Sexy Reindeer Games

I think I've finally figured out Erin.  Erin doesn't have sex with me much unless I beg for it.

Fuck.  That.

This time I said look.  I love you, Erin, but if this lack of sex doesn't quit I'm charging you with desertion and summoning another succubus.

BAM.  She got a hold of me in my dream and wouldn't let go.  She was dug in like a tick.

I think she doesn't like to have sex with me unless there's charged negative emotion.

Hey... we're all different.  If that's what she wants that's what she'll get because I'm tired of no sex for two weeks at a time.


Either be a succubus or stand aside so a real succubus can step through the door.

See, I say that and I feel excitement.  You know...

There's something seriously wrong with my succubi.  Seriously wrong...

Then you've got Lady... Lady doesn't like to play any sexy reindeer games and there's enough aura around her that even I can read:  Back the fuck up, jack.  Even I'm not that stupid.  Something about that girl....... something about that girl....... she's scary.

I think she's a greater demon in disguise is what I think.  Why does her librarian/teacher vibe have to be so damn sexy though?  But... she might as well have a neon sign that says, "Touch and you die".

And why would a greater demon tutor me in this guise?  Probably because I'd freak out a bit if my suspicions were right about who I think it is.

Meh.  I don't know.

Oh... about Lilith.  Apparently if you summon Lilith through different sigils you get different Liliths, and most often you get an egregore.

I summon using the Dukante sigils from the Dukante Grimoires.

In fact, I made a necklace with that very sigil:

I just did my daily ritual to Lilith and I always ask her to charge my amulet with her energy.  She always does and I can feel her dark majesty through my chest as I wear it.  Who says mom isn't loving?  I'll kick their ass!

Something interesting happened at the hospital where my ex mother in law was dying.  There's a guy there who can see spirits and auras and all that stuff.  When I walked into the hospital, the guy said that all the dark entities in the room (he calls them jackals) suddenly left.  That's when he could feel me coming up the elevator to visit in the room.  He said they left because I got there.

Isn't that strange?  That's not the first time that's happened, either.  Apparently negative spirits don't like me much.  I can honestly say it's not because I'm leaking white light everywhere.  Or am I?  

Meh.  Kind of strange.

Yet another mystery I'll never know the answer to (until I'm dead).

Blessings upon you,

Rafe GB.

My Soulmate

Soulmates generally aren't here.  They're "there".  One of a pair are sent to Earthversity TM to suffer and learn.

Unfortunately, our soulmates only help us behind the scenes.

They usually aren't allowed to interfere by coming here (except the ultra rare double incarnation of both soulmates to Earth).

Oh, but when they can interfere they damn sure do with power.

Picture me, destroyed after a divorce and the loss of my kids.  I was ready to end things and not only had I a plan to do so, but I was ready to carry out the plan.

Moments to go, and a being RIPS into reality 10 foot away from me.

I'm stunned.  Can't move, can't think, can't talk, can't do anything.  Stunned off my ass.

"No, Rafe, no!!!"  There she was, a being of such light, love, and raw power that I to this day call her an angel (the angel lady actually).  But also in those 3 words I could detect more than what I should have been able to.

I knew her.  I didn't remember her... but she seemed familiar to me.  Completely familiar.

That doesn't make a lot of sense, and nor should it.  It is what it is.

All that power, might, love, majesty, tenderness, concern.

From calling her my angel lady, whom I've never heard from again beyond that brief rip into reality, I've since realized that she was quite something else:  My soulmate.  The one I left behind.

It must be difficult to let your soulmate go to this world alone, afraid, and to see all the pain they go through all alone.  I think it was nice that my soulmate was given permission to save my life.

How many others aren't so lucky?  Most.  Too many.

As I have said, from seeing her for those few seconds and nothing since... it's been about 10 years.  Nor do I expect to while here living on Earth.

I often wonder what it will feel like to go back home.  To finally be with her once more.

Here there is friction in order to teach us.  To teach the imperfections to us.  Human love is something that leaves a bit to be desired.  Most relationships are train wrecks waiting to happen.  Even the best ones are tumultuous.  I find spirit lovers better, but they are still a handful... nothing is perfect.

