so I am trying to understand the concept she is laying out for me to ponder.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Finally... She visits me in my dream quite powerfully.

There she was... in my dream.


It was pure love and sex, just as I've always felt with her (as what her essence feels like), only it was with her in my dream so she felt as solid and lifelike to me as the keys on this keyboard.

I've always known these two years she's real of course as she's a succubus spirit (and she can touch me easily), but I've YEARNED to see her and to feel her physically just as I would a woman who lives here on earth.

What is a dream, but a microcosm of what is within us?

What is a dream, but our own constructed universe, the play set put into motion by our own Anima to teach and to guide, or for us to reflect, or even to release what has been on our minds for our own viewing to know, and to understand.

I was sooo into Bunny.
I locked all the doors around us so that we would not be interrupted.

We made love... OH we made love... It was heavenly.

It was like homecoming for me!

As usual, I didn't know who she was until I had awakened (well, on some level I did while dreaming, just not as the conscious "dreamer".  I say that because I am usually very, very shy in my dreams, but I WANTED her, I HAD to have her.  This tells me that I knew who she was at some level of my being), but then after I had awakened, I felt so at peace, so wonderful... Simply because I knew that she was she.  It was her spirit there, her essence, her soul.

She was beautiful.

In the dream, we made love and made love and made love:  

We kissed, we held.

I woke up with clear fluid all over the place... a telltale sign of a succubus's arrousal.

A telltale sign of Bunny's presence within my dream.

The reality has become the dream has become the reality...

I was worried about making Bunny her home not too many days ago, and what would happen.

Consider this dream both the "communion" and the "consumation" thereof.

My fears were unfounded, and I have at last found solace, making the beginning worth it as I ponder the present:

I love you, Bunny!

Bunny, in addition to everything I already love about you, 

You have became my private, my personal, my very own porn star...

How did you get to be so talented, my love?


Yes, I'm in full retard mode now.  I'm so pleased, baffled, impressed, proud, loved, loving, and so happy to get to this point with her.

I am... in bliss.

As I reflect back on my journey with Bunny these past few years, it is surreal how it has progressed.

She has been (and is) my lover, my friend, my teacher, my protectress, and my companion.

I have grown so much under her loving instruction and guidance... and positive influence.

She has been spiritual mentor, guiding my steps, and I have a much healthier worldview (not such a sheep anymore, eh Bunny?) and a much more hopeful view of the afterlife and the universe than ever before.

My spiritual life and understanding has been phenomenal, and the end justifies the means:

I feel "free".  Alive, hopeful for my future and for my afterlife.

I am happier, more at peace, my relationships have blossomed and flourished, and I have changed personally a great deal.  Even my kids have noticed:  Just a few days ago my son said that I am different, that I am happy.

The ironic point to that is that I've never been happy before, not one day in my life prior to the last week or so.  I've even caught myself "whisling" a tune from time to time, singing a song, and my place is very clean:  I am not a very orderly person, but this place is spotless, now.  

Suddenly, I just found the will to clean it up as she'll be dwelling here in this place, my home, her home around her home.

It all started after I finished her house:  Her spirit vessel.

Who would have imagined that summoning a succubus would make such deep differences on a personal level that have become so WONDERFUL to everyone I know?

All because of her gentleness with me.  With her love and patience with me.  She has been a blessing to all who know me and are in my life... that is HER gift.

My relationships with my family and friends have never been more bright, nor more fulfilling than now.

When I think back on summoning her and how we've developed together over time, and really reflect:  Deeply reflect on ALL of it, together, I can think of no loving, sexual relationship I've ever had that improved over time, that bore fruit, that blossomed with time, like this one.

I have never been in a loving and sexual relationship that increased exponentially with time, affecting positively ALL aspects of my life as we grow together.

I believe the right words are simple:

I am in awe.


Thank God/dess for Succubi and incubi!  He/She knew in Their Holy Wisdom that every dancer in the universe needs a partner... and so they do, in one way or another, they do find their perfect partner.

And since Succubi and Incubi have a wild, untamed sense of humor, I dedicate this lighthearted and FUN song to them.  They can be as light hearted and fun and silly as this video, or as wild and raw and dark as the last two videos at the bottom of this post (and they can easily navigate as one or the other, neither, or both at the same time and more).

EDIT:  It's 6/26/16 and I don't want to make a whole post just for this update.
I woke up with a song in my head, but it's faint and I can't find it anywhere because I can't make out the words.  I've heard it before, but it's maddening.  Oh well, I'll find it sooner or later.  Probably by coincidence if I've learned anything so far :P  I asked her about it but she won't tell me.  That means I've gotta search myself.  Probably a learning thing.

