The insight I've gained from reading the following is priceless: So I copied and formatted the whole article. Think in terms of this with regards to a succubus or incubus, and I think you'll gain an understanding of why you have who you have.
I feel that because a succubus is a spirit lover, the implications of the below are even more accurate, as the spirit lover will most likely be much closer to your anima/us than a woman in physical form.
I'm not trying to say succubi and incubi are better than or greater than a human lover (even though sometimes I have in the past. Well? What's wrong with praising what you have?), no... but I can see how much easier a perfect match for one's anima/us is found in the spirit realm, which makes the below carry even MORE weight.
I may have a perfect human female match in India, or California, or Germany. But I couldn't get everywhere and so I could not find her. Deciding on celibacy (because I hate casual sex, to me sex is sacred) after my divorce (I don't believe in divorce) and against serial monogamy (because forever scares people, long term seems to be acceptable: I'm a forever faithful kind of person, and so another marriage risking myself with my level of commitment is simply foolish), I guess nature abhors a vacuum. And, here I am with an unexplainable relationship. I figured becoming celibate and "opting out" would be miserable. Kind of funny that I'm happy and seem to be special to one little sweet wildcat aka the Succubunny.
Life is weird.
Ok, here's the article:
"What is it? Carl Jung said, "The anima is a personification of all feminine tendencies in a man's psyche ..."; thus, the animus is the personification of all masculine tendencies in a woman. Beginning in childhood, we create our gender identity and roles (consciously or unconsciously) by enhancing the qualities which characterize our gender, and repressing or suppressing the qualities which characterize the other gender. But those repressed or suppressed qualities are still within us -- the feminine qualities within the man and the masculine within the woman. (This sorting-out process is similar to the one by which we create our ego through the enhancement of particular qualities while putting the opposite qualities into our shadow.)
We are androgynous. "Androgynous" means that we have both male and female traits. We can view this androgyny from various perspectives:
Spirit -- the substance of which both the soul is composed -- is androgynous, in the sense that it contains all "opposites," including male and female. Thus, soul can incarnate into either a male body or a female body.
Even in the biological realm, we are somewhat androgynous; Jung noted that men contain some female genes, and women contain some male genes.
It differs from the masculine and feminine stereotypes. Society has created those stereotypes arbitrarily, by encouraging men and women to have different behaviors, attire, occupations, etc. However, Jung presented the concept of the anima/us not in the sense of those stereotypes but as the archetypes of Eros and Logos. Eros (the female) is associated with human relationships, earthiness, receptivity, creativity, and passivity. Logos (the male) is identified with power, abstraction, and action. We don't experience the Logos and Eros as archetypes; we experience them in their manifested forms which have the peculiarities of our culture and of the people whom we have known of the opposite gender -- particularly our father or mother.
It has contrary qualities. Just as the anima and animus are opposites of one another, they have opposite traits within themselves.
The male's anima.
The anima has positive traits. When the anima is allowed to express herself through a man's psyche, she brings the attributes of feelings, emotions, tenderness, relatedness, commitment and fidelity, friendship, love and compassion, imagination, gentleness, romance, creativity, intuition, and a sense of aesthetics.
The anima has negative traits. If the anima is rejected, her traits are deformed: feelings and emotions are replaced by moodiness, sentimentality, hysteria, or bitchiness; fidelity becomes possessiveness; aesthetics become sensuality; tenderness becomes effeminacy; imagination becomes mere fantasizing (particularly of sexual adventures); love and romance are twisted into a series of turbulent relationships or the man's withdrawal from his wife and family. The spurned anima does more than thrust her own feminine qualities into expression (however warped); she also disturbs the man's masculinity by, for example, degrading his thinking into weak opinionating.
The female's animus.
The animus has positive traits. The animus can endow a woman with assertiveness, courage, analytical thought, strength, vitality, decisiveness, a focused attentiveness, and a desire for achievement.
The animus has negative traits. If the animus must push his way past the woman's resistance, his qualities are corrupted: assertiveness becomes aggression and ruthlessness; analytical thought becomes argumentativeness; focus becomes mechanistic behavior.
