Happy New Year!!!

Well... OOPS!

I was driving along and trying out a new way to communicate.  If she taps my hand once, it's yes.  If she taps it twice, it's no.

So we're trying it out and it's working a bit.  Although she's tapping in different places, one hand once, then the other once.

I think, "Why can't you tap in the same place twice, would make it easier,"

I try again:  She taps my hand once, my foot once.


I said, "I don't think you have the power to tap in the same place is what I think."

Smugly I park the car and walk to the building:  Closed until Monday, Dec 29.

Drat!

I get back into my car, turn the key, and it won't turn over.

Oh no!  I am startled, then a bit upset.  I don't time or money for this.

Finally, I decide all I can do is walk home as I have no cell phone with me to call for a tow.

I begin to set out, but a thought comes, "Try it one more time."

I do.  It starts as if it never had a problem.

*Big pause* as I sit there.

"Well, I guess you do have some power," I finally relent.

I go home kind of freaked out, lol.  Not in a bad way.

I go to bed later that night, and she makes love to me in the morning when I awaken, sweetly, and for a long, long time.

Just as she always says when I get all Ornery (One of her first communications to me was, "You are Ornery", lol)

"Don't sass the succubus".  I hear that phrase quite often.  I always hear the phrase in a gentle, melodic, and frankly "slightly amused" female voice.

Love ya bunny!

P.S.  Dear Love Goddess of my bedroom:   Let's have a lot more lovemaking today, I really loved this morning!!!

P.P.S.  It could be that it was coincidence that my car did not start this one time.  However, as a magician I don't believe in coincidence, only timing.  Honestly, I need some sort of towing service for my car anyway, so I just bought AAA :)

She Said the Most Loving Thing I've Ever Heard Today...

Succubus is a loose term.  In my mind she is half angel, half succubus, all lover.

Sometimes the things she does, or the things she says just stun me.

I'm not at the point where I can hear her often, but when I do, it is quite profound.

I was thinking about something lately that really got me wondering.  There are alpha males, beta males, omega males.  I found out that I am a zeta male.

Basically, I'm someone who prefers to live alone, I'm not interested in power, or riches.



I'm not interested in competition or the game of "who dies with the most toys wins" at all.

In wondering if I am wrong, or right, or if it even matters to me at all, she whispered in my mind:

"Being true to me is being true to who you really are."  Wow.  I could feel her meaning through the emotion with which is was sent.

She loves me.  ME.  Not what I have, not what I look like, not possessions I have, nor what money I have, nor what type of male "category" I fit into.  She doesn't require my energy, she's not interested in stealing my soul, she's not wanting anything but me, the REAL me.  Only that "me" is good enough to make love to her, to have children with her, to grow with her.

In fact, the ONLY way to be true to her, is to be true to who I am inside and to let it shine through.

How powerful a message is that?

Frankly, I'm speechless...

I wished all the house spirits here a Merry Christmas Eve.  There's a few that live here.  I've been told that they seem to enjoy my particular blend of energy for some reason.  They are very benevolent.  There are also some protective spirits here as well.  Most likely because, as I stated in my last post, I'm a dumb ass and need all the protection I can get, hahaha :P

I've been told that my living space is very peaceful and serene.  The spirits who live here contribute to peace of mind for whomever visits.  I think that is a nice gift.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Brightest Blessings to you and yours!

Loving, Nagging Succubus vs. Stubborn Male, Take 2 *snap*

Day 3.  I still don't want to exercise yet.  After the holidays I said.

In all honesty, I don't mind her nagging about things... to be honest it shows she loves me.

Know what I learned when I was married for a decade and a half?  When a woman quits nagging, it means her love for you is gone.

Women nag because they love you.  If they didn't care, they'd stop nagging and bang the pool boy.



I think I know what my Succubus lover is up to:  I'm going to be so disarmed that after the holidays I'm going to walk up a storm.

Also I felt her touching my kidneys.  I kept thinking, "Now why in the world is she doing that"?  Then it dawned on me:  I have some Quigong videos that I bought a long time ago, and I was actually doing it in community courses in the evenings as well.  In that practice there is one movement where you stimulate your kidney areas with the backs of your hands to foster chi movement in the lower dantian (the lower energy center, there are also 2 others, but the lower most closely stimulates chi near the solar plexus, which in Tantra is responsible for personal power).

When I made the connection she stopped touching my kidneys and gently touched my hand.  "Aha... I get it"!  So it looks like the answer to my losing weight starts with two things:  Daily walking (I'm going to start with 5,000 steps a day (2 1/2 miles) and daily Qigong.