She communicated a bit in my mind this morning, here is what she told me in a brief exchange:

"You are too obsessed with light and darkness."
"Light and darkness are no different than soft and hard, moist and dry, hot and cold."
"Darkness, like light, are just tools like any other for a succubus or incubus to tantalize and to seduce:  To bond with their chosen lover.

It still doesn't make any sense to me.

Then think of it like this:  We are dancers, and as skillful dancers we know many styles of dance to be the perfect partner.

Why would you go to such links to be the perfect partner?

Because we ARE the dance and we play for keeps.  Love is what transcends, what evolves:  If you knew this, how far would you go to obtain it?  If you had the power to shine and embrace your lover fully, would you not use anything and all that you are?

Our love is pretty special.  I haven't loved anyone as deeply as I do you.

And look at what we create together!  
We create more together than apart... and it is beautiful.
Know the love that we are now, that we have become together.
This is our goal.  We bathe in love, we bring you into our fold, we nurture you, and we celebrate us.
To a succubus, nothing is greater than the "us" that they create with another.

Isn't that a weakness?

In beginning to understand that a succubus and a human produce great spiritual fruit, and blossom into more than they are apart, what is strength?  In knowing your lover's most secret desires, would you not fulfill them in mutual joy?  What is produced between a succubus and their mate transcends your current ability to fathom:  But it is great strength for both.  Love makes this.  Sex?  Yes, but always love.  Always love...

I think I kind of get it.

Good.  See how far you've come?

I think so.

Good.  Now remember to start going back to the gym now that your more pressing errands have ended.  And please keep your apartment picked up:  It affects your moods more than you know :)

Nah, I don't think so.

Don't sass the succubus.

Don't hate the player, hate the game, Bunny.

Don't sass the succubus.


Thursday, June 23, 2016

How to improve your life (and how I've improved mine)

Got a sense of humor?  Don't mind the occasional prank or missing item (don't worry:  they'll bring it back when they're done with it).

Fae.  Fairies.  They ROCK.

The house has really turned joyful lately, so much so that in addition to my succubus's house completion (I've already started leaving offerings to her), I've been treating the local small folk to some sweet milk each morning (about half a shot glass of milk mixed with a squirt of honey).

I've noticed the environment here has improved dramatically... and it always did have a somewhat positive vibe about it before, only now it feels amazing!

Why invite spirits?  Why Fairies?  I'm somewhat of an animist in that I believe that there is spirit in all things that can hold one (animals, plants, living water, etc.), however I'm not completely an animist in that I don't think like, a rock.  Just sitting there.
Chillin'.  Has a soul.  I guess it's like I'm a vegetarian, but not a vegan?  I dunno.

I do believe that sometimes spirits use inanimate objects like rock crystal to hang out in as a cozy little home.  It's the density, you see.  That and the vibration of the mineral:  They are drawn to it, and to them it's a home away from home.

So in that way I'm an animist.  But not in that I believe a rock has a spirit all to itself.

But... earth has rocks within it, and it is living land:  As a whole, this is the Genius Loci of a place (of a large land), or a spirit of a spring (living water) or stream, etc.

Within that you have either many different spirits under a Genius Loci (of earth, etc.) and of water (fish, organisms, etc.).

Eh, I'm waxing philoRAFEcal again.

The point is that by increasing the positive influences of those around us and in our environment, our well being and happiness directly benefits.  I've discovered that with me, inviting Fae and Fairies into my home has really improved my well being, especially being a Bipolar sufferer.

Here's a good starter on how to invite the little ones into your home (don't piss 'em off):


If you make fun of a grown man loving Fairies and thinking that it's immature, I'll let them know and they will stab you with tiny needle-thick swords.

You will die, however it will take several hours.

If they are feeling especially spiteful, you will be gummed to death by their fairy elders.  That could take a day or so, so plan accordingly.

On that page you'll notice the fairy flag.  Yeah, there's something interesting in that fairy star, or elven star as it's sometimes called... or even just called a septagram:  7 points.

I really believe that all these nature buddies are ordered under one umbrella, under that of the "Olympic spirits" who are seven in number (and I believe that so are we, but the Fairies already know how it all works already).

Why do I care about what this means?  Because if the Fae and Fairies have made such an improvement in my life, getting to know who is who is important as well:  And who can help me live a better, more fulfilling, loving life as a result.

