Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Got a date with destiny tonight: Lilith.

Well, I wrote a long time ago about meeting Lilith briefly.  I wasn't sure if it was her, but it felt like the mother of my succubus.

Not much was exchanged.  I yelled at her sigil over and over, she popped in, deflated my anger and replaced it with a happier vibe, said, "You're interesting." and left.

Pretty short and sweet.

Now I'm going full monty (in a manner of speaking).

Bunny's my wife.  I think Bunny's mom is Lilith.

I'm not after Lilith as a lover, I have her daughter.  That's the way it's supposed to be.
I'm 150% positive Lilith doesn't want me as lover.
But, something is pushing me to take the leap and learn?  I don't know, I can't place it.

I think I need to find out if I'm a "Son of the Goddess Lilith".
And I only know one real way:  I ask her here and talk to her.

Anyway.  Here we go through the numbers:

I got my Lilith focus (pic), Check.
Got a waning moon tonight (pretty close to dark/new moