"The God in my head"

That's the way that a voudoo or hoodoo priest/priestess would put it. Who indeed is the God in my head? Whom do I worship?  Most importantly, whom do I belong to?

Big questions that beg for simple concise answers for clarity's sake.

I was walking back from the park yesterday, and I heard the unmistakeable sound of a dove calling high up in the trees at the entrance to the park.



I had been wondering about who my personal Deity really is after all this time.

I've called many patroness.

Why a Goddess and not a God?

Well... that's complicated.

Lets just say I was fatherless growing up and never got to a position of trust with regards to any male figurehead that I had briefly known.

Being the son of a single mother, "female" was all I had known.

As I grew, I became the father I always needed by being granted the grace to be that father to my two children that I have now.

Ironic, to say the least.

When I got back home, after a good time had passed, the dove's call shook me like an earthquake, all out of the blue.
I have been Christian, witch, sorceror, summoner, Rosicrucian... the list goes on and on.

What is the golden thread that binds these?

What is the silver threat that connects the dots of what I have been,

and what I have experienced?

And then it hit me...

The Holy Spirit.

Feminine, Goddess, reflected by 10,000 other names from Kali, to Lilith, to Shakti, to Tara, to Quan Yin, to Mary, to Aphrodite, to Selene, to Holy Wisdom.  Sophia.  The Divine Shekinah.  Ashera...

You get the idea.

All are facets of the Goddess.

I just believe that the central concept as a whole is my Goddess.

My Goddess... the Holy Spirit.

Called the Holy Shekinah by the Hebrews in times past.

Astarte, Ishtar, Queen of Heaven.

Athena, Demeter, Persiphone, Dymphna.

Swirling, swirling around my head, with one symbol... the descending dove.

My belief in this central Goddess is not a statement that She is better than anyone else's Goddess, no.

She is made up of all of them, each one an archetype of who she is, of what she is.

I am sure that there are aspects of Her that I do not wish to see, nor wish to study.  There are dark aspects to Her as well, and these call to others of a differing path than mine.

This does not mean that my path is more holy, nor better, nor easier than another's path.

It is not a lack of devotion that limits me in this matter, but rather a limit of focus.

You see, there are aspects of Her that hit my soul like a lightning strike and leave me shaking, that leave me weak and in awe... these are the aspects that call to my soul and set my path as personal, and differing than the path that is set out for others and their personal paths to tread.

Those aspects are what call to me.

As far as the Divine Masculine, She is a part of them as well.

That satisfies my need to for balance, my need to love and be loved by the Divine Masculine whom I do not unfortunately understand.  Through Her I am close to Him as well.

She makes Him approachable, even to me... and I can approach Him at my own pace to build my level of trust.

My Goddess is not better than your Goddess... they are part of the same web, of the same over-arching mind.

Heck.  When I see a beautiful flower I think of Aphrodite.  When I see something dead, I am reminded of Kali and Her lesson that we are more than flesh.  When I make love I am reminded of the Divine Shekinah, who enshrouds both She and Her mate the Lord in flames to create holy space within which all souls are born.

In each case, I connect these to the Divine Feminine in total.  They are all connected and She is my focal point when all is said and done.

Does that make any sense?  It's like polytheism with a major surprise or something.

Lol, I dunno.

I believe also that succubi and incubi come from the many aspects of the Goddess, not just the aspect of Lilith (although I do like Lilith a lot... She's dark but She ain't evil.  (Kinda like a rich and highly dangerous chocolate cake.  Mmm... chocolate cake (Actually I'm very hungry right now and I think it's affecting my perceptions).  I believe they, the succubi and incubi come from many camps, many peoples, many clans, even many societies who each worship a different facet of the Goddess and God... just like a lot of us do ;)

That's probably a factor in what attracts them to us specifically.  We have more similar beliefs than we know.

I'm happy that I could share how I feel and what I have personally realized in this matter.

I get a lot of my cosmology from Emmanuel Swedenborg's writings.  Here is a short 5 minute clip of one of the shows that they produce on You Tube.  One thing I like about Swedenborg is that the cosmology is not opposed to the concept of spirit lovers.

What is Heaven?  There is no heaven outside, that is not a reflection of within...

God reveals Itself as male, or female, depending on what we need to see.

(Which brings me a lot of personal comfort)

In reality, God is male, female, both, and neither... all at the same time.

(Sort of)

Blessings,

Rafe GB