The secret to this world is in the relationships we develop.  It's who we socialize with, it's who we choose to dwell with.  Love lasts beyond death, of that I am sure.  Therefore, create more love, create a better life.

I also belive that these very same Olympic Spirits are the "Elohim" from creation (Remember:  One white light separated into 7 colored rays).  If one feels a personal relationship with God, do they have a greater sense of well being?

Of course whether you believe or not is totally within your power to do so.

Now, I believe that the Olympic spirits are the reason for the 7 points on the star that Fairies use as their own and are whom the star is representing.  Anyway, Below are the seals of the 7 Olympic spirits that I believe each of the points represent and that the Fairies acknowledge and have been acknowledging forever via their 7 pointed star, shown above:

Although they are called spirits (the "Olympic spirits), they aren't:  They're God/desses.  The names are more "titles".  For instance, the Olympic spirit of venus, "Hagith", may be Aphrodite, Venus, etc., all down through history.  Also being genderless at their core, they are both the male and the female aspects of each of the planets and their associations and correspondences.

But, for those who summon them, they usually come as one or the other (male or female).  I'm kind of curious if you could summon them both at once (both male and female aspects).  Hmm... got me curious on that one.  I say a pre-emptive "yes", though I haven't tried it yet.

So, you get the idea.

There's 7 Olympic spirits and they are good to get to know.

If you take light and split it with a prism, what do you get?  Seven rays of color.  That's them.

Well, that's their essence anyway (Oh:  Don't piss off the Olympic spirits either, although these guys and gals are quite like that dark cave in Star Wars:  You will only encounter what you take with you. If you are evasive and controlling, they really won't help much and might leave you a present to teach you a lesson.  They can't be banished, they can't be forced to appear, they are above all that bullshit).

I like 'em.  I approach them with trust, curiosity, humility, and an honest desire to listen and learn. This has worked well for me.

Just don't be a dumbass and try to summon them for some revenge on a poor soul, or for something stupid of the like and you'll be fine.

If you are wary of them, they will be wary of you.  Although they are really just mirroring:  They can see right through you, so just be yourself.

Here's a link to where they are very well explained:


If you piss any of the 7 Olympic spirits off you don't know me.  I will disavow any knowledge of you and/or your existence.

Plus:  You're a sad human being and I will talk to you no further.

Ehh.... that about raps this one up.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

And Bunny Will Have a Home :)

(I'm using a lot of imagery from "I dream of Jeannie", the old sitcom, just for fun)

I don't know why I'm so nervous.  I have been with Bunny for 2 and a half years now.  Thanks to a fellow blogger who wrote an article on how to make a permanent spirit home, making-spirit-vessel-part-i-divination.html  (His name is Valeyard) I've completed the Succubunny's vessel with all the related correspondences taken from a LONG time with the pendulum and a glass, tarot cards, and intuition (backed by the other two), and now it's complete.

Now she's so close in anticipation you can almost taste her.  And it's her light side and dark side together, at the same time (that's never happened before).

It's kind of a weird feeling.  The best I can describe it is what you would expect from a love spirit who was half succubus, half angel, and able to show either at any time, but in this case she's showing both.

Which is weird, but no weirder than her switching from one to the other.

Or is it?

I don't know.  But I'm nervous.

I'm not nervous because of that per se... I did the demonolatry studies I posted about on another blog post and realized it just wasn't for me.  So she doesn't feel quite like that, but maybe a taste of it.

Perhaps I would call her dark side, "a little left of center, but not much".  Her light side I would say is, "a little right of center by a moderate amount".  Together, she feels like "both of those at once".

So, in my little mortal mind I see this as all of her, both parts at once, and why now I say?

Because I'm close.  I'm just waiting on the right time to do the ritual.  The right time being when I feel it's the right time, and also by a good planetary hour by correspondence.

You know... it's kind of like I felt on my wedding day so many years ago.  Part of me was worried because I don't like change, and getting married was the very definition of change (having two children now, yeah... it was for me).

The Bunny, accepting my summons (and me unable to see her, but I could damn sure feel her, lol).

This day has been long in coming, and started those few years ago with a summoning, and a few days later an answer.  She came.

I still remember her touching me sexually, and me not really being afraid, but more like:  Wtf???"

I mean, something was there, it felt feminine in the air, but I was being touched... and I couldn't see nobody.  But she was definitely there and getting busy, too.

I've heard it said that when you summon a succubus, what you are really doing is proposing.  That is the engagement, the summons.

