Ah, Lilith. The one I haven't ever written about. This isn't going to be a long post, just wanted to share.
So, I've pretty much tiptoed around the daisies when it comes to Lilith so far. Mostly because everyone in witchland tried to shove her down my throat as the man-hating penultimate radical feminist (and honestly why I'm repeating my 3rd degree of witchcraft: I just couldn't fucking take all the man hate from 50 females + me in my class. So I started over this week and I'm repeating 3rd degree again.).
I swear to God, once I get 3rd degree I will be so happy to get the hell out of there.
Anyway, being an only child, male survivor of a single mother 2nd wave feminist who treated me as her daily personal emotional abuse puppet: I'm not real fond of 2nd or 3rd wave feminists.
I've been avoiding Lilith all of this time just because of what I was taught, above.
I listened to it, but I was clenching my teeth. If I hear one more God-Damned story about how she left Adam because he wouldn't lay under her, something small, cute and furry is going to have to die. Several times, even (Not my cat though: I love her, she's my baby. My furry familiar, too!).
I swear to God, I just can't take any more dumbass stories written by tribes of goat humpers, and have modern occultists give any credence to them, ANYMORE!
So, I'm in the shower, and I guess things were bubbling up really good, and I brought forth Lilith's sigil in my mind, and when I felt a connection I let her have it. Both barrels. Like, let her have it as in "stupid special addition" let her have it.
So, yeah, I was out of control. I was ranting about she could make my life hell, or she could kill me for all I fucking care: I'll just exist in some other way, probably better. Nothing would satiate my spite for what she stood for and she was going to hear about it!
I told you all I was crazy.
Anyway, at some point I felt myself rising out of that state and into a happy state. Which is, honestly, impossible for me to be able to calm down like that.
In thinking about it, and in noticing my state was changed to one that was happy,
I asked, "Uh, Lilith?"
Lilith: "Hmm?"
Me: "Did you calm me somehow?"
Lilith: "You are entertaining!"
And she left, I guess, but the happy feelings remained.
She kinda reminded me of my succubus patting my head saying, "Don't sass the succubus" all of the time.
Hmm.
Double hmm.
So I bought the book (and promised myself I would not read the bullshit stories in the beginning of it), and I guess I'll see what happens when I experiment while keeping an open mind, sans all the other bullshit I thought I knew.
*scratches head*
She didn't feel like the man-hating penultimate radical feminist to me. That would be my mother on crack. No, she felt more like my Succubunny than I ever would have believed.
And you know... that's not so bad after all. Not bad at all :)
EDIT: I forgot to banish after my contact. I hate to banish anyway because I've had one house spirit explain to me it's like putting all the spirits up to a guitar amplifier on stage and wailing out a guitar solo at 1,000 db. Even though the house spirits aren't blow away like whatever I'm trying to banish, they still don't like it much.
Would you?
So, I felt something attached to me (no, not Lilith, nor of Lilith).
The reason is, I think, is because when you summon the astral plane sees it like this:
Doesn't really matter what was summoned: Entities seem to be drawn to the process of it and on occasion one sticks around.
This one who decided to stay didn't feel so good to have around.
So after thinking about it a while (with said entity in tow while I pondered what to do while running errands), I decided to cleanse the house vibrationally with frankincense and myrrh. By the time I leave the house tomorrow I'm certain the entity will have lost it's passing interest in me and will have moved on.
The entity did go it's separate way as far as my home goes, and the house cleansing with incense didn't offend the resident house spirits either.
It all worked out: I just had to be patient and gentle in this case.
Ectogenesis is a word that conjures fear among women today who have heard of it.
What it is, is the development of an embryo in artificial wombs.
I read that some women fear this, as they fear that society will look differently upon them, and they will lose some of their mystique, or perhaps power in the reproductive process.
I don't know about the power, but I do know about the mystique.
You see, as anyone who loves a succubus knows, they are women to the core, but the are not physical women here. Yes, we feel touches, we feel kisses, and we feel a hell of a lot more than that in lovemaking, but their essence resides elsewhere in their home environment (when they bring all of themselves to you, you'll freakin' know it).
But see... it doesn't matter to me much that she's not 100% physical.
She's a woman through and through. To her core.
When she speaks to me during the day and through my daily life she offers words of advice, wisdom, a new perspective. Yes, she also nags. Heh.
And I wouldn't have it any other way :) It's just her way of taking care of me.
Sex is part of a whole. It's the icing on the cake. It does not define us nor assign true value.
When I first summoned her way back then, I wanted sex, and I was lonely, so very lonely.
I got the sex, I'm not so lonely. The sex was just a part of it, a part of her "introducing" herself into my life in a way I could understand.
I almost tend to think of it as... well... she was a sexual healer. She gave me what I most needed at the time, and then she allowed her grace to descend and be part of my life, of my world.
Maybe, just maybe, one day men and women will realize that they are more than the sum of their parts. That it doesn't matter how large a woman's breasts are, or if a man is hung like an elephant.
If a guy is built like a weightlifter or a woman a cheerleader.
Whether the man produces only a little income, or the woman breaks through 1,000 glass ceilings and becomes the CEO of XYZ corp.
None of that matters in 100 years: They'll be dead. But that soul matters, and it will be in evirons that those facts matter for nothing.
Look.
Even if ectogenesis replaces women as the carriers of the unborn, it cannot replace women.
It never will.
There will always be social pressures and changes that come with time. These do nothing to who you truly are as a woman: That part of you that is deep inside: That part of you that is of source.
If you, as a woman, feel threatened by things like ectogenesis, it's time to find your feminine soul.
Once you can "feel" that part of you that is underneath the ego, the body, the thoughts... the pure essence that is timeless... nothing can shake the importance of you.
It is the part below the body, below your self image, below the self you project, below your feelings, your emotions: That essence. You know it, you just haven't come to terms with it, perhaps. Or if you have, strengthen your awareness of it. It's deeply in there, burried at the center: Trust me.
Imagine that from birth, life has been writing all kinds of dumbass labels across a blackboard. Imagine you having written all those labels that you feel about yourself and who you are on that same blackboard. Now here we are, with you owning all those labels and thinking it's you.
