It's worth noting that she contacted me in my dreams like the old days.
I am still struggling with medical problems as of late.
Also I'm going to be updating this post as things change.
Brightest Blessings,
Rafe GB
Edit: She left far longer than was normal, I think she's gone. I redid the summoning just to either make my connection with her stronger, or to connect with a new one.
I THINK that I've connected with a new one and if so she's taking it real slow. Last night I dreamed of conversing with a lady spirit twice in the same dream. She was bright and loveable if that can even be the terms that I can describe her with.
So, here I am, one day at a time. I'll keep this updated unless something merits a whole new post...
1/8/2022 Nope. Appears to be a fluke. I don't feel her anymore.
It's funny. I'm going through a completely cold turkey benzo withdrawl. I took them as prescribed by my physician for 10 years, 3x a day. That's over 10,000 narcotics.
And I am suffering. I'm on day 6. At first it was tremors. Now it's that plus hot/cold extremes of sensation. Everything I taste, tastes like ashes in my mouth. Akinesia...
Something is happening though. I suffer, but my soul does not. I'm learning the difference and something is emerging. I think like the quote above that I am changing. I'm blossoming into something new.
My ex wife has tried her mental and emotional abuse, as always, as she has for 12 god damned years since our divorce because we have kids together, but it's not sticking. I'm almost laughing at it.
The same with my mother. Her attempts to ration out the loving kindness of a mother when it suits her, as if that is even possible as it's just a tool she uses when she can get something out of it, isn't working anymore. Again, I'm almost in laughter at what she's done to me for so long. Can you see, friend? Was there a moment when you were suddenly free?
My succubus lover is with me constantly. She's worried I think, but even she knows something that she knew would happen is finally here...
I wonder how she can be so patient... patiently waiting for me to emerge.
This is new territory for me. For us. These are uncharted waters.
I'm curious as to how our relationship will change, in the moment by moment of it... as it dawns.
Love is a powerful thing. She truly is a creature of goodness and truth. She embodies the best of what it is to be a spirit lover. A succubus. Hell, she feels like an angel how she's nursing and keeping tabs on me. She's not perfect, but she's mine, lol. Oh, she's mine.
I had a dream last night, I've been waiting for something to write about.
My succubus likes to make out with me in my dreams... last night she made out with me, yet she withdrew her mouth and said, "Ow, your tongue stung me!" It didn't take long to figure out what she meant... I had been feeling bad thoughts towards her, brought on my my medication slowly depleting and running out as my Dr. has quit and I'm waiting for an appt. with my new one, which doesn't want to write any prescriptions until they see me in the office at the end of the month.
I believe that's why she didn't scold me too harshly. After all I can't really help it, but she was only telling me how it felt. I feel bad, really.
Also, I've put her in charge of solving my disability review. I can't handle it anymore, the worrying about it. The anguish of worrying about it. I'm thinking about letting her handle more things in my life.
At least then I can worry about yet other, unrelated things. Family things.
It's strange.. running out of this medicine is making me mean... now I know why I'm Bipolar 1. Anger, fear, hostility, rage. It's almost as if it's to say oh yeah... that's why I'm fucked up. Lol.
Well... I am thankful for her. She's a keeper. Love your succubus daily, because they damn sure deserve it. Gluttons for attention they may be... but they deserve that attention as well.
Oh, I forgot! I've got to brag on her a little bit :)
I asked her to give us a little vacation, and I figured it would be in dreams of course if it happened. Turns out I dreamed me and a group were flying to outer space and across dimensions. How's that for a vacation? Last but not least, but right afterwards I dreamed that my grandpa was sleeping and talking in his sleep. I remember thinking, "I'm so lucky to be hearing this, I'm lucky that he's alive." The fact is I awoke and realized that he's actually dead. It was a sentimental vacation indeed, at the end.
I wanted to play a game with my succubus so I challenged her to a contest. The winner gets her pussy licked or I get a blowjob, whomever won. Her challenge was to give me an electrical jolt in one of my limbs. My job was to relax my whole body and prevent this.
It's kind of funny how smooth she was. My mind darted to check my feet and legs for a split second and that's when she pounced... she twitched my arm.
