Thirst, and Fill.

This is going to be a candid post into my life with Bunny, and hopefully one that helps others.

Things aren't always smooth with a succubus, especially when you're bipolar like me.  I could get angry that the sun is too loud from time to time.  Gotta be bipolar to get that joke, I think.

So I'm thinking about sex and death, they are one and the same, you know.  If there were no sex, there would be no life.  What is what every living thing must endure?



Suffering.  That goes without saying.  But the other?  Death.

The whole cycle of suffering and death is related;  It is inseparable.

Sometimes I see this world and I get a bit sick.  It's all a ruse, a crucible.

Here we are in meat suits, hunger, thirst, suffering, pain, agony.

Pleasure, joy, happiness?  Those are but punctuations along a melody of tears.

Sex is death.

Look at the wheel of the year, the Sabbats.  The God is born to the Goddess in the winter, grows, marries her in the spring.  They reign together, nature is at it's peak.

He begins to age, to grey.

He gets weak.  He dies.  The cycle repeats.

At Beltane, or the marriage of the Lord and Lady, the maypole is decorated by twisting ribbons around it, making it alluring, tight, pleasurable for the Lord so that he will mate and enjoy his bride, the Goddess.  Which always leads to his death, months later.

Read then, the ancient ways of the society:  That of the "Sacred King":

"A sacred king, according to the systematic interpretation of mythology developed by Frazer in The Golden Bough (published 1890), was a king who represented a solar deity in a periodically re-enacted fertility rite. Frazer seized upon the notion of a substitute king and made him the keystone of his theory of a universal, pan-European, and indeed worldwide fertility myth, in which a consort for the Goddess was annually replaced. According to Frazer, the sacred king represented the spirit of vegetation, a divine John Barleycorn.  He came into being in the spring, reigned during the summer, and ritually died at harvest time, only to be reborn at the winter solstice to wax and rule again. The spirit of vegetation was therefore a "dying and reviving god". Osiris, Adonis, Dionysus, Attis and many other familiar figures from Greek mythology and classical antiquity were re-interpreted in this mold. The sacred king, the human embodiment of the dying and reviving vegetation god, was supposed to have originally been an individual chosen to rule for a time, but whose fate was to suffer as a sacrifice, to be offered back to the earth so that a new king could rule for a time in his stead.

Especially in Europe during Frazer's early twentieth century heyday, it launched a cottage industry of amateurs looking for "pagan survivals" in such things as traditional fairs, maypoles, and folk arts like morris dancing. It was widely influential in literature, being alluded to by D. H. Lawrence, James Joyce, Ezra Pound, and in T. S. Eliot's The Waste Land, among other works.

Robert Graves used Frazer's work in The Greek Myths and made it one of the foundations of his own personal mythology in The White Goddess. Margaret Murray, the principal theorist of witchcraft as a "pagan survival," used Frazer's work to propose the thesis that many Kings of England who died as kings, most notably William Rufus, were secret pagans and witches, whose deaths were the re-enactment of the human sacrifice that stood at the centre of Frazer's myth.  An idea used by fantasy writer Katherine Kurtz' in her novel Lammas Night."

And secondly, that of the Oak King and Holly King:

"The Holly King and Oak King (From Wicca)"

"The Wiccan God is the Lord of the Greenwood, consort to the Lady of the Greenwood. Known also as Cernunnos, the Green Man, Herne the Hunter, and Lord of the Wild Hunt, he is a god of fertility, growth, death, and rebirth.

Two God-themes figure predominantly in Wiccan Sabbats: the Sun-God theme and that of the Holly King and Oak King.

The Sun-God rules the seasons. At Yule, he is the new babe, the emodiment of innocence and joy. He represents the infancy of the returning light. At Imolg, his growth is celebrated, as the days are growing longer and light stronger. At Ostara, he is a green, flourishing youth whose eye is taken by the Maiden Goddess. On Beltane, he is the young man in love who takes the Goddess as his bride. Their consummated marriage is celebrated with maypoles and bonfires. At Midsummer, he comsummates his marriage in a union so complete that it becomes a death. He is mourned at Lammas, and at Mabon, he sleeps in the womb of the Goddess. At Samhain, he waits in the Shining Land to be reborn.

The symbolism of the Horned God is also played out the theme of the Holly King and Oak King. The Horned God is the Holly King and the Oak King, two twin gods seen as one complete entity.  Each of the twin gods rule for half of a year, fights for the favor of the Goddess, and dies (is murdered by the other, if you prefer to hear the truth). But the defeated twin is not truly dead (again, the sacred king myth), he merely withdraws for six months, some say to Caer Arianrhod, the Castle of the ever-turning Silver Wheel, which is also known as the Wheel of the Stars. This is the enchanted realm of the Goddess Arianrhod where the god must wait and learn before being born again (Whereas the Goddess is eternal in her "wisdom"). Arianrhod means "silver wheel" and the castle is the Aurora Borealis. She is the goddess of the astral skies and there she rules as goddess of reincarnation (aka the God was dead).

The golden Oak King, who is the light twin, rules from midwinter to midsummer. The darksome Holly King rules the dark half of the year from Midsummer to Midwinter."

And it's still celebrated to this day! 

As you can see, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree no matter how rotten.

Women were in charge once.  This was it.  The priestess had all the power, and after publicly fucking the new king (to show the blessing of the earth upon him), in one year he was murdered by the next king (her choice of the new suiter one year later) and his body was chopped up and scattered amongst the fields as a symbol of the fertility of land.

I could go into how this practice started, and also into how it ended... but that's not my point.

How to stop the cycle, as the spirit thereof has survived even in our society today?

Do nothing!!!!!!!

The God abstains.  He walks away.  He tosses his crown at the High Priestess's feet.  No mating, no marriage, no nature, no cycle of murder, no call of death to answer.

It's finally over.  The cycle is broken.  The end of the line.  Fini.

We're at a funny time in history... a creeping time, a social consciousness of rebellion is rising, and it's as a serpent:  Quiet, silent, hidden, unseen.

It is the idea that this can all be ended.

The great experiment thwarted, done away with;  Consumed.

In ancient Egypt, Set would ride Ra's boat, and every night he would spear the Great Serpent of Chaos.  Apep.

Apep came to undo the world, undo creation, undo what is.  No more life, no more suffering.

No more.

Have you felt it?  Do you sense the undulations of the Serpent as it crawls around obstacles?