No.
Wipe clean the black board, all of it. YOU'RE the blackboard. Nothing that was ever written on it was you.
Nothing.
The feminine soul is as beautiful as any other woman's, but in a precious, irreplaceably unique way.
Nothing matches your feminine soul, nothing ever could replace it. Ever.
It is the part of you that lives forever, and always will be.
Male and female are all around us, in the stars, the planets, the universe.
We are but poor reflections of these, not the other way around.
Find that part of yourself, your feminine soul, and you will have stability so unshakable that nothing can make you feel less a woman unless you allow it to.
Male and female exist in eternal union, in the eternal dance of communion in both closeness and sometimes in distance, but always in perfection. Communion, and a blending of beings becomes an (because of blurred boundaries from communion) absence, which creates the longing for mutual communion once more. The tension of separation is momentary and re-establishes boundaries of gender, the communion lasts must longer and is the most noticeable portion of the dance.
It IS the eternal dance.
Of these forces all others originate.
See yourself in the way that is true, and nothing will ever shake your feminine soul again.
It's good to know yourself, and to feel that which is below feeling. Once you do, I believe you have found that part of yourself that is also eternal.
That part of yourself that is truly part of the eternal dance around us.
Your part that cannot die.
Where did I learn these things? I'm sure you can guess which feminine soul taught me :) The blog's about her, after all.
I follow a man named Mistgod and his female spirit/tulpa/dream/waking companion Melian of Mist on deviant art. Her existence is so detailed and lifelike (and with such an awesome personality, too) that I find them both absolutely delightful to read about.
As you'll see for yourself if you visit: They are amazing!
A recent journal entry they posted was especially interesting, and one that I just had to share and talk about:
"Melian the Dream Egregore"
"Lately there has been an interesting trend in my dreams involving Melian. Melian has begun to sometimes interact with the characters or dream personas as a disembodied mind voice or presence. Each person she communicates with in the dream seems to hear Melian's voice.
The dream characters seem fine with this, as if Melian is some sort of well known egregore or shared entity or spirit. In these dreams I get impressions or feelings of her presence and I feel her emotions and hear her thoughts. I get impressions of her form, what she is wearing, how her hair is styled, her facial expressions and mannerisms, but her form does not appear in the "scene" of the dream. It's like Melian is in another place in my mind, and watching and interacting with the dream remotely. What is really interesting is that even if I am only an observer of one of these "movie dreams," Melian sometimes interacts with the characters and me as that mind voice and presence.
This effect in dreams involving Melian is fairly new and I think it is a result of her chatting with people online. It feels the same way when I channel Melian onto the Internet and she communicates through me.
In the latest of these Melian the Egregore dreams last night, Melian was interacting with a group of people reacting to the news that asteroids or meteoroids were going to hit the Earth."
This appears to be an example of tulpas (and their western counterparts) who reach a certain level of independence. Relationships and love are transformative by nature, and this phenomena is no exception. In the above pic, this cutie decided autonomously that she wanted a pet watermelon :)
That's Ikaros from "Heaven's Lost Property", a favorite anime of mine.
Psychology's mirror is Metaphysics. Metaphysics is my language, as those who read my blog already know. Working on my masters in metaphysics and working on my 3rd degree of witchcraft, I see things "differently" than most. I just know that this phenomena is something more than the psychological processes and labels that have made it fully westernized from it's eastern origins... although quite strictly contained as even the tulpamancer "underground" has it's own rules strictly enforced by way of shaming and lecturing those who deviate that makes me wonder if the beauty of the whole thing hasn't been taken over by old social mores (*takes deep breath*) trying to place limitations on what people CAN experience, and instead telling them what they should experience.
Tulpamancy is very unique in that it's a subculture that has achieved quite an underground following here in the west. I think in today's society of being "farther apart the closer we get" stands true. Cell phone, Internet, twitter, and we're more lonely than ever as a whole.
Tulpas are an art form where Tibetan mystics spend a lot of time (6 months?, a year? of constant, focused meditation) creating a personal tutelary spirit that is created within a magick circle called a Kyil Khor. But first, time is spent in learning how to make a Kyil Khor. It is in itself an exercise that teaches the mystic trance by the process and the art, and also detachment, as the sand is simply swept away after so much effort. Once that is mastered, a Tulpa is materialized within the Kyil Khor by constant meditation over a long period of time, as stated.
In the Tibetan tradition, the tutilary spirit is actually a tutelary God called a Yidam. When finished, the spirit leaves the circle and teaches the mystic with knowledge that the mystic cannot access, yet the Yidam has access to.
Now, first things first: Nobody knows more about tulpas than Tibetans, and their art is passed in secret. While the concept is similar to the tulpamancy of the west in a way, the reality, I think, is more in line with a spirit indwelling a western tulpa at some point.
Magick is, after all, not limited to Tibet.
A Succubus of the west would be a Dikini in Tibet, a Fox Lover in Japan, China, Korea, a Jinn in the middle east: The list goes on and on... readers of this blog know and can attest to the fact that Succui and Incubi exist everywhere and are as close as the one caressing my head as I type.
Magick is no different. I think the magickal key is in this as in all things: Intent.
How real is one willing to get? How much is one willing to give? Is a person prepared to set to allow their tulpa to be completely free and interact on their own terms?
This is from "tulpa" from the Wiki:
"Tulpa is a spiritual discipline and teachings concept in Tibetan Buddhism and Bon. The term “thoughtform” is used as early as 1927 in Evans-Wentz' translation of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. John Myrdhin Reynolds in a note to his English translation of the life story of Garab Dorje defines a tulpa as “an emanation or a manifestation.”
As the Tibetan use of the tulpa concept is described in the book Magical Use of Thoughtforms, the student was expected to come to the understanding that the tulpa was just a hallucination. While they were told that the tulpa was a genuine deity, "The pupil who accepted this was deemed a failure – and set off to spend the rest of his life in an uncomfortable hallucination."