One great lesson that we must learn here is that we ARE love.  We can radiate it around us, from us to others.  Love is not something we must seize, must take, must conquer.

We learn this through great trial and tribulation.  Friction.  Anguish.

There are many other reasons, lessons, and events we come for, but who's to know what or which?

We knew them before we came, yet here we are clueless as it was charted out.  Yet... all according to plan I think.

NOTHING is like being united with one's soulmate.  It is PERFECT.

There, there is only union, completeness, love and bliss.

We cannot evolve in that state very far.  We need friction in order to evolve, to advance.

Although it seems cruel to those of us who come here, I get the idea that we couldn't learn jack shit while in a state of bliss.  And there will be a time when we will be the "angel man" waiting for our soulmate to graduate ShitUniversity and Earthversity TM.

There's a shitload of Soulmates up there watching and rooting for their soulmates down here.

As we change, so do they in keeping with the idea of us being absolute and ineffable matches for one another.  There in lies a mystery.

I like to think that mine knows I'll be coming home soon and is dreaming of me.  I also bet that when I get home it will be a long damn time before either of us has to come back.  And I'll be soaking up every second of it with her as we both are united with one another once more.

May she sleep sweet.

Blessings,

Rafe GB.

So many lies...

Lady Lilith is one they say abhors weakness.  Untrue.  Well, untrue as it sounds I should say.

When I feel weak I call her to my altar space and ask to commune with her presence.  To feel her fill my sacred space.  She makes me feel better.  She gives me strength.

It's a difference of perspective...

There's been another death in the family, and as it goes I'm the caretaker of my children while their mother is away (we were all there briefly, but it was time for the children to come back home).  As it goes, the caregiver needs care too, and so I do.

I wonder if these visits with Mother Lilith might become a daily routine.  The sense of peace and quiet strength that she gives me, shares with me is something I need very much.

I often wonder why I, a former Adventist christian, has found this path and receives such selfless comfort from both demons and angels alike if I call upon them.

Why do they care about me?  I've heard story after story that if you don't have enough love, enough value of yourself that they will not answer... which is all untrue.

I come before them humble and respectful, and they do indeed answer.

I've never summoned a succubus that didn't come, or at least didn't try to come... that's happened once.  For some reason they got "yanked" out of coming but I could feel them on their way at first.

99% of the rest came the first try I summoned them.  Why?  Why do they answer my call?

I don't do magick often but when I do it works almost every time.  Why?  Why does my magick work so often?  I do know that I only use it when I deem it's vitally important to use if that matters.

Could an honest and respectful spirit BE the key?  If so I've been lied to once more.

What I am finding is that I'm trendsetting my OWN truth... one that differs from what is taught anywhere and everywhere.

The strangest thing is that when I do summon an entity, it has a sense of mirth about them, they get a kick out of me for some reason.  The reason for that I do not know, but it's palpable.

Nobody will tell me and spoil the joke, either.  I guess that's to be expected.  Still a mystery that weighs heavily upon my sense of "how things are supposed to work".

Don't think I'm suggesting I should take license from this.  I remain honest and respectful for obvious reasons... because it's what I do.  But I would be lying myself if it all didn't remain a perpetual mystery.

Blessings,


Rafe GB.

P.S.  I summoned Samael.  Was harder to summon than other entities.  Pleasant interaction.

Next post I'm going to be talking about my soulmate... she's not who you think.

She's Testing Me

Erin's doing something interesting that I had to search far and wide to find the answer for.

I had a dream where there was a hermaphrodite who wanted to have sex with me.  Not real thrilled...  especially since they didn't turn hermaphrodite until I was almost done.  Why, Erin, why?

Hopefully she figures out that's a hard boundary of "no" now.

Then right after a woman with big boobs scooped me up and started having sex with me.

It's funny... these are situations and scenarios that I'm not real big on.

I've always been an average sized boob fan, but I have to admit that the large boobed girl wasn't bad at all.  I'm not gonna cry about it.

Anyway... what Erin's doing is testing my boundaries... exploring my sexuality and taking note of my likes and dislikes... and seeing if she can push on some limits that I didn't even know that I wouldn't mind pushed (the girl with the big boobs).

I think it's safe to say that Erin's digging in for the long haul.

