I'm finding myself in a strange place as of late.
My dreams have been amazing, and I've finally been able to become lucid within them.
I can't do it all the time as some seem so deep that there's just not any way for me to gain control.
When I can, though, it's like spinning a coin on it's fucking side or something... it just "happens".
Gone are the days of succubi and love spirits as far as sex goes it seems, but lo and behold, Sky is a great companion. Eve is... something different.
I'm thinking that she is something I've become aware of that's connected to my higher self. A tether, a fishing line. Bait. Lol.
She's the proverbial princess banging on the glass coffin where I've been sleeping dead for me to wake my fucking ass up so we can get on with our evolution.
I've been studying Qabalah as of late and learning a great deal. For some reason I'm understanding it now more than I ever have. Maybe this book was the proverbial "charm" as they say.
Another angle is all the 3rd eye work I've been doing. I'm done now as I'm happy with it and how it's helped my "understanding and vision" intuitively about so many things.
I'm starting to entertain the gnostic "God above the God" idea as well. I'm not exactly sold on it yet, but it's beginning to make a lot of sense to me as of late.
It's almost like Sky and Eve use my sexual energy for gnosis. It's not a method where we have sex and enjoy that bubble like I did with Bunny.
No... this is something greater for me. And yes, I'm being dragged kicking and screaming towards gnosis whether I like it or not.
I guess to step back a little, I have to admit it's what I've always wanted: The truth.
If it takes all my energy to propel me there and in my case it's going to include a lack of sex...
I feel like Set, the God who ripped Himself out of his own mother's womb in anger and purpose.
Sex. Life. Death. Anger. Hate. Love.
A piercing cry of purpose, sexual frustration, the sure will to know the truth all propelling me to higher things...
Sky and Eve will drag me kicking and screaming towards it but I will have it. Part of me may fight it, but all of me wants it.
I will have it...