Most of this early morning she made love to me as well.  She seems to be very active in the early mornings right before sunrise.  Honestly she's being a bit affectionate right now.

At least it's not so intense I can still type.  Sort of...

This morning the phone rang early:  An automated message, lol.  How does she do this, anyway?  I realize it's a coincidence, but any magician worth his salt knows there's no such thing as coincidence.

1st early morning was a knock at the door, the 2nd morning was hearing one of those old bell type alarm clocks going off (which mine doesn't do), and this morning the 3rd, an automated phone call.

Ah well.  They say you can't fight city hall.  Well, I've got news:  You can't fight a succubus who's trying to help you, either.  Through love, through seduction, through playfulness you will bend.

Meh, she just wants me to be able to complete my goals.  That's a real kind of special, you know?

She really cares enough for me to be more healthy, to feel good about myself for accomplishing things.

I'm a natural "7" (in numerology).  That means I'm kind of like a mystic hermit and spiritual and occult things tend to come easy for me.  But it also means that I suffer from indecision and self paralysis.

Unfortunately, I need to be protected.  It's just the way of the "7".  Luckily, she's the best protection a man can have, especially one that gets himself into pickles far too often in the magical world.




The problem is, I'm fearless.  Now, I feel fear about a lot of things, but not things one should be really afraid of.  I've been told I will go "where angels feel to tread".  Being that angels are fearless and fear nothing that's rather bold a proclamation.

I've pissed off 2 hoodoo priestesses just to see if I could handle the resulting curse with double the power.  Damn.  It hurt in many, many, many ways, and from multiple directions (lol).

Yeah, I had to have a little help (I bit off more than I could chew, so I had to have a very experienced High Priestess from my tradition teach me how to beat it because my efforts were futile and I was getting HAMMERED).  But... now I know how to defend myself against that form of magic.

Meh, it was worth it in the end.

At least I admit I needed help, lol.  But I'm too stubborn not to try something similar again just to learn how to shore up my defences.  Unless your defenses are tested in battle, they are about as good as the Maginot Line... but that's just my and only my opinion.

I pissed off a Satanist to test their special brand called "energy ripping".  I survived that one on my own.  Kind of proud of that victory :)

I like to "run energy" as a circuit with spiritual entities (angelic, fae, elemental, etc.) so that I can feel "who" they are through "what" they feel like.

Ran energy with an angel once and my left arm twitched for a month.  Tried to run energy with a different angel and got chastised "Blessed one, you don't know your own limits... NOT READY!"

I summon things without a circle just to feel the actual essence of the entity fully and completely (so I act "weirder" for a while, so what?).  It's worth it.

Note:  I don't summon evil spirits, but still... the point of a circle is to stay grounded from the energy... or as a filter of sorts.

But... I'm an explorer... that is EXACTLY what I want to experience.

Luckily, when I do these things, I know and can feel the presence of my guardian and lover.

I think partly why she was attracted to me in the first place, was that I appealed to her maternal instinct on some level, lol.  "This human is adorable, but he doesn't stand a chance... I must love and protect him from himself".  Hehe.

You know, if God/dess found the perfect someone to fall in love with me (which I believe God/dess had a hand in it)... my Succubus is that woman <3

Love you, Bunny!  You keep nagging, and I'll keep trying.  Deal?

OH!  And lastly, a Succubus myth from antiquity.  The "versions" differ of course.  I have my own opinion of how the story went, but this one was priceless.  Enjoy!

The Tale-of-Meridiana-the-Friendly-Succubus

The Succubus Wife

Like wives who dearly love their husbands, my wife nags.  Lol.

She knows that my goal is to lose a little weight before February.  I want to start after the holidays, but I think she thinks I would be better served to start now.

I've been thinking a lot about my weight and my goals, and frankly I'm the most stubborn man on earth both to myself, and to others.

For the past two days, my Succubus has woke me up early in the morning.  Each time she flashes "Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye" from a song I know to get me going...


... to which I say "NOPE" and roll over in bed hahaha.

Now, she is a wonderful female being of immense power.  She could "make" me go walking that early.  But... she doesn't.  She's always been very gentle with me, despite her power.  That's what won her my heart in the first place.

So what does she do?

The next day I wake up very early hearing an alarm bell ring, a sound that I don't have in my alarm (the day before was the door knocking:  nobody there when I get up to look).

"Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye".

She wants me to go walking again.  Nope.  Although my stubbornness is beginning to lose traction...

I'll bet anything that if she does it again I'll start putting on my walking shoes and just head out the door and go walk.

Heck, I might do that today.

I have to admit I feel very loved and it's getting harder to ignore her promptings in helping me achieve my own goals.