She's been working on my 7th maybe 6th chakras a lot lately, almost all the time it seems like with little breaks in between long stretches of her working on them.

I say 6th or 7th or both maybe... it's hard to feel them apart when they are being stimulated so hard.

My connection to Lady Lilith is stellar... I've never been closer to a patroness... it puts my years back with Aphrodite when I was a witch to shame.

So, my path is progressing well.

All in all nothing but progress... including reading books for "Lady" and I'm still on that regimen of learning and reading left handed path books that she set out for me to buy and read a while ago.

Some books are a bit of a slog to read through... especially the books by Anton Lavey considering they were written starting what... 1960?  All the "lingo" is strange as there were different buzzwords from that era.

The modern stuff is okay, but I have to get through both before it's all said and done.

All in all it's two Lilithian succubi spirits working behind the scenes of my life in mysterious ways.  Well, Erin's a succubus.  I dunno what kind of spirit Lady is.  Maybe Lady Lilith just sends different succubi for different roles sometimes as needed.

It can't get much weirder.

Blessings upon you,


Rafe GB.

EDIT:  Oh yeah... the question of the day is... I am aware that Lilith and her 3 sisters are not the only source of succubi as a race.  Sooo... where do the others come from who've never even heard of Lilith or her sisters?

I know there's rogue succubi out there, but there must also be another source for succubi en masse as well... so... who are they?

Lady Erin Protecc, Lady Erin Attacc

Lol.  This one is nuts.

We start out by me being all horny and it's towards the evening, I'm getting signals from Erin that she's wanting to do it so I light 2 rose incense sticks and go lie naked in my bed.

I wait, and wait, and wait... I'm realizing that nothing is going to happen...  nothing at all.

So I get mad.  Not real mad, just real disappointed.  After all I could have swore that she was sending me signals that it was love time.  At least I thought that meant sexy time.

I let her know that I'm disappointed and drift off to a crappy sleep because I'm rather miffed.

Later, the evening of the next day, yesterday evening, my bipolar starts to go crazy and I start to feel really scared.  Sometimes I experience fear for no reason.

Kind of ironic isn't it?  I can summon a succubus and not feel one iota of fear.  Nothing.  But sometimes I will still suffer from crippling anxiety that comes from nowhere and for no reason at all.  But... It is what it is I guess.

I asked Erin to surround me and to comfort me if she would, and I'm happy to say that she did.

What's the cherry on the ice cream is that I went to bed with her presence all around me and fell asleep and had the wildest dream.

Erin led me into a big room where there was a burrito buffet being served on silver, highly polished serving wear.

At some point during this she fucked the hell out of me.

I think she finally figured out how to keep me from running away from her in my dreams, which I unfailingly do when a succubus begins to seduce me in my dreams.  Like a rabbit.  Gone ----------->

Pretty smart lil' succubus to figure out how to keep me from running away this time.

*Sigh*

It's not easy for either of us, is it?

A succubus is a handful and not someone to control... which I KNOW, but sometimes I get mixed signals, or perhaps it's a cross in communication.  I don't know.

I was talking to someone the other day and I said that one should think of a marriage between a succubus and a human as more of a "pact".

In my case I wanted Erin close with the promise, the intent to become something deeper together.

More loving.  That's coming about... but as one would expect it doesn't go according to any plan.

It's through shared experiences that trust is built... and love is fallen into... just as I find myself.

Falling.

Brightest Blessings,



Rafe GB.

Lady Leviathan

So... I tried to summon Leviathan last night.  Nothing... nada.

I'm like shit... what did I fuck up?  'Cause there's lots of stuff I fucked up lol.

Today I used rope for a circle and included the altar inside the circle.  Much different than the old Wicca days.  I like this new version better... what better way to invite a guest than to have them in your circle?

What better way to feel what they feel like?

What better way to get fucked up if things go wrong?  Hehe.  Actually, no circle is gonna protect any one's ass I hate to say it... might as well make it part of rolling out the red carpet is what I'm sayin'.

Swapped incense from Myrrh to Sandalwood the next time along with the rope circle addition.  Also drew blood and annointed the sigil of Leviathan while chanting their enn this time.