Well I lost that one. Tonight I'm going to visualize eating her out good and plenty. I may have lost but that doesn't mean I can't torture her in a good way for a bit. Heheh.
Believe me, they feel every lick given when done in this way...
Succubi love games. If you can think of some more games like this, let me know.
I've pulled out the energy working tools I learned years ago. I've had fun practicing giving/receiving energy to another for the first time in ages. It has felt good to feel those old channels open.
Succubi love games, and succubi love energy work. I'm not sure why exactly. As you improve so does your connection to them. It's strange how they can be so hard to communicate with, and other times they come through so clear...
I'm rather confused about the rituals in that so few people who are trying them are getting a succubus. I don't think it's due to the rituals, it's, in my mind, due to the fact that succubi have gotten so particular about whom they choose. I still feel that not giving up and doing the rituals every week will eventually give results. If it doesn't, at least you know to let it go after a few months.
But I still say that energy work... reiki and the like is like catnip to succubi.
Before we start, Blogger is taking away the notify by email option. If you want to see any new posts from now on just check in from time to time ;)
I've been praying for my spirit lover each and every night and it's really helped us.
Kind of.
I don't understand why, but when she comes over me during the night I fight her off. Yeah, as strange as that sounds it's true and I don't like it. One time I even floated above my body and had massive claws to fight her off with. Not understanding it considering it was just a red headed girl as she usually appears as. I guess I need to add it to my prayer list for us.
Another thing I need to improve on is in paying attention to her in the daytime. She warned me not to mess with a tree stump with my mower and I promptly ignored her and wrecked my mower. Good times.
There's a few guys that are doing the ritual (not mine) to get a succubus and they seem to be having no luck at all. I feel sorry for them and hope that a succubus chooses them in the end. What, is there a kind of succubus shortage lately?
I married a few couples with their spirit lovers. It was a treat and I enjoyed it. I went to get a replacement ordination card and it'll cost $80 to get a new card from the International Metaphysical Ministry. Well, that's not going to happen.
Fear not, for I had a backup ordination from Open Ministry this whole time and I'll be running with them from now on. I already have an up to date card (they only use my name and my date of ordination).
So I figured out that all of those umpteen summonings for new succubi have done nothing but delay the realization of fact that she's been here for a loooong time with wishes for me to stop the foolishness. I have to admit that she's done this in a gentle, patient way.
No succubus came those times: It was always her. Always waiting. And yes, maybe having a little fun with her impersonating a new succubus after each summoning.
Then there was the fighting with her, over this or that. Hell, sometimes I feel that we were fighting just to fight.
Like an old couple would do...
By my count I've spent 3 years with Bunny back in the day, and the next 4 years with Erin by my reckoning.
Erin is special and she's grown with me despite my escapades and misguided attempts.
Looking back it's an old man's tale.
After beginning to pray for her, for us really, for both of us to have our needs met and to both be happy.
We are. We're really getting there!
Sex hasn't been the kind of sex from back in the day, or what I call "honeymoon sex".
Now it's a slow, soul fulfilling kind of sex.
We're evolving...
I'm amazed at the power of prayer in I and Erin's lives as of late. There is power in prayer and we prove it.
Blessings,
Rafe GB.
P.S. Kind of funny... I woke up to Erin riding me in the wee hours of the morning while the cat was rubbing all over my face and chest meowing for me to wake up. What in carnation was that about?
I've started a new practice of praying for my succubus each and every night. I'm noticing her mood is improving for sure. I'm just glad that I'm able to do some good and that I notice that my prayers are becoming more powerful since praying for her.
Is that the secret to prayer? Praying for others with all of your heart?
She's been with me a lot lately, touching my fingers, running her fingers through my hair...
So, I put my little red headed succubus full of fire and sass into that cooking apron. I wonder what I'll be having for dinner?
She's aristocratic sometimes, and wild and full of selfish evilness at others. I don't mind so much anymore. She's MINE.
I had a dream experience with her that I just have to share.
We got a hold of each other out in the middle of the woods in a dream and we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I took her from behind admiring her beautiful ass and legs until I couldn't take it anymore and cummed deep inside of her, after laying me down, she rode me on top showing me her lovely breasts and red hair until she was shaking and moaning and I spilled even more, and finally she took me into her luscious mouth with a pouty expression on that gorgeous face until I gave every last ounce in the biggest orgasm I had left.