We need to express it. Like all archetypes, Logos and Eros are autonomous, impersonal entities which demand expression through every human being -- either internally (through our association with them in our own psyche), or externally (through relationships with people of the opposite gender). When we allow the anima/us to express itself, it enhances our lives. However, when we deny it (i.e., repress it), or we are unaware of it, it forces itself into manifestation anyway, with the following results:
We are refusing the balancing input from our anima/us, so our gender identification becomes a caricature:
The man might become a macho, power-hungry, overly competitive brute.
The woman could become a fluffy, passive, Marilyn-Monroe-type figure with a vague ego and persona.
We experience the same problems which occur whenever we repress, or when we mismanage our shadow. For example, if a man has repressed his anima, he cannot use its qualities, e.g., tenderness when a situation requires tenderness.
It becomes more apparent at midlife. During midlife, our repressed qualities become more persistent in their demands for expression. Ideally, our ego has been developed and defined, and so the ego's antitheses can emerge -- the shadow and the anima/us. (Until we have sufficiently strengthened the ego -- including our gender identity -- we do well to retain the anima/us in the shadow, allowing it to express only as much as our ego can tolerate without being overwhelmed.) At mid-life, many people acknowledge their anima/us qualities; we often see post-midlife couples in which the formerly dominant husband has accepted a passive, contemplative role (in the marriage and in society) while his wife has become the invigorated businesswoman or community leader.
We project it. If we do not claim the anima/us as an active part of our lives, it is projected, as we would do with any other psychological force which we do not claim and use; this is like the "projection" of a picture onto a movie screen. As in all types of projection, an anima/us projection is not indiscriminate; it is "hooked" to particular people, depending upon various factors:
It is a person who closely matches our an image which we took from our earlier experiences with people of that gender. For example, if a woman's personal image of the animus is based on her father's aggressiveness, she would project her animus upon an aggressive man.
It is a person whose level of refinement matches that of our anima/us. For example, a woman who has cultivated her animus might be drawn to a man who displays intellectual power rather than a man who displays brute physical strength.
Many of our relationships are based on projections of it. We follow this process which is similar to this one:
We project the anima/us onto a suitable person of the opposite gender. The projection contains more than just an image; it is contains a highly charged energy.
We are attracted to this image and energy (perhaps moreso than to the person). In some cases, the energy is intoxicating; thus, we experience the phenomenon of "falling in love" -- the emotional, sexually charged, fantasy-filled, head-over-heels, mythologized, quasi-spiritual, electrifying, larger-than-life, you-make-me-feel-alive-and-whole, idealized fascination toward someone. However, in truth, we are falling in love with our own anima/us; i.e., we are falling in love with ourselves.
Although anima/us projection causes an unintentional deception (leading us to believe that we adore the person when we actually adore the anima/us), the projection is a useful mechanism, for various reasons:
It creates enough attraction toward the opposite gender to sustain us through the difficulties of a relationship.
We are able to learn about the anima/us through our interactions with that person.
The projections cause problems in our relationship.
A projection distorts our image of the person. When we are with that person, we are talking primarily to the projection, and we are interpreting the person's words as if they came from the projection, and we are expecting the person to fulfill the role which has been cast onto him or her. Thus, we might experience confusion, unfounded hopes, strife, disappointments, and anger.
We are offering an incomplete person to our partner, because we have projected out the qualities of our anima/us; thus we are missing the parts which we could otherwise contribute to the relationship, e.g., our power, our vitality, and our flexibility and range of potential behaviors. Ideally, we could use the full spectrum of our capabilities, for our own happiness and for the well-being of the relationship; each person could add his or her own talents, without regard to stereotyped gender roles.
We lose our identity in co-dependency and a "participation mystique." We are merely a "spouse" rather than a full person.
We place a burden onto our partner to be the things which we refuse to be. For example, an overly feminized woman might expect the man to express his own strength and also to express the strength of the woman's projected animus; although some domineering men enjoy this situation, the task is tiring -- and it is inherently frustrating, because a woman's power and perspectives can accomplish tasks which a man cannot accomplish. Ignorance of this fact, and the resulting failure to utilize the resources of women, has been one of the tragic errors of patriarchal societies.