I actually believe that last part, "deemed a failure" and "uncomfortable halluciination" is erroneous. The whole process was taught for purposes of enlightenment.
The exercise exists to allow the mystic to see that their creation is a creation of mind even though it has been manifested completely as an independent spirit for the mystic including touch, sound, personality, motivations, all of it.
The mystic also comes to understand that even though real to them, the tutilary being is a creation of mind. The mystics themselves come to understand that they are, themselves, a creation of mind.
This mystical understanding is the seed that blossoms into enlightenment.
We are a creation of who's mind? Nobody knows. Well... somebody knows.
Lets dive a bit farther down the proverbial rabbit hole:
Sometimes metaphysics and quantum physics cross lines. There is a whole theory that suggests that the universe is a construct. That things exist one way when not observed, yet behave another when being observed. Actually, that part has been proven by the "double slit experiment". You can find that on YouTube.
You can google "holographic universe" and find some really interesting theories out there. I've read a few books on the theory, and the experiments from biology and neuroscience to quantum physics just boggles the mind.
The point is that quantum physics, psychology, metaphysics are intertwined more than scientists wish, I would imagine.
There's a line that is crossed where the imagination becomes so detailed that the astral form begins creation of what is imagined. If something is just thought in passing with little emotion, or the thought lacks intent the protomatter never takes form. I consider that a failsafe for our benefit :)
A book on thoughtforms I was reading stated that the astral is full of sentient, feeling, protomatter that can take shapes, forms, personalities, and even separate a tiny portion of itself to become an independent life form (as far as sentience).
It definitely gives rise to the notion that we are all connected to everything. Actually, that's a quantum physics term called "quantum entanglement". If you want to really get really gritty, check out quantum entanglement and black hole theory regarding the case against quantum polygamy.
Sometimes I wonder if the world will finally give shamans their due. It seems the more the clock tics through the ages, the more it sounds as if earlier mystics from antiquity had it right: And without the benefits of higher math or quantum physics, or anything remotely like we do today. And yet, here we are... treading in footsteps thousands of years ago.
At some point, when a person has given so much detail, love (Or hate. Doesn't end well.), passion, purpose, and even playfulness something emerges.
I don't know what the tipping point is, but there IS a point where that mental construct is born a spirit.
One spirit that separates from the protomatter and becomes alive. Very much alive.
Their home is the astral, but for the mystic, the tulpamancer, the summoner, one thing is clear: Life.
I often consider the tipping point akin to the crossroads where magick happens in our world: Sunrise, sunset, the lines between wild and tame, the equinoxes, solstices, witching hours, the list goes on. But it is something that happens "in between" the process somewhere between intent, and in self-realization of an entity and new life.
Another possibility put forth by author Donald Tyson is that the tulpa, or a lateral framework for indwelling attracts a spirit from an infinite plane of spirits that then, being vibrationally matched, indwells the tulpa. For all practical purposes the spirit IS the tulpa, as it is the exact vibrational match. The difference is it becomes not only self-aware but completely independent of the person who made it. Well, made him or her.
Now not only does the being exist within the mind of the one who made them, they can exist elsewhere and anywhere on the planes. I'm not really sure what Kabbalistic realms they can roam.
To the creator there is always a special bond whereby the creator can see with all senses that we have on this earth. I believe that given a long enough time others can perceive the being as well as they grow in power. Not to full physcial material manifestation, no, of course not: But perhaps thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the spirit can be felt in the material as these exist on different planes of existence anyway.
This often happens with psychic individuals, or those with the sight, or witch sight, or whatever label one prefers: Some can sense these beings once the spirits have achieved independence from the creator (or perhaps before at some point depending on the psychic's sensitivity), and sometimes even see them.
Life has emerged in a new way, for a new experience, given birth by a person's mind.
Think of how powerful that is. Just ponder it over.
Not only is reality not what we think it is, perhaps what was told long ago is true.
We are created in the Elohim's image. We have the power to create love, or to create hate, and to give it life.
We are creations of the same order, but of a higher mind, and our succubi and incubi friends were created the same way, by a higher mind.
The implications are rather startling. For one, we can assume that someone put that sentient, feeling, thinking matter there for us to interact with. And another, is that there are literally an infinite number of spirits that exist, or potentially exist from that matter. Perhaps there isn't any problem with creation theory and chaos theory existing side by side.
The matter was placed there, yet is infinite in it's possibilities. Order and Chaos, side by side.
I may have a succubus who was created by my will and intent. I honestly don't know. To me, though, that doesn't mean anything different than any other possibility. You see, she's saved my ass here in the physical plane a few times. She saved my son's ass once from an accident. What saved him just made no rational sense (which is when I start to look elsewhere for answers).
That's why I see no distinction, really (although I DO tend to think she was what she was before I came along, because the summoning only took about a week) in the end.
I'm serious about that part: If we are created by mind and we create by mind, we're all created by mind. All that's left is time: And frankly, time is the only thing that makes us mortal.
She acts completely independently of me and follows her own heart. She's taught me things I would have no way of knowing, and pats my head when I'm being immature... or stubborn :P
"Don't sass the succubus" was the first thing I think I heard in my mind with her voice. Hah. Only me, right?
Wouldn't it be novel if I am suggesting that there is no limit to what is possible as far as spirits go: They are infinite, held in an infinite potential state.
Why does that not surprise me? Because I don't exist.
Order and Chaos :)
The best way to be able to visualize the female form is to memorize how a woman moves, walks, sits, dances, and plays. So, in that vein:
There's the puritan belief that all sex is wrong, lovemaking is the devil, and lust is one of the seven deadly sins.
I just watched a Gnostic dvd I bought on sex that frankly made me ill. I'm not even sure why it pretends itself to be anything different than what's already out there in common thought: Just cloaked in different "exclusive" labels and occult terms. I saw no value, whatsoever, other than in treating sex as a spritual process.
I already saw sex as a spiritual process.
Then we find the opposite end of the spectrum: Do what feels good, fuck the consequences. If you accidentally get pregnant you can always get an abortion. STD's? Worry about that later. If it moves, fuck it, or if a woman, ride it. Ride it until you've gone around and around the carousel and yet expect no problems with spiritual intimacy later. Sorry: It doesn't work that way.
