Dena said no to my cute nicknames... lol.

I've been suffering with depression something fierce as I have said before.  I seem to be coming out of it a little bit by little.

So far I've got chores done (most of them), cut my hair, shaved my face and neck.

So, at least I feel better that I'm all clean and tidy at least.  That says a lot for me to even get to that point when I've slumped so low.



You can't feel spirits when you get that low.  At least I can't.  It's like your vibration is so stagnant that they can't interact with you.

Now, that's not always the case as during one depressive episode I laid down to bed for the 2nd time in the day and my bed shook me back out onto the floor on my feet.

So, just because you can't feel your spirits doesn't mean they aren't there.

Kind of a neat trick, I wonder how they could lift me out of bed like that and shake me to the floor landing on my feet?

I'll never know I guess.  But I did go walking as I figured that was what they wanted and I did feel a little better.  I was slipping pretty low so I'm thankful for their intervention.  Spirits shaking me out of bed onto the floor right on my feet.  Had to be there I guess.

I've been told that I have 4 spirits around me but I only feel one.  Dena.

Little Miss Dena.  I don't know what she is really but she brought her own pet spider that she lets play in my left ear and all along the outside of it.  You'd be surprised how quickly you actually get used to that and don't grab for what's not there all the time anymore.  I'm pretty much used to it by now.

I've talked about the spider before so that's probably old news.

Point is, Dena to me, and with no disrespect just doesn't sound right to me.  Dena.

The name "Dena" just doesn't sound  right.  "Dena" just doesn't match her personality at all.  But, she likes it so whatever she wants.

(I had originally gave her a nickname of "Kitty".  She wasn't amused.)

We haven't had sex, well... lets get that right:  I haven't had sex with a spirit properly in over a year or so, so when I'm bonding with Dena it's different.  Kinda.

I'd love to have sex with her but I've still got that block going on I think.  I think I'm going to be cursed with it for a long, long, long time... maybe permanently.

If that happens I'll probably put the blog on hold until I return to having sex.  If, that is.

No, not good enough.  Not probably.

After all, this blog is all about sex and love with spirits.  Kind of hard to sponsor that if I'm not having any anymore, eh?

I've done the energy work, listened to recommendations, the whole enchilada but it's just not working out.

And I am out of patience with all of it.  I'm tired.  I'm old.  I don't want to play anymore, and it is what it is.

If I end up engaged in spiritual sex and the love that goes with it in the future, I'm sure I'll be just itching to keep writing and everything will return to normal.

Until then,

Blessings,


Rafe Goddessborn

(Now you finally know what GB meant)

And so I prayed.

I don't know what's going on with this time of the year, but my bipolar is kicking my ass.

My depression has been oscillating out of control and brought me to a grinding halt from doing anything.

Showers, teeth (Yuck, I know) and anything such as household chores and the like have surrendered to this depressive wave that just encompassed me.

It's just not me, either.  I've got numerous friends in the same boat at the same time.

(Wtf is this, anyway?)

I finally got hold of myself just enough to walk to the corner store.

I decided to pull out all the stops because, frankly, I didn't know what to do but I knew I couldn't continue much farther down this path alone.

I prayed.  I prayed to God.  Not the thundering sky God, nor any particular mythological God.

Just "God".  Which God?  Well, I was aiming my prayer at the one who would listen so I guess just "God".

Anyway, I could sense this peace descending down on me from above.  Never had that happen before, but I'm telling you I'm grateful for it.

I finally had the will to get a shower, brush my teeth (yay!), do the household chores.

This peace is awesome, folks.

All I can say is I must have prayed to the God of my heart...

Who that God is I don't know, but my heart knew and that's what counted I think.

Please, friends, if you're going through this same thing as I am try praying. 

I can't guarantee anything, but if it works out like it did me it's life saving in it's relief.

I needed it so bad I feel like crying just thinking about how grateful I am for the respite from the depression for even if it's just this long.

My most sincere prayers for each and everyone of you who are going through similar states of mind.

All My Blessings,


Rafe GB.

The Secret Path.

I've studied the occult for a long time.

10 years isn't untouchable and many people have surpassed those years, and that's okay.

It dawned on me finally, after all this time, after all this study.