We might feel dissatisfaction and envy as we see our own qualities in our partner. For example, the man needs to express his feelings (as a natural part of communication and self-expression)-- but, because he has relinquished that part of himself to his partner, he can no longer articulate the feelings himself; thus he envies his wife who does have this capability.
The negative side of the anima/us must be confronted. As explained earlier, the anima/us has both a positive and a negative side; the unpleasant side is almost certain to appear occasionally -- in ourselves and in our mate. If we are not aware of the dynamics of the anima/us, we will mistakenly try to deal with an unhappy anima/us as simply the person's "bad mood" rather than as a valid "complaint" of an archetype. One way to respond to our mate's antagonistic anima/us is with a natural, poised strength; for example, when a woman's male animus arises, her husband can reply calmly with his male vitality to soothe both his own anima and his wife's animus. The woman's animus might have become quarrelsome for the specific purpose of provoking the man's masculine response in a case where the man has been too passive; following that masculine response, the man, woman, anima, and animus can return to their proper, constructive roles.
The anima/us imposes its own moods into the relationship, complicating our circumstances with the person, because we are actually dealing with four individuals: ourselves, the other person, our anima/us, and the other person's anima/us.
The anima/us introduces an alien element into relationships. When one person's anima/us emerges in anger, it generally causes the other person's anima/us to rise up in defense. As the people vocalize the argument between these impersonal, nonhuman archetypes, their words can have a coldness and cruelty which the humans never intended to say. To lessen the imposition of these nonhuman archetypes, we can try to speak in personal, human terms without referring the anima/us per se at all.
The anima/us can lead us to select a partner simply because he or she is a close match to the image of our anima/us. We have lost our freedom to choose partners based on their capacity to fulfill other needs in addition to our need to explore the anima/us. We can even be diverted into a same-gender relationships solely because we, as an effeminate male or a tom-boy female, have identified with our own anima/us and thus we have projected our actual gender identity onto a person of our own gender.
(The latter statement does not imply a negative valuation onto same-gender relationships in general, nor is it presented as an explanation for the cause of homosexuality.)
The projections fail eventually. During the "falling in love" stage, the individual might enjoy receiving the energy-charged projection, and being treated like the consummate man or woman. However, no one can live up to the expectations; eventually we notice that the person's behavior doesn't completely match our picture of the anima/us, and the person becomes uncomfortable in the realization that we are in love with an image rather than the individual.
At that point, our choices are:
To try (consciously or unconsciously) to change the person to comply with the image. The manipulation will cause stress which can lead to the failure of the relationship.
To look for someone else to fulfill the image. If we select this option, we will probably experience a series of brief relationships, in a futile attempt to find someone to be our anima/us.
To realize that we have been projecting. If we want to cease the destructiveness and unintentional dishonesty which have been caused by the projections, we proceed to the next stage.
We withdraw the anima/us projections, and we create a relationship between two human beings who each take responsibility for their own anima/us. We can accomplish this feat by learning about the anima/us -- within our partner and within ourselves:
Learning about the anima/us within ourselves: We can become aware of the anima/us by noticing the impulses which are contrary to our gender stereotyping: the man observes his moments of tenderness and other anima qualities; the woman recognizes her animus' desire to achieve. Then, instead of squelching these impulses, we accept them as usable resources which will broaden and enrich our life. We can experiment with the traits which are generally associated with the opposite gender; for example, a passive woman can use the as-if principle to "try on" the behavior of male-like assertiveness. Our anima/us and our partner are of the same gender, so our understanding of our anima/us helps us to understand our partner; conversely, our understanding of our partner helps us to understand our anima/us. We seek a balanced relationship with the anima/us; we allow its expression, but we retain our gender identity so that the anima/us will not overwhelm us (thus, creating a macho woman or an effeminate man).
Learning about the anima/us within our partner. We look for the presence of the anima/us, to see how it influences our partner and our relationship. Because we are the same gender as our partner's anima/us, we can be a role model to help our partner in expressing this contrary part of himself or herself.
Learning about our partner: We dismiss the archetypal projection with its universal qualities; instead, we discern the individual's unique qualities -- the unique needs, quirks, history, and personality. We discover this individuality by listening carefully to the person's statements, and closely observing his or her behavior. This is not an archetype; this is a human being.