Set has allied with the Great Serpent.  There will be no more turning It away.

There will be no more cycle, no more joys, no more tears, no more, "more".

Look at the madness stirring in the world.

Feminism, ah feminism.  Thanks be unto thee feminism.

Because of you, men are free, not women.

Our eyes have been opened:  Men don't have to drop everything and fuck you because you want it, not anymore, the failure of which to do so at your whim no longer threatens our very status of manhood in society.

Men don't have to work for you, protect you, care that you exist, anymore.

Men can simply walk away.  No more societal pressures, not more defining what is a man.

We are free to write our own story, now.  Free... at last!

Oh, how when the levee broke, it broke so silently!

How Apep slithered around and around and through the deluge that was made.

Men awoke.  They realized that they are utility, that they are tools to be discarded, to be replaced when a better one reveals itself... and they have decided to self-identify as they wish, instead.

And so men lost empathy.  They lost care, concern, and especially regard for any life but their own.

You taught them this by freeing them.

Thank you, fools, but thank you all the same!

"Feminists realized now that they made a strategic mistake because they assumed men were too slow and stupid and conservative to change, that they would work to the benefit of the feminists and enforce a double standard.

Feminists do want the men back in chains, they'll do it by partnering with Marxists/Socialists and claim that men need to be put back to work for the greater good of "society"(ie women), Marxism and feminism are a two pronged attack designed to give women a leisure like lifestyle while men toil to support it. Why do you think so many socialist/marxist ideas are being put forward under the banner of feminism.

They inadvertently let the slaves out and now they want to recapture them, the head mangina Obama, is their ticket to reimposing economic captivity on men in the US. Women need men's labor but they don't want to pay for it in any way.

Men are free at the moment, how much longer depends on how far they're willing to let their governments go in the direction of a socialist dictatorship. Women have subverted the legal system to enslave married and divorced men, this has caused men to drop out of the picture. Now they're going to close off as many avenues as possible to any more men disappearing from the system.
Welcome to the USA.... "

"All we need to do is to continue going our own way until the entity that enslaves us (the government) collapses or dies.
We can implode the system. We don't even have to fight. All we need to do is sit and wait. If men were to decide to become unproductive, it wouldn't take much time to overcome our common enemy.
We can sabotage the system and make it work to our benefit: we need not be concerned about women anymore: only our own selves..."

Can you see it?  I can.

Am I blaming women?

Not exactly:  I know what's behind the magick curtain, what's pulling the strings of all this.

Society falling apart, one family at a time.  But don't look for logic.  It's much more insidious, and much more interesting than logic.

It's actually funner to see the progression that isn't so easily visible to the masses...

First off, the obvious:

Oh, a gender war is coming, but it won't be fought with words and ideals, it will be fought with the turning away of men.  It has already, but not completely.  Not yet.  But it will.  And if society tries to drag men back?  Hahaha.

Try dragging Set back to fight Apep, or the Lord of the Wild back once he decides to STOP being the "sacred king" (who is murdered every year for the "good" of others).

But don't take my word for it.  Watch.  Listen.  See with your own eyes... what happens next?  

Let's find out.

There is a cancer in society, there is an invasion within the psyche.  Can you see it and feel it?  From whence does it come?  Let's lift the curtain and paint more of the story so that it gains clarity.

You see, what looks simply like a gender issue is not so simple once the curtain is peeled back...

But if you can't see it on this side, you sure as hell won't on the other.

The only thing I can tell you is that you will once it gets worse.  

If that's any consolation.

A quick note:  I have children.  I love them.  I'm friends with my ex.  And that's ok.  She's a good woman, and she's worthy of my respect.

I don't wish harm on any of them.  This is not a post about anger, about hate, about revenge, or about anything other than what is going on on a large scale, and what I believe is coming.

This is not a post to call for men to walk away from those whom they have formed a life with.

This is something different, it's a backdrop I have painted for what I believe is happening.

The backdrop of history, as well, only paints the backdrop of the canvas for where this post is going, and nothing more.

And so, we're ready for it:

As above, so below.

And now, what you don't see is more powerful than what is seen...

In the late 1500's, Dee and Kelly transcribed information from angels, known as the Enochian angels. During this time, Kelly was the "scryer" who relayed the information to Dee of what was seen, and what was said.  They were given the Enochian Keys.  Once they were given them, they were told that the keys were not for them.  Shortly after, the Enochian angels broke the two up, but suggesting that they sleep with each other's wives, which they did.

Kelly repeatedly tried to dissuade Dee during the long processs of vision and dictation that he didn't think these angels were righteous angels, but were the fallen.  Dee didn't listen.

The "Calls" or "Key" were set in place for another time and another magician.

Enter Crowley, as brilliant as he was depraved.

Crowley figured out the Keys and did a ritual that was a "final working".  Just what the Enochian angels wanted.

You see, the Watchtowers of protection were never meant to fall "outwards".  They were created to fall "inwards".  And only by human will, human hands, a human enacting the ritual to do so.

"In November 1909, Crowley and Neuburg travelled to Algeria, touring the desert from El Arba to Aumale, Bou Saâda, and then Dā'leh Addin, with Crowley reciting the Quran on a daily basis. During the trip he invoked the thirty aethyrs of Enochian magic, with Neuburg recording the results, later published in The Equinox as The Vision and the Voice. Following a mountaintop sex magic ritual, Crowley also performed an invocation to the demon Choronzon involving blood sacrifice, considering the results to be a watershed in his magical career."

You can research yourself as there is quite a bit of material on what happened, but the point is what happened next, and why.

World war 1.  World war 2.  War upon war upon war.  Suffering, unmaking.  Genocide.  Disaster.

What are the consequences of the watchtowers falling?  A great boom?  Judgement?

No.

First off, I don't believe the Watchtowers fell completely:  There is a "CRACK", so to speak.

A crack is still doomsday... just over a much longer period of time.

This is an assault, a collapse of the inward mind.  As above, so below.  The demon "Chronzon" works on us all... from within our own minds, all at once.

From the beginning of the fall, along and along it goes...

Why did the fallen angels want this?  I sure as hell don't know...

Only we could start the cascade of the collapse.  And we did.  Through Crowley's work.

