Tackling more of the puzzle.

In the last blog post I talked about the effect of a succubus, well... what effect a succubus has on ME and my psychology, that's all I can really say:  I can't say anything empirically.

With those questions answered to my satisfaction two remain.

One is, what is the Succubunny?  What is she exactly?  And the 2nd is:  Why.

Yes, why?

I'm one of those people who are just naturally curious.  While I love our interaction and relationship, there is always a need to know more.  As my love for her has grown, so has my desire to understand her, and to understand her and I in some sort of worldview that I can grasp or come to grips with.

The 2nd I'm going to have to wait on as I haven't made up my mind yet, and don't have enough to make a conclusion.

The 1st though:  I think I've got it (sorta).

Now, first things first:  This is all my opinion, so don't get all uppity if yours is different.  I created this blog for my own "spirit love diary" of sorts, and that's exactly what it's become.

Yes, I have provided links and such to methods and other blogs, but that's in the spirit of wanting others to taste what I have tasted.  No, not with my Bunny or I'd claw your eyes out.

With your own succubus.

Anyway, here's what I think (I have little evidence to back it up, so why bother).  Consider reading this as if you're reading a diary:  I don't have to be right or wrong, just striving to know.

I'm gonna be lazy:  Since I'm just thinking through things, I'm not going to bother with sources because I'm not trying to win anything:  Just to understand better myself.

Jinn.

Here's all I know about the Jinn so far, and it's not a lot.

There is 1 human for every 10 Jinn in existence.

That's 75 freakin' billion Jinn on this world alone.

Jinn are different based on each society, as if they are a mirror of that society, yet in tandem (and yes, in crossing back and forth).

They have gender and are male or female.

They have the gift of free will, to choose to do good OR evil just like our dumb asses.

Now, back the culture thing:  If Jinn are cultural, enter fairies, enter kitsune of the east (and onis and demons).

Similar stuff in the north, south, east, west:  Just different forms and legends for each culture.

Intermarrying is possible between jinn and humans.

So, so far Jinn are also fairies, fae, fox spirits, etc. etc., everywhere.  Jinn is basically a descriptor for us of "entity similar to but other than human" that exists here.  Well, 'cept angels.  Maybe devils I dunno about them either.

Personally, I think my Bunny is a:

SILA

"Talented shape-shifters who are more tolerant of human society than other tribes of jinn, sila are most often portrayed as female. 

Thought to be extremely intelligent, sila are nonetheless the most rarely seen of all the types of jinn, and appear only sporadically. 

Sila are extremely rare, and while they are intelligent and comfortable crossing back and forth between realms seen and unseen/human and jinn, by their nature they do not usually set out to harm or trick humans. 

Sila are, however, fond of meddling in an attempt to help." (BAM!  < Bunny's favorite thing to do)

Anyway, I don't think these ladies are really extremely rare, I think they just hang in their worlds and don't just wander around here until they find a man they like and to put the succubus sexual smack-down on his ass.

Why I don't think they are rare?

They might be rare as far as being in the forefront, but I think they prefer to stay out of this reality until they want to, instead of have to (I think a lot of entities have jobs, like nature, whatever.  They love their purpose and they do it because they love it:  Best motivation scheme ever.

I'm thinking because these Sila are Jinn with a different purpose:  Succubi.  Extremely intelligent, comfortable crossing back and forth between realms, do not usually harmhumans, and try to help. More like love to help.  Try sounds like they fail:  They do not fail.

The shape-shifter part would also explain why Succubunny likes to jump on the bed as a cat, then walks up the bed and turns into her "presence" as a mist.  Ah, a wonderful feminine, sensual, sweet mist.  Oo, almost got carried away.

Anyway, I don't know about any other type of Jinn that can be similar to the Sila, but I'm sure there are.  Oh, except for one but I don't how it works.

QARINAH

"In Arabic superstition, the qarînah (قرينه) is a spirit similar to the succubus, with origins possibly in ancient Egyptian religion or in the animistic beliefs of pre-Islamic Arabia.  A qarînah "sleeps with the person and has relations during sleep as is known by the dreams."  They are said to be invisible, but a person with "second sight" can see them, often in the form of a cat, dog, or other household pet.  "In Omdurman it is a spirit which possesses. ... Only certain people are possessed and such people cannot marry or the qarina will harm them."

