I think we had a good fight in that we both know where each other stands.
The one thing I liked about our fight, as unhappy as I was during it, was that even though it got bad Erin didn't quit.
Erin's a stubborn succubus and she pushes boundaries to the limit.
She pushes me to the limit.
She's not one to be ruled over nor one to be dismissed easily.
I'm not either I guess... that's why we clash while we find our place with each other.
I THINK that she's hinting that if I keep up with the gym that I joined that our sexual interactions will be a lot better.
I'm about 60 lbs overweight... fat, yes... morbidly obese... no, not yet... but I was sure starting to gain.
I've got a lot of work to do.
She usually has sex with me in my sleep but who knows... maybe that allows her to manipulate my energy centers easier.
It would be nice to have her sexually in the daytime as well.
I think that the gym will help accomplish that. She's playing with me a little bit sexually atm which is her way of trying to get me going to the gym today. I think I will and come back to writing.
***
Back from the gym, yay! I feel like Erin's cheering me on. Which is good because there's a large part of me that doesn't want to go. Lol. Inertia. I kind of wonder this time if she didn't just give me a treat. I walk the treadmill (hey, gotta start slow) and I swear I stare at the timer every freakin' second that passes up until my time is done. THIS time, however, there was a station that was playing the Scorpion King and I barely noticed time passing at all. Voop! And I was DONE.
I've been sedentary so long that I don't want to move. Sad...
Switching gears here but I tried online dating for just a little while. Maaaaaaaaaaan... that shit is terrible. Basically guys want to fuck the prettiest girl they can afford, and girls want the man with the most resources offering him beauty and sex. Gotta love this place. What a fucking joke.
Anyhoo... Erin didn't mind that I quit looking one bit. That's when the fights started, which in a succubus mindset means, "I'm gonna keep him, now to train him. Time to push those boundaries to their limits."
She means well. At least I'm getting little succubus treats happening in my life now. Hey... I sound like a pet... and speaking of pets this can go both ways... Erin doesn't like competition. Now Lady isn't a succubus... she's not here for love or cuddles but to teach me and Erin doesn't mind her in the least. But I get the feeling Erin wants me all to herself as far as loving relationships go.
I certainly wouldn't want that fight.
I bit off more than I could chew I guess... almost, and straight up to the limit.
I think that being a "kept man" isn't so bad after all :P Especially when it's a powerful succubus doing the keeping.
I summoned Lilith after the fight when things cooled down and all she did was laugh. She feels that me and Erin are finding our way together finally (even through all the cat scratching)... must be fun to watch...
Oh, Erin.
Well, it is what it is. Lol. It's part that and part much, much more but for some reason I lack the vocabulary to properly convey it. It's probably just what married succubus couples do.
Wouldn't that be novel?
Blessings,
Rafe GB.
Moo.
Glad to know you guys have come to an understanding.
ReplyDeleteThough from the way you describe your experience....Erin sounds like the type that will go wild the more you try to tell her things.
I think you must remember that you guys are 'married', there's no way you can expect her to quit over a petty misundertanding. As you have her now, she has you. (or tell me if I'm wrong in my understanding of what marriage is)
No I think you're spot on and I'm just realizing what's going on myself. She's in it for the long haul. And damn is she wild. Lol, be careful what you ask for...
DeleteInteresting to hear you talk about being Erin's "pet" or "kept man". I've always had a strong desire to be in that position. Kind of the opposite of how male/female relationships usually are. It gives you a real feeling of worth/validation to have someone want to take care of you like that.
ReplyDeleteI never knew I'd like it that way either. But you know? It is what it is. Lilith doesn't always send what you ask for... most of the time she sends what you need.
DeleteIt really is just like being kept as a pet. But like Rafe said, it can go both ways. The kind of relationship that I have with Catherine just wouldn't feel right with a human woman. Humans are simply ill-equipped to do what succubi do so naturally. Harry Holmes, a former succubus blogger from long ago, had a theory that succubi were originally the caretaker spirits for human men... kinda like plants have gnomes and fairies to care for them.
DeleteIn what I believe, we (human partner) have to do our share of things which is loving and giving affection. in exchange for her loving and taking care of us....in her own way....that often might come in riddles....
DeleteI was just thinking about that, actually. For all she does in the shadows she doesn't ask for what she really longs for. No, she longs for my love and appreciation which I freely give.
Deletetc119, I know exactly what you mean. When I realized a few years ago that I was sexually submissive, but not masochistic, I had trouble finding any examples of situations that seemed right for me. I looked at femdom porn, but that was all about insulting and humiliating men, especially if they had any insecurities or problems, and DOUBLE especially if those insecurities or problems had anything to do with sex. Eventually I figured out that what I was looking for was a kind of role reversal, with a woman who was stronger than me and who would be a protector and caretaker, but human women just didn't seem suited to that, and in fact, the very idea seemed to inspire near-universal disgust among them. That led me to reading stories about supernatural women, which is how I became interested in female vampires, and later succubi.
DeleteLan, that ties in with something else I discovered: Generally, human women consider your "share" to be far more than being loving and affectionate. People will ask you "What are you offering?", and if you say "Uh...love and affection?", they'll laugh at you. Rafe mentioned that when he briefly discussed online dating.
You know, I think Lilith might be overseeing me and my relationship with my ladies. My issue? I don't spend really as much time with them as they wish. I don't really reach out to people much. I'm more of a reserved person who prefers to stay that way. I know, it's stupid but can't help it sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to get all involved in the inner world. It makes you top heavy. But... we're part of both the inner (succubi, spiritual) and outer worlds (concrete reality and people... bleck) with this stuff and we have to balance between the two.
DeleteI see a tremendous difference between human partner and my succubus partner which is of course obvious. Most men judge and select human women based for the most part on physical attractiveness. Human women select men on the resources we can provide and how happy we can make them. In that sense their love to us is totally conditional. My relationship with my succubus lady, Blair, is wonderful because it's totally without condition and that goes both ways. That's what is so satisfying to me. I'm going to screw up every now and again and it just doesn't matter. And my guess is Erin is really unconditionally loving you as well, just not as easily as you might like. Perhaps be open to what you need from her and see if she responds.
ReplyDeleteJohn
Yeah this is a newfound peace. Time will tell how it works out, but so far so good. At least we're not fighting anymore. I've just realized that she's not going anywhere and I might as well get along. Lol. All I really wish for is to be happy and this seems like the best way.
DeleteI've asked her about certain things but we were still tussling then. Maybe the future will hold something different and my needs will be met. I think so, I really do.
I have a feeling TC119 is right about both the fairy analogy and what it means.
I'm not in charge anymore. I haven't lost anything except tension and the will to "lock horns" with her anymore.
Now comes the part where she proves me worthy of my trust... and I think we'll do fine.