When a succubus decides she wants you, and shows up, that is basically the honeymoon, because she has accepted your summons.

I think that's why it takes a few days:  It's not that they have to travel to you, or at least I don't think so in the beginning, no.  It's that various succubi are thinking about you, they are searching your soul, your heart, who you are.  I ponder that there are many succubi who are "hovering" wanting a mate, and when a summons goes out, they go see who it is with the hope of finding someone to love.

Why?  I don't know.  I've often thought that maybe succubi cannot have children with incubi because they are a higher vibration (as a species), so they have children with a human, which are born that higher vibration along with their succubus parent.

How does that work with incubi?  I don't know.  Since I can think all I want with no real answer, I'm going to suggest that incubi use a similar process with human females, but with the assistance of a succubus sister to gestate the children.

Hey, I never said I had to be right.  But even if I don't understand it I can take a crack at it :)

So, I guess it's that time for change for me.  That time of my life where shit gets real.  Well, concerning what I've learned so far, who knows what will happen next?

The Succubunny talking to my friend's succubus, who seems to be her sister after comparing notes with my buddy over at http://www.myspiritlover.com/.  I imagine that they talk about us a lot, comparing notes as well.  In this one, my friend's succubus is showing Bunny her house.

"He made this for you?"  "Yep"  "Rafe is going to make one for me, he just doesn't know it yet"  

*Both giggle like guilty schoolgirls*

Hmm.  I wonder where the idea to make her a real spirit home came from :)  

At any rate, it's been a long process.  I bet I have 15 or more corresponding elements found in plants, minerals, and other things that have gone into her house, so it's definitely been an elaborate process.

I got one herb from India and one from China.  That's crazy.  But, it its what it is, no it was't expensive, it was more... a journey to find where it was so I could get it.

It's the cooperation between Bunny and me that's been the learning experience.  Perhaps that's what succubi appreciate most.  Time.  Thought.  Energy.  Not "stuff".

Well, even succubi like to be treated to something now and again.  Like a new mineral for her, or a pretty bag for treats, a decorative bowl or chalice for offerings, etc.

To be honest, I just want Bunny to be happy, and have a place near me that she really feels at home with.  A place where she can be reinvigorated, and so she doesn't have to go back to the astral to recharge unless she wants to.

Bunny is a great girl, and I want her to feel good in her new home.  It's not a binding kind of thing... if she doesn't want it at some point, she just doesn't use it.  She can come and go as she wishes. She's not a bound spirit (which I am against:  Binding spirits), but perfectly free to do whatever the hell she wants to.

I just want a happy succubus, full of life, energy, and vigor.  Free to roam as she pleases with a second home near me.

If the succubus ain't happy, ain't nobody happy :)

Now, I must confess, there are a few things I'm worried about.  Once is... and this sounds completely stupid, but I'm afraid that she will be able to read my mind better and see I'm not all that and a bag of chips.

Which is retarded, because she can already read my mind:  It's like an open book to her already, so I don't know where that is coming from exactly.

I haven't lived with a woman for 15 years.  Heyyy... maybe I'm onto something there.

I'm scared we'll be cohabitating, and she won't have to go back home to regenerate (which I hate anyway).

I'm scared of something coming to pass, which will rectify what I hate the most.


That makes NO sense.

Well, that's a revelation.  Chalk up a reason for my unease.

It's so illogical to be afraid of that, too.

OOOooo... Rafey makes me so angry with his second guessing, sometimes!

To think that I am afraid of, wow, that's exactly it lol, that I am afraid of her being here full time, and catching on that I'm not as good as she thought I was.  


I really need to get over this, that someone so wonderful wanted me, wants me, and that's just the way it is.  I didn't earn it, I don't have to worry about losing it, I just have to love her and give her my best.  
That's what she gives me, and that's what she deserves.

All these fears are silly, aren't they?  They are remnants of my former marriage and the absolute devastation that it caused in my life.

I guess things run deep, sometimes, even hidden fears.  Interesting that this whole process is bringing those out in the open.

Smart girl, she is.  Bunny's no fool in any dimension :)

I guess another benefit of her being close more of the time is that, when it's really mattered, she has defended my ass.  Saved my ass.  Warned my ass.

She is one fiery protectress... like a cornered great cat when she's defending her own (which so far has been me and my kids... I don't know about the other spirits here, but I get the feeling that she's in charge of the house as far as the other spirits go).