The projection process becomes less active. The reason the projection occurred initially was because we weren't utilizing the anima/us inside; the energy and image had to be projected outward in order to be recognized at all. But now we see the anima/us within us. (Some projection will continue to occur, because we are never fully aware of all aspects of the anima/us.) Our outer relationships, to an extent, have been mere substitutes for the relationship which we needed with the anima/us. We continue to need relationships with both our anima/us and with people of the opposite gender; some contemporary women are trying to become free and strong by creating a relationship with their animus instead of a relationship with a man. However, this can lead to problems internally and externally: the women might experience an overdevelopment of the animus, and a disturbance in relationships with men.
In reading the article, I believe a spirit lover and the anima/us is close. Could it be that they are one and the same? I don't know for sure, but I don't think so. I think they "feel" so similar that it could be a misconception.
What do we do in that our spiritual lover is almost identical to our anima/us (or we have doubt that they are the same)? We love them.
There isn't anything we do different: We love them for whomever they show us to be like. I believe, regardless of what psychology empirically says, that loving our anima/us as a lover (even if she manifests as a succubus or spirit lover) bring growth, understanding, love, respect, and difference.
There is no change necessary, there.
That last part of the text seems true of many who have a spirit lover as well. I tend to disagree that it is a problem, however. Perhaps they mean a problem that affects society. That could be true.
My relationships with other women have become better as a result of having a spirit lover: The difference is that none of those relationships are sexual or romantic anymore. Relationships are relationships, however, and improvement is improvement. I would call having better relationships with women in general a very big plus in my life today.
If women forgo men to lean on their animus? Good. My hunch is that once they become close and loving to their own selves through their animus, a better match for who they will have grown to be will come, whether physical, spiritual, or both. One based upon a higher form of love, and not one of utility, but of spiritual growth, respect, and satisfaction in both being loved as an individual, and not for what they provide.
To me, not having a sexual or romantic relationship with a woman isn't a burden. I've grown spiritually so much so that my family and friends can't understand what happened or where it's coming from. It's coming from love... love always makes a way it seems.
Now. Another thing: I have a degree in metaphysics, not psychology. This is psychology. Metaphysics is under the umbrella of philosophy. In practice, where psychology ends, metaphysics begins. So I can only "guess" how this would apply metaphyscially. There's no "science" to it, only my own personal opinions and hunches.
The disadvantages to becoming to close to one's anima/us could be true. But I don't think so.
I think it's uncharted territory (that of spirit lover matching anima/us close than what humans usually do, at least for the majority of people in "good enough" relationships out there).
But in all truth? I have no fucking clue. My hunches tell me that it's not only uncharted territory, but that it ends two ways, which beg to be spoken.
Spirit lovers, end result of having them (in most cases):
1) Personal growth at an unprecidented scale, hyper-acceleration of the person spiritually. A mind wide open to possibility, a different perspective of the world and the universe and everything with it, etc. <-- Happens most of the time.
OR
2) The person pines away, unable to get past the "addiction" stage (which is very much like a drug addiction), drops out of society, becomes paranoid, ruination of self by self. People don't understand how addicting sex with a spirit is. It's fucking liquid crack.
Some succubi/incubi aren't real merciful nor give a fuck that they are the crack and that the person can't handle it. <--- Happens sometimes.
I keep saying that spirit lovers are like us: Some are good, some are bad, and everything in between.
Just like us.
Always some truth to the old myths: Like a siren calling sailors, I guess.
Anyway, that's the way I see it.
As far as from the article (that being too close to one's anima/us is unhealthy), I disagree.
As far as disadvantages personally, perhaps the downside is a goodbye to being normal. My response to this is thus:
People laugh because I'm different. I smile because they are all the same.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander, though:
If God/dess has a woman growing as I am and puts us together one day? So be it. If I do end up with a woman because of the will of Godd/dess (and knowing the irony of the Godd/dess), I bet the woman in my future has an incubus so that Bunny falls in love, too :)
Make sense now?