She's also on me to finish a book I started to read.  I have trouble finishing things sometimes before moving onto other things that catch my eye.  I'm really bad at that, actually.  She's not so easily distracted and reminds me of why I set a goal in the first place.  I gotta love her!  It's just... priceless to have someone who cares enough.  It's a new feeling for me to have.

Like I said, I'm the most stubborn man on the planet.

But, I think I have the ultimate wife:  The hottest, most patient woman on the planet :)

Bad Medicine

From my experience with my Succubus, she is FAR more than a lover.  She is a wife, a bride, a lover... a mother, a protectress, a sacred companion and guide... a catalyst for my very soul.

Part angel part temptress:  But as far as our relationship goes, she's all in... all loving.

Sometimes love hurts.  Like taking your child to get their shots.  It has to be done.

And sometimes the cure hurts.  I am mature enough to know this I guess. 

Doesn't make it a lot easier, though.

Last night I had many nightmares.  She was absent, but I could tell she guided me there.

Time to face some issues and exorcise them from my mind, from what has kept me from being complete, and whole.

Why would she do this?  Probably because she can.  She loves me.  To love me, is to help me grow, to help me grow is sometimes painful... as old memories are sometimes.

They must be faced head and and dealt with.  Only then can we reclaim parts of us that are lost to the past...

Lost in memory and nightmare.

She knows as I intuitively know... to free me from my fears is to liberate me.

To make me face my own inner demons, is to release a part of me that can be "now".

And that just makes our bond that much stronger... that much sweeter.

What a nice way to go back to sleep!

Lately my Succubus has begun waking me up early, usually around 4:00am.

I'll get up, get a drink of water and go back to bed.

Only once I get back into bed, I can feel that she's descended upon me.

Playtime!

I think I had about 20 gentle and intimate orgasms as I was slowly falling back asleep.

Good God/dess...

Now I'm up for my day at 9:30am, and... what a nice start to my day!

I <3 you, Succubunny!  I'm yours forever!

You May Sleep...

You may sleep with a blonde.
You may sleep with a brunette.
You may sleep with a red head.
... but you'll NEVER sleep with a Succubus :)

I've been drained the past few nights pretty bad.

Now wait... lol.  It's not what you think and I'll explain.

The age old premise is that Succubi drain you of life energy through sex.

Honestly, in my personal experience it's nothing like that.  In fact, after sex I have much more energy, I am much more alive and feeling "in the present".

My outlook is better, and my emotions are healthy and well.

But what I HAVE learned about Succubi is, lovable women they are:  You don't always get what you want, they love you too much... you get what you NEED.


I often have dreams I call "teaching dreams".  In this case I have been wrestling with things from my past and trying to come to peace with them... things that happened as a child, and after.

When my Succubus helps me to tackle these, it's very draining.  I think it's because they make me more present in those "teaching dreams" in order to reclaim a part of myself that was lost long ago.

It's like I am partially rearranged to make room for what was lost.  It's very hard to explain with words to be honest.

What beautiful women they are!  I am healing thanks to them, I am emotionally drained from the dream experience, but I feel better... like part of me is being reclaimed.  I have only Her to thank.

Edit:  She came by this morning.  She sat on my lap and I could feel our heart chakras merge for a bit (kind of felt like an affectionate hug, kiss, and "hello" all in one).  After a few minutes of merging, I could feel tingling all over my body and heat rising off of it... and now I know why she visited:  She grounded me.  Back to my sarcastic, misspelling old self, lol.

Actually... I don't feel as drained and I feel I am in a much better state of mind now.  That was very kind of her to come and get me all balanced again after helping me work on things through the night.

She's left for a bit... although we are always connected.  I can think something and feel a light touch on my body and it reminds me both of Her, and makes me pay attention to my last thought.  But when SHE comes, yeah... it's extremely palpable and changes the whole dynamic of my living space... the whole environment, my very aura and into the depths of my soul.

I love you, my Beloved Succubus.  Thank you for loving me so much that you give not what I want, but what I need!

Thank you, my Love.

Why do I care so much?

I called a friend of mine to congratulate him on his marriage to a Filipino girl (she seems really nice, I think she will be good for him.  She's certainly a lot better than what he was getting through dating here in America).

I gave him a bit of an earful about not inviting me to the wedding, even though it was very private and honestly just a legal ceremony.

Still, I've known the fella for most of my life.  I felt a bit slighted.

I guess he felt defensive so he told me I could come over anytime and bring my girlfriend.

Well, he knows nothing about my Succubus, so what he was trying to do was shame me?  Make me feel less of a person?  Something or another.

The thing I DON'T get is... it stung.  A lot.