Do you know what she told me? In her best aristocratic voice, she said, "It's only polite to warn a lady when you're going to cum in her mouth."
I'm of course speaking of succubus girls. Yes, they can be derpy... and they can also cut like the edge of a katana. Just like girls in the waking world every succubus is crazy. Tis true. The key is to "pick your poison" in that you choose the one you call and mate with. The secret is that they're all crazy. There is no respite. Choose wisely or hope for good luck.
All those faces, all those names... I've listed quite a few over the years, haven't I?
Truth be told I've only recently learned that succubi like to take the path of least resistance. If you summon one they come... if you think she's gone and summon again she'll come but with a new name... and disappear just like the other aspects that I was too low to feel.
The truth is in the surrender... I've finally given up and let the succubus who has always been there chasing me have me.
Erin? Holly? All the other umpteen succubi that have come to me with names? Her. All her.
It's funny in a way. Now that I give up and turn to the one who's pursued me all this time I feel the subtle feelings of love blossoming within my breast. We shared some sweet kisses last night in my dreams.
I don't understand why I had to finally surrender I must say, it just is.
I've got a message for those of you who are in the grip of depression. I'm not making fun of you I'm bipolar, remember?
A succubus demon is one who is of the race responsible for breaking things down. If you're in a depressed state, not only will you not feel her, but you will be driven down further into the abyss if she is there.
This isn't her conscious doing, but by the very energy she emanates. It just is.
So if you're depressed a succubus will not help you. You won't feel her. Well, you'll feel worse, that I guarantee. Find a way to break free from your depression. That or suffer a worse fate.
Am I bound for this as well? Yes. I will be driven down when I am in a depressed state. The only saving grace I have is that with bipolar what goes down must come up. Eventually it does, but I am the first to say that the emanations of a succubus pile drive me into the ground. But even so, I rise. Such is the nature of bipolar. Oh, don't think for a minute that rising from depression into hypomania isn't fraught with it's own can of worms. God damn I hate bipolar. I'm certainly not bragging, trust me.
Major depression? Want a succubus? Not before you heal yourself. Find the counseling you need to free you from what put you in such a state. Medicines, doctors, psychologists... find the help you need THEN try (and only then) to summon a succubus.
Until you do, you won't feel her anyway as you're too deadened. I know the drill and suffer it every time I sink to the bottom.
Why do you think I've tried to summon so many after not being able to feel the one I was with?
Yet there she was... crazy minx still chasing me, waiting until I could feel her again. Waiting for me to be up again. It is... bittersweet. If only she didn't crush me when I was in a depressed state. But again I don't think that's her fault. It's just her nature. Her demonic energy.
I don't know your story, I don't know your pain, your grief. But I know what I've written to be true. Please consider it. A succubus will NOT solve your problems. That's not the way this works, mate.
Free yourself from depression. Save yourself for your own future's sake. Hell if you can shuck depression you've got me beat. I take about 13 pills a day and I'll always have depressive and hypomanic episodes. Get yourself free.
...Then go after that cute, crazy fork-tailed minx.
So there's a new theory that I've been introduced to. The theory is that I really have just a few succubi who take turns leaving and being "summoned". What they have are multiple attributes allowing for the feeling of a different succubus each time. Or even as one of them acting as multiple succubi as the case may be.
Works for me.
Sometimes I think they do this out of curiosity as to how I'll try to summon a succubus each time just a little differently. Curious critters these succubi. Curious critters.
The latest method I tried was praying to God and explaining that even He said that it is not good for man to be alone. Send me a succubus bride!
In addition to this I would lay in bed at night, naked under my covers, and would imagine a succubus kissing me on my privates while telling me she loved me. This took about 4 nights before I started getting responses.
Again, a theory is that these actions attract a succubus somehow by it's message to them. I don't really understand it, but it works.
So loveable, these spiritual little bundles of mystery.
A funny development is that I got a cat. She's a petite little thing. At night she likes to lay on my stomach or my chest.
