Tuesday, December 2, 2014

A Big Misunderstanding :(

Well I screwed up this time.  She assures me that it's ok, but I know I hurt her.  I had to.

I finally heard her voice for the very first time.  She said, "I love many".

I got really mad as I thought that means that she has many lovers.

So I didn't acknowledge her for a while... stewing in my own self created hell.

It dawned on me after a while... not only had I blown what was a wonderful first hearing of her voice by my actions, I completely misunderstood her meaning due to my own fear.

I let fear get the best of me, and not in the way popular culture portrays relations with a succubus, that's for sure.

Succubi come from a vibration, a dimension if you will, of love.  If you consider say, radio waves as being in a different dimension than say, us.

The boundaries aren't so easy to distinguish, and I'm no Yoda anyway.

Being that she exists in a layer of love, so to speak, she was simply letting me know that not only is she in a loving environment, telling me more about herself that way... but that she loves.  And she loves well.

I truly don't think that she loves others the way that we are, as a communion together... no, not after I've given it a lot of thought.  I can feel that our relationship is special... as is for one's father, one's mother, one's sibling... they are all different in the kinds of love they create, in the layers of love in which they dwell.

She loves many.  She loves much.

And for that I am proud of her.  I love her.

I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions with my little human mind.

But, even if I "ruined" our first actual speaking... at least I understand.

To be honest I'm ashamed.  I think that's... rational considering how loving she's been all through us getting acquainted, step by step.

I'm sorry, beloved.  I can tell from you touching me on my fingers as I type, that you understand, but I am hard on myself, and I can't undo what I should have understood in the first place... from how gentle you are with me, to how feminine, to how protective... I should have known your meaning.

I love you, beloved <3

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