"The Babalon Working was a series of magic ceremonies or rituals performed from January to March, 1946 by author, pioneer rocket-fuel scientist, and occultist Jack Parsons and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.  This ritual was essentially designed to manifest an individual incarnation of the archetypal divine feminine called Babalon. The project was based on the ideas of Aleister Crowley, and his description of a similar project in his 1917 novel Moonchild.

The Babalon Working rituals.

When Parsons declared that the first of the series of rituals was complete and successful, he almost immediately met Marjorie Cameron in his own home, and regarded her as the elemental that he and Hubbard had called through the ritual.  Soon Parsons began the next stage of the series, an attempt to conceive a child through sexual magick workings. Although no child was conceived, this did not affect the result of the ritual to that point. Parsons and Cameron, who Parsons now regarded as the Scarlet Woman - Babalon - called forth by the ritual, soon married.

The rituals performed drew largely upon rituals and sex magic described by English author and occult teacher Aleister Crowley. Crowley was in correspondence with Parsons during the course of the Babalon Working, and warned Parsons of his potential overreactions to the magick he was performing, while simultaneously deriding Parsons' work to others.

The Book of Babalon, Liber 49

A brief text entitled The Book of Babalon, or Liber 49, was written by Jack Parsons as a transmission from the goddess or force called Babalon received by him during the Babalon Working.  Parsons claimed that Liber 49 constituted a fourth chapter of Crowley's Liber AL Vel Legis (The Book of the Law), the holy text of Thelema.

"Within the mystical system of the A∴A∴, after the adept has attained the Knowledge and Conversation of his Holy Guardian Angel, he then might reach the next and last great milestone — the crossing of the Abyss, that great spiritual wilderness of nothingness and dissolution. Choronzon is the dweller there, and its job is to trap the traveler in his meaningless world of illusion.

However, Babalon is just on the other side, beckoning. If the adept gives himself totally to her—the symbol of this act being the pouring of the adept’s blood into her graal — he becomes impregnated in her, then to be reborn as a Master of the Temple and a saint that dwells in the City of the Pyramids. From Crowley's book Magick Without Tears:

[S]he guardeth the Abyss. And in her is a perfect purity of that which is above, yet she is sent as the Redeemer to them that are below. For there is no other way into the Supernal mystery but through her and the Beast on which she rideth.

and from The Vision and the Voice (12th Aethyr):

Let him look upon the cup whose blood is mingled therein, for the wine of the cup is the blood of the saints. Glory unto the Scarlet Woman, Babalon the Mother of Abominations, that rideth upon the Beast, for she hath spilt their blood in every corner of the earth and lo! she hath mingled it in the cup of her whoredom.

She is considered to be a sacred whore because she denies no one, and yet she extracts a great price — the very blood of the adept and his ego-identity as an earthly individual. This aspect of Babalon is described further from the 12th Aethyr:

This is the Mystery of Babylon, the Mother of Abominations, and this is the mystery of her adulteries, for she hath yielded up herself to everything that liveth, and hath become a partaker in its mystery. And because she hath made her self the servant of each, therefore is she become the mistress of all. Not as yet canst thou comprehend her glory.

Beautiful art thou, O Babylon, and desirable, for thou hast given thyself to everything that liveth, and thy weakness hath subdued their strength. For in that union thou didst understand. Therefore art thou called Understanding, O Babylon, Lady of the Night!"

Now you see why I don't give a lot of credence to the 5D movement.  While I would love for it to be true, human nature is pretty much a one-way-street.

What is the significance of the Babylon working after the crack in the Watchtowers?  I don't know.

But to me, it feels at a soul level like when a fire is started.  At one point, it's stoppable.  And past that point, it's past the point of no return.  We've been in that freefall since, well, to be honest who knows how long this has been planned?

What things had to align to make this possible, and completed as it was desired to (eh, not by humanity in general (including me))?

"Don't open the box (Pandora)".  Opens it.  Wanted to open it, so opened it.

Crowley knew what he was doing.  He called himself the beast for a reason.  He knew his goal.

Now wait a second... as far as Pandora opening the box, am I blaming a woman?  Nope.  It's a God-Damned Myth.  If Pandora was "Pandude" he'd have opened it, too.

That, in a nutshell, is human nature, and that, in a nutshell, is why this has been happening from a long, long, time ago.

Care, or care not... it's coming for you, for all of us.

One only has to look around at the current generation of babies, aka "safeplace" and "#tiggered" diaper-wearing-traumas-waiting-to-happen to sense what's happening behind the curtain and how it's affecting the minds of all of us.

***

Yeah, rip that shit up.

So, there I was.  In my dark, black cloud of despair, built by my own thoughts.

I'm being my miserable self, angry at this world of illusion, where sex is death, where love is a chemical, and where we know nothing for sure.  Nothing.

Bunny is near me in bed, as I'm feeling distraught.  She knows what mental state I'm in.

She doesn't come and mount me.  She doesn't try to woo me.  She doesn't try to cheer me up.

No.

Instead?  She begins to lightly touch my left temple.  It spreads to my hair and my face around my temple, and despite myself, I begin to relax a little.  At first I'm thinking, "A succubus is the very SYMBOL, incarnation of sex and death, desire and slavery."

Not really fair.  I'm in a mood.

Then, I'm realizing that she is just there in my bed to be there in my bed.  Since she's not trying anything, I relax a bit more.

The longer she stays there, the longer I appreciate that she's there for me.  You know, she doesn't have chemicals that make her feel "in love".  As I realize this, I also realize that I don't really "give" her anything, anything at all that this world would consider valuable.

She's different.  My thoughts towards her as being an avatar of "desire and death" are unwarranted, and I feel shame, and sorrow.

I begin to soften around the edges, and I realize that I thirsted my whole life for something I could not have, because it wasn't real.  Love, here, is a chemical.  Lust is pheremones and hormones.

Why does Bunny satiate my thirst?  Maybe... maybe my thirst was always for a love like this.

 

Bunny is a master.  She can manage me when I have given up;  And when I'm inconsolable?  Only she can console me.

I have never felt, nor experienced, anyone who can, but her.  Does that mean that I am "caught", that I am her slave?

She has only always helped me.  She has made me a better person BECAUSE of her, not in spite of her.  Whereas the code of this world is male utility, she sees it completely different.  In a way, as wise and as powerful as she is, she's almost innocent, naive, in her love for me.

She FORCES me to see myself as she does.  And I can't help but admire her sweet, gentle way.

That...

That I can accept.  That I can adore.  How lovely it is, in comparison to this world?