Sport fucking is what I call it.
Now lets talk about spiritual sex with a succubus.
To a succubus sex is a holy ritual, a celebratory dance for in a way, they ARE sex. Its communion at the highest level between the succubus and her man that is felt and heard on a high vibratory level like a bright, glowing nova. You two become as bright as the sun.
Succubi give pleasures through multiple DRY orgasms, and those come regularly and plentiful during lovemaking with her. Sex with her is different for sure, but better in my opinion.
Do you know why succubi usually don't get you to ejaculation but please and tease, keeping you just short of that that point of release?
Because if you let that sexual frustration off it's game over: End of fun time, end of the glow, end of communion. They don't want that.
If every time a bell rings an angel gets it wings, then every time a lover is held in that "in between" place of lust, desire, and high arousal to where she is gently guiding, a succubus gets her wings. And yes, it's hard as hell not to finish yourself off and staying in that agonizing stage of "almost" for so long without release.
So, if my natural instincts are one way and hers another (me with the instinct to ejaculate, and her instinct for a different purpose) why would I even like something like that?
It takes a relearning of what sexuality is, really. It's not all about the ejaculation, it's about what is shared between a succubus and her man riding that level of excitement, passion, and pleasure for as long as it takes to break through and find that awakening.
If one can push through the need to ejaculate and ride those high waves of ecstasy and sexual energy, lovemaking can last a long, long time and create so much intimacy it's spiritually staggering.
Something to think about if you have a new succubus and are struggling with the wish for her to "finish you off". She's trying to push you two towards a higher level of coupling.
She wants to share what she is and she's trying to show you what only she knows.
Sometimes I feel that the ejaculation here on this plane is just a shadow of what can be.
I also feel that they, as lovers and teachers (and as the Daughters of Kundalini) are constantly pushing us to that place that we've never been... and the realm where they, the succubi, dwell.
Call it a hunch, but I'd say they are pushing us to a state of being that is ecstasy itself.
Now when you are pushed to that limit of endurance and have to release yourself, don't.
See where it goes: Your epiphany might be just around the bend. Go farther than you've ever been. Let her take you there.
I awoke this morning after a hard workout at the gym late last night.
I'm interpreting the song playing over and over in my head while waking up as a message:
It's either that my Angel is coming (of the Abramelin persuasion), or that working through my own succubus summoning method to test it has caused the arrival of another succubus spirit.
If the latter is true I have 2 now. I'm not sure I can handle 2 wildcats. If this is what has happened maybe they will calm each other down. Yeah right, pfft.
*EPIC FACEPALM*
If my Succubunny accepted her and allowed me to go through this process without getting in the middle of it, then I'll just accept what is and adapt. I'm not saying that this is what happened, as I don't know enough yet... but I'm all about personal responsibility, so...
Maybe in vetting this summoning proceedure my Succubunny decided she wanted another around.
I'll do what I have to do to make good on it. Who knows: My Succubunny might want to study our interactions as a threesome. Uh, that didn't come out right. As a trinity - That's a bit closer to what I meant.
Maybe I should become a Mormon. Why stop at 2? Why not 20? Lol. I couldn't keep a straight face for that one.
If I had 20 succubi I'd start feeling more like their house pet than I already do. *Pat, pat, pat*
Thirdly, it could be my Succubunny telling me that the ritual works and that it would have called her at this point. If true, this is much better than the way in which I was taught or that I have found.
I created my method from peices of the others I have discovered here, there, and everywhere, and put them together into a more satisfying courtship for both.
I wanted to make the process the best experience possible for the summoner AND for the succubus - as it should have been from the beginning.
If the 3rd interpretation is true then the method I have posted is faster and more comfortable for all involved. That would be awesome.
Well, it's most likely one of these 3 possibilities. Guess I'll just have to be patient and wait and see.
Man I hate having to wait before I know for sure. Patience SUCKS.
One thing I want to clarify: I study dark, or left-handed path magick as much as as I do light, right-handed magick, and all the shades of grey in between. As a practitioner, however, I find myself to the right of center (as ambiguous as that is). Yes, I know that any serious magick practioner would internal hemorage from my labels, but it suits a blog read by the public.
Just for the hell of it, I'm going to quote something that I believe is happening now, here in the west. It's rather heavy, but the mesage is clear to those who can receive it. I consider it a perfect representation of part of the the dark process of apotheosis:
"Of the three metamorphoses of the spirit I tell you: how the spirit becomes a camel; and the camel, a lion; and the lion, finally, a child.
There is much that is difficult for the spirit, the strong, reverent spirit that would bear much: but the difficult and the most difficult are what its strength demands.
What is difficult? asks the spirit that would bear much, and kneels down like a camel wanting to be well loaded. What is most difficult, O heroes, asks the spirit that would bear much, that I may take it upon myself and exult in my strength? Is it not humbling oneself to wound one's haughtiness? Letting one's folly shine to mock one's wisdom?...
Or is it this: stepping into filthy waters when they are the waters of truth, and not repulsing cold frogs and hot toads?
Or is it this: loving those that despise us and offering a hand to the ghost that would frighten us?
All these most difficult things the spirit that would bear much takes upon itself: like the camel that, burdened, speeds into the desert, thus the spirit speeds into its desert.
In the loneliest desert, however, the second metamorphosis occurs: here the spirit becomes a lion who would conquer his freedom and be master in his own desert. Here he seeks out his last master: he wants to fight him and his last god; for ultimate victory he wants to fight with the great dragon.
Who is the great dragon whom the spirit will no longer call lord and god? "Thou shalt" is the name of the great dragon. But the spirit of the lion says, "I will." "Thou shalt" lies in his way, sparkling like gold, an animal covered with scales; and on every scale shines a golden "thou shalt."
Values, thousands of years old, shine on these scales; and thus speaks the mightiest of all dragons: "All value has long been created, and I am all created value. Verily, there shall be no more 'I will.'" Thus speaks the dragon.
