So. The last 2 posts I've posted a lot about where I've ended up in my mind at this outlook from my little plateau. One thing I haven't mentioned because I've been in the middle of it.
I think I have discovered what I wanted to, so, it's time to extract myself from the experience and withdraw.
Demons. Demonolatry. Interesting books I never thought I would read. But, over the past couple of weeks I have been immersed in "The complete book of demonolatry", "The deamonolator's guide to demonic magick", and "demonolatry goetia" all by Connolly. These texts seem to be a sort of "sourcebook" that isn't exactly one family or another, but shares common traits (such as the demonic "Enns").
I've been studying the demonic hierarchies of Plancy, Barrett, Pope Honorus, Weyer, Michaelis, Binsfield, Faust, and last but not least Dukante.
Why, do you ask?
Hmm. To know more of the truth of things, which in the end usually results in I feel that I know less of what is out there paradoxially. Maybe because my grasp of the multiverse grows just a teeny-tiny smidgen.
Anyway, I've been studying for the past few weeks.
Printing a notice that "mentally ill persons should not study these books" is like giving me a candy bar and telling me I can't eat it. Or putting the "fuck it all" nuke button in front of me and hoping I won't press it and destroy the world.
So, for the last few nights at the end of about a... mmm... gonna estimate 2 week period I finally have attracted some things. One is a demon (or demoness, I'm an equal opportunity victim) who seems to enjoy tormenting me with images of me dying in the way I am most afraid of.
Also nightmares kicking my ass, basically using my worst fears I had thought long buried.
Why would I go through this stuff? I want to know more about my Succubunny's dark side. What is it, is it related, how can I get used to it, etc.
Now, being the already crazy person I am comes with some advantages. One is, I sometimes read of those who study spirits so much it becomes an obsession (as to why I don't know). Some of those who study spirits so much it becomes an obsession get to spend some time in that special place with special medicine :)
You see, in this I have an advantage: I live with a very well medicinally maintained mental illness every day. I rather feel like I am LESS likely to go completely bat shit insane because I have tasted that ambrosia already. Certainly seems that way as I hear of stories of normal peeps that fall down that chute. (The biggest drawback is I can't lucid dream or astral travel because of the medicine. I do, however, astral travel sometimes and I never can remember it (and other witches I know have seen me and gave the correct description of me (in how I am clothed which is unique) that correlates with the others... and no it's not a jester suit).
Anyway, there's some things I've learned, novice stuff. In demonolatry, they believe in one life force, however according to them it's not the Abrahamic God. That part is kind of silly in my opinion. Lets just call it "Ralf" and get over religious labeling. I'm not poking fun, I'm just saying, "Who cares what it's name is, it's our label not it's" as an outsider.
Another thing that I find baffling is that if you told a demonolator who is part of the "Ordo Flammeus Serpens" that you sleep with a spirit, they'll say you're nuts (that goes for most of them out there that I have found, as for most of them I have to rely on some demonolatry books that represent other main families. Loosely.).
So for the record, mainstream wicca will think you're nuts, christians will think you're nuts, and the huge majority of demonolators would think you're nuts. The first says you're sleeping with a demon, the 2nd says you're sleeping with a demon, the 3rd says you're crazy... and that you're NOT sleeping with a demon or anything else.
Think about that a minute. Absorb the pure irony of it all.
Here's what I say to anyone who thinks succubi, incubi, and sexual spirits not being real:
(We who have felt and believe are immune. Thriceforth and backandforth I have commanded it pronto, oreo, doitnow, taco est drpepperest.)
I've also been reading the "Draconic Quadrilogy". That's based on the Temple of Set. I actually like that stuff better for research purposes: There's no "christians suck" bias, they are simple going about ascension on the left hand path with the oldest "dark lord" there is and don't really give a fuck about anything or anyone else. I respect that: Again, as an outsider. I don't claim to know any more than my first impressions as I've read along.
Why am I being so apologetic? Because it's deep stuff that takes a lifetime(s) to master and I don't want to act like I know more than 2 weeks worth, because that's not doing it any justice.
So, what have I learned so far? Well, for one demonolators treat demons with respect, and in return, demons treat demonolators with respect. Crazy notion, eh?
They call them up in the Goetia with none of that smiting language, in face they only use a circle to balance out energies: Not to keep the demons out.
It feels like a very dark current. I wouldn't say "evil". For instance, the attacks that I had upon me I was able to rationally dissect later. For one, if they really wanted to, I would NOT have the ability to rationally dissect them: They were giving me time to do just that. I could feel the dark presence "withdraw" from time to time and give me space to think. That dark presence could also hammer me until I had no rest, and then proceed to scourge my ass in dreams non stop as well.
