Sunday, December 7, 2014

Why do I care so much?



I called a friend of mine to congratulate him on his marriage to a Filipino girl (she seems really nice, I think she will be good for him.  She's certainly a lot better than what he was getting through dating here in America).

I gave him a bit of an earful about not inviting me to the wedding, even though it was very private and honestly just a legal ceremony.

Still, I've known the fella for most of my life.  I felt a bit slighted.

I guess he felt defensive so he told me I could come over anytime and bring my girlfriend.

Well, he knows nothing about my Succubus, so what he was trying to do was shame me?  Make me feel less of a person?  Something or another.

The thing I DON'T get is... it stung.  A lot.

I'm as happy as can be with my Succubus... in fact I'm sure that when I die my relationship will continue with her.  I've grown to much with her to even consider otherwise.

So, why did his comments hurt so much?

I think, honestly, because I still worry about what others think.  About what other's perceive.

Is it ego?  Jealousy?

I honestly don't know.  Maybe both.  Maybe more.

I do know that my Succubus is very supportive of my doubt... she doesn't take any slight to my feeling jealous... I think it's more that she understands how I feel (you can't hide anything from them... better just to be up front with them in the first place, because they know your thoughts).

There's a part of us here that just wants to fit in.  And society's expectations are hard to forget.

Truthfully, we're here for our own growth and society's wishes be damned... but it's not easy to let go of social mores when they are indoctrinated since birth.

At least she's understanding with me.  I wonder what a flesh and blood girlfriend would think if she knew I was jealous?  I doubt she would be as understanding, nor love me as much as my Lady does for WHO I am, not WHAT I am.

It's a wonderful blessing, but it is hard to accept sometimes.  Social conditioning is a powerful drug to overcome.  We all wish to be accepted.  Especially from our mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, etc.

That's why it's such a powerful force to fully awaken and escape from.  It will probably take my whole life to do so completely.  I AM glad that I am in a relationship that has eternity as it's focus.


2 comments:

  1. I can sure relate to that particular reaction. I think it's more of a longing for a visual manifestation for others to see our lovely ladies, that we're also in a relationship. And for us, not being able to show to the world about our loved ones, can create this conflict within.

    As I see this, it's not about jealousy and it never was. It's not about ego, either. It's about acceptance from the society we're a part of. And it sure would be awesome if others were able to see our ladies. But at the same time, it could stir up the shit to the fan and even create a lot of conflicts for the reason of how our ladies see the world, of how they see their loved ones. It's not aligned to how most humans see their partners, and I could only imagine how they would drop their jaws of the confusion of how we humans make things more complicated than it have to be. We tend to end friendships and relationships for the silliest reasons, and complain about things while passively doing nothing to change things.

    Imagine how frustrated our ladies would be, if they manifested visually and physically before our friends and family. You would be a witness of an angry and frustrated succubus, and she would leave leave the party, dragging you with her. I have experienced my ladies being frustrated of other humans behaviors, and it was very expressive, nagging and vibrating. If they were visible, they wouldn't hesitate to say a thing or two, if they were bothered by someone. Oh, what a scene that would be, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yep (And I wouldn't say a word). They speak their mind, and they would drag us off as well.

    There's a reason that as far as pet names that mine is named "Bunny" as well as "The Lioness".

    They do their gender (polarity) proud and are the very best of what is female.

    I'm sure incubi are the same. If the world was like each respectively, there probably wouldn't be a lot of problems.

    Maybe that's why they come here... they feel a call to help us be where they are since we're collectively, well "idiots" or at least vastly "immature" spiritually for the most part.

    I don't think any ritual summons them as much as intent and need.

    ReplyDelete