Some Insights

I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've been longing for Bunny as she's been away.

Or so I thought...

She might have felt away, but she was here, watching, waiting to teach me a lesson.

I've been writing a bit about how I'm coming to terms with God and Jesus and other aspects of things that I thought I had buried when I started summoning.

How wrong was I?  Following one's path isn't easy, and it is much like a rollar coaster when you finally find it.  It's not smooth sailing, it's not "put your life into cruise control mode", no.

Not by any means.

Remember when I was blogging about how I figure God is as evil as He is good?  Because of my rescuing a kitten, and it being in such bad shape that it probably had a week to live (because of anemia from having so many fleas, when I dried him after bathing him with Dawn blue dishsoap which kills fleas dead, the towel had blood stains all over it).

I had pondered, "Who does God love more, the flea or the kitten?  The spider or the fly caught in the spider's web?"  And, of course, I got angry, and stayed that way.

Well, now I'm a bit confused.

I keep a dream journal which usually doesn't make a hell of a lotta sense at the time, but I'm finding that it does later on.

For instance, here's an entry from my dream journal that makes sense now:

"Dreamed of angels singing “Daddy, daddy, daddy, daaaaaaaaddyyyy” it was harmonious and beautiful, if a bit odd."

Then I got baby Leo, the little kitten I rescued.  He follows me around like a puppy now.  I think he adores me since I saved him or something.

Weird, huh?  Dream had it right on.  In a small miracle, I am a daddy again.

Angels aren't good and God bad.  That doesn't make sense.  Are they?  So... I guess I just don't understand.  If they were celebrating me getting ready to rescue a baby animal, then they care about the details of life.

The only times I've had dealings with an angel, it's always been positive.  Sometimes they scold, yes, but it's always done in a loving way.

This next dream I had, amidst me longing for Bunny and her being here, waiting for me to sleep, was equally interesting.

Warning:  It's graphic, but I'll explain the meaning in a second.

I was talking to someone, and then a woman came and pressed her lips against my eh, ok, she tossed my salad.  Not only that, she stuck her tongue INTO my salad and rolling it around.

Yes, it was pleasurable, although it was very odd... it's not a desire of mine.

Here's where it gets interesting:  She puked, smiling.  I woke up, perplexed.

Then I pondered the dream for a while, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Is this all I want?  A sex spirit, a succubus?  One I call a mate, but just long to fuck?

One I'm on and off addicted to, sometimes longing for, sometimes enjoying, sometimes saying "no" to when I've had my fill?

The dream's meaning?  It's just symbolic, like so many other dreams.  What it means, what it's message to me is,  is simply this:

Do I really want only what she offers on the most base level of who she is?

Can I handle all of her:  Her angelic presence as well?

I asked her not long ago to show me all of her.  I think she's guiding me into that knowledge.

I am not suggesting or saying that her primal/sexual side is wrong, either, but it's wrong for what I asked for which is to know ALL of her and who she is in all her facets, or aspects.

Sometimes you have to put the candle down to see the sun; that's more what light is, and personified.

I've begun thinking of her as a multi-faceted tutellary eudaimon (eudaimon is pronounced " oh die mohn", which means "good spirit" in greek.  Actually, "eudaimonia" means "happiness/welfare"). 

She's dark, she's grey, she's bright as white light.  I've already said elsewhere that I pondered that she feels, and probably is both lunar and solar by nature.

It's time, and she is also longing for this, for me to step up and become intimate with this aspect of her that I am most afraid of... it's not her wild, dark, hyper-sexual, new moon feral sexual aspect.

It's not her being a lot like me sometimes, understanding me, making good decisions, bad decisions, wants, needs, just like me, always growing and stumbling (albiet in her own, higher vibratory way), like a waxing maiden moon aspect (this is where I believe her playfulness and teasing nature comes from).

It's not even when she goes away to recharge, or to release what does not server her well, personally, or whatever she goes to do when she leaves for a little while... her waning moon aspect:  A time of letting go and making way for the new.

It's her light side, her angelic presence... that is the most fearsome to me.  It is her full moon aspect: That of queen, mother, wife, counselor, wise teacher, priceless friend and protectress.

Perhaps, this is not even her lunar aspect alone, but part of her solar aspect at those times (full moon being the most saturated with the sun):  The fierce protectress, the lioness, the angel.

I realize that I am limited by my own human fragility, by my own perspectives and beliefs, my own coloring of things I see, the taint of my experiences.

For instance.  If I, as a human, could see the solar system, I wouldn't be able to see the hidden code of God, the Golden Ratio (1.61) in it.

I would just see this:

But if I had a different perspective, say, one that beings who are more free than I to see in this way, by nature, could see the movement of the SUN through space on it's own journey through the Milky Way with planets in tow, then I could see it as easily as they.