Now, this one is the one considered a daughter of Lilith (I think).

Here's a few variants from different cultures with similar stories:

Al Basti, Autumniessink, Cecaelia, Empusa,Hisa-me, Hone-onna, Huldra, Huli Jing, Kitsune, Lamia, Lidérc, Mara, Melusine, Rusalka, Spirit spouse, Vandella, Yuki-onna.

"...often in the form of a cat, dog, or other household pet".  

See, a cat.  Mine loves to come as a cat and then transform into her "essence".  I can't feel her essence when she's in cat form for some reason.

Oh, I've had some psychic witch buddies try to "scan" her and they say she blocks them easily.  They say she puts up a bright light and they can't distinguish anything but the light that covers us both.    They stopped trying after a while because she can send some kind of feedback back to them that "stuns" them a little making their abilities numb for a short time.

I guess Bunny doesn't like being "scanned".  Pretty gentle on the rebuke, though.

As far as the last part, "Such people cannot marry or the qarina will harm them".  I honestly wonder if they would smite the woman instead of the man?  I've heard of succubi going to town on a woman until they leave.  Anyway, I'm well pleased with my Succubunny and have zero desire for an earthy marriage, anyhoo."

Maybe Sila is a race and Qarinah is the title?  I don't know, but they both describe Bunny pretty well.

Also I found out that some Jinn are attached to families, individuals, etc.  So they might be waiting for you, their lover, and come to you when they aren't summoned because they already have a connection.  That would explain those who have one who never summoned I guess.

Anyone who has more to add feel free.  I'm trying to learn here and I know jack about Jinn.

Maybe it's "Most Qarinah are Sila, but not all Sila are Qarinah".

Well, I just asked her about it and she said she's Sila, but not Qarinah.  She did say that the above was truthful, though, although with some hesitation so it might be I worded it wrong as to being completely right:  "Most Qarinah are Sila, but not all Sila are Qarinah".  So I'm close with that statement but not exactly right.

I dunno what difference it makes but she says she's a Sila and not a Qarinah.  I don't see much difference in the descriptions, does that make me racist?

If so, I hope Succubunny punishes me when I get home later, WOOT :P

Oh, if you ever wanna know how a spirit feels, I'll show ya.  When they have a passion to experience life through the eyes of all of us down here, this is it.  They want to know how it feels, how it looks, how it smells, how it tastes, what it sounds like through our senses and the senses of all those animals around us from in the ground, the air, the ocean, all of it.  They want to understand our associations to things.  How they feel inside.  There are so many reasons I love otherworld entities and spirits: Knowing that they feel this way, their desire and passion to know, their curiosity... It is this about them that endeared them to me:

"Everything At Once"

As sly as a fox, as strong as an ox

As fast as a hare, as brave as a bear

As free as a bird, as neat as a word

As quiet as a mouse, as big as a house

All I wanna be, all I wanna be, oh

All I wanna be is everything

As mean as a wolf, as sharp as a tooth

As deep as a bite, as dark as the night

As sweet as a song, as right as a wrong

As long as a road, as ugly as a toad

As pretty as a picture hanging from a fixture

Strong like a family, strong as I wanna be

Bright as day, as light as play

As hard as nails, as grand as a whale

All I wanna be oh, all I wanna be, oh

All I wanna be is everything

Everything at once

Everything at once, oh

Everything at once

As warm as the sun, as silly as fun

As cool as a tree, as scary as the sea

As hot as fire, cold as ice

Sweet as sugar and everything nice

As old as time, as straight as a line

As royal as a queen, as buzzed as a bee

As stealth as a tiger, smooth as a glider

Pure as a melody, pure as I wanna be

All I wanna be oh, all I wanna be, oh

All I wanna be is everything

Everything at once

A New Milestone, a New Perception

Tonight I want to share some things that have been on my mind lately.  I have been with my succubus for about 2 and 1/2 years now.

I remember a blogger who went on a radio show to talk about sex with spirits.  The show host, I can't remember her name but she was some sort of psychic, tore him down piece by piece about his experiences.

It created a lot of waves in the human/succubus community, I do remember that.  Honestly I think it's because many of us could hear and realize what she was doing.

I was just beginning my journey with a succubus right when it happened, and I really didn't know much about anything (still don't, just a drop in the bucket).