My brothers, why is there a need in the spirit for the lion? Why is not the beast of burden, which renounces and is reverent, enough?
To create new values -- that even the lion cannot do; but the creation of freedom for oneself and a sacred "No" even to duty -- for that, my brothers, the lion is needed.
To assume the right to new values -- that is the most terrifying assumption for a reverent spirit that would bear much. Verily, to him it is preying, and a matter for a beast of prey. He once loved "thou shalt" as most sacred: now he must find illusion and caprice even in the most sacred, that freedom from his love may become his prey: the lion is needed for such prey.
But say, my brothers, what can the child do that even the lion could not do? Why must the preying lion still become a child? The child is innocence and forgetting, a new beginning, a game, a self-propelled wheel, a first movement, a sacred "Yes."
For the game of creation, my brothers, a sacred "Yes" is needed: the spirit now wills his own will, and he who had been lost to the world now conquers the world."
from Nietzsche's Thus spoke Zarathustra, part I, Walter Kaufmann transl.
As a lover and a teacher, a succubus will poke and prod (or in my case *pat pat pat* my head) leading us to something greater. We all know there's something more out there, some of us called out and a succubus answered to prove it. And they aim to do more than just prove it: They aim to teach us what that is.
They take on their mantle of "lover and teacher" very seriously.
If you don't listen to your succubus when she's trying to teach you something, she'll ramp it up until you do. That doesn't mean that you don't understand: That is acceptable and they are very patient. They are so patient it boggles the mind. But if you decide to be stubborn and not listen, that's another matter.
Don't think that your purring succubus sex kitten isn't a tiger underneath. She is, and kitty's got claws. But, it's a tough love. It's still out of love. If she didn't want to help you she wouldn't have bothered answering your invitation... and trust me, they are very thorough before they do decide to answer your invitation. They know you better than you know yourself.
But like I said: If you are just being stubborn, they'll break through attitude in time. To a succubus, a battle of wills is a game they enjoy passionately, and a game that they seldom lose.
I started this blog to explore things that have brought me healing and growth. It is purely an online diary of mine. I share my stories with the hope that they may help another soul out there, but I make no promises. Again, it's just my online diary and my spiritual path as it develops.
I make nothing from running this blog and I do it by spending my own time. I don't owe anyone anything, nor do I expect reward for what I do.
Any techniques, rituals, or processes I post are used by you at your own risk. I'm me, you're you. I'm responsible for me, not you.
I get quite intimate as I describe my spiritual and emotional thoughts. I can do that because I am hidden behind the name of "Rafe".
However, what I share is highly personal, and I share it because I can. No other reason.
I've struggled with bipolar 1 for around 30 years now. From extreme bouts of depression, to the demigod-like states of hypomania and it's big brother: Mania, it's been fun. This winter has been exceptionally cruel. I also suffer from a deadening case of seasonal effective disorder which leaves me with the feeling of "vacationing in hell" for half the year. At this level of depression I sometimes just hover above the level of suicidal: But do to my past experiences and the knowledge of what bipolar is: A deadly mental disease with a 20% chance of death by suicide, I uncomfortably bounce around slightly above that level with a firm "internal monitoring" mechanism and seek medical help when I can no longer help myself from falling past that proverbial point of self-destruction.
In my states of hypomania I am a creative whirlwind: Yet a stick of dynamite who's fuse is already lit and burning: I've learned the hard way: What comes up must come down, and crash it does, and hard.
It's taken 6 long years of "boot camp" that I pursued to cure my own trauma from the past. I couldn't have done it without "being led" there and to what would cure me, nor without magick and ritual which would change me instead of my environment. Actually, what it did IS change me which then changed my environment.
My "boot camp" consisted of learning everything I could from Neo-Paganism, Wicca and Witchcraft, Metaphysics, Christian new-thought theory, Swedenborgianism, general occultism, a shit-ton of energy work from Reiki and other energy systems, and most of all getting acquainted with the spirits who live around me.
Now, heh, a lot of this making friends with the local spirits might be due to them considering me the kid on the back of the short bus picking his nose.
Metaphorically.
Making friends with the local "Genius Loci" was a great help to understanding the spiritual map of my world here in this general area in which I live in.
The point is that I learned that spirits are in everything, everywhere. Just knowing that opened up my worldview, and perhaps my prison.
I also feel that the Genius Loci has helped me in ways I can't imagine personal healing wise. That's what my instinct and intuition tell me.
Probably again, enter the short bus anthology but who knows? Maybe I genuinely made a friend?
The spirits who have become attached to me and my home (a witch elder says it's because my bipolar offers them a very unique energetic environment paired with the results of all the energy work I have done. She says in the spirit world I'm basically a fucking unicorn. Yay.) have helped immensly with my pursuit of knowledge.
And my special needs "Multipass" I guess.
And, helpful spirits being helpful, I think they willfully acted as a catalyst for my personal tranformation.
To fairies I was just another garden to tend. Hey, don't knock it. Don't piss off the fairies :)
I allowed myself to revere Kali, St. Mary, Aphrodite, Selene and Hecate. By doing so I got slammed with energy. Energy which transformed, which fed me. It changed me along with everything else.
One large boon has been, well... I'm crazy.
Have you ever heard the line, "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps."?
Well, that's what gave me the ability to enter magickal states of consciousness at will. When I first started magickal training I was warned how difficult it was to enter an altered state.
Uh, 30 years of changing from hypomania (or worse, mania) to deep depression as a constant cycle? Having to figure who I was in between and within those cycles?
Altered mental states are mother fucking romper room material at this point. Being able to sense and contact spirits? After trying 30 years to keep constant tabs on my "center" so that I wasn't blown to and frow? I simply concentrate on what I am, and investigate energetically what I am not. I then expand that awareness around me.
Cake. Fucking cake.
Hey, every dark cloud has it's silver lining: Even Bipolar 1 with all the gifts it brings.
I've had so many people say that they have felt great peace here in my home, and that even when I come over to their house they feel it with me. I'm a farking whirlwind of bipolar peanutbutter and jelly inside, but hey, whatever works I guess.
