Saturday, December 8, 2018


I've been thinking a lot about life after death and what it's like.  I've never died of course so I don't have any memory of it.

I've been talking to other succubloggers as well and it seems to be the topic of the hour so to speak.

It's funny how topics make their rounds within certain circles.

I know that love spirits live busy lives... I am jealous of those who have had the same spirit for years while I seemingly act as a hot seat for new spirit lovers.

The latest is all I have at the moment (the others left for wherever) and she had asked to simply be called "Lady".

A lady she is, that's for sure.  Very sweet, gentle, and kind like the others were, only in her special, unique way.

I gather from spirits moving in and out of my life that, for some reason, that's what I am pegged as being:  A temporary spot for many over a long period of time.

Lady hasn't gotten involved in my dreams yet, or if she has it has been in a co-pilot kind of way (taking part in the nonsensical nature of them at least).

I would be lying if I said I did not miss the erotic dreams of yore.  I do.  Oh yes, I do.

Lady is an enigma of sorts.  She wears innocence like an aura and a halo and feels rather shy to me.  That's hard to explain with her being in a sensual role of sorts, but it is what it is... and is probably not really able to be explained with simple writing here.

Between my new love and my ever present quest to know what life after death is like (so I know what my future holds), there's not much new happening.

Thank God/dess for that.  Lol.

Blessings Always,

Rafe GB.

And Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Until Then...

I've been thinking a lot about the afterlife, and I was surprised to find out that my daughter has also been thinking about what happens after death... the difference is that it's been keeping her awake at night.

Her mother tried to hang herself a month or so ago and I feel that this event has caused an existential crisis of sorts in my daughter.  At least about what happens when you die... if anything.

I'm a closet Swedenborgian at heart mixed in with some Wicca and some Christianity, and frankly with a shit ton of spirituality garnered from spirits themselves:  They exist.

I can also attest that my spirit lover is most often gone doing her own thing.  She's a busy girl... that in itself tells me that there is a lot going on in the life to come.

And if they exist without bodies?  So do we.  This is just the "play", the "arena".  Consider our bodies part of the uniform.  Lol.

This is just our lives...

There are thousands of NDE's cataloged by, well, really by any which way you can imagine:  Race, religion, country, etc.

I think all experienced are "flavored" or "affected" by cultural expectations and beliefs.

I also believe that these persist for a while in the afterlife, gently being removed as truth is revealed as the departed person's future life and options are fully revealed... and I bet it will surprise all of us in many ways...

Disclaimer:  Please understand that I am not pro-suicide and am 100% against it... we're here for a reason and a purpose.

However... I don't believe that suicides go to "hell" or any of that garbage, either.

But if someone does themselves in so to speak there's always consequences.  Not diabolical, no... but there's always consequences.

I have a feeling that the person who commits suicide must go through the pain that they have caused each person in their lives to truly understand.  I don't care to explain anymore as I don't want to enter into any debates.  This is my diary, remember?  Heh.

Lets just say that I believe that the afterlife is fair but loving.  Firm but always redemptive and restorative.  Rather the opposite of here...

The word is "apocatastasis".

Another belief that I have is that after death we are drawn to our spiritual mate, the one that we will be with for eternity (for those of us who do not have that on this planet - and to have that kind of love would be infinitesimally rare).

This does not mean that we will not love many on this earth... I know we do.  But I believe that there is one that is set apart, one alone that calls to each of us even now... even if we cannot reply completely or at all at the moment.

...She feels like home.

While my spirit lady is a wonderful lover, teacher, and friend, she is not the one (at least I don't think so)... but she has gently lifted my eyes in the right direction...)

The Swedenborgian idea is that two who join in this way eventually seem to be one being because of their depth of love and closeness to one another.  Not everyone chooses this... but if one does, so does the other echo from across the veil... sometimes it's just "time"... and "time" is an illusion they say.

Probably easier to understand "time" from the other side, wouldn't you think?

Regardless, I truly appreciate the idea of bonding so closely to someone and look forward to having that kind of connection for eternity once my little "game" here has run it's course.  And as always, much love to my spirit lover.  May she find her way back to me soon.

Brightest blessings... may your days be bright and your nights full of learning, and love.