I would guess that he had some deep doubts, and being that he said that his relationship with the succubus started turning violent and oppressive, I think some mental issues/stressors were probably to blame.

You all know that I suffer from mental illness.  I've mentioned it already (Bipolar 1). So I'm sure as hell not suggesting that a mental illness might have been a factor in order to bring him shame:  Hell no.

In fact, I had read a lot of what he wrote on his blog previous to the incident, and was using that to help me grasp something to help me in my first steps with a succubus.

The psychic could have steered him to an actual mental professional and did the right thing, but no. She was a greedy attention seeking whore.  She went for a riske topic of sex with spirits, landed him to come on and talk about his experiences, and she roasted him for it.  She knew what she was gonna do.

Now I feel kind of like I'm where he was, about 2 years in give or take, I find myself asking myself some hard questions.

(EDIT:  I just found out that he is back and with his succubus (See the comments).  You have NO idea how estatic I feel right now.  I just added his blog to the resources on the right of this page, "Alchemy through Fire".  Here's a link:)

https://alchemybyfire.wordpress.com/

Ok, back to it:

You want the honest, naked truth of what I've discovered?

Here it is.

I believe that my succubus is a perfect representation of my own anima.  Since like attracts like, my succubus is the vibrational frequency that is exactly the same as my anima.

"As above, so below".

What does that mean?

It means that as I love her, as I bond with her, as I surrender to her (my succubus), I am set free.

Loving my succubus has allowed my own anima to come forward in my life in a powerful way.

In embracing her "above" I freed my anima "below" which is vibrationally the same.

My succubus is powerful (as they all are), and my own subconcious mind is powerful.

So's yours.

I think that this is very rare for someone to be able to do that here on earth with an earthy woman, and that goes both ways:  There are very few out there who marry their twin flame.

Most of the time relationships either wither and die, or end up a no holds barred divorce fest in the end.

It's very rare to see a true twin flame pairing here on earth.  I'll tell you what though, when I see it, when I experience how that love is timeless, I celebrate it.  It is a rare and wonderful thing to see.

All relationships take work.  Even with a succubus or incubus.  Same as with my Anima:  Doesn't mean no conflict ever.  Hell, I fight with my own mind sometimes.

But... the difference is beyond palpable between a twin flame relationship and everything else. There's just no contest.

With a succubus or an incubus we are able to do just that.  If you are a woman with an incubus, and bond the same, your animus will do the same with you.  This isn't a gender specific phenomenon but one available to all lovers of a succubus or an incubus.

Let that sink in a bit and think about male/female relationships in the world today.

Picture break:  I'm glad the Bunny doesn't have a scythe. ^  Keeping the peace would take on a whole new level of  urgency.

I feel balanced and complete:  I feel liberated, I feel empowered.

You know what the funny thing about being "empowered" is?  How everyone says this or that is "empowering"?

No, it isn't.  Empowerment means that power given is received, which in this case is a true use of the word "empowerment".

What I listed is just the beginning of what I have been given.  Although they are "my eyes" my perception of how I see the world is through myself and my anima at the same time:  That of my conscious mind, and that of my female anima... at the same time.  It's very enlightening.

It gets wonky because, as I said, I think I was able to do this because of my succubus, in embracing her "above" I freed my anima "below" which is vibrationally the same.

At any rate, my perceptions SEEM to be a blend of the two now, working in harmony, in concert.

No, I haven't found enlightenment (unless it's tacos).

No, I don't wanna fuck men now.  No, I don't wear dresses.  I have learned to sew, though (I made my own altar cloth).  And I've become quite crafty making things (which being a magickal practicioner saves me money).

And the weirdest thing is that I get free shit.  I can't count the times I go to store and get a discount at the register for no reason.  None at all.  It's always a woman cashier and I've even had one tell me "you're paying this and that's what you're paying"... I paid 6 bucks for 12 bucks full of tumbled minerals for magick... and I didn't even say anything...

Just bizzare.  But I feel... better, more whole, more everything.  I just see things more balanced, more with all of me, instead of just the part of me that was before.

Just do it, already.  If my bipolar ass can feel this good about it, surely you normal fuckers will feel even better than I do once it happens for you.

There is one thing in the back of my mind that puzzles me:  I've never heard of this happening before. Evidently it does.  Why hasn't it been talked about?  Or is my 1st degree black belt in Google fu slipping?