This is the reality of it.  This is a glimpse of it.

The golden mean, 1.61 in action...

The creator's footprint.

The golden mean is present in so many areas of life.  Sometimes, when you begin studying it, you wonder where it ISN'T in creation.

Look at the video at the very bottom of this post from Youtube to get an idea.  

It'll blow your mind I bet, it did mine.

Notice the pattern around the sun.  Earth and Venus has it's own peculiar dance, doesn't it?

Here's an image of the same ratio.  Yeah, you guess it:  1.61, the golden mean again.  Notice Metatron's Cube spinning in the center along with it to show the pattern.

I have read that the highest angels, those who are closest to God, speak only in prime numbers.  Each number has a meaning, a meaning which only those who can communicate in primes can spiritually understand as it is close to the realm of PURE SPIRIT.

I'm not that great at math so, gonna be a looooooooooooong time before I join those ranks :P

The 4 Sacred Animals of God's Throne

Also on the tarot card "The World".  It's the last one in the major arcana, being card #21.

I'm sure that they are ripe with symbolism, but I don't know any of it at this time.  Again, above my head.

The point of all this is... Look.

I can't see far.  I do good to see past noon each day.

I don't post these images and patterns so I look like some kind of expert on them, because believe me, the concepts are over my head.  I can see "intelligence" behind them in design, in how everything is created:  That's it.

But I understand Bunny's message to me.

Am I ready to embrace, to surrender, and to partake of her higher essense, or am I to be completely infatuated with the sex she gives and nothing with MORE substance that she is offering me?

Can I raise myself up, and help her to help me know her?  All of her?  Even her "full moon/solar side" which scares me and which I am ill prepared for?

Less succubus, more tutillary eudaemon.  That's where this is going.  How afraid of the light, of good things, and powerful everlasting things, am I?

I guess I will find out, as I struggle with it.

I'm not even sure WHY I'm scared of these things.  I think it's because, in my little mind, it represents something I believed was "owned" by the religions I have dove into trying to find peace and light, but instead were nothing but control, and at it's most basic level, demeaning.

Perhaps spirituality owns these things, and religion never did... 

EDIT:   "In the universe and everything in it, God’s omnipotence follows and works through the laws of its design. God is omnipotent, because he has all power from himself. All others have power from him. God’s power and his will are one. Because he wills nothing but what is good, he cannot do anything but what is good. 

In the spiritual world no one can do anything against his or her will—a condition there that comes from God, from the fact that his power and his will are one. God is in fact goodness itself. When he does something good, he is in himself. He cannot walk away from himself. 

Clearly then, his omnipotence fills, and works within, the sphere of the extension of goodness, a sphere that is infinite. At a deep level, this sphere pervades the universe and everything in it. At a deep level, this sphere also governs things outside of itself to the extent that they become part of it through their own design. If things do not become part of that sphere, it still sustains them. 

It tries in every way to bring them back to a design in harmony with the universal design that God inhabits with his omni - potence and follows in his actions. If things against the design are not brought back into the design, they are cast out of God; but there he still sustains them from deep within. 

From all this you can see that divine omnipotence cannot move outside itself into contact with any evil, nor can it move evil away from itself. Evil turns itself away, which is how it ends up being completely separated from God and thrown into hell. 

Between heaven, where God is, and hell, there is a huge chasm. From these few points you can see how insane people are who think that God can condemn anyone, curse anyone, throw anyone into hell, predestine anyone’s soul to eternal death, avenge wrongs, or rage against god the creator & creation or punish anyone. People are even more insane if they actually believe this, let alone teach it. In reality, God cannot turn away from us or even look at us with a frown. To do any such thing would be against his essence, and what is against his essence is against himself."  

A being with this kind of love would explain the bad things that happen.  He's playing for keeps.  By creating love and goodness, he also created hate and evil by proxy.

And to redeem this creation, through apocastastasis, or eternal redemption, once evil is rectified, once hate is rectified, it all will come full circle into goodness, grace, and mercy.

It is not a case of "good and evil" created, as much as, God having to be creating from the unmanifest (creating room for things created), would explain this.  And his nature would also explain his will to redeem it all in time, thinking forward, beyond what we could ever see, to our higher, eternal wellbeing, as well as the higher, eternal aspects of all suffering.

If this is true, and it feels right to me on a soul level, then I am on the right path, and only fearful/afraid because it is so different than what was hammered into my skull beginning at an early age by religion.

Also, if this is true, Bunny is far more of the light than I ever dreamed and expected, and probably brings up a bit of that fear from when I was young and had religion hammered into me.

In that case, my freedom, and my true liberty is being taught by Bunny, and by God, and is just beginning.

I'm turning a new page in my spiritual life, I think.

Please enjoy the video:

Have you loved you succubus today?