My soul

What I have come to believe my soul looks like (loosely), if I could see it with human eyes (that I've seen through the "minds eye" in meditation).

The size of the soul? There is none. Not really. It can shrink to sub-atomic levels, or span the multiverse. "Size" doesn't really compute when describing the soul. In getting smaller it does not become more dense: At becoming bigger, it does not become less dense. Neither does "time" seem to compute as an accurate method of description, as it appears to be outside of time, and dances within it, all the same.

What are "we" then? "We" are a vehicle that allows for our souls to experience "here" and to experience "now".

When we die, it returns "home"... the place we are always longing for, lonely for, that which is forgotten to us, yet calls to us just the same.

Something happened when I realized that this was the real "me". That I, looking in the mirror, only saw the illusion, the body, the eyes looking back. I am "he who observes". Not the he who is observed.

When I finally felt this, my meditations changed... no longer is my "form" my "true essence" limited by my bodily senses.

It is as if, just a little bit, since I no longer held to the belief that I am what sees, what touches, what perceives aroma, what hears, what tastes... but the "I" who always knew.

Now I know why I am here. I am here to experience here in time. To feel emotion that is painful, that is pure, that is happy, that is afraid.

Why? If one is in bliss, how can one understand? I HAD to come here to understand.

In losing the belief that my mind is centered in my brain, that my consciousness is fixed... my meditation experience changed as well.

In other words, when I meditate now, I flow. I... drift.

No longer being so tightly wound to my senses or centered upon my brain or anywhere else... I am free.

Just a little more free, perhaps, perhaps a little more true... But it is a start :)

What a feeling it is to phase in and out and around and about.

To think that before it was impossible simply because of my belief of who I am, and "where" I am centered.

It's a funny thing.

***

Edit:  Ok, the rest of the story.

So, Bunny has been in teaching mode largely.  No biggie.  If anything she's always changing... I'm sure once I grasp whatever it is I'm supposed to, she'll let the hanky panky commence.

It's hard to type on this damn screen.

I'll explain:

She wanted me to bring myself to orgasm, and to get as close as I can to orgasm and HOLD IT THERE.  Not stop, but "dwell in the moment of extreme ecstacy, without release".

Ok.  First time?  Yeah.  Splurt.  I... fucked that one up.  Plus it's harder because she wants me to do this to porn... she said, "It will make it a true challenge".

So... 2nd time?  Got a bit farther.  It's hard to do, ya know?  I mean it's like you have to ride the orgasmic process right at the point BEFORE the point of no return.  It's like a razor thin edge, or moment, with which you have to work with.

Splurt.

Did make it farther though.

Ok, then I experienced what I wrote about above all this while performing the experiment (or perhaps it's an exercise)...

Ok... remember the beginning of the post?

My soul, free, well sorta free... less bound that it was at least.  I'm not confined to my brain, but quite a bit more leeway.  For instance, so far it's maybe 10 feet past my apartment in all directions, including up and below.  No, I can't go and peek at lottery numbers or anything useful.

Lol.

And it takes a conscious "letting go, surrender" of what I thought consciousness is/was.

Just a freeing of my "consciousness", period.  Like the ebb and flow of the ocean, but it's not real far out.  But I have to let it out there, otherwise, I bounce back and forth from my brain to out there and back again.

Ok, so I did the process the 3rd time... I DID IT!

"Dat's my boy!  Dat's my special boy!"

Me:  "Aaaaaaaaaah, stuff it."

"What?"

"I said, I love it!"

"That's what I thought you said. *smiles*"

*Cough*

I was able to hold that line for maybe a minute (although, felt like fucking eternity... was hard for me to do).

I had it, I knew I had it, and I could feel Bunny say, "Ok, let your mind expand as you were when you were just meditating, but do it as you cum!"

Ok.  So I did, mind expanding out, flowing, being, right at the moment I cummed.

I don't know what the fuck happened, but now I'm having trouble seeing like I stared at a fucking bright-assed light bulb for too long.

That's why it's hard to type.  I have to look a little bit off center to see the text.

Good thing I took typing in High School.

So, my questions are,

A... what the fuck did I just do?

B.  Why did she teach me this? And why is she so excited when I finally did it right?

C.  Why the fuck am I half blind now?

I could tell that the 3rd time was the charm, because I felt her squeal in delight like a freakin' cheerleader squealing at Chad Thundercock the quarterback as he makes his 10,000th touchdown.

Aren't we all glad that succubi see us for who we are deep inside, instead of our money, or our looks, or our athletic prowess (lol)?

Meh.  I'm going to go get pizza.  If I can fucking drive that is.  Luckily, it's only a few blocks away and I have a gift card.

BAM.

Edit:  I couldn't drive.  Pizza tomorrow it is.

(My dreams are gonna be interesting tonight...  I feel a playful one-on-one battle raging.  I wonder in what way?  Succubi :P  At first, they can scare the shit outta ya.  Once you get used to them you become more of a "match" which honestly is what they want anyway :P  In my dreams she's as likely to be prey as I... unless she takes me to "Elsewhere", but that's just cheating... I can't move in Elsewhere and she can do whatever she wants.  God dammit, I think I just jinxed myself.)

Meh.  They are sweet and gentle.  They don't play fair, though.  I'm fucked.  Lol.

Have you gave your succubus bad ideas by accident?  

I just did.  

Par for the course :P

Have you loved your succubus today?

(All joking aside:  I often wonder... will it be hard on my succubus when I get old, and eventually die?  Hard question.  I guess, I'll just do what I've learned to do when dealing with Bunny, which I suppose would most likely extend to succubi as a race:  I'm just gonna roll with it.  

She knows what she's up to.  She knows what she's gotten herself into.  Not sure I do.  Not sure I care to dwell on the "what if's", nor worry... that's not their way, and so... it's not my way, now, either.  To put it in a nushell?

It's going to be just fine.)