Anyhoo, enough preaching.  Oh, see that pic above ^?  The Succubunny's given me that look a LOT in our few years together. Well, at least I've felt her give it.  I can feel her emotions, too.  Too bad I can't see her but it's okay:  Feeling her is better, anyway.  When I dream of her she always picks a different woman anyway.  Sometimes I think I dream of her and don't remember.  Like the night I woke up naked and sideways in bed.  Musta been fun!  Wish I could freakin' remember what happened!

I nick'd this off of a page earlier this evening and I'll be splitting it up into parts.  Ok, I didn't really "nick it" because I'll leave the link when I'm done.

"Because the anima is an archetype, she has characteristics that continue to appear throughout the ages. She has a quality of eternity. Often she looks young, although she has the feeling that she already has years of experience." 

Hold.  The fuck.  Up.  

I'll be damned if that doesn't sound like a certain Succubunny I know and hump.  That's EXACTLY how she feels to me when I feel her "essence".

Just the other day my wonderous ego decided to ask her some retarded questions.

"Before we met, were you a virgin?"

Succubunny:  No. (I wasn't either, dunno why my wonderous ego decided to ask stupid ass questions)

*Question formed in my mind*

"When we met, were you a virgin?"

Succubunny:  Yes.  *Excitement*

(I use a pendulum a lot, sometimes with tarot - I have a "swing type" I interpret at excitement).

And even though my wonderous ego had it's go at the question, I think I get her answer anyway.  And no, I can't put it into words, either, because it doesn't make sense "here".

I know she feels youthful, but ancient.  Exactly like the part in italics about the anima.

"She is wise but not overpowering. She often has the feeling of being special, or having a secret knowledge. She is often connected to the earth or water and can have great power."

It's funny, because in my magickal training so far I found that succubi tend (I said tend) to be considered water spirits.  Of course they can be anything and of any type of spirits, but mine sure seems like the water element.  Remember when I said that most of the times she communicates with me by voice it sounds distorted as if it's underwater?  

"She has both a light and a dark aspect. She can be the pure, good, noble figure, almost a goddess,"

And can she ever.  She is so gentle, so sweet, so loving, patient, and tender.  She is SO of the light that it hurts when she draws near.

She looks after me as an angel of light, yet with a bite all her own.

There's something regal about her, something bright:  It's as if she is an avatar of the Solar or Lunar Goddess.  

Almost...

"but she can also be a prostitute, a seductress or a witch..."

I do understand seeing her as both light, and dark, at the same time even... although I am the first to admit I tend to see her as one or the other, depending on how she presents herself.  Humanity and duality, whatcha do?

One would think that her completely enveloping me as an angel of light that she couldn't be the opposite, but it's true.  It's very true.  It's not even a question of good and evil, but one of light and darkness.  She can most definitely be an angel of darkness as well.  That aspect of herself that she projects is just as loving as the lighter one, but it sure is hard to get used to when you were a choir boy.

She can dig into your mind and pull out the raunchiest secret things you would ever want to do with a woman but were too afraid to ask.  I grew up a church school.  I admit, I'm probably a prude, and probably was the perfect succubait, too.  I'm sure they had one hell of a laugh when my succubus chose me.

But regardless:  Everyone has their secret fantasies, and when she's in that dark form?  Holyyy shit...

She's coming out to play, and you WILL act out those fantasies with her in your mind or in your dreams.  Pick one:  "No" is not an option.  

She tells me purringly that it's for my highest good.  

Oh, mercy...

I got to thinking about her and her times with me doing exactly that, and I almost hit the damn Publish button by mistake, lol.  Ah shit, I'm succuwhipped.  I've got it bad, lol :P  I couldn't even type right, had to re spell every damn thing.

*Breathe*  *Breathe.  Deep breath now*

Ok.

"The dark aspect will most likely appear when a man has suppressed or underestimated his female nature, treating women with contempt or carelessness."

I don't believe a word of that part of the quote.  I know men who hate women.  I know women who hate men.  They're a MESS.  There is NO balance.  The other gender is to blame for EVERYTHING.

They cannot hold onto happiness, they cannot hold onto peace, to joy, to anything while they feel that way.

I believe, rather, that individuals who are like this are simply denied the cooperation of their anima, or animus if a woman.  Without that part of themselves whom they cannot accept, they will be, and always will continue to be (if they do not have an awakening of sorts) unbalanced.