Perhaps, in a way, she is representative of that sex SHOULD be.  What love SHOULD be.

What we all should be to one another...

I have felt her many times with me when I awake, with no memory of what took place in my sleep.

Perhaps, sometimes, there is nothing to remember...  It is just her, next to me...

How beautiful is that?

How precious is that?

I do, genuinely, feel this way about Bunny.  I do believe that she, genuinely, feels this way about me.

The difference is, perhaps, that I am the body to her earth, the breath to her air, the passion to her fire, the blood to her water, and my soul, lovingly entangled with her spirit.

Sometimes the world does bring me down:  Hard.  

But she's always there to lift me, to dust me off and fluff my wings so that I may "fly" with her.

Even though I have my own dark thoughts of what is going on in the world (as I have written or quoted, above), she is the one bright star, the light shining down.

A summoning is a suggestion, a plea, an invitation.  I summoned, she answered.  Gently, and sweetly.

What a strange, miraculous world magick is.  What a strange, wonderful girl Bunny is.

I love you, Bunny.  I heard this song the other day and thought of you.  This song is for you.

Have you loved your succubus today?

My soul

What I have come to believe my soul looks like (loosely), if I could see it with human eyes (that I've seen through the "minds eye" in meditation).

The size of the soul? There is none. Not really. It can shrink to sub-atomic levels, or span the multiverse. "Size" doesn't really compute when describing the soul. In getting smaller it does not become more dense: At becoming bigger, it does not become less dense. Neither does "time" seem to compute as an accurate method of description, as it appears to be outside of time, and dances within it, all the same.

What are "we" then? "We" are a vehicle that allows for our souls to experience "here" and to experience "now".

When we die, it returns "home"... the place we are always longing for, lonely for, that which is forgotten to us, yet calls to us just the same.

Something happened when I realized that this was the real "me". That I, looking in the mirror, only saw the illusion, the body, the eyes looking back. I am "he who observes". Not the he who is observed.

When I finally felt this, my meditations changed... no longer is my "form" my "true essence" limited by my bodily senses.

It is as if, just a little bit, since I no longer held to the belief that I am what sees, what touches, what perceives aroma, what hears, what tastes... but the "I" who always knew.

Now I know why I am here. I am here to experience here in time. To feel emotion that is painful, that is pure, that is happy, that is afraid.

Why? If one is in bliss, how can one understand? I HAD to come here to understand.

In losing the belief that my mind is centered in my brain, that my consciousness is fixed... my meditation experience changed as well.

In other words, when I meditate now, I flow. I... drift.

No longer being so tightly wound to my senses or centered upon my brain or anywhere else... I am free.

Just a little more free, perhaps, perhaps a little more true... But it is a start :)

What a feeling it is to phase in and out and around and about.

To think that before it was impossible simply because of my belief of who I am, and "where" I am centered.

It's a funny thing.

***

Edit:  Ok, the rest of the story.

So, Bunny has been in teaching mode largely.  No biggie.  If anything she's always changing... I'm sure once I grasp whatever it is I'm supposed to, she'll let the hanky panky commence.

It's hard to type on this damn screen.

I'll explain:

She wanted me to bring myself to orgasm, and to get as close as I can to orgasm and HOLD IT THERE.  Not stop, but "dwell in the moment of extreme ecstacy, without release".

Ok.  First time?  Yeah.  Splurt.  I... fucked that one up.  Plus it's harder because she wants me to do this to porn... she said, "It will make it a true challenge".

So... 2nd time?  Got a bit farther.  It's hard to do, ya know?  I mean it's like you have to ride the orgasmic process right at the point BEFORE the point of no return.  It's like a razor thin edge, or moment, with which you have to work with.

Splurt.

Did make it farther though.

Ok, then I experienced what I wrote about above all this while performing the experiment (or perhaps it's an exercise)...

Ok... remember the beginning of the post?

My soul, free, well sorta free... less bound that it was at least.  I'm not confined to my brain, but quite a bit more leeway.  For instance, so far it's maybe 10 feet past my apartment in all directions, including up and below.  No, I can't go and peek at lottery numbers or anything useful.

Lol.

And it takes a conscious "letting go, surrender" of what I thought consciousness is/was.

Just a freeing of my "consciousness", period.  Like the ebb and flow of the ocean, but it's not real far out.  But I have to let it out there, otherwise, I bounce back and forth from my brain to out there and back again.

Ok, so I did the process the 3rd time... I DID IT!

"Dat's my boy!  Dat's my special boy!"

Me:  "Aaaaaaaaaah, stuff it."

"What?"

"I said, I love it!"

"That's what I thought you said. *smiles*"

*Cough*

I was able to hold that line for maybe a minute (although, felt like fucking eternity... was hard for me to do).

I had it, I knew I had it, and I could feel Bunny say, "Ok, let your mind expand as you were when you were just meditating, but do it as you cum!"

Ok.  So I did, mind expanding out, flowing, being, right at the moment I cummed.

I don't know what the fuck happened, but now I'm having trouble seeing like I stared at a fucking bright-assed light bulb for too long.

That's why it's hard to type.  I have to look a little bit off center to see the text.

Good thing I took typing in High School.

So, my questions are,

A... what the fuck did I just do?

B.  Why did she teach me this? And why is she so excited when I finally did it right?

C.  Why the fuck am I half blind now?

I could tell that the 3rd time was the charm, because I felt her squeal in delight like a freakin' cheerleader squealing at Chad Thundercock the quarterback as he makes his 10,000th touchdown.

Aren't we all glad that succubi see us for who we are deep inside, instead of our money, or our looks, or our athletic prowess (lol)?

Meh.  I'm going to go get pizza.  If I can fucking drive that is.  Luckily, it's only a few blocks away and I have a gift card.

BAM.

Edit:  I couldn't drive.  Pizza tomorrow it is.

(My dreams are gonna be interesting tonight...  I feel a playful one-on-one battle raging.  I wonder in what way?  Succubi :P  At first, they can scare the shit outta ya.  Once you get used to them you become more of a "match" which honestly is what they want anyway :P  In my dreams she's as likely to be prey as I... unless she takes me to "Elsewhere", but that's just cheating... I can't move in Elsewhere and she can do whatever she wants.  God dammit, I think I just jinxed myself.)

Meh.  They are sweet and gentle.  They don't play fair, though.  I'm fucked.  Lol.