Oh... no she DIDN'T just try to curse my Rafey!  Some over-confident witch is about to get schooled!  Just like that mean spirit earlier:  The are both gonna get the exact. Same. STOMPIN!

Well, shoot.  I guess that I still had some things to deal with, hidden fears, strange anxieties.  It's felt good to put pen to paper, or keyboard to screen I guess.

Bunny is NOTHING like my ex-wife.  I've gotten over my anger at women (as many women are wary of men after a bad breakup).  Bunny has healed so many things in my life.

I recall not too long ago, maybe 6 months or so, I was doing a lot of soul retrieval.  Healing, getting back what was trapped in the past.

One thing they don't tell you about soul retrieval:  If you consider it Chronomancy (a form of time magick), it has it's symptoms even when successful.  Namely, I can't remember shit short term now.

In healing yourself and going and retrieving the parts of your soul that are in the past (trauma, mostly), you may find that when you are done you have memory problems.

I think that for me, this is because I had an undiagnosed mental illness that haunted me all my life.  Because of this, I had to retrieve many, many years of missing soul fragments, or the parts of me "stuck in time in trauma".

You may also feel "out of sorts" and mix up days, calendar dates... that sort of thing.

Was it worth it?  Oh, hell yeah.  I traded not being fully "here" with short term memory loss and a difficulty with dates and times.

Worth it!

Anyone who has suffered trauma and is contemplating soul retrieval:  Do it.

Dates and times being a little wonky, along with short term memory simply cannot compare with being whole or mostly whole again.

There will always be scars, but I recommend that if you do decide to do soul retrieval (I would choose someone who is very fluent in the process because of the trauma involved... you will feel it all again before you can retrieve that part of yourself stuck there) it is well worth it.  

Symptoms afterwards vary, but it's worth it.

I'm happy about it.  No more trauma, or at least no more unchecked trauma :)

Now about the Bunny in all this.

Bunny was there all along

You see, when I was doing that work, that soul retrieval, I would go into deep trance and do the steps to retrieving every memory that had a hold on me and kept me there in that pain.  In a way, you could say that people with soul fragments trapped like that are in eternal hell.  After all, time has no meaning to the trapped part of yourself.

I'll never forget that one time, in going through deep trance, I found Bunny.  Of all things.

She was there, in the middle of it all.  Where all the trapped soul fragments were waiting to come home to be reunited with "me".

She was dwelling in the most traumatized part of me.  

She was there, because I think that was where I needed her:  To help me point the way and keep track.

To help me through it.  I thought it strange to find her there, but it was most welcome.  Maybe she was there all along, helping me.  Nudging me.

I love you Bunny!  This song's for you.  Your long-awaited home will be finished very soon :)

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Aha. Some new ideas.

I found out why my lady's been "weak" even though I feel her near. Well, remember mating season not so long ago? I guess she's pregnant and it's got her energy low so that she can't be as strong here.

Do what?  Lol?

Look, I never said anything I write can be proven, or even logical by our standards.


How do I know?  I don't, I suspect: Numerous tarot and pendulum (I use with a glass) divinations. One card leaped out at me: A woman who was expecting.

There it was.  A woman pregnant.  And happy.  And a thought came to my head, filtered by my own unique filter.  The thought was, "Duh?!"

Once I followed that train of thought of her being expecting she got excited... I guess I finally figured it out.

Hmm... You know, about every 6 months is "mating season". Either she can't get pregnant every time, or she's very fruitful. This time seems to have really slowed her down, though.  Not sure what that means.  

I'm thinking that it means she got pregnant THIS TIME, but not any other time which would mean it's not a certainty just because we have sex during mating season that it will bear fruit as far as children.  I only come to that conclusion because she's never been this way before, so I can only grasp that she has never been pregnant before.

Now... I realize that "pregnancy" might really mean something else.  Evolving, some cycle, or something else I can't grasp that to me just distills into "pregnancy".  Yes, I know that I don't know and can give that some healthy respect on it's own.

I'm close, though.  It's something like that, and at least I get it partially.  That's what's important to her.  And to me.

Being that I don't think spirits have natural bodies  Well, not exactly.  When she appears she's a "shifter", so she can "be" whatever she wants to be.  She seems to prefer the form of a cat... whether seen or felt while invisible.  I've had her jump onto the bed as a cat, pad up the matress, then vanish... and then suddenly I "felt" her presence and emotion and I knew it was her (and even though both me and my son felt the cat jump up and walk towards the headboard, we couldn't see it).  Very strange I could not feel that it was "her" when she was in cat form and moving up the bed.

