Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Been thinking a lot

I've been thinking a lot about where you go when you leave this world.

I just want that assurance.

I was taught as an Adventist that heaven is for Adventists and hell is for damn near everybody else who heard the Adventist message and rejected it (thanks for telling anyone, right?).

I'm a believer now in that I think if hell were real the only merciful thing that could have been done is for Adam and Eve to be commanded NOT to populate ANYTHING.

Regardless, I find myself wondering about my own mortality and where I will go "when I go".

I do adore Lilith and I definitely adore Maiya, but I don't necessarily believe that I will be a part of their protected domain (although I bet I wouldn't complain if I was).

There's a Rumi quote I saved that would be ideal if it was true.  I'll post that in a bit.

I don't know why my own mortality is bothering me as of late.

Maybe it's because I've lost loved ones and friends to this and that.

Maybe it's my old, tired ass approaching 50.

50!  How can I be getting so close to 50 when everything from my younger days and even my 30's is like yesterday?

I'm sitting here thinking through these things as if I were 70 or 80, but for whatever reason it's got a hold on my thinking as of late.

I've read my share of NDE's from various websites and studies.

I've studied on my own through Swedenborg and the like.

Everything is similar, and yet everything conflicts offering little as far as empirical data that I crave.

It doesn't have to be scientific, just SIMILAR enough to satisfy my troubled thoughts.

I found this quote from Rumi:

Wouldn't that be nice?  For this world to vanish at death like a dream?
When one "wakes up" to the true reality?

I would love for Rumi's quote to be true.  What a wonder to see everything just fall away...

Maybe I've become bored being disabled and sitting here.  I'm having difficulty doing things that create a meaningful life.  I'm not sure that I even know how to create a meaningful life.

As my children are growing up it hurts to see them struggle.  It's one thing to struggle one's self... it's quite another to see the struggling of one's tender children.

Perhaps I feel that if I find meaning in all this, I can give them meaning, too.

With that,


Rafe GB.


  1. Part 1 Rafe, I wanted to write to you because we share some of the same issues concerning our relationship with our Love Spirits and a concern of what the cost might be to our souls. Will we be eternally dammed and go to hell? Are we screwing up our lives here with our other close relationships? Are our Beautiful Love Spirits demonic with intent to ruin our lives? Can we get to the point of totally trusting them with all our guards down and be who we really are and not get knifed in the back? Can we trust their guidance? I want to share from my personal experience of how I have answered some of these questions. I am not coming from a position of dogma, religious tradition but from personal experience with my Incredible Love Spirit who I am in binding relationship with. My main theological back ground is charismatic Christianity. I have a degree in Biblical and Theological Studies from a CMA Bible College in 1986. I have 43 years of a deep trusting relationship with Adora who I thought was the Holy Spirit at the time. At no time in my history have I felt that I was dealing with a demon or an evil entity. At no time in my history have I felt an aversion to Christianity or being in or participating in Church. At no time in my history has any one in Church said that I was involved with a demon. I have been in close fellowship with Pastors, Prophets, Evangelists, Prayer Warriors and deliverance ministers. I have ministered to many people in love bringing hope and healing with the help of Adora. I can speak in tongues, recognize evil spirits, I get words of knowledge about people and things to help them get free from their past and messages of how to help them. Many times I am alerted to danger, big or small. I spoke to actual thunderstorms and commanded them to go around me and where I was working. I have felt the supernatural power flow through me to affect others and my circumstances. I have had a lot of ministers pray over me and never once sensed that I had an evil spirit. I have been given guidance for my future and even the daily events in my life, no matter how small or big they are. I have had so much joy and love flow thru me at many times that would almost blow my internal circuits. I still have so much joy, peace and love bubbling out of me, even now as I write

  2. Part 2 During the last two years since Adora started to reveal to me that She is a Love Spirit and our relationship turned more sexual, She was still the Holy Spirit to me. I never felt that I was dealing with an evil entity. This spoke volumes to me and gave me such a deep peace that I am on the right track. I have always been about a relationship with God and not following dogma or religious tradition. My acceptance to this revelation about Adora flowed so smoothly that it takes my breath away. I have NEVER in this time felt that the “Holy Spirit” warned me that I am going in the wrong direction with Adora. My theology is always changing, going deeper and deeper and getting rid of human traditions. Where I will end up, I don’t know. What other path can I really take and be true to myself than the one I am taking? I have a deep trust in that God will reveal to me in love if I am on a path to destruction. I still believe in an afterlife, that there is more than meets the eye. I believe in God and I believe in Love. How this all boils down with this new revelation about Adora, I will probably spend the rest of my life learning and growing. I never want to get in a position of being un-teachable. I wish I had more to say on what happens when we die but my theology is under major reconstruction. All I know is that Adora loves, cares and watches over me and that She is not evil wanting to destroy me. How can you go wrong in love? I would much rather lose my soul in the pursuit of love than in the pursuit of dogma. I believe that if I am actively pursuing love that I will be steered in the right direction. It is a lot easier to steer a moving car than a stopped car. I don’t believe that anyone can be 100% sure of any direction that they take. It always takes faith to walk.

    1. I think you're right... how can anyone go wrong when we love and in the pursuit of love. Thanks for the comments!

  3. Thanks for these wonderful words, Pat. Yes I do think I worry about my afterlife and more so as of late you are correct in that.

    While Maiya isn't evil, she's dark. It's hard to get used to. She is always supporting me and is kind to me so I know that if I am to judge her by her works she would pass with flying colors.

    Perhaps dogma has reared it's ugly head and bit me again, brewing up from the past and creating doubt.

  4. @Rafe GB "Wouldn't that be nice? For this world to vanish at death like a dream?
    When one "wakes up" to the true reality?"

    It is the universal truth....God will not punish anybody for eternity forever...The whole material and cosmic manifestation is just a Dream, a dream of god....HEnce everything will vanish, except u me ur succubabes ur incubabes etc...All has soul..We will all HAVE to go to god one fine day but this is may be after millions of birth...Time is also an illusion...You wake up some day and u will realize that all ur lives including all ur previous lives was just like an overnight dream...We are not dying, even death is illusion.Hell is also a dream..It is not permanent..Why should a god punish his child? no he wont do that.

    1. Thank you for the comment! Interesting video as well. It is comforting that we go on and forth after death. All I really want to do is go "home", wherever that is :)

    2. you are most welcome..Nobody is dying because that is a reality. Life is an energy which is neither created nor destroyed but it changes the forms shape thats all..We were all always there..You will go home someday..

  5. can u ask ur maya and tell her to introduce me to a succubus also?

    1. I would if I could but she can't... You have to find your own.

      But there is good news as I have the method I summoned her with and I can share: