Some depths I believe I will find and see filled in this life. Other depths I feel will only be filled once I am "elsewhere" and gone from this earth.
I don't mean that in a morbid way.
It is appointed all of us to die, some day.
Sex and death are one and the same. It may not seem like it when you first hear this, but think on it and you'll see that they are linked together like adamantium chain.
There is no death without sex. Sex itself creates that which must die.
Love and intimacy, however, may travel with sex but not always.
And sex may create new life, but not always.
Those who have a human partner may have sex which carries the winds of creation within them in the form of new life through many years.
And, after those years are past, what is left?
Always will be. Two lovers with Divine bestowed intimacy within them produce much fruit.
1 + 1 =3.
Sex to create intimacy is the best kind of sex for me.
The "winds" of creation may not bring children, but they do bring fruit to the soul.
I believe that the Divine, whether one considers that infernal, or celestial, is what brings the gift of sex that bears fruit in the form of sacred intimacy.
In a relationship with a spirit lover, it is stranger I suppose.
For instance, I am very much asleep when it comes to the gravity of my relationship with Bunny.
I'm just me, and as a human I don't have very developed gifts to "see" her in greater detail.
Not my relationship to her. All I really know is how it feels.
For instance, when we make love it is very sweet and gentle most of the time. I do not think that we have children during these acts of sex, love, and intimacy.
We do bear fruit, however, of a spiritual nature. The intimacy is deafening for lack of a better word.
The fruit is esoteric as well, but it is felt as warm, loving, secure... a wholeness that just envelops welcomingly.
Every 6 months she gets very aggressive, and seems also feral. Well, perhaps lustful and very merciless in pursuit of her prey (me).
Heh, merciless in that I know I have no choice in the matter, because I love her, and I will satisfy her any way she needs. It is an act of surrender and of love.
And I think we both love the chase!
During these times when we have sex, (which are primal, lustful, animalistic...) it feels much different. I often double over from clenching the orgasms and my abdominals locking up from the strain.
I often wonder if, this, is reproduction in some form.
Am I a dad in the spiritual realm, as much as in the earthly realm (having a boy and a girl here)?
I can't think of a reason for the difference between the two kinds of sex, the two different times it happens, and why.
Now, I don't know the answers to those last two sentences, so I'll move on.
Intimacy and Love DO travel together, however.
But what kind of love? Is love so simple?
No. There are many different kinds of love, but I believe that intimacy of the sort that I'm trying to write about is the kind that travels along with a certain kind of love. Not necessarily Eros, or physical love... although it may start out that way, but no, it grows into an "agape love", unconditional love... this kind is the only kind that travels with the kind of intimacy granted by the Divine.
In other words, love may be had between two people, but deep, soulful intimacy only seems to travel along with the kind of unconditional love that is as high a vibration as itself.
Love doesn't usually travel alone, however, and agape love may ride along with Eros, or even with Philos as well (such as two lovers who feel romantic and have sexual love, friendship, and unconditional love together all mixed into a very complex emotion of "love").
True surrender is powerful, not pitiful.
I've talked about surrender before, and I'll do so here in context.
If a lover needs something that only you can provide, sometimes it's time to surrender and let them have it. This isn't a surrendering of masculinity or anything like that. What it is, is a surrender of self. The biggest obstacle for others to have the kind of intimacy that they desperately desire?
They can't surrender, or let go. The can't give up the reins for fear of losing control.
Surrender has to be at a deep level... all of you. If you do that the door of intimacy opens just a crack, but the way is made and the path is open.
There's a saying I like, it's "don't cast your pearls before swine." You can surrender all day and night but if it's to the wrong person, they will tear you apart.
Take care that you do not cast your pearls before swine,
or you will be trapped, abandoned, weak, and lost.
Let your soul guide, let your chosen Deity guide you. THEN, and only then, will you be led to when the time is right.
Love is an ocean and the waves crash against the beach and are drawn back out again once more.
It is a rhythm that must be learned, and must be felt in the deepest recesses of the heart.
Only then will the need for, and reasons for surrender be made clear. It is truly another language, one of the heart.
Once you find it, nothing else can fufill the yearnings for it.
So go find it.