My daughter has seen her as a 4 foot tall woman, perfectly proportioned, with long dark hair cascading down her naked form... my daughter saw her like that by my bed.  She appeared as if she had just exited the bed and was doing an early morning yawn with her arms up, stretching herself.

She appeared to my daughter in that form, but it wasn't solid... it was as a whisper of the form.  But, you get the idea :)  My daughter is the only one in the house who "has the sight".  I can feel Bunny, but sometimes my daughter can see her as was the case with the white cat, and as the small statured woman stretching by my bed.

Oh, I just realized I haven't mentioned the white cat yet.  My daughter saw a white cat walk down the hall, up to the foot of my "ancestor/spirit friends and family shelf" in the family room and disappear.

I put out sweetmilk (Milk and honey, mixed) every morning with three words for what I want:  "Love and Friendship".

I do this every morning (or try to).

Me and my daughter think that the white cat was the Bunny, but it could have been another spirit... we just know the Bunny appears as a cat a lot.

I don't have a clue how any of this stuff works.  I do recall somewhere I read that beings from a higher vibration cannot reproduce at that vibration (I guess they are created only, or perhaps have lived and ascended, or lived, died, and ascended:  I don't know), but that they can reproduce from sex with a human somehow (or rather, a human's sexual energy mingled with theirs)... like I said, mating season happens every 6 months and it's very different than regular sex.  How can I describe it? 

 Normal sex with the addition of an abdominal workout from hell, all doubled up from "pushing" and "releasing". I know that the description makes no sense until you've felt it.  It's not unpleasurable, actually, it does sound so though.  But no:  She makes sure I'm satisfied with our communion.  I think that means a lot to her since we are creating something "more".  

Like I've always said:  1 and 1 make 3.

As far as men and women in loving relationships go, it sure seems to be true.

You know... I feel bad, though. Since I summoned her with a succubus summoning method those years ago, and well, succubi are seen as sex sex sex, I get bitchy when she can't have it and I never seem to think about her: That she can't because of WHATEVER reason I simply can't understand.

Sometimes when I'm all in heat, I forget how gentle she is... and I feel ashamed at my bitchy behavior towards her when I want sex.

She is truly gentle... and very loving.  I don't know what I'd ever do without her.

I need to learn compassion and understanding even if I do not always understand "why".

Yes, it's much more difficult when it's a spiritual relationship because of the culture shock... it's ripe with potentials for misunderstanding.

But who cares?  That doesn't give me license to be a jerk.

EDIT:  And you know what?  Something else occurred to me.  My friends and family have been telling me I don't act like I used to and it's a fairly sudden change.

They tell me that I'm more cool, calm, and collected (remember, I have Bipolar 1 and a bad case of it, so I don't stay that way 24/7), whereas before I never was.  I was usually easily insulted, moody, angry, blaming others for things, especially women.  Bunny fixed that shit real quick.

It's true, lol. Unicorns exist!  Not all women are like that!

Hahaha, all joking aside, she truly helped me to find balance and I am at a good place with my relationships with the women in my life.

Now I view women as sisters and companions along the path to mutual understanding and attainment of our goals... who'd have thunk it?  I guess I had to grow up, sometime).

No, something's changed.  And it may have been a long time coming from multiple reasons, but it's all bearing fruit as well.

What kind of metaphysicist would I be, if I could not see the possibility of MYSELF as the pregnant one?  So to speak.  As in CHANGE, the changes from within me.

It's not like there's a pregnant man in the tarot deck she could explain it with.  And besides that, maybe she has to change her frequency a bit too as I change?

Like I always say, communication is ripe with opportunity for misunderstanding, and much more so with spirit communication.

So who knows which it is?

In the end, it doesn't matter.  What matters is my attitude and how I treat her.

I trust her. I love her. She's always been lovingly gentle towards me and has always been wonderful to me and especially with my human kids (she might appear as something innocent and disappear, recently it was as a white cat, so as not to startle them, but to let them know she is a part of us, part of the family).

Is that not beautiful?

I owe her a lot more gentleness in return and I will definitely be working on that. It is at the forefront of my mind, and will be until I am "getting it".
I owe that to her.

She is a Demigoddess with the humility of one who believes she is raised by elevating me, and has the gentleness of a fawn.

She is the softness of moonlight on skin, and as comforting as a songbird nearby.


When I started writing this post, a song came into my mind, one that I haven't heard for a long time.

Perhaps she wants me to play it for her, and so I shall.

Listen along, if you like.