Have you gave your succubus bad ideas by accident?  

I just did.  

Par for the course :P

Have you loved your succubus today?

(All joking aside:  I often wonder... will it be hard on my succubus when I get old, and eventually die?  Hard question.  I guess, I'll just do what I've learned to do when dealing with Bunny, which I suppose would most likely extend to succubi as a race:  I'm just gonna roll with it.  

She knows what she's up to.  She knows what she's gotten herself into.  Not sure I do.  Not sure I care to dwell on the "what if's", nor worry... that's not their way, and so... it's not my way, now, either.  To put it in a nushell?

It's going to be just fine.)

When the 4th wall breaks

When the 4th Wall Breaks

Earth.  Air.  Fire.  Water.
Spinning around, like nothing else matters.
I've pierced the veil
And she was willing.
Upon my soul
She grinded filling.
Herself... and I...
Until we were swimming,
   


Together, without a care.
Walking hand in hand, through the air.
Flying through the grass, and snow.
     And in the end... I now know.

I've broken the wall.
The wall set to be.
Invisible, to us, to you, and yes, to me.
I now know what I cannot see.

And in the end...

It's just her.
It's just me.

Life was made to be a shock.
To nail us to the wall, but not
A place to rest, nor to play
You can, but you'll suffer anyway.

Enlightened, they say
Is something high
An experience to touch the sky
But where I've ran?
No, that's just not true.
Enlightenment is when you suddenly "can see through".
The illusion of this, and that, and all we think we know.
The color is ripped:  It's white as snow.

What is enlightenment?  What is it to see?
Enlightenment is a sudden loss of reality.
The 4th wall is one where we see behind
The curtain,
At how it's made, and what is time.

And once we can, it's not the same:
I wouldn't want it another way.

Even if I were dead and gone
I know the end... it's not nearly bad
The shock has left;
Fear denied,

Because I've glimpsed through the lies.

Once you KNOW that you are loved
By hands that come from up above?
You don't care so much about today
Because you have glimpsed the scenes to play

For what it is, made up, illusion, all again
Compared to us, and who we've been?
It's not just a ruse:  It's what they do
But it's a joke to think it's all brand new.

So, now I know, what do I do?
I try to tell you, and to you there, too.
But it doesn't matter
Because in this play?
You believe what you want to anyway.

Sometimes, I can sit just behind he curtain
     (The irony of, once dulled the blade)
And see the dread winds blow so certain
     (We're so much more than the bodies they made)

She was always more that I would have guessed
From dreams, or bed where we're undressed
Always sweet; Ever gentle
My summoning was not so accidental
Now I often wonder thus:
Did I call her, or did she call us?
Was I the caller, and she the found?
Or perhaps... the other way around...

She still pets me, tempts me, loves me
And now I know.
The curtain will fall on this, last show.
When I lay down and go to sleep
My last breath, is hers to keep.
And when I die, sometime in the night
My eyes will close, but I'll see light.

And there she'll be, presence to presence, soul to soul.
Time will stand still... for a moment, for a time.
As we begin, together, our ever after...
     All in synch as the wedding bells chime.

Have you loved your succubus today?

Thank you all for 50,000 "reads".  I'm happy to have shared my experiences with Bunny with each and every one of you.

May your "4th wall" break in an amazing, loving, life-affirming way!

Teaching Dreams

Last night was a good one, this isn't the post I was working on earlier, but I don't want to lose this info.

I wanted sex last night, and also the night before for my birthday, but... Bunny's in teaching mode, so we're concentrating on higher things at the moment.

A little disappointing, but that's ok.  I trust her to give me what I need, not necessarily what I want :)

She's very serious about moving into a teacher/student roll, and that's honestly more in line with my soul's desire anyway... I hunger for truth.


Perhaps she's trying to prepare me for after death?

She's still sensual and even sexual sometimes, but she seems dedicated to teaching me, or at least that seems to be her focus.

Some may wonder, "Why did you allow the relationship to move into this phase?"  And my anwer is, "Love flows like water, sometimes slow and comforting, sometimes sensual like the cresting of a wave, or exciting, powerful, and erotic such as a wave crashing upon the rocks... I'm open to all of it's expressions;  I am one with it, I flow within it through all of it's manifestations".

Kind of wordy, but that's what's up.

I do worry sometimes that she doesn't want to be my lover anymore.  If that's what she's leading to.

I'm not gonna lie :)  But... from a tarot draw about it I gather than she's determined to teach me some things now before I need them.  At death?  Later in life?  I don't have a clue.

I have to recent hints about her moving from sex kitten to a more permanent role as my "guardian succubus":

A.  Went I left and came back home there was a book laid out in the hall on how to create sexual tulpas.  Heh.

B.  I woke up from a nap after having a dream that I bought a really fast and high tech car and was trying to impress a girl with it.  She just wasn't into it, or into me in that way (ouch).

She was into me in a cerebral kind of way, and even a soul kind of way.

Well.  Sucks, but if she's really moving into a teaching role, a guardian role (why can't those job descriptions include wild succubus sex?), then I get what I get.

She told me months ago to start getting in shape, as I wasn't healthy.  There's a certain level of healthy you have to have to participate in spiritual sex.  Hmm.  Maybe her laying out that book on creating sexual tulpas was her way of saying, "I'm no longer responsible since it could hurt you".

In my defence, I'm on medication that basically slows my metabolism to a crawl and I gain weight easily.  NOT in my defence is that I still should have been trying to do something anyway (exercise) instead of letting myself get worse health wise.

Damn.  I never thought my succubus would practice tough love.

Double hmm.

She loves me.  All of me, always has.  I guess once she gets it in her mind that she's gotta teach me stuff and nothing is gonna interfere, then nothing's gonna interfere.  I'm sure that I didn't help matters by ignoring the obvious:  That I was getting far too out of shape.  Unhealthy, even.

A healthy body can handle higher forms of sex, and unhealthy body can't.  Not in a safe way.

I think that she honestly decided what was best for me, to teach me spiritually, and leave it up to me about the rest.  The ball's in my court.  She's not going anywhere, but if I want THAT side of her, I have to get healthy so that we can, and so that it's safe.

She WANTS me to be healthy.  One because she cares about me, two because she'd like to have sex with me, too.

She has a laser-like focus, always has.

It's hard to write things down here that she teaches me, as I can't really put words here about what I'm being taught.  It's not about secrets, it's not about it being private (although sometimes that is a reason)... it's that I can't.