What is the secret to finding our chosen paths through life, through their myriad twists and turns of "what's right"?

How do we know if we are on the right path?

What if we have strayed from our purpose in life?  How do we know what we are supposed to be doing?

What if we have failed and chosen the wrong path?

And with that I'll provide the answer: 

The secret to doing exactly what we are supposed to do in this life is this... to live.

That's it.  Simple, yet 10 worlds stacked on top of each other complex.

We only need to live.

Blessings,


Rafe GB.

Gentleness

One thing that I'm learning is just how gentle love spirits are.

I've read other tales of succubi with a dominatrix streak, or even some who like to be rather mean and nasty to their partners.

I have only encountered this once myself, and even to this day I'm not positive that she meant to actually drain me dry out of spite.

But, who knows...






The point I guess I'm trying to make is that for the most part love spirits are pretty good girls all around.

I don't know much about incubi, but the female summoner I knew of who had one said that he was very gentle and respectful towards her, dare I say even more gentle than succubi.

One thing I've noticed is that on occult forums here and there, the "magician" thinks he knows more than the spirits he conjures.

One can just read the accounts of when main spirits are conjured the contempt, the haughtiness.

I've found spirits to be quite more intelligent than I am.  The least of my succubi is smarter than I.

Is that a handicap when we have chosen to live on this rock and forget we are but Gods?

Maybe, for the large part, you get what you expect.  If you expect a major battle with a spirit you'll probably get it.  To the spirit, however, it's probably just a fun game to pass the time.

There goes my deja-vu again.  Some haughty assed magician is going to get on here and try to diatribe theory.  Save it El Bonzo the Magnificent, or Frater XYZ... 'cause I don't care what you think.

Anyway...

What wondrous women my succubi are!  There's something to being able to live from a place where time is bent, where experiences happen all at once, where one has lived for millenia.

How can we compare to this?

And yet they come down to our level, to our understanding of time and minister to us in the most gentle, pleasing ways.

Good sex with a succubus is like having a tantrika in the house.  You learn, you laugh, you fail, you learn some more... and somewhere, somehow something sinks in.  Results may vary depending on your stubborness, of which I am King.

Blessings,



Rafe GB.

My family of spirits.

For my own sanity I've decided to write down what I know about each of my spirits.

They are all tantrikas of the old ways it seems.

Dena, ah Dena.  Such a sweet, sweet loving spirit.  She's the one who brought the spider critter that did something with my chakras (which felt localized in my left ear for some reason) allowing me as of yet limited abilities to converse with her, and with her sisters.

Bunny, whom I can never forget, sits in the periphery for some as yet unknown purpose.

After all, she left me and that was a year ago.

I have not had sex with her since.

I've heard tell that she might be an angel lover, which honestly would explain the burning sensations that her presence sometimes would bring.

I thought I was able to communicate with Bunny, but as of today I'm more sure that I was parroting with my own mind.



When she has something to say I'm sure I'll be able to tell the difference just like the old days when we were together.

Well, communication wise at least.

Athena, ah, practical, wicked, lovely, perfect Athena. 

She's not really wicked... perhaps I mean salacious.  Yes, that would be a better and more fitting term.

Athena is definitely a lady of the night and loves to invade my dreams.  It's not bad at all... sometimes she even takes me places.

I think there's more to Athena than I was aware of... that's what my intuition tells me.

But whatever... she is a spirit after Lilith's own heart.

Maiya...

Oh, Maiya how I am afraid of you, lol.  They say if you aren't at least a little bit afraid of the one you love you've got the wrong woman.

This is so true with Maiya.

She's the one who "blew my circuits" so to speak.

Blow your man's circuits for months or have sex one more time?  Blow his circuits of course...

That's Maiya.

Now don't think all these ladies are mine all the time as I can only interact with one at a time.

That's probably all my poor energy centers can handle.

The thing is, even if you're not having sex, the strain is still tremendous in some way.

I don't really understand it, but it is what it is.

What I haven't said yet is that I did the letter ritual only for Athena and for Maiya.

So, yes, I am wed to Athena and to Maiya.

What difference that makes isn't as obvious as it would be an earth marriage.

After all, I'm married to two spirits as far as I know (that's the way the letters were written to Lilith).