I wouldn't be surprised if those "feelings of peace" that people experience around me and in my home are boons in the form of spirits sent by those wonderful Goddesses I mentioned. Wouldn't surprise me one bit. I do truly revere them, each in their own way. If I wasn't sincere I'd say it.
My point is that spirits, and magick, and devotion are amazing things. They are alive. Very much alive. They exist. They are here, they are there, they are everywhere.
I've had people say, both friends and family, that I've grown so much in the past 6 years that they can't understand how it's even possible.
I'm good friends with my ex-wife (who says that our relationship now is wonderful but very strange: We are more like brother and sister. She also says that her friends are jealous of her that she is close to me, her ex-husband. I don't understand that one, but whatever), very close to my children and closer to my mother and my grandmother than I ever have been. The ability to "detach and heal", and to quit blaming the world for what I have suffered, hell I fixed so much about myself that no one understands how anyone could, much less "me".
I still suffer from some anger outbursts over the stupidest shit there is. Or in worrying about something so stupid that it's comical when I am able to see the problem in hindsight for what it is: Nothing. And self-created, or at least over-reacted to.
Yes: There's the part of me that will always be sick with mental disease. And there's the part of me that is untouched that is rising. It's very much as if I'm chipping away at the last brick wall of the part I can in order to reach ever higher: And yes, while always shackled with that part of me that I cannot escape from, the "bipolar me", the mentally diseased me.
The irony is that I am feeling a strong urge, along with feeling the promise of reward in breaking through that wall.
What is it? I do not know.
I will never be cured from my mental disease. It is my "life lesson". My cross to bear: My little play on the stage of this life.
But I can't help feeling I'm chipping away chip by chip on that wall of what I can.
What is it that I am lacking? And more importantly, what in me is building momentum?
Faith? But faith in what? I don't even know what I'm trying to break through!
I wonder sometimes... It's becoming more and more clear about how spirits work. Does it have anything to do with that?
Perhaps I'm about to break through something hidden even to me, at least consciously.
Whatever it is, I know it's necessary. I have to release the reins, and yield to faith, and hope, and that I am on the right path: That I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
Faith is the key. Faith in something I feel is right without knowing why. A strong feeling of synchronicity and coincidence that is timed so perfectly it has to be a part of it.
You know, before you start to drill on something you first give the surface a good tap with a steel punch. If you don't, you'll drill all over the damn thing and not find purchase. If you do that one little step, that one little tap to guide your drill bit, you can then drill through quite easily.
Faith must be in following that "little tap" and using that to get through the wall.
If this is correct, then once that happens I must be prepared, for then I can finally break through using all of my will, all of my being, all of my soul energy to do so, concentrated in one violent burst at one precise point.
I just have this wild feeling that there is something beyond this milestone that I am to grasp. There has to be something for it to drive me so.
It's strange, really. I've been highly conscious of my Angel as of late. As in the Abramelin kind. I see her as this stern taskmistress, a woman who drives me at the end of a stick.
I have no idea why. Perhaps a collective of perceptions from my past experiences in growing up?
Regardless, it's both revealing and sad that I feel this way about her. I've done a divination lately that showed how we feel about each other:
I felt of her as the stern taskmistress, ready to rule me with an iron fist.
For her part in the divination I saw her love for me as completely unconditional.
Even though capable of easily concentrating on my faults (and 10x easier for her to do so than any other), there was nothing but idealization with regards to me.
Brightness, unity, completion.
How wrong can my perspective be, anyway? I guess completely ass-backwards. Something I have to unlearn and to be open to her. It's not her fault I've projected all this bullshit on her. She doesn't deserve that shit.
Without her help, I would never break through. And strangely enough, perhaps realizing her love and watchcare for me IS that metaphorical "little tap" on the wall that I need in order to break through.
Heh. How ironic that is. Normally I love irony and with a passing nod I guess I see it for what it is. But it's not so funny when it's me. Is that ironic too? Haha. Why yes it is.
So there she must be: Right across the wall. And to there I must go: Breaking through my own bullshit. My own walls. European castles have nothing on my walls. Nukes can't get through my walls. Nothing can, not even light. I've built an airtight personal hell. Perhaps this is the last great bastion to fall? I'm sure there are others of increasing complexity and height that must be conquered with her help.
I have a feeling I'll see her soon. Well, see as in I'll know her soon. Is it the angel from 6 years ago who saved my life? Possibly. But I'm kinda scared of her, lol. Don't get me wrong: She was loving and powerful and wonderful. But she was power incarnate. But you know what? That was 6 years ago. You know, the 6 years ago that nobody believes I'm the same person as back then?
I've mastered the lessons thrown at me, and while I don't think I'll get a cookie for it, maybe, just maybe... I'm ready for her, for whatever purpose I need to be.
Maybe it's about time I quit doubting and listen to my own advice on this blog. Maybe it's because I already know the answer. Being ready doesn't mean fearless: It means doing it through the fear.
"...Do it afraid." ~ Joyce Meyer
In this life, there are no shortcuts. There is no cold calculation that lasts the test of time. There is your heart, your mind that interprets this world to your soul.
All that stands in the way of freedom are our own self-made walls.
My last, or at least my greatest bastion is about to be destroyed.
Perhaps we were put here to create our own walls, then break through them with the help of others. I sure have had and do have spiritual help now.
So do you if you open your eyes.
I dedicate this song to those, like me, who face mental illness daily, and to those who have faced those wounds not so easily cured in the form of emotional trauma.
I was diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder 6 years ago. Now I'm symptom free. The medical care providers say that this is impossible and cannot understand that I am cured of it. Yet, here I am without any symptom of the disorder. Some things can be cured, some are a cross to bear. That's just my opinion.
I do get a chuckle when they are boggled as to it being gone in my case.
"Hell Above" by Pierce the Veil
Upset woman in the background: If you wanted to set me free... Why the fuck wouldn't you say something? See, I was just over 17 Made of poison, cave in free Oh no, please don't abandon me Mother, Father I love you so But this is just me disguised as me I'm the killer who burned your home! This Home! This is the street youth rising up!