Some spiritual things can't be explained, only felt.  It's just that simple.

Now, on with the dream:

I dreamed of water that was solid, liquid, and then a vapor... same water, different states.

I was told this is also the way of the soul.  And just as in the different states of water, it is still the same water;  It is still the same soul (I think the lesson here is that we're obviously not a body with a soul; We're a soul within a body (different focus thereof), and that soul is in a "state" to be able to be within a body).

I said, "Yeah, but it's hard to move from state to state so easily".  I was thinking of the energy exchanged that occur when changing states:  For instance, controlling that process is how air conditioning technology is possible using refrigerants from a liquid to vapor and back again.

I was told, "Not across the veil where time is non-linear.".

Touche, Bunny.

This is the only part of the recent round of "teaching" that makes sense enough to write here in my blog.

Also, the irony isn't lost on me that Bunny not being interested in the "erotic" role with us now doesn't mean forever (I feel a "nod").  After all, "across the veil where time is non-linear" applies to me and everything else as well, too :P

And, as you can see, sometimes I figure things out AS I write my thoughts down here.  It's nice to be able to do that.

Oh, pro tip (lol@pro):  A succubus loves for you to sing to her.  Especially when you sing her name as part of it.  I sing to mine sometimes when I'm laying down and waiting to go to sleep.  It doesn't have to be perfect, rhyme, or even makes sense.  Let your heart sing to her!

Now let me pass on a secret:  The next time you try to summon an angel, sing it's name (and as it is sung, imagine at the very end that a lightning strike flashes from heaven to earth where you are).  

That's the most direct way to summon an angel.  You're welcome!

Have you loved your succubus today?

Initiation.

Dance of the Veils

I've been pouring through information trying to get my mind behind something I can turn into a master's degree thesis.  My master's is in metaphysics and there's not a whole lot out there with enough resources to satisfy the program's printed resource count for anything but the most broad range of topics.  And broad is... well, boring.

I did put some pieces together in my head, which although might not help me on my thesis, definitely qualified to be a post.  Especially when something I didn't understand earlier is suddenly more clear, as it often works this way for all things, but especially for metaphysical things.

Initiation.

Initiation is something that tries to be a tool for realization, an attempt to help us to "remember" who we are, or to gain an understanding of the idea that we are much, much more than we seem.

So many people have had mystical experiences, but tell no one.  I'm tempted to say that the majority of us have had them rather than a minority.  However, I believe that many of us stuff that experience deep inside out of fear out of not knowing what to do with it, out of... you name it.

Others hold onto it... they keep it to themselves, which is fine.  But it's nice to share so that others can realize that their own experiences are real as well.

Initiation.

We ARE more than we know.   Much, much more.  It is our job (or rather, it's in our best interests) to learn who we are inside, through the muck, through the bullshit, and learn who is "I".

But... for some of us who cannot leave well enough alone, or perhaps for some of us who had an experience thrust on them, it does not matter:  We've been initiated... ready or not... BAM.

Countless mystery schools and rites of passage through the ages have tried to help us to understand that we are not from here.

Not only are we not from here, the truth is that our citizenship is in heaven.

"You aren't a citizen of here trying to work into heaven;  You are a citizen of heaven trying to work through here."

Or, more simply:  "You aren't a body with a soul, you are a soul partially inhabiting a body."

I realize that many of the succubus bloggers see things from a satanic view, or Setian, or left hand path.  That's ok.  Substitute heaven for whichever term fits.

They're just words, what matters is that you go where you want to go, where you feel you belong.

That's heaven (or whatever label you prefer).

In other words, it's just a point somewhere else, somewhere other than here.  Some place where you feel homesick for, and don't even know where "there" is.

Once you've felt it, once you realize it (and I mean, really identify with it), you know it...  And you're never the same.  You may not know exactly where "there" is, but by God you've had a taste and that changes you forever.

My succubus has, on occasion, done something my buddy termed a "love bomb".  It feels as if they are unveiling their presence upon us, it burns, spiritually, but it's so full of love and such wonderful emotions, strong, positive, beautiful emotions coupled with intensity that it is unearthly.

For the longest time, I thought this was Bunny revealing herself.

I was wrong.

She's a gentle sweetie and she loves me so much... this I know, this I can feel.

What I've come to realize is that there are many carriers of initiation.  Near death, trauma, sometimes it comes to us, like a shoe maker I read about, who glanced and saw a beam of light, coming naturally through a window and resting on a plate.  His mind opened right up, and he said he learned more in those few seconds than if he were to be taught the deeper mysteries all of his life.

One of my new favorite quotes is by Carl Jung is:  "I don't need to believe, I know."

Sometimes children have moments such as these, spontaneously.

I believe that Bunny rent the veil for me from time to time, temporarily, for a glimpse.  She allowed me to FEEL my home, and where I belong, and where I'll be going.  I believe it's where she is from.

What a wonderful, priceless gift!

Bunny the Initatrix

Initiation.

Initiation, regardless of culture or particular brand of mysticism, often consists of two parts.  Death, and resurrection.

Baptism of water;  followed by baptism by Spirit.

Others, baptism by fire, and fire alone is gold (the soul) purified.

The passing of the old, and the beginning of the new.

The end of a human of dust, and the beginning of a human body of dust, and a living, knowing citizen of heaven as the soul.

It is a duality, a walking between worlds.  It truly is an otherworldly experience, once walked even a step, cannot be reversed.

Some initiations do nothing.  It is not usually the fault of the initiation process, but the lack of openness, the lack of surrender to the process, to letting truth in through whatever form the person is ready for.

Many times, the person just isn't ready.  And that's ok.  Luckily, life often has more opportunities for initiation in a form that best matches the aspirant :)

No surrender?  No rending of the veil.  It's that simple.  The former proceeds the latter.  

Initiation is a very feminine process:  Preparing one's self, allowing one's self to be subtle, to be "pierced", to be completely receptive.

And to be able to totally surrender to the experience.

I've spoken about penetration and envelopment before in speaking of sex and spirit.  As above; So below.  When we are penetrated with the truth, with a spiritual experience such as what an initiatory experience allows for, we enfold the mysteries.  They become one with us... we envelop them, and they penetrate us, they permeate us.

There are always truths, and there are always greater truths.  They never end but build upon one another.