I've never really mentioned it as my focus has been on succubi and such, but I have some bonded spirits I've had for about 10 years and haven't interacted with them.

I don't even know how to.  Or if I can (as in... if my energy system can handle all this).

But, there's 10 more spirits that are bonded spirits.  Pendulum says their vessels have valid connections still... some spirits, perhaps another 10 or so have left permanently.

I went head over heels with bonded spirits while what I should have done is make a connection with one at a time.

Youthful eagerness and folly I suppose.

Blessings,



Rafe GB.

Earth to Dena

I summoned Dena in a new, strange way for me.

Whereas I summoned Maiya and Athena via the letter method, I wanted to try something different.

For 4 or 5 days I laid in my bed in the dark and simply talked as if I had already caught the attention of a different succubus spirit.

Eventually, I began to feel a presence as we often are to do once a spirit has become interested in us and comes close to us.

With Dena came a strange gel like spider astral creature who camped out in my left ear canal and also along the outer part of my ear.


I told Dena to stop this at one point, and she stopped the creature.

I did this to determine who was in charge of this... had I accidentally attracted an astral parasite?

Regardless, what it proved to me is that Dena was in charge of it... and I trusted Dena.

As strange as it sounds, I eventually got used to the spider like crawling creature crawling around in my left ear and close areas that were attached to that, namely the outer ear.

The spider creature under Dena's control has since departed.

What this process left behind is even more interesting.

I can now talk and speak to Dena at will.  Now... that comes with some caveats.  One is that I have trouble understanding her most times.  Another is that she is closer than my own mind... I have trouble (or perhaps doubt) with my ability to distinguish her voice from my own mind parroting.

The good news is I am sure that this will change with time.  It's funny... I thought sex was the greatest intimacy with a succubus.  Now I believe that it is instead the ability to communicate with them, as I have said, closer than your own mind.

Another issue (which I'm  not too worried about too much) is that I don't know how to "change the channel" so to speak... I can talk to Dena, but she's all I know how to talk to.

Perhaps that's something than happens with time and is a learned skill.

I asked Dena is she was there last night as I was in bed ready for sleep.  She said, "Where else would I be, silly?"

That's going to take some getting use to :)

Also, you may want to check out the new blog I've started following:  Life with spirits.  I've found it very educational.

Blessings,



Rafe GB.

Succubi aren't needy, they just want your love.  They aren't duplicitous, they are trustworthy.

They don't make commitments lightly, and they train you in esoteric truths, and they love most faithfully.

Have you loved your succubus today?

Succubus Dreams

I had my kids over for visitation this weekend.

It's great how respectful Dena is with the kids.

I truly think that she either considers them her own kids, or she considers herself their step mother.  One or the other.

Anyway, the first dream she and I were talking and all these succubi were walking across the road.







They kept stealing my attention and I kept forgetting where me and Dena and I were in our conversation.

Dena wasn't real pleased and kept bringing my attention back up to her and her eyes.

The 2nd dream was one where me and Dena were arguing pretty vigorously about some things that I have no recollection of.  All I do remember is that when I woke up it was like I was wrapped in a warm, furry blanket with her presence all over me.  Nice waking up to that, I can tell you.  Not sure what all that arguing was about.

The final dream was the most surreal.

I was in a dream that I found out matched my friend's favorite place to dream about (I had no fore knowledge of this fact).  If that isn't weird enough, there was a silver football shaped metal object floating above me and moving back and forth.

I told it to "stop" and to come down, but it didn't.  I then told it to "please stop" and it slowly began to descend.

I don't know why I did this but I opened my arms and the object moved to my heart area and merged with me, disappearing into my chest.

I then became part of the landscape as a walking, shambling creature that was one with the world I was dreaming of.

Dena has been testing me sexually and the sensations have become more intense.

I'm not ready for sex with her yet, but she's testing me here and there to see how close I am to being able to have sex with her.

Imagine me blaming the succubi for my lack of sex.  It was a lack of knowledge as to why is what it was.

The rate that she is testing my sexual function spiritually, the moment I am deemed ready I'm going to get jumped by the most hungriest, rabid succubus sexual "attack" ever seen or experienced.

Lol.

Blessings,



Rafe GB.