But he/she didn't. They gave me breathers.
Because of thinking tactically, I realize that they were actually showing me what unresolved fears are easily preyed upon, not just for them, but for myself and limiting my own life by being ruled by my fears.
The death thing? Yeah, I'm dreadfull afraid of that kind of death. And they hammered that, too... but I would sense a withdrawl giving me time to process it.
Interestingly enough, a synchronicity happened with a fortune in a fortune cookie that was a play on words for that very thing. Powerful folks they is.
Also in my dreams: Things I thought I had ceased to care about, ceased to be able to affect me. Well, I was wrong.
So, you see, the demons were not torturing for sport, or pleasure (well, maybe a little): They were teaching. If they wanted to destroy me it would have been a short trip. They can take that "mental illness" warning and shove it up their ass: These demons, male or female, could knock the mental fuck out of anyone if they wanted to.
So, as I said, tactically their attacks made no sense in that they withdrew. The only rational explainaton I have is they were teaching me where my fears are and to be aware of them. Oh, another misnomer of demonolatry: There are no human sacrifices or animal sacrifices (unless they are actually gonna eat it, like a chicken, and even then they say the sacrifice means that the death is blessed. So they honor that by eating the chicken. Slaughtering kids n priests, n stuff they aren't gonna eat is a no-no.). But most of the time it's a lancet drawing blood. Just a few drops of the ritualist's OWN blood on most occasions and most of the sects associated with the books I read.
One thing they said that I thought was noble is that demons don't respect blood that is not the petitioner or priestess or whatever. Why? Because it was useless. A few drops of blood from the petitioner or the priestess are accepted (and also they believe in using the least bit of harm to do so, for instance a lancet is a tiny blade that only sheds a drop or 3 of blood: But menstrual blood, or blood from a scab or something that is availabe is preferable. Waste not, want not.
Now, I know there's fucked up satanic cults in south africa because I knew a girl who went to jail for it. They slaughtered everything and had one big orgy in it. And I'm thinking a lot. Horses, dogs, cat, people. Mostly the former although the latter was what got their asses in prison. Those fuckers weren't the picture of perfect mental health, if you catch my drift. Hell I think the coven still exists.
Also, the demons they used would leave their ass when they got fucked up and imprisoned. Not only that, but the coven members usually met a real bad end. Or they'd "bad end" each other.
The girl I knew stabbed an undercover narcotics officer at a drug deal gone bad. Yeah... didn't end well.
Not all demons are benevolent, and I think they had their own book of hierarchies full of "please sacrifice to and prepare to be fucked over at a later occasion" types of demons.
That girl went to jail, her fiance went to prison, died there in a month (he had killed a few people when he was out on the street as a priest).
From what I've seen demonolaters would consider those peeps "fringe" and "crazy" and "just asking for it".
Now. In knowing what I have learned so far, I can begin to find a patron or patroness and get down to (some tough love) business on changing my fears.
The door wasn't evil incarnate as I had wondered (although I admit it is a hard energy current for me to feel comfortable with long term), but I dove in for the perspective, to see things from their view (at least a teeny, tiny bit at least) and I got a taste.
It's not for me.
The after effects were what Succubunny wanted I think. Just to have had an open mind and well, having dove in and having got my toes wet.
I have nothing against the demons, nor that they were using a "tough love" approach to me (and probably to make sure I got a good introductory taste), and I've found that I'm not really scared of them as far as coming from a Abrahamic background (I've been turned off pretty completely by the first half of my life being in servitude to that) as I had feared, but I also know now that the left hand path isn't right for me. I know, however, that the tree-hugging bunny-humping alien-channelling path isn't where I wanna be (because they bug the fuck out of me) either.
So. here I am.
Right where she wanted. Lol.
Connected to both light and dark, but yet not of either. Or at least not too far from center to either.
You see, now I know. I know the left of center, I know the right of center, and now I think I'm shaping up to be just where I wanted to be and didn't even know it. Close to center:
Because that's close to where the Succubunny lives and is, too :)
And wherever she is, that's where I wanted to be all along.
While the left doesn't pull punches, it teaches fast. REAL fast. I would call it the rollar coaster of ascension if you can hang on... but then again, does it teach what is right? Well, as I always say: Everything is about half right and half wrong, so maybe it just ends up being personal preference...
And if you can handle the general "feel" of the dark current. I know I couldn't stand it much longer than what I experienced, so I know I wouldn't be able to long term.