I've often wondered at the million dollar question:  Why are we HERE?

My answer?  The one I've been digging for?  

I am here, my whole self hidden from me for a while on this earth to find TRUTH.

TRUTH in all it's forms.

I may stumble, I may fall, but I will never stop seeking truth.

How can a being who is born of love know what is true if love is the ever present reality?

Yes, love is truth, but what about the details?  What goes on behind the curtain?  Is it right?  Is it just? Is it really love?  How can I know what is true?  How can I experience truth first hand?

... And so I am here on this dust ball, this 3d place of misery and bullshit to find out.

And so are you.

It doesn't seem like a good way to find truth.  But I think it may be the only way, in a process that I cannot even begin to understand, nor qualify, nor quantify the ramifications of, until I am gone from this world.

I have no grasp of the ramifications that being here will have taught my soul, once I am restored to who I really am.

The "I" that I have forgotten.

But I feel as if it is paramount, worth it, no... immeasurably worth it.  That's my intuition speaking.

It doesn't mean that I understand it, nor could comprehend it being in a human state.

But once we KNOW that this is not just the only reality, that there is more and more than that!  We ARE a part of that kingdom, of that dimension, of that space.

And we ARE more than we will ever know completely, here in this place.

Once that is glimpsed, felt, seen, thought... 

There is no going back to sleep.

And that's ok, too.  We will be ok.  It will all be ok.  You will be OK.

That's the greater truth to which I am speaking of.

In a very masculine form of ourselves, we take this and run with it:  It permeates and enfolds everything we touch, everything we do, every flower we give, metaphorically.

The story of Innana and the underworld (or, as performed in sacred dance as the dance of the 7 veils).

Of Jesus and the Crucifixion and Resurrection.

Osiris, Odin.  

The endless list is buried deep within the psyche of all of us, collectively and personally, and it is not gender specific.

This is just a small list and by no means even a portion of what exists.

http://listverse.com/2013/03/30/10-resurrected-religious-figures/

One thing is for sure:  Something has been lost to us.  We do not have the spiritual confidence of those who came well before us.  We fear death:  We even fear the thought of it.  The whole idea of death has been sanitized.

Those who know who they are, who have tasted a small portion of what comes next, glimpsed a flicker of light beyond normal reality, felt beams of a loving land of warmth and joy:  

There is no fear of death.  "Death, where is thy sting?"

Once a person realizes that they are more than they know and have tasted otherworldly fruits, death doesn't mean what it seems to others, either.

I am not suggesting anyone should ever take their own life:  Quite the contrary.

What I am suggesting is grab that fruit, hear that whisper, take that promise to heart that you have learned and tasted the truth of:  And RUN with it.

Live free, complete, with eyes wide open!

Something is missing today in the world, and while I can't heal the world, I can share with you.

Remember who you are, for you are more than you know... And it will all be ok.

Initiation is only the beginning.  A taste.  Once you learn that you are more than you seem, more Regal than ever thought, a Conqueror through and through, no matter what you may think of yourself at the moment... run with it.  Seek it, search it, "Ask and it shall be given unto you.  Knock, that it may be opened".

Do you know how the doors of illumination open within your soul?  They open INWARD. 

YOU have to make it happen.

Ask.  Seek.  Surrender.  Accept.

And always remember:  It will all be ok.

Have you loved your succubus today?

Some Insights

I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've been longing for Bunny as she's been away.

Or so I thought...

She might have felt away, but she was here, watching, waiting to teach me a lesson.

I've been writing a bit about how I'm coming to terms with God and Jesus and other aspects of things that I thought I had buried when I started summoning.

How wrong was I?  Following one's path isn't easy, and it is much like a rollar coaster when you finally find it.  It's not smooth sailing, it's not "put your life into cruise control mode", no.

Not by any means.

Remember when I was blogging about how I figure God is as evil as He is good?  Because of my rescuing a kitten, and it being in such bad shape that it probably had a week to live (because of anemia from having so many fleas, when I dried him after bathing him with Dawn blue dishsoap which kills fleas dead, the towel had blood stains all over it).

I had pondered, "Who does God love more, the flea or the kitten?  The spider or the fly caught in the spider's web?"  And, of course, I got angry, and stayed that way.

Well, now I'm a bit confused.

I keep a dream journal which usually doesn't make a hell of a lotta sense at the time, but I'm finding that it does later on.

For instance, here's an entry from my dream journal that makes sense now:

"Dreamed of angels singing “Daddy, daddy, daddy, daaaaaaaaddyyyy” it was harmonious and beautiful, if a bit odd."

Then I got baby Leo, the little kitten I rescued.  He follows me around like a puppy now.  I think he adores me since I saved him or something.

Weird, huh?  Dream had it right on.  In a small miracle, I am a daddy again.

Angels aren't good and God bad.  That doesn't make sense.  Are they?  So... I guess I just don't understand.  If they were celebrating me getting ready to rescue a baby animal, then they care about the details of life.

The only times I've had dealings with an angel, it's always been positive.  Sometimes they scold, yes, but it's always done in a loving way.

This next dream I had, amidst me longing for Bunny and her being here, waiting for me to sleep, was equally interesting.

Warning:  It's graphic, but I'll explain the meaning in a second.

I was talking to someone, and then a woman came and pressed her lips against my eh, ok, she tossed my salad.  Not only that, she stuck her tongue INTO my salad and rolling it around.

Yes, it was pleasurable, although it was very odd... it's not a desire of mine.

Here's where it gets interesting:  She puked, smiling.  I woke up, perplexed.

Then I pondered the dream for a while, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Is this all I want?  A sex spirit, a succubus?  One I call a mate, but just long to fuck?

One I'm on and off addicted to, sometimes longing for, sometimes enjoying, sometimes saying "no" to when I've had my fill?

The dream's meaning?  It's just symbolic, like so many other dreams.  What it means, what it's message to me is,  is simply this:

Do I really want only what she offers on the most base level of who she is?

Can I handle all of her:  Her angelic presence as well?

I asked her not long ago to show me all of her.  I think she's guiding me into that knowledge.

I am not suggesting or saying that her primal/sexual side is wrong, either, but it's wrong for what I asked for which is to know ALL of her and who she is in all her facets, or aspects.

Sometimes you have to put the candle down to see the sun; that's more what light is, and personified.