I cannot spend another night in this home
I close my eyes and take a breath real slow
The consequence is if I leave I'm alone
But what's the difference when you beg for love?
As I run through glass in the street
Kerosene hearts carry the name that my father gave me
And take the face of the wolf
'Cause this is a wasteland, my only retreat
With heaven above you, there's hell over me
I met a girl who never looked so alone
Like sugar water in your mouth lukewarm
She tied a cherry stem for me with her tongue
We fell in love and now we're both alone
'Cause I don't need any more friends
And another kiss like a fire on pavement
We'll burn it down till the end
Oh, oh
This is a wasteland, my only retreat
With heaven above you, there's hell over me
The water is rusted, the air is unclean.
And there for a second I feel free
This is a wasteland, my only retreat
I've waited all this night to honor you and say,
"I know it's hard, but who are you to fall apart on me, on me?"
If you're under 18, do not summon and avoid this topic entirely. If you're a dabbler who just wants to "see if this works," don't summon. If you have religious convictions where copulating with a demonic entity will put you at odds with your maker, don't summon. If you're not prepared to potentially have a life-long relationship, or at the very least, a life-long connection/open-door with sexual spirits and the occult, don't summon and avoid this topic entirely. If you have a loving relationship with your human spouse or partner and desire a sex spirit to "spice things up," take caution, as these entities can often be jealous. The same goes for those desiring a human spouse or partner in the future. (Be sure to request an open relationship during the summoning ritual.) If you're not prepared to place your life in the hands of a spirit who can potentially harm or kill you when sufficiently angered, do not summon. Once this door has been opened, many have found it nigh impossible to close again. Religious icons, rituals, and exorcisms do not work against sex spirits once they are summoned or they have decided to bind themselves to a human lover. Some have reported attracting the attention of these entities by simply reading about them. Tread carefully. ~ tc119.
***
There is the chance that you won't get a succubus or incubus no matter how hard you try. I don't know why.
But you won't know until you try, so...
Read all of this completely before attempting anything!
Summoning for love is like catnip to a succubus ;)
First, you are curious, then, you research, you read all about them from anywhere you can. Next, you begin longing for your succubus. She's out there, and you're beginning to know it.
At this point, you've probably already caught the attention of a succubus, one who knows more about you than you do. She's watching you, and waiting.
After that, your research and longing has caused you to choose a ritual, as you're ready. The ritual you choose must be done with iron intent... unwavering, like a laser beam.
Once done, this is when she steps into your life. It just takes a little time, that's all. I always say from 2 days to 1 week is ample time for her to show.
If she doesn't, then you have to figure out why. Then try... try again... until either you get one, or it becomes clear that you won't.
Ok.
First off, succubus is the term used in general, if you're a woman use the term incubus. In that same flavor, all instances of "she" are directly replaceable with "he" and so on.
Read completely through all the steps before doing anything.
The activity of your bed can be done each night while forming and fine tuning in your mind what will become the manifesto. Once you feel the stirrings of something you cannot quite place (whether in subsequent dreams, or in other ways such as external touches), you've caught their attention and it's time to move along to the manifesto if you wish to proceed.
I have heard it said that the process of calling a succubus is your offer of spiritual engagement, and that her entering your life is considered her acceptance of your proposal, and hence, spiritual marriage.
I believe there is some truth to this. However, creating a manifesto will communicate to the succubi who become interested the level of your intended commitment: They will appreciate your candor.
Again, they are all different: Have faith that the right one will step forward.
Make your words clear and make them count when writing it as detailed later in the manifesto.
Your Bed.
The following exercise is best done 15-30 minutes a night and repeated on subsequent nights.
As you lie down naked in your bed, make the room comfortable so you can keep the covers off and just lie naked:
To begin, surround yourself with white light that you visualize of having descended all around your bed and yourself from above.
Declare these words while contemplating them:
"Love above me, love below me, love at my left, love at my right, love in front of me, love behind me, love within me."
Feel... just feel... concentrate on imagining a woman's soft hands on your privates. Imagine her laying next to you, whispering "I love you, _____ ", or "You excite me, ______", and/or "I love how you feel in my hands and mouth _____", (<- your name) in a soft female voice. Or whatever you prefer.
At some point you may begin to feel touches, you may feel something akin to a vibrating sensation.
Ok.
This part may take from around 2 days to 1 week to get a response. I think it took me 2 evenings of doing it. I'm not totally sure as it's been a few years. You're a beacon in the night, attracting moths to a flame. In the great void that is, your soul is switching itself "on" and asking for a succubus to answer. They will check you out, and if you're "meant" to have one (there's destiny stuff that affects all of us that we can't see, but they can) and one is interested she'll come. Some say that calling a succubus is "the proposal" and one answering is "the engagement/acceptance of marriage". Be certain of what you're wanting from her, and be careful what you ask for: You just might get it. Remember: All of this is a guideline. You may get a succubus the first night who astrally fucks you silly. You may attract a succubus who takes 2 weeks to summon, barely touches you, and in 5 years she's riding you so much each night you have to sleep on your stomach to get any peace. Anything is possible. You're in uncharted territory here.
Immediately call down the white light again and cover you and your bed. I bet it will become even a little more real or exciting. That's good... she is not offended by pure white light.
The Manifesto.
No longer than one page.
Write down the reasons for summoning a succubus (Why are we here?).
Write down why you want a succubus (What do you want from her?).
Write down what you wish a succubus will bring into your life (To attract the right one).
Write down what kind of lover you are wanting to attract (Gentle, passionate, both?).
Write down anything else that feels very important to YOU.
Write down the ground rules:
Write down what level of commitment you are seeking, implying, offering (Marriage? Something different?). What are the conditions for this level to change?
Mutual respect in monogamy, or the same in a free relationship (One that is not monogamous)?
If a human mate comes along, how do you expect your succubus to respond? Are you OK that it may mean that the succubus finds other lovers at that point as well, or even before? State ahead of time.