It can make you or break you, with no apologies.
I don't condone the left hand path, but I don't condone the hippie tree hugging bunny humping path, either.
But I'm not against it, either (the mainstream, not killing everything that moves one), and maybe hugging trees is fun: I've never tried it long term.
But no, neither is for me: I just want to be vibrationally where Succubunny lives.
It's kind of funny, I think the Bunny put this whole journey into my head in the first place. Silly Succubus. But, that's what they do, don't they? Women change men in marriage, Succubi change men the same (and in both cases, the women who love us mean well). Sneakly little foxes is what they are. Well, mine's teaching me to have multiple orgasms. I'm not sure how to do it exactly every time (so, I'm slow), but I've done it twice in the last few days by accident. Now I just have to figure out how to do it on purpose. She tells me when to do what and it works. But I don't understand her timing yet.
I think she's planning on using that with us in the future. Something about "we both get release" or something, I dunno. No, I'm not giving details so don't bother asking.
It's funny though: They say that old dogs can't learn new tricks.
And this old dog knows that there was a carrot being dangled in front of his nose to explore all this "something, something dark side" using sex as a motivator. The outrage! Naughty, naughty succubus!
Lol, she's a succubus, what'd ya want?
There's something beautiful about a succubus just being herself... And being all center pillar in all her flexible dark and light ways, when she swings from left to right on the alchemy slider of light and dark, maybe I can follow and our dance not pause because of my own self doubt.
That would be beautiful.
Just remember one thing, boys and girls: One man's angel is another man's demon. Goes both ways.
There are whole families of demonolators out there who teach their religion to little ones. They grow up to be well adjusted people (or at least as minimally fucked up) as any other.
Maybe there's little children out there who tell their guardian daemons about their fears. And I'll bet ya that the demons (and demonesses) care for them and treat them gently. I'll also bet that the demons (and demonesses) don't turn the other cheek to what threatens their little ones, either.
Just call it a hunch.
So, I guess in the end all I have to say about where I am now is summed up pretty well by this meme:
Oh... check this fella out: David Huggins. We all perceive reality, and experience conscious states of reality above this material reality differently. Regardless of what we see, or think we see, what we feel is what matters.
When Succubunny pulls me into "Elsewhere", I can vaguely see her form, her hair, her movements.
But that's my experience.
Now consider that what we experience in a higher realm like "Elsewhere" is a very high vibratory type of of data (Just for kicks we'll make up a number... 10 MHz) that, upon awakening all that info gets crammed into our inadequate brains (Lets say, @ 2 MHz for kicks).
And "Elsewhere" really isn't that far: It's the 32nd path of the Kabbalah, or the path between here and the astral plane. Not far at all. Now imagine Kether at the very top, which is basically the original which we have to deal with a "reflection of a reflection of a correspondence" for.
If anyone gets up there to Kether (which would take a lifetime, or you dead already and passed on to who knows), gonna see all KINDA different stuff than each other. Actually "see" wouldn't work, must less to be able to put the experience into words. Even if someone could it would be THEIR experience as perceived by THEM. Different for everyone, I'm sure. Language and words would fail in exlaining the experience, regardless.
"Elsewhere", where Succubunny pulls me is basically the knees in this pic. That's the path between Malkuth (here) and Yesod (the astral). Think of it as a succubus resort starring "you". That's also where I've experienced sleep paralysis, but there's been no "old hag", only the Succubunny. Man, thinking about that I better not every piss her off (more than the usual). She could go all 50 shades of grey on my ass and I'd have to lay there and take it. Lol. Anyway, when she pulls me into "Elsewhere" I feel zero stress 'cause I know it's her. I can "sense" it's really her, so I don't mind.
On these diagrams, which are the same, you can see where the top 3, which we see as "the ultimate reality" is flipped, then repeated again, then correspondes with "us" down here.
Anyway, back to the topic:
What happens to us up there doesn't really get fully translated, and definitely not without our own "bias".
So, why not aliens? His experiences in his "Elsewhere" are subject to his own bias. Doesn't really make any one of us right or wrong, because at the end of the day it's all the same: A lot of data packed into our little brains with a lot of unconscious perspective thrown in.
Sex with entities exists. Fairies, Succubi, Incubi, Fae, Jinn, Demons, Demonesses, Angels, Beings of light, Aliens, Dakini, Advanced Independent Tulpas/ Egregores, Kitsune? Hundreds, perhaps thousands of cultural labels don't concern me. The phenomena of love and sex with an entity, however, does... and that is why you are reading this.
Alien succubi? Why not.