I've begun thinking of her as a multi-faceted tutellary eudaimon (eudaimon is pronounced " oh die mohn", which means "good spirit" in greek.  Actually, "eudaimonia" means "happiness/welfare"). 

She's dark, she's grey, she's bright as white light.  I've already said elsewhere that I pondered that she feels, and probably is both lunar and solar by nature.

It's time, and she is also longing for this, for me to step up and become intimate with this aspect of her that I am most afraid of... it's not her wild, dark, hyper-sexual, new moon feral sexual aspect.

It's not her being a lot like me sometimes, understanding me, making good decisions, bad decisions, wants, needs, just like me, always growing and stumbling (albiet in her own, higher vibratory way), like a waxing maiden moon aspect (this is where I believe her playfulness and teasing nature comes from).

It's not even when she goes away to recharge, or to release what does not server her well, personally, or whatever she goes to do when she leaves for a little while... her waning moon aspect:  A time of letting go and making way for the new.

It's her light side, her angelic presence... that is the most fearsome to me.  It is her full moon aspect: That of queen, mother, wife, counselor, wise teacher, priceless friend and protectress.

Perhaps, this is not even her lunar aspect alone, but part of her solar aspect at those times (full moon being the most saturated with the sun):  The fierce protectress, the lioness, the angel.

I realize that I am limited by my own human fragility, by my own perspectives and beliefs, my own coloring of things I see, the taint of my experiences.

For instance.  If I, as a human, could see the solar system, I wouldn't be able to see the hidden code of God, the Golden Ratio (1.61) in it.

I would just see this:

But if I had a different perspective, say, one that beings who are more free than I to see in this way, by nature, could see the movement of the SUN through space on it's own journey through the Milky Way with planets in tow, then I could see it as easily as they.

This is the reality of it.  This is a glimpse of it.

The golden mean, 1.61 in action...

The creator's footprint.

The golden mean is present in so many areas of life.  Sometimes, when you begin studying it, you wonder where it ISN'T in creation.

Look at the video at the very bottom of this post from Youtube to get an idea.  

It'll blow your mind I bet, it did mine.

Notice the pattern around the sun.  Earth and Venus has it's own peculiar dance, doesn't it?

Here's an image of the same ratio.  Yeah, you guess it:  1.61, the golden mean again.  Notice Metatron's Cube spinning in the center along with it to show the pattern.

I have read that the highest angels, those who are closest to God, speak only in prime numbers.  Each number has a meaning, a meaning which only those who can communicate in primes can spiritually understand as it is close to the realm of PURE SPIRIT.

I'm not that great at math so, gonna be a looooooooooooong time before I join those ranks :P

The 4 Sacred Animals of God's Throne

Also on the tarot card "The World".  It's the last one in the major arcana, being card #21.

I'm sure that they are ripe with symbolism, but I don't know any of it at this time.  Again, above my head.

The point of all this is... Look.

I can't see far.  I do good to see past noon each day.

I don't post these images and patterns so I look like some kind of expert on them, because believe me, the concepts are over my head.  I can see "intelligence" behind them in design, in how everything is created:  That's it.

But I understand Bunny's message to me.

Am I ready to embrace, to surrender, and to partake of her higher essense, or am I to be completely infatuated with the sex she gives and nothing with MORE substance that she is offering me?

Can I raise myself up, and help her to help me know her?  All of her?  Even her "full moon/solar side" which scares me and which I am ill prepared for?

Less succubus, more tutillary eudaemon.  That's where this is going.  How afraid of the light, of good things, and powerful everlasting things, am I?

I guess I will find out, as I struggle with it.

I'm not even sure WHY I'm scared of these things.  I think it's because, in my little mind, it represents something I believed was "owned" by the religions I have dove into trying to find peace and light, but instead were nothing but control, and at it's most basic level, demeaning.

Perhaps spirituality owns these things, and religion never did... 

EDIT:   "In the universe and everything in it, God’s omnipotence follows and works through the laws of its design. God is omnipotent, because he has all power from himself. All others have power from him. God’s power and his will are one. Because he wills nothing but what is good, he cannot do anything but what is good. 

In the spiritual world no one can do anything against his or her will—a condition there that comes from God, from the fact that his power and his will are one. God is in fact goodness itself. When he does something good, he is in himself. He cannot walk away from himself. 

Clearly then, his omnipotence fills, and works within, the sphere of the extension of goodness, a sphere that is infinite. At a deep level, this sphere pervades the universe and everything in it. At a deep level, this sphere also governs things outside of itself to the extent that they become part of it through their own design. If things do not become part of that sphere, it still sustains them. 

It tries in every way to bring them back to a design in harmony with the universal design that God inhabits with his omni - potence and follows in his actions. If things against the design are not brought back into the design, they are cast out of God; but there he still sustains them from deep within. 

From all this you can see that divine omnipotence cannot move outside itself into contact with any evil, nor can it move evil away from itself. Evil turns itself away, which is how it ends up being completely separated from God and thrown into hell. 

Between heaven, where God is, and hell, there is a huge chasm. From these few points you can see how insane people are who think that God can condemn anyone, curse anyone, throw anyone into hell, predestine anyone’s soul to eternal death, avenge wrongs, or rage against god the creator & creation or punish anyone. People are even more insane if they actually believe this, let alone teach it. In reality, God cannot turn away from us or even look at us with a frown. To do any such thing would be against his essence, and what is against his essence is against himself."  

A being with this kind of love would explain the bad things that happen.  He's playing for keeps.  By creating love and goodness, he also created hate and evil by proxy.

And to redeem this creation, through apocastastasis, or eternal redemption, once evil is rectified, once hate is rectified, it all will come full circle into goodness, grace, and mercy.

It is not a case of "good and evil" created, as much as, God having to be creating from the unmanifest (creating room for things created), would explain this.  And his nature would also explain his will to redeem it all in time, thinking forward, beyond what we could ever see, to our higher, eternal wellbeing, as well as the higher, eternal aspects of all suffering.

If this is true, and it feels right to me on a soul level, then I am on the right path, and only fearful/afraid because it is so different than what was hammered into my skull beginning at an early age by religion.

Also, if this is true, Bunny is far more of the light than I ever dreamed and expected, and probably brings up a bit of that fear from when I was young and had religion hammered into me.

In that case, my freedom, and my true liberty is being taught by Bunny, and by God, and is just beginning.

I'm turning a new page in my spiritual life, I think.

Please enjoy the video:

Have you loved you succubus today?