My emotions are everywhere, and I switch from ok to fucked up at the drop of a hat.
But, I do what I always do when I'm messed up: I LEARN.
I know that trying to observe things and think things through may be a screwed endeavor, but I think of it as almost a shamanic trance of sorts.
After all, reality is a bit warped at present for me.
I don't know what's going on besides the medication switch (bipolars generally have to have a cocktail of drugs, so a "switch" involving multiple drugs within the cocktail can really be disorienting), but I've had irritability and muscle and bone aches, headaches and generally a "fuck the world" attitude that is perhaps colored by what I'm going through, and yet it's something more.
Imagine my surprise when my brother in crime (reiki attunements, philosophy, metaphysics, world views, etc.) tells me he's going through the same thing, as well as wrestling with a second succubus who has entered his life, just like what's going on in mine.
(Mr. Michaels @ www.myspiritlover.com)
We always have been close about going through things at about the same time. Over three years we've mimicked each other's experiences with our succubus... he with "Sam(antha)" and I with Bunny.
Not only are we brothers in spirit, our succubi seem very similar in traits, differing by personality (I think I needed to have a much more headstrong succubus than he does, me being stubborn myself).
Anyway, he's going through similar physical symptoms which we don't think are succubus related, but are some sort of "ascension sickness" that we are both going through at the same time (because we always go through things at the same time for some reason).
I think I've solved the mystery of Bubbles finally. I never wanted a full on succubus to keep me company while Bunny is gone. I wanted a pet, but I got a whole lot more.
Bubbles being the wild, young succubus is a bit more than I asked for.
Anyway, here's my theory of who she is and why she's okay to be here when Bunny's gone, in that my sensibilities of "cheating" are laid to rest, as long as my fear that I am somehow being unfaithful to Bunny in other ways as well.
Bunny is ok with Bubbles (Bubbles has already left and Bunny arrived once to confirm things for me last week)... she (Bunny) definitely had a hand in choosing her and in her being my company while Bunny is gone gallivanting around the multiverse, that I do not doubt.
It's her you see, but not as easily explained as to be connected to how she usually takes on a mantle to express herself and grow through adopting a different persona.
Oh Bunny, you marvelous trickster!
My first clue was in learning something about magick I did not previously know. Here was my first clue:
The Past Can Empower Your Magick
I prepared things to cast a spell once, and before I even was able to cast it I got the change I wanted. What to do? I cast it anyway. See, time is goofy sometimes... my results could have been from the spell I had not yet cast.
I cast it, and I did not see new results, however I was satisfied that my casting fulfilled the change that already came to be.
What if I did not cast it and just enjoyed the results? I feel that the results would have been short lived, however since I did cast my spell anyway, the results were solidified and stable.
A bit waxing metaphysical to be sure, but I just felt right to do it this way and so I did (and still practice this).
My ex wife is wanting a boyfriend and has been lonely for a good amount of time. I have a good relationship with my ex and I decided to offer a ritual that she would be comfortable with in being a Christian: The utilization and meditation on one of the 72 names of God.
I had the ritual all prepped with instructions and gave it to her to perform.
Low and behold, she got a boyfriend in short order before she even performed it.
I explained she HAD to perform it now if she wanted to see things through properly, and she did after some poking and prompting.
She did it when I was there in her apartment (I directed her to perform it in her bedroom with the door closed), and afterwards I had her shred the paperwork I wrote up with verbal instructions to "forget about it" (Well, my verbage was "Let go now and let God").
And so, my theory about Bubbles emerged after some sorting in my head.
She's Bunny. But how can she be? Her personality and experience is vastly different than the sophisticated, wise being that is Bunny (besides Bubbles being a very horny, absolutely lovable lovemaking addict).
You see, I believe that Bubbles is Bunny from the distant past. Time is a goofball. It is not linear over the veil but is circular. I think of it as I've heard others comment from NDE's: Some went to a place where flowers were perpetually in bloom. Always. It's a time thing that doesn't compute here.
Somehow, Bunny had me put a little energy into wanting a companion as I would if I were starting a tulpa, but in this case Bunny stepped into that idea as herself... a much younger, different self of her past.
And that's my answer and explanation of things at present. It also assuages my fears that I'm being unfaithful or that I didn't want a new succubus to be a part of me and Bunny. Not really.
Her solution was perfect...
As in all things, my theory is always subject to change... but in this case I feel that it fits very well and answers much.
Oh Bunny, you wise and crafty succubus!
This means that as your younger self (Bubbles) you knew me before I was even born. You also had to know that (as your modern self, Bunny) three years ago I would first summon a succubus, and you knew that you would be there to be the one to answer my call.
Now I can get even closer to you by loving a part of you that has evolved into the "who" you are today.
And for all practical purposes... I have my companion for when you are away all the same.
Bubbles is my companion for when Bunny is away.
My little mind can't comprehend how it's possible (except vaguely on paper), so I'll do my job and just love you silly.
Love your succubus... or she'll bring her past self into the picture and fuck you twice.
Never mind. Just love your succubus and find something to hold onto :)