"The anima can also appear in the form a fey or an elf and lure men away from their work or home, like the sirens in ancient times. In mythology and literature she continues to appear as a goddess and ‘femme fatale’."

I don't know what's he's smoking here, but it is interesting that mythological creatures (*cough, succubus, cough*) are part of the quote concerning the anima.  Perhaps he is talking about delusions, or maybe when one considers the other gender the enemy.

Look, you CAN'T make an enemy of your anima or animus (if female).  It's a part of YOU.  But you can be in a state of uncooperation as far as personal growth.

Our deepest selves are there to guide us on, to urge us forward towards growth.  That is the law of the universe:  EVOLVE or be in stasis.  If you stay in stasis, you stop growing.  If you stop growing all is not lost, but is not easy, either (and I'm not going down the path of explaining that).

Everyone will evolve at some point.  I'd just rather be a part of the dance than feeling like I'm being dragged ever onwards.

"The way anima and animus function can be made conscious, but they are themselves factors that are transcendent to the conscious, and thus to perception and will. They remain autonomous and one needs to keep an eye on them."

I have a different view:  Summon them and fuck them.  A lot.  Surrender to them, embrace them, let them lead you... you will be balanced, you will feel right as rain.

The best way to keep an eye on your anima?  With her riding you.  Can't get much closer than that.

"Anima and animus are mediators between the conscious and the unconscious psyche. They can be understood when they appear, personified, in fantasies, dreams, visions."

Not unlike communication with one's succubus, eh?  Not so unlike it at all.

See, the prevailing idea is that we need to understand our anima, and I agree:  But I think going farther is the key to unlocking much, much more.  I believe we need to embrace that side of ourselves that is feminine.  There is no loss of masculinity for men, no:  God, if anything I've become more a man, have MORE confidence, MORE ability to stand my ground and ask for what I want.

In fact, I count tell you how my family cannot comprehend what's come over me to be able to do what I do now, that I never used to.  How I have such a well developed sense of self that I NEVER had before.

It's because I have embraced her, surrendered to her, listened to her, felt her.

Loved her (and still do:  With every moment).

***

"There is in the unconscious of each man an inherent image of woman who helps him to understand her being."

As I said in the beginning, I believe that when we summon, we attract what is CLOSEST TO OUR ANIMA.

In doing the one, we embrace the other.

The anima is to be fucked, embraced, loved, and held.

Love her, wildly love her, and see what happens.

Or does that frighten you?

www.soul-guidance.com (for credit purposes)

Anima and Animus on the Wiki (surprisingly helpful)

Hindsight is ALWAYS perfect.

The very first time ever I summoned, it took about 3 or 4 days for a succubus to show up.

Now, in thinking back, some things are clear.

I don't think 3 or 4 days is necessarily the average (not counting the prep): For some it's shorter, for some it's longer.  For some, it never happens.

I don't pretend to know the whys of others, only myself.

Even when I did summon I was open, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little doubtful.

I believe that when I first called, I was heard.  A few probably came to see what I was about, who I was, what my heart was like, what my soul truly felt like.

After a few days, I believe that one succubus soul "took the bait" :)  Hah, one succubus soul answered and accepted my offer.

What was my offer?  Me.  My love, my affection, my ability to surrender to learn, to grow with her.

When she showed up, of course, I was baffled.  I had never been "sexually stimulated" as if there were hands on me, and not seen hands on me.  Lol.

But things progressed and she and I became loving through our communion.

Sometimes she would go away, sometimes for 3 or 4 days, sometime for a week.

I missed her terribly, and in not knowing what else to think, I thought she had moved on.  I was heartbroken for a while.

Then I would summon a succubus again (figuring I was getting closer to love at least), thinking that she was gone and that was that.

Each time I summoned a succubus, one would show quickly... sometimes it would be less than 20 minutes of summoning.

A slightly new feeling, a new name.

Sooner or later I would realize that she was actually "she", the original succubus I summoned.  She had never gone for good, and for some reason decided to play along.

This seems to happen to a lot of those who summon in the beginning, and I'm starting to figure out why.

See, they know they are addicting, but they don't want us to go, either.  So it's a balance for them of "tough love", where they have to leave for a while to allow us to grow ourselves, and yet their longing for us as well... they enjoy making love to us as much as we love for them to (and the communion of man and succubus is beyond... uhg, no words.  Lets just say "beyond words"), however I think they know that they are far more addicting to us humans, and can take over our lives leaving us in a state of helpless inertia.