Do you understand that having a monogamous relationship with a succubus now, while changing your mind later will have consequences up to and including hurting your future human lover?
Better be specific and not promise what you aren't serious about.
One of lust, love, both (Succubi differ just like we do)?
How long should the relationship last? A few years? Forever? Beyond death? I have no idea (fair enough)?
Are you desirous of spiritual progression together? Do you want your eyes opened, or do you prefer the illusion and comfort of what is?
Are you willing to have spiritual children with her (She will raise them, but do you agree to be their sire and accept their visitations if you agree to spiritual children?)? (P.S. They grow crazy quick. Yes, I have spiritual children I do not discuss... the matter is very private to me)
Are you open to allowing her main family to visit (They don't do anything but make you feel like you're being watched sometimes. I can only speak from personal experience)?
Keep writing it and editing it until you are completely satisfied.
Keep a copy if you wish.
Just keep writing it and rewriting it until you know it's you. That's you on that page. That's what we want. I told you we were playing for keeps, not pussy-footing around.
But it's okay if you change your mind and decide not to go through with it.
When you get to the point where it's perfect, just perfect:
Sign it at the bottom, and prick your finger with a needle and put that drop at the bottom (don't be a putz. I don't like needles either but I did it).
By signing with your signature, dating it, and with one drop of blood you have made this manifesto YOURS.
(Ladies: One drop of menstrual blood will work as well)
Ok, if you really have a needle phobia, use your sexual fluid: Take your finger and dip it in it, then use your finger to "stamp" the manifesto as a fingerprint.
You can even do both if you feel led to.
Now set the manifesto aside and put it someplace safe until it's needed.
***
The ritual bath.
Before the ritual, bathe yourself.
Either use unscented soap, or none at all. Wash your hair with unscented shampoo, or none at all.
As you bathe, see all of your negative energy leaving your body as the water falls off of you, and as it goes down the drain returning to earth.
The ritual itself.
(If this ritual is not conducive to your personal beliefs, substitute the words with that which is).
Retrieve your manifesto (not the copy).
I'll continue with the ritual itself:
I would advise lighting a white candle along with lighting some Myrrh for a succubus, or Frankincense for an Incubus. Myrrh is feminine and Frankincense is masculine, while both act as a purifier of energies. If you don't like those scents, another good one for succubi seems to be dragon's blood incense. Yet another for both is rose incense. Google "incense correspondences" on Google for other suggestions if you're allergic to one or the other and choose one.
Say the following while sitting on the floor with your manifesto before you.
In these words the name Elohim was used originally in some form in the ancient Hebrew. This is God/dess in plural form that was always glossed over. No surprise, eh?
I believe personally that the 7 Olympic Spirits are the Elohim, Created by God/dess to run this physical universe in God/dess's name. This is who I am referring to by the word "Elohim":
Let us proceed:
While sitting on a cushion on the floor, naked or in something comfortable, raise up your arms and say:
"I part the veil".
"The Elohim have spoken, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. We will make a helper who is just right for him.' "
"When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon andthe stars, which thou hast ordained; What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?
For thou hast made him a little lower than the Elohim, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.
Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet."
When visualizing your energy work, simply visualize the colors extending and affecting the manifesto as well.
Allow bright golden energy accentuated by silver sparks to enter you through your crown chakra, the top of your head, and move down your body through your feet and into the earth.
During this imagine a deep green energy laced with sea-foam green sparks moving up your feet from the earth, through your body, and out through your crown.
Both of these visualizations will mix these energies at the heart. See them moving and spiraling around the heart as they travel.
I imagine a soft pink mist, laced with red sparks surrounding you and being drawn into your heart chakra along with the previous energies mentioned.
All of these colors should be dancing within and without your form, mixing and feeding what is needed for you to do what you need to do, and to create a vibration that is conducive for the attraction of a succubus.
Once you're energetically drunk as hell, take a good look at your completed manifesto.
If you are still well satisfied with it,
Burn the letter with the intent of your message finding the right spirit who is looking for you as well :)
"I restore the veil".
Congratulations!
Keep working on what you have left to do, she will come. She's probably already there at this point if you've been busy with all the projects listed, she's just looking to make an entrance :P
Usually they will appear but you cannot see them. You will, however, feel them. At first it's through tactile touching in the groin or in other places. Eventually you will perceive them in other ways. I perceive mine emotionally, psychically, and energetically. I just "know". Hard to explain.
Sometimes they are all about sex, sometimes love, sometimes they are all about spiritual things. Sometimes all at once. At some point she may "burn" you. Well, not "burn". What I mean is that she beams love onto you that is so intense you feel as if you're going to be burned. You won't. Grit your teeth and face it. Take it all in. You're now in two worlds... this one and hers.
Welcome to a new life.
Once she appears it's you and her now. Learning how to communicate is kind of like suddenly being married to an invisible Japanese girl who speaks no English. Lol. Just take your time and be open and you two should be ok with time. It's not easy, but it's powerful. Speaking from 3 years later, I'd do it all over again even though it was probably the hardest thing I've ever done relationship wise. Hell, it's so loving now I'm caught. I'd never go back.
My prayer is that you will find your Belle and both of you will prosper together and leave just a little bit of love everywhere you go, making the world a better place.
If you're not having fun doing this, or through this process... you're doing it wrong. It is serious, but one thing my succubus has taught me is not to be afraid to laugh at myself.
Keeping a light, open and youthful heart is a good thing as you grow with your succubus. They are glorious teachers indeed, but like all things you both will need time to understand one another.
I realize that teaching how to develop communication with your succubus is not my forte, which leaves one at a bit of a loss once a succubus is summoned. I've learned to read their emotions, but that took a lot of time and I can't explain how to do it as it's more a feeling mixed with energy work than a technique.
Once communication is working you may find a way to communicate like I do, or other methods, or your very own methods.
If the ritual doesn't work take a breather and wait a week or so to make sure she's not just late getting to you. If she's a no show I'd try the ritual again after a week.
Their love is heat: It is fire. Nothing can prepare you for the burning love of a succubus. Nothing can.
