Benzos

 

It's funny.  I'm going through a completely cold turkey benzo withdrawl.  I took them as prescribed by my physician for 10 years, 3x a day.  That's over 10,000 narcotics.

And I am suffering.  I'm on day 6.  At first it was tremors.  Now it's that plus hot/cold extremes of sensation.  Everything I taste, tastes like ashes in my mouth.  Akinesia...

Something is happening though.  I suffer, but my soul does not.  I'm learning the difference and something is emerging.  I think like the quote above that I am changing.  I'm blossoming into something new.

My ex wife has tried her mental and emotional abuse, as always, as she has for 12 god damned years since our divorce because we have kids together, but it's not sticking.  I'm almost laughing at it.

The same with my mother.  Her attempts to ration out the loving kindness of a mother when it suits her, as if that is even possible as it's just a tool she uses when she can get something out of it, isn't working anymore.  Again, I'm almost in laughter at what she's done to me for so long.  Can you see, friend?  Was there a moment when you were suddenly free?

My succubus lover is with me constantly.  She's worried I think, but even she knows something that she knew would happen is finally here...

I wonder how she can be so patient... patiently waiting for me to emerge.

This is new territory for me.  For us.  These are uncharted waters.

I'm curious as to how our relationship will change, in the moment by moment of it... as it dawns.

Love is a powerful thing.  She truly is a creature of goodness and truth.  She embodies the best of what it is to be a spirit lover.  A succubus.  Hell, she feels like an angel how she's nursing and keeping tabs on me.  She's not perfect, but she's mine, lol.  Oh, she's mine.

Blessings,

Rafe GB.