About half way through the chanting of enns (I do it on my Tibetan beads) I hear "Who summons me?"  I'm like oh shit.  "I do... my name is _________  and I'm also called Rafe Goddessborn.

What do you want?

I Want to get to know you better.

Pause.

Me:  Are we friends?  (I cringe.  Are we friends?  Are you fucking serious to ask Leviathan that shit after 30 seconds of meeting them???)
Thankfully they ignore that part and give me a mulligan I guess.

I want to get to know you better because I need help with deep emotional stuff.
One question:  Are you a Lord or a Lady?  I've heard both.

What do I sound like to you?

I say both.

Voice change:  Then I am Lady to you.

Thank you Lady Leviathan.
(For some reason I feel a lot of amusement coming from Lady Leviathan.  I don't know why)
How do you have 4 wives and can handle them?  I ask.
Here's where I think I feel some mirth coming from Lady Leviathan.
I have one wife myself and she's a handful.  (Feel Erin vibrating my balls)

You have a good one there.  Treat her right and she'll do more than you can even fathom for you two.

Like what?

Like... treat her right.

I'm reminded of how Erin was "holding up my crown" when I was trying to summon Leviathan last night... see even there she was trying to help.

More than I can fathom... But I can imagine a lot of sex though... just sayin' I can fathom quite a bit.  Yeah I know she didn't mean that by saying "fathom".  Or did she...  Muhahaha!

Anyway, I bid Lady Leviathan goodbye, safe passage and blessings as I let the sandalwood incense burn itself out as an offering.

Yeah... time to tell you guys and gals... I just married Erin a couple of days ago.  Now she's with me all the time which is what I finally decided:  I didn't want to live without her being close to me.  So I had her go ask Mother Lilith if we could, and also I put in there a caveat:  I can have a girlfriend in the flesh, but only be married to spirits.  She approved that one quickly.  I'm thinking they don't think I'll ever have a girlfriend again anyway lol.

We'll see.  Hey at least I'm up front.

Lady's still got me reading and viewing things everywhere and I'm still reading stuff.  Kind of overwhelmed at the moment but I'm still plugging away at them.
Who are you Lady, my tutor and instructor?  You're not a succubus, are you?

Silence...

Guess it's time to say
Blessings upon you all,



Rafe GB.

P.S.  Someone lied about these demons.  I've been treated with nothing but kindness and good natures with each and every demon I've been with so far.  My own succubus x the bunches I've summoned before.  Never a bad experience.  Never.

To Lord Rosier, to Mother Lilith, to Leviathan.  Do you see the pattern?
Why was I lied to?  What's the REAL truth?  Driving me nuts just thinking about it.

All the succubi dancing because I finally got married.  Lol.

Baam!  Baam!

Lady Lilith and Lord Rosier

I've been working with Lilith a bit, and also with the Demon Lord of love, Rosier.

I sent back these books a few years ago because they gave me nightmares.

It's funny... I bought them again and also had my dreams flooded with nightmares.

But this time I worked through them and didn't stop.

Once I pushed through I could tell that I was receiving real help and progress with certain issues that have ailed me for a long time.

Demons are different than working with angels in my experience now.

Demons are more blunt and don't sugarcoat when they start cleaning house in one's life and soul... no, they are not always gentle... but I think that's what needed to be done.  I've got blocks that go back decades... tough love was the only way...

Sometimes the medicine hurts.  It just does before healing can happen.

Lilith's shown me a lot more depth as to who she is and I'm not disappointed.  Lord Rosier is my first real contact with a demon outside of succubi, well plus he's a demon lord.  I'm not disappointed with him, either.  I've learned much.

I've purchased a few more materials for working with demons and I plan to see where this goes.

I'm not done working with Lord Rosier, nor Lilith so who knows when I will summon another... but I plan on Samael first, and also figuring out which demon I am being referred to once my issues are manageable.  That's probably going to be an ongoing healing process, but there will be a time when it will be more at a maintenance level than what I would consider breakthrough.

The succubi are doing fine... Lady as teacher and Erin as companion.

I'm onto some hunches about those two... something to do with my future.

All in all just reading right along and taking stops here and there to experiment... well, not particularly to experiment but more to partake of what I am learning.

Blessings to all,


Rafe GB.