Rafe GB.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Gender is an illusion

Down here gender is a bit more cut and dry.  Well, mostly.  I do know of people who are male some days and female some days, so there's that.

What I'm referring to is the gender of spirits which isn't so... concrete.

My lover is female when she's loving me sexually, and definitely has everything sensually I could ever ask for.

She's so female I'm bathed in it.

And yet...

I've had dreams of late where a male is my best buddy, bringing me out of my depression and illnesses into a fun dream of riding motorcycles together along rolling plains during summertime.

I also think that this is my lover.  Even though she feels as male a buddy as I'd ever want.

Then there's other times where she's a force, a frequency and vibration.  At that level there is no he, there is no she, there is only "...... "  What do I call this person?  I guess a person will do haha.

Such a mystery there is in this way of being, but I firmly believe that this is the way it is.  I don't understand it:  And I don't have to, really.

All I have to do is keep learning, keep enjoying my spirit friend, and try to keep my head high while I'm down here on this rock.

I know it's cliche, but I was certainly sent an angel.  Or maybe I summoned one by accident haha.

Love you all... and have a wonderful week.


Rafe GB.

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Love is...

Here she is.  Suddenly.  I've been calling for a few days now, but now it's all worth it.

She sits by me on my bed at bedtime. 

I start to talk to her.

"My gentle, sweet lover.  How I've missed you."

She listens kindly.

"I feel you there, permeating the room like the finest wine."

"I can feel your touches down below... not sexual, but I can feel your attention and approval at what I say, because you know it's from the heart."

She beams a little.  She's going to be here tonight with me, but I'm not sure about being in my dreams.

"When you are near it feels like love.  Not a mundane kind of love that most feel, one born of chemicals and such, but one that feels like God is with me."

"God is dad and the Goddess is mom, but you feel different.  You feel like you're the part that makes us king and queen of this home.  It's all a circle and you are what binds us.  You are what keeps us.  You give me faith.  You have given me hope..."

I reach out and feel her tenderness, her love for me.  I reach out and feel her gentleness and her sensuality.  Her female sensuality is intoxicating, permeating all of me, at every level both physical and spiritual.

"I think of the right words to say but they leave me, swallowed by your presence."

"All I can say is... I love you.  All of you... completely."

I can feel her emotions and she feels so gentle it's hard to put into words.

I simply can't.

"I love you" is all that I can say.  The rest is swallowed up by those 3 simple words filled with emotion, respect, and hope.

"I love you". 

Friday, November 2, 2018

Move in complete...

I moved into the new apartment about 2 weeks ago, but for some reason my lovers hadn't followed me here.

It took them about 2 weeks, but they found their way here finally.

I'm beginning to think that time and space across the veil works both ways, not one way.

In other words, sometimes a short hop here might be 2 weeks worth of travelling on the other side.

Either that or they had lots of connections and permissions to secure to move here, even though it's just across town (for me).

Consider it yet another metaphysical mystery to ponder, and ponder it I will as I do most things.

The most important fact is that they are here now, and wow did I miss them...

I'm communicating and feeling them as one entity at present.  I have a feeling that's because of the stress I have been under and their remedy for it.

Again, another mystery...

Love across the veil isn't always easy and seldom is anyway... it's not for the fainthearted or for those who need concrete answers because they just don't come.

What I have found is that faith, love, and hope travel far... even across the veil.

Brightest Blessings,

Rafe GB.

Sunday, October 21, 2018

The Coronation

I have been the blacksmith.  The executioner.  The murderer.  The milkmaid.  The herdsman.  I am all of these things and much, much more.

Some of us feel a draw to the fringe now.  Why?  I believe that it's all that's left.

We have been, and are, all.

From being drawn to Gods of light, to Gods of darkness and every shade of grey in between... we have called, we do call, and they have answered in kind.

There is not much left now, my friends.

This is it.

This... is the coronation.

I can feel my spirit lover's hands holding my crown upon my head and in place for whatever reason.

Perhaps it is a taste of what is waiting for me.

What does it mean?

I do not know.

But I can feel and that's enough. 