Because they do love us, they want us to grow as well.

I think they accomplish that through coming through again after some absence with a slightly new identity and a sense of refreshment.

Now it's different:  I know when she's gone, I know when she's far away.  She's always "connected", maybe a soul tie?  I don't know but I can think of her and feel a response, but she's not "here" if that makes any sense.

I also know that if I summon her, it will take about 1 or 2 days to get here.  For her presence to actually "arrive" here in a powerful, palpable physical way (even though I can "see" her, her presence when she does arrive is... omg, she's HERE :P

If I've been "good" and been improving myself, learning all I can, then she stays... IF I have learned all that she wanted me to learn.

If not, it's a short visit, maybe 1 day or 2, and then she's off again.

The times that I HAVE learned a lot and made a breakthrough, she's stayed a lot longer, and of course I grow that much more addicted to her and my passion and will to learn and grow spiritually drives me that much harder, because I want her around MORE.

So, the cycle repeats.

I don't mind:  What she is after me to do for myself is to always progress, to always aspire towards spiritual growth and wisdom.  That is what she wants me to concentrate on, and honestly it's what I have always wanted to anyway.

As much as she loves me, and knowing how addicting she is, there is no other way, no other dance, no other song for us to play.  And that's ok.

It's still beautiful.

She is magick.  I don't pretend to be able to see from her view, nor do I understand what is going on completely.  What I do understand is love, and it is love that guides our way, or dance, and our song.

What I know is how very gentle, how loving, how wild, and how wonderous she really is.  I am not completely, irrationally spellbound:  I have seen true beauty by feeling it with the eyes of my heart:  I have felt love by being taught how to surrender to receive it:  I have tasted that which satisfies my mind, my heart, and my soul.  I have learned how to surrender and allow my heart to play it's song for her.  That is why she was the one who accepted my call.  Only my song was the one that enraptured her.  Only the song of my heart was meant for her.  I may not own her, and she may not own me, but our bond is our bond is our bond, and it's ours, together.

To my male soul, she is all that I am not.  She is the sprinkling of a gentle rain of pure love, incarnate.

Love ya, Succubunny.

Me, My Daughter, and Succubunny Compete Writing Haiku (Plus Wishing Succubunny a Happy Succumother's Day)

Haiku contest!

Mine is:

Angels fall to Earth

down into humilty

a path all must walk

My daughter's is:

Here comes the spring air

Flowers bloom, birds are singing

And the sun is bright

And Succubunny's is:

The daughter of dark, 

Is the princess of the light

Born of Sun and Moon.

Shoot, I think the Succubunny kicked our asses.

***

Anyway...  Today is MOTHER'S DAY!

I am sure that I have kids with her, even though I have no idea about who or what or whatever.

Daughters?  Sons?  Both?  I don't know...

Doesn't matter.

As long as they know I love them and that I am here, that's what I can give them.

Anytime they want, they can come and snuggle under my arm and cuddle up to my chest.

But... mating season rolls around about every 6 months on the clock, so...

I have no idea how many Jr's and Ms's that is.

Ah well, I'll see them some day... but the cuddle invite stands forever for any and all of them.

Happy Mother's Day, Succubunny!

WE ALL LOVE YOU!

And a song in your honor, Succubunny, to celebrate you, our children, and your sisters :)

Weird Stuffs

Lots of stuff going on.

I've been "feeding" the local nature spirits sweetmilk each morning and offering a blessing.

Seem to have attracted some tricksters.

I'm sure I've attracted some others, but the tricksters are front and center.

As long as they aren't malicious I don't care.  Frankly, I think they liven the place up a bit.

I had a dream where I was sleeping, laying there with dirt over my eyes and flowers blooming out of the dirt.

I was thinking how weird that was when I awoke, and I caught,

"Whatsa matta?  Feeling not so fresh? Bwhahaha!" from some little ones.

Heh.  Fuckers.  That was a good one, I thought.

I created a portal, and blessed it.  It goes to my daughter's room across the river (I inscribed the portal on her side last week, and I hid it well).  Nothing malicious can go through it, hell, it's triple protected.