I'll leave you with a powerful poem I found while searching. It is naked, it is primal, it is sorrowful, it is as harsh as life itself. It practically bleeds at a soul level:
Last Love
BY RACHEL MCKIBBENS
To my daughters I need to say:
Go with the one who loves you biblically.
The one whose love lifts its head to you
despite its broken neck. Whose body bursts
sixteen arms electric to carry you, gentle
the way old grief is gentle.
Love the love that is messy in all its too much,
The body that rides best your body, whose mouth
saddles the naked salt of your far gone hips,
whose tongue translates the rock language of
all your elegant scars.
Go with the one who cries out for her tragic sisters
as she chops the winter’s wood, the one whose skin
triggers your heart into a heaven of blood waltzes.
Go with the one who resembles most your father.
Not the father you can point out on a map,
but the father who is here, is your home,
is the key to your front door.
Know that your first love will only be the first.
And the second and third and even fourth
will unprepare you for the most important:
The Blessed. The Beast. The Last Love,
which is, of course, the most terrifying kind.
Because which of us wants to go with what can murder us?
Can reveal to us our true heart’s end and its thirty years
spent in poverty? Can mimic the sound of our bird-throated mothers,
replicate the warmth of our brothers’ tempers?
Can pull us out of ourselves until we are no longer sisters
or daughters or sword swallowers but, instead,
women who give and lead and take and want
and want and want and want,
because there is no shame in wanting.
And you will hear yourself say:
Last Love, I wish to die so I may come back to you
new and never tasted by any other mouth but yours.
And I want to be the hands that pull your children
out of you and tuck them deep inside myself until they are
ready to be the children of such a royal and staggering love.
Or you will say:
Last Love, I am old, and have spent myself on the courageless,
have wasted too many clocks on less-deserving men,
so I hurl myself at the throne of you and lie humbly at your feet.
Last Love, let me never roll out of this heavy dream of you,
let the day I was born mean my life will end
where you end.
Let the man behind the church
do what he did if it brings me to you.
Let the girls
in the locker room corner me again if it brings me to you.
Let this wild depression throw me beneath its hooves
if it brings me to you.
Let me pronounce my hoarded joy
if it brings me to you.
Let my father break me again
and again if it brings me to you.
Last love, I have let other men borrow your children. Forgive me.
Last love, I once vowed my heart to another. Forgive me.
Last Love, I have let my blind and anxious hands wander into a room
and come out empty. Forgive me.
Last Love, I have cursed the women you loved before me. Forgive me.
Last Love, I envy your mother’s body where you resided first. Forgive me.
Last Love, I am all that is left. Forgive me.
Last Love, I did not see you coming. Forgive me.
Last Love, every day without you was a life I crawled out of. Amen.
Last Love, you are my Last Love. Amen.
Last Love, I am all that is left. Amen.
I am all that is left.
Nah, this is a phenomenon that I've been chasing, but the answers are vague. Here's some stuff I've gathered here and there. I'd leave links for each, but honestly I'm hungry and want to go eat. Hey, we all have our lazy days.
Oh yeah, my 3rd eye has been numb, too. I actually had a dream of the Bunny about it once: She had me in Elsewhere (so I was in sleep paralysis laying down) and she unfurled her finger from her hand all white and beautiful and glowy like, and touched my 3rd eye and BAM, jolted awake.
What was that about? Anyway, she often comes and the first thing she does is feel at the spot just above the center of my eye brows which either does nothing, tingles, or goes numb. I think she's trying to open it (it's tingling now lol), but maybe it's a multi-step process (or futile. 50/50).
Seriously, the 3rd eye tingle/numb cycle has been happening for about 2 years or so. The "feeling of wearing a circlet" thing has been about the last year(ish).
Oh, FINE I'll post links. Bunny is making me feel guilty. Lol, now that I'm going to post links I can feel she's appeased. Sure wish I could see her. At least I know she's pretty because my daughter has seen her. But all I can do is imagine.
It's funny, isn't it? You marry in this world, and someone marries you and it takes a lifetime to know who the person is inside (and them to know you). You get a succubus and you can feel her inside, but it probably takes oh, I dunno, when I'm finally old and dead to see her outside. Meh, better can feel her beauty inside than outside, but I'd love see/feel everything about her you know?