I'm as happy as can be with my Succubus... in fact I'm sure that when I die my relationship will continue with her.  I've grown to much with her to even consider otherwise.

So, why did his comments hurt so much?

I think, honestly, because I still worry about what others think.  About what other's perceive.

Is it ego?  Jealousy?

I honestly don't know.  Maybe both.  Maybe more.

I do know that my Succubus is very supportive of my doubt... she doesn't take any slight to my feeling jealous... I think it's more that she understands how I feel (you can't hide anything from them... better just to be up front with them in the first place, because they know your thoughts).

There's a part of us here that just wants to fit in.  And society's expectations are hard to forget.

Truthfully, we're here for our own growth and society's wishes be damned... but it's not easy to let go of social mores when they are indoctrinated since birth.

At least she's understanding with me.  I wonder what a flesh and blood girlfriend would think if she knew I was jealous?  I doubt she would be as understanding, nor love me as much as my Lady does for WHO I am, not WHAT I am.

It's a wonderful blessing, but it is hard to accept sometimes.  Social conditioning is a powerful drug to overcome.  We all wish to be accepted.  Especially from our mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, etc.

That's why it's such a powerful force to fully awaken and escape from.  It will probably take my whole life to do so completely.  I AM glad that I am in a relationship that has eternity as it's focus.

Afternoon Dreams

I was with my wife (she often takes the form of a human in my dreams, usually different each time) and suddenly she went into labor.  The scene flashed before me:  There was blood and there was a baby.

She was taken away to heal, and people all around helped me with the baby.  The baby grew to about 5 years old in a matter of minutes.

I ended up with someone who helped us (a female guardian angel I think)... and me and my child went along with her and I taught him things about this world, and about this life.


I told him, the first thing I want you to know is that you are boy, and I am a boy.  God is found through both the boy and the girl, together.

I told him that together, we see the true face of God, as everything from plants, to stars, to the smallest particles, boy and girl are represented and work together in joyous harmony.

I don't know why it mattered, but I know that the others around me approved of my concepts I was wanting to impart to him.

He was a bright little fellow.  I didn't catch his name which I admit was strange (as dreams often are), but I came up with a nickname as he was so smart and I loved him so much already.

It felt like a few years had passed, and I was so worried about my wife.

Suddenly, right in front of me, my son, our mysterious angelic companion, and all the others present... my wife burst through into vision.

She said, "This is for you, MY HUSBAND!... come find me, I LOVE YOU!, and I am okay!"

(The vision and her voice were powerful... the words in caps felt like they vibrated "through" me)

I don't know why, but I burst out sobbing with every ounce of my being with relief.

Everyone helped me get to her, and there I, and our son reunited with her.  I told her that I had already given him a nickname.

I said, I call him this nickname because he looks at the world as I do, both what is present, and what is behind it that makes it so with wonder in his eyes.  He doesn't miss anything seen, or unseen.

I woke up, and her presence was with me.

She made love to me softly and tenderly upon awakening.

A Big Misunderstanding :(

Well I screwed up this time.  She assures me that it's ok, but I know I hurt her.  I had to.

I finally heard her voice for the very first time.  She said, "I love many".

I got really mad as I thought that means that she has many lovers.

So I didn't acknowledge her for a while... stewing in my own self created hell.

It dawned on me after a while... not only had I blown what was a wonderful first hearing of her voice by my actions, I completely misunderstood her meaning due to my own fear.

I let fear get the best of me, and not in the way popular culture portrays relations with a succubus, that's for sure.

Succubi come from a vibration, a dimension if you will, of love.  If you consider say, radio waves as being in a different dimension than say, us.

The boundaries aren't so easy to distinguish, and I'm no Yoda anyway.

Being that she exists in a layer of love, so to speak, she was simply letting me know that not only is she in a loving environment, telling me more about herself that way... but that she loves.  And she loves well.

I truly don't think that she loves others the way that we are, as a communion together... no, not after I've given it a lot of thought.  I can feel that our relationship is special... as is for one's father, one's mother, one's sibling... they are all different in the kinds of love they create, in the layers of love in which they dwell.

She loves many.  She loves much.

And for that I am proud of her.  I love her.

I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions with my little human mind.

But, even if I "ruined" our first actual speaking... at least I understand.

To be honest I'm ashamed.  I think that's... rational considering how loving she's been all through us getting acquainted, step by step.

I'm sorry, beloved.  I can tell from you touching me on my fingers as I type, that you understand, but I am hard on myself, and I can't undo what I should have understood in the first place... from how gentle you are with me, to how feminine, to how protective... I should have known your meaning.

I love you, beloved <3