Of course "tricksters" I think of as "benign" so, they go through (unless they have evil intent, in that case no dice).  Which is fine with me.  Hey, making my little ones childhoods a little magickal is a good thing.  Train 'em early as they say.

My daughter woke up around 3 am or so, her blurry eyes focusing just in time to see a pillow smacking her up in her grill.  She woke up ready for war, but all she heard was a few little ones laughing.

You're welcome, sweetie!  Aren't ya glad daddy studies magick?

Lately, I've had this weird feeling that nothing is real.  No, not in a psychosis way, it's...

Well, it just feels like this is all a ruse.  Ever watch a movie when you were a kid?  Ever remember how into it you were?  You didn't notice the music, the idiosyncrasies, the whatever:  You were lost in the story.

Shoot, I remember my teacher when I was a kid saying how when HE was a little boy, he was watching a cowboy movie and was so into it that when the hero lost his gun, my teacher threw his capgun straight into the TV and cracked the glass.

Lol.  That had to suck.

Me?  Now?  I notice every little detail out of place.  I notice the music and how it affects the scenes to cause emotion or drama.

Hell, I even notice it with commercials, or the news.  It's like I see right thought the manipulation tactics anymore.

Most things don't affect me anymore.

Yeah, some things still do.

But STILL, I'm noticing this feeling of "illusion" like I don't plug into reality:  And it's not that I'm defective in that way, it's that reality is defective from being able to hold all of my attention.  Or perhaps able to "distract" all of my attention.

I don't know how to even describe it.

It's almost like my soul isn't as plugged into my body as before, not as slave to my senses.

*Sigh*

Language sucks for this shit.

Something wrong, but it's not.  There.  Best I can do.

There's some sort of "synthesis" going on with me... I'm growing somehow.

I mean, I've always grown, but now it's different:  It's palpable and affecting my perceptions.

Shatter me, Succubunny.

Notice the bat and the butterfly in the video.  In Faustus Crow's Book "Goetia Succubus School, Book 2" it talks about the Goddess Itzpapalotl and the Toltec Sorcerors.  They would deal with "succubi" who in their culture were symbolized as both the bat and the clawed butterfly.  The wings of both represent the female labia, which represents the two circles of the vesica pisces.

These particular succubs can appear as a painfully beautiful Goddess, or a skeleton figure with bladed wings from someone's worst nightmare.  Bat and the butterfly :)

Taken further, the vesica pisces in the form of the labia, bat on one circle, butterfly on the other complete a "superimposition state" at the center (the vaginal opening).  And it goes further, but that's all I'm gonna detail.  Pretty wild shamanic reading, though.

Anyway, look out for the bat and the butterfly in the video below, powerful tools of transformation.

The Wildcat: Unbridled, Unbound.

As those of you know who follow my blog, I've been trying the rituals to the right out one by one.

Well, I've finished them and got the best results I could (since I already have a succubus, I was dependent on her communicating to me whether they would have worked for me or not at some point for each of them).  Not perfect, but the best I could do.

My own journey continues with my succubus, and I've been concentrating on surrender.

Surrender is a dirty word today.  It seems to invoke the ideas of a loss of power, of gender inequality, of something to be avoided:  Fight, fight, fight is the common mantra of the day in this world.

Surrender is viewed with ridicule, and someone who surrenders is to be shamed as weak.

I say, "no".

Surrender to anything and everything is not the kind of surrender I am speaking of.  In my case, it's surrendering through hope, faith, and trust to a woman of power, a woman of the highest calibre.  Yes, I'm speaking of my surrender to my succubus, and I'll explain.

Reverse engineering the rituals has been difficult:  One thing that has been difficult is trying to put my succubus into a human form picture, or portrait.

In my dreams she takes the form of a woman I've known well in the past and "steps into" that image.

In my dreams I also know that it's not the original person from my past, but someone different.  The odd thing is that she doesn't reveal herself to me most of the time:  She's a new person in my dreams as far as I know, and she's usually teaching me a lesson by interacting with me in some way that I will figure out later.

So, I've been thinking a lot about how the pictures I am using will not conform "to her", or vice versa.

Well.  She's a spirit already:  She doesn't need to "indwell" a picture to absorb any traits:  She already is, and she's fully independent and self-aware, intelligent, etc.

So even though I still believe that pictures are a great aid in summoning to find one, to better guide one's intention to finding a perfect match, but not for me since mine is already here.