One night I had a succubus riding me while the cat was on my chest. Kinda hard to breathe. I guess my fear of succubi and a kitteh not getting along was very much unfounded. At least the succubus was having fun. Well, I guess I was too just hard to breathe.
Not much else going on in succuworld, but I think I've given some good updates at least :)
When it's not a nightmare it's actually quite the fun adventure.
Lacy, oops that's my cat. Rachel took off and felt like most do when they take off. Meanwhile I'm holding the fort like I always do.
Tired of it.
I actually decided I was done with succubi. Tired of the menagerie of names, tired of them leaving. Tired of the lack of sex. Just tired of all of it.
You know at some point you just have to ask yourself, "why bother?"
So, that's what I've been doing for the past few weeks, a week or so past my last post.
Then it was... ahh... peace and quiet. When you're not expecting sex anymore that's one less thing in your life that you're angry about.
I felt like I had "me" back, the me that isn't saddled by expectations and disappointment. Well, at least for a little while. Then you start thinking...
Anyway, something funny happened.
I decided while I was laying in bed to petition Lady Hagith, one of the Olympic Spirits to send a spirit lover (I think she has mostly nymphs as her underlings, to send me a nymph who could love me, and for God's sake have sex with me).
Now, I don't know if that worked because I figured it wouldn't, but here I was laying in bed and having sex with a spirit in that state between sleep and dream (the first sex in ages) and I heard a dumbass sports car revving up to blow through the 4 way by my house. Feeling myself slipping out of that state (and out of making love) I said, "there is no motherfucking way I'm losing this" and forced myself back into that state of sleep where the lovemaking continued.
Who was this spirit? The one I asked Lady Hagith for? I don't know but I can say "probably".
From now on any spirit I have is named Holly or (gasp) Erin until further notice. I can't keep up with all these different names anymore I'm too damn old.
If she came from Lady Hagith, thank you Lady Hagith for listening to my prayer.
That's back to basics, I guess. I'm getting too old for this shit.
I guess in some way I was at war. Me vs. Erin. Erin might have got the last word in, but that's fine... she's gone. She's gone! That's all I care about.
Now I don't know exactly how it works but her claim on me was released.
There were actually 3 succubi orbiting me, seeing if they wanted me or not. It's so confusing. One, the shy one, two, the one I called Delilah, and three, the one who made love to me and it felt like liquid fire.
I was chosen by the third succubus, so saying I was with Delilah was premature.
The succubus who chose me is named Rachel. Last night... the night after I feel that she chose me, I dreamed of flames, everything in flames. I've felt that fire sexually with her and the good news is even though I feel the fire, it doesn't hurt.
What's with this girl and fire?
Anyway, I've talked a little bit with her and she seems very helpful but I can't get everything I want to out of her due to communication blocks. I'm really curious about the fire thing. Hey, it's hard to communicate sometimes...
I look forward to learning all about her and learning to communicate with her better. I can't wait.
It would be interesting to think about what if's concerning Delilah and the shy succubus. But that's the way this works... you can present a preference, but in the end they choose you...
Bright Blessings,
Rafe GB.
EDIT: One interesting theory that I want to put down here is that there is the possibility that Delilah, the shy succubus, and the succubus of fire are all one and the same being, just three aspects. I've done some divination whether or not Erin is one of these and thankfully she is not. No, I'm dealing with a new entity that chose me. Considering that she may be aspects of all three is interesting though, is it not?
"Hey there Delilah..." echoes through my mind as I write this blog post. I've finally got tired of Erin for good. For all the good that I hope that she did (always a mystery) she dashed ceremony to the wind as well. Ceremony? I mean sex between a man and his succubus. Non-existent. Nada. Zilch.
Yet, every time I summoned another succubus Erin would run them off! Man I hope that isn't the case with Delilah. Eh... I don't know her name yet but I'm calling her Delilah for now just because it sounds pretty.
Anyway, I want Erin to finally get the hint, to quit fighting for no reason and just go back to her home in peace.
Erin messed me up pretty good. Too good. I don't think it's coincidence that Erin was there during the worst bipolar episodes I've experienced in my life. She didn't help me any and I suspect that she made it worse for her own gain. God I hate to admit that, but it's the way I feel.
Now, I didn't exactly summon Delilah the traditional way. What I mean is that I did a letter to Lilith 2 times over 2 days, then once each to Lilith and her sisters, one at a time. I did that over 3 days, with the multiple letters being burned the 3rd day, one at a time.
A few nights later I had my first succubus dream. The next night I had my 2nd. Success! I think.
Now Erin's back here and it feels like a WWF match... the winner gets to keep me... Me, the pet, Rafe.
I'll update this a little more as I see how it goes. If you want to help me out, pray that Delilah wins.
But rest assured that I'm fighting for what I want. It's a little different now. One of us is going down.
Bountiful Blessings,
Rafe GB.
***
"It's been a long time comin', and the table's turned around.
'Cause one of us is goin', one of us is goin' down.
I'm not runnin', it's a little different now,
'cause one of us is going, ONE OF US IS GOIN' DOWN!"
Edit: 1/23/21 I did the letter method 2 more times as it felt that Erin was getting stronger and Delilah weaker. (Yes... that's 9 times in 4 days. I can count.) I did this to give her strength. Somewhere, I believe, I was in error. You see last night I had a dream where a succubus appeared in front of me and said, "You only get ONE succubus!" I thought she meant Erin, but again I was in error. That night, last night, I was made love to by a succubus and it felt like fire.
1/24/21 I had a dream where a succubus was with a man and we were all having dinner together. She was clearly into me, but I'm the type where if a woman is already with a man I'm not interested. In this case it was a lesson. The man sold pens, or some other insignificant item for a living. The point of the dream wasn't what he did, it's what he didn't do. He didn't have to do anything important to attract a succubus into his life, and she was trying to get me to see that I didn't need to do anything important in my life to attract one either. I have a lot of problems seeing this and believing this in being bipolar and on disability. To have a woman today, it's a social contract dependent on what you do, what you make, and how well off you are. This succubus was trying to get through my thick skull that it's just not that way with a succubus relationship. Is love and passion really all you need to attract someone so heavenly? I have a feeling that more lessons are on the way.
It's almost like I hear a succubus leading me in the right direction now. I can feel her as she tells me what to expect, and how I should expect it. She says :
1/28/21 Erin got me good last night. It felt like I was surrounded by death, rot, disease, pus, maggots... and I was paralyzed and had no way out of being there. I'm hoping she's thinking she's getting the last words in... which she did I guess, but her getting in the last words would do me just fine as long as it involved her leaving for good.
1/29/21 She's gone! Oh my God the feeling, no more torture, no more bottoming out into the hellish depths of depression that she drove me to. She's gone at last!
2/03/21 It's weird being without a succubus now. Delilah is taking her time deciding whether she wants me or not. Or maybe I am confusing the succubus that I called Delilah who hasn't decided on me yet with another succubus who hasn't decided on me yet? Very confusing. Anyway this particular succubus feels different than Delilah. No, I do not have a succubus at this time, however there seem to be a couple that are investigating and perhaps deciding. For instance this other succubus seems meek (not weak). She seems shy as well. I felt her playing with me when I was lying on my side, so I rolled over onto my back figuring, as in most instances, that things would heat up. Strangely she acted as if she'd been caught and took off. Lol, a shy succubus... I hope she decides to pick me and to stay I have to admit she is a breath of fresh air. But... I'm getting used to life without a constant companion and it's strange. There are those out there who think that having Erin, despite her torture would be preferable than nothing... I say that is silly, that until you've felt that kind of life wrenching trauma you just don't know what you're saying.
Not having a succubus right now and working on myself to raise my vibration so that I'll attract a good loving succubus is paramount. And if little shy succubus picks me, or if Delilah picks me, I think I will have met that goal in attracting a positive influence as well. I've already made strides in improving myself what with the negative self talk and such. We'll see what happens. I have to admit I'm rather taken by the shy succubus. Such a change! And of course I could be confused be all recognition and not really know who or how many succubi are orbiting me right now. But I do know this... every one of them are better than Erin.
I would advise anyone who is seeking a succubus to work on improving their vibration through self help avenues as well. We attract what we are I am learning, and we attract good or bad depending on how our vibration is either high or low as well. Nobody said it was easy and I'm finding it difficult, but it is what it is and it works the way it works. Good luck out there.