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Monday, August 27, 2018

Lilith and her Origins (My humble opinion of)

That picture to the left is how I see Lilith sometimes.  Not as the dark, mysterious Goddess, but the timeless beauty who does things on Her terms, and if you don't like that She's got a high heel to shove straight up your ass.

Lilith is an enigma, and I admit that I only see her one sided.  I'm attached to Her motherly aspect, but make no mistake, She's as complicated as a tasaract in trying to understand 4d.

They say that the Jews brought Lilith back with them from their exile in Babylon.  I don't know if this is true or not, but it would explain a great deal.

I don't believe in the creation story where Adam supposedly wanted Lilith to lie beneath him for dominance.  If I was getting ready to have sex I'd do the Kama Sutra in that garden.  Angels would have covered their eyes.  Suffice it to say I believe that Lilith came to us from a different era, honestly I think it was with the first human being and probably with the first female.

You see... Lilith exists as far within us as She does outside of us.  When the first female had an urge to ride the first male until she came about 5 times Lilith was born...

As part of Lilith wanted to explore different avenues of sexuality, Her daughters were born.  And here we are.

Looking from the outside inwards, Lilith quickly mastered Kundalini and the energies of sexual abandon.  Her daughters know what She knows as far as that goes.

What I can't understand, but try to, is that Lilith is present all throughout the ages.  From Aphrodite to Lilith, to Astarte, to each and every myth that has a Goddess of Sacred Sex.

Lilith is the whore Goddess of Sacred Prostitution.

Now, before you get your damn knickers in a bunch, know that "whore" means "She who has sex not just for procreation, or She who has sex when she is unclean."

Ah, you feel that?  That's power...

Deep within the psyche of every woman there is this power.  If she can but TASTE it...

Wanna hear something weird?

Back when the Israelites used to keep their women outside the camps when they were bleeding for a week and calling them unclean, it was, yes... you guessed it...

It was because that blood was considered Lilith's.  Ever wonder why a woman wants sex on her period sometimes, and turns into a very scary savage woman with no satisfaction of appetites?

I believe that they are related.

Meh, the Israelites didn't know what they were missing if you ask me...  Fun times and all that.

Lilith is the Goddess of the Left Hand Path.  While I don't particularly subscribe to that believe by wrote (I don't want to be a God... too much hassle), I do with regards to understanding TRUTH.

And truth requires you to understand both sides of the coin...

Now, what I don't understand is how Lilith and Aphrodite, Ishtar, Kali are all aspects of one Goddess other than I just know that they are.

One thought is that Lilith is Queen of the Qlippoth of "Lilith", which is the opposite of Malkuth (the universe we live in and walk and talk in).

Her daughters, however, are from the Qlippoth of "A‘arab Tzereq" which means "The ravens of dispersion".

Now, interestingly, these daughters come from "Dark Venus".  That's a flip side of the coin from "Netzach", which is the realm of the Venus we know.  Also interestingly enough, this Venus is the home of the Olympic Spirit Hagith, which appears to represent the Divine forces that have filtered down through our universe and project this Sephira upon the world.

I've talked with Lady Hagith (The Spirit can appear as either gender) and She was quite loving and motherly.  Once I was sure that She was a good spirit I let my daughter meet Her as well with long lasting results and blessings upon her life.

Spirit is a misnomer in this case.  The Olympic Spirits are Gods and Goddesses.  The names that they represent throughout history are legion.  I think of Her as being Aphrodite, Astarte, etc.

As for Lilith and Kali, well that's where it gets complicated...

I believe that Lilith was discovered by Hindu culture and revered as Kali.

In the tantric tradition Lilith appears as Kali.

But as far as the Qlippoth they come from, "Lilith", they are one and the same.

However they are independent of one another and have different personalities.

Confusing, no?

Interestingly, "Lilith" is actually ruled by Naamah, not Lilith... which adds a little more confusion to the mix.

Understanding how the Sephira and the Qlippoth interact together... it's a 2 sided coin.  You just have to bend your mind to see it.

That's what I mean by I'm Left Hand Path, but not in the traditional sense.


I hope that my little post has given you a taste to find out for yourself what is true and what is not.

I definitely don't believe that I'm right.  In fact, I count on it.  That's what keeps me going and after more knowledge.

I hope you do the same.


Rafe G.B.