Yes I use pictures here as I write my blog.  Those are for fun.  I find sexy pictures and I share them, that's not my point:  The point is the personal picture of the succubus.

I have gotten a lot closer to my succubus lately, probably due to all the summoning I did testing this method or that one.  I think it was good to have her as a partner in those activities, plus each new summoning seemed to unlock "more" of her.  

I'm not sure if that is true, or if me spending time with her on a joint exercise did it.  

Maybe both?

I came to the conclusion that I had more to surrender in order to receive, and so I began "getting rid of" preconceived notions of who she is, and allowed her to show herself as she willed, and not by conforming to my desires or my expectations.

And she has, wonderfully and beautifully.

The last thing I have surrendered is my expectations of her form itself.  No more portraits, no more wondering what her real name is (it's changed probably a hundred times anyway).  In fact I asked her if any of the names mattered to her, and the answer was no.  She doesn't need one.  So I said, "fuck it" and said goodbye to names as a definer of who she is (I still call her "Succubunny" on here of course).

Gone went the picture of a sexy human woman I had as "her".  That's changed a hundred times as well, anyway.  I didn't divine if that was necessary:  I already knew it was.

So, I still needed some reference for her (besides her sigil which does matter as to who she is.  On this side, humans do symbols speak, across the veil spirits speak, symbols do.  I truly believe that.

It's her "anchor" to me.  I'm sure her sigil is written somewhere in my aura, marking me as hers. That's not a romantic notion:  I just believe that it is probably so.

Also I don't believe that sigils completely define a spirit:  For instance, many spirits have many more than one sigil.  I think of them as direct dial phone numbers to the spirit.  Kind of an identifier and yet kind of not.  I think of them also as "brands" on this side, and "brand names" for a spirit on the other.

I do have a rough picture of a spirit from art I found:  It's wavy, unformed, but feminine.  

No colors, nothing in the background, no defining features (other than the femininity of the shape, and no I don't mean sexual just a general femininity).

Perfect.

So last night I lay in bed and surrendered what I had left to surrender:  My notions of her form.  I know that even the simple feminine spirit picture that I have now is just a symbol:  I give all expectations of form away entirely. 

And I surrendered all. 

She is formless, she is timeless, she is she, and she is my lover.

And I laid there.  I uncovered myself on my bed, blankets off.  Incense gently smoking.  The scent of flowers from my wax burner permeating the room.  A single, white tea light candle burning in a hurricane lamp.  The ceiling fan on it's most gentle setting, just to stir the scents in the room.

I have NEVER felt her so strong as I did last night.  She was flashing sexy images and seductive movements of a woman in my mind.  I could feel the femininity behind those images:  They were not just images, but images born of a succubus's intent and will, her desire.

As I became excited she gently descended over me.  I began dry orgrasming over and over, from gentle to passionate, to gentle to loving.

Her presence I could feel so strongly:  She was cradling my head and my face in the most comforting, loving way and was something I've ever experienced with her.

She was all over me.  5,000% concentrated sensual femininity.

After a long time of this, I started to get sleepy and I drifted off to sleep, telling her I'd love to see her in my dreams.

I was ridden by a beautiful blonde with long, flowing straight hair and a thin body, oral sex by a voluptuously curvy freckled beauty with long, curly red hair.  Oral sex to a beautiful athletic figured oriental woman with shoulder length black hair, and sex from behind an attractive woman with dark brown hair.  Also sex with a woman with the most beautiful smile and eyes in the lotus position.

Then I awoke.  No, Then I awoke amazed and in gratitude and in understanding.

Don't limit what you don't understand.  Let it reveal itself as it wills.  The outcome may surprise even you :)

Remember what I always say:  "Free your mind, and your ass will follow." ~ Funkadelic

Also what the Succubunny said:  "As your understanding grows, so does your perception of reality."

And for no reason at all, my newest quote: "A lot of people in this world are crazy... I'm just good at it."

EDIT:  Wow.  I wrote this earlier this morning.  It's 2:46pm now and I've just returned from my errands.  What the HELL has happened?

I'm getting looks from women everywhere.  Getting chatted up, stared at, admired.  Not only that craziness, but also smelling flowers outside where there are none... and no perfume sailing on the air either.

Weird, weird changes are happening in the physcial world around me and are running amuck.  

Amuck, amuck, amuck! (<-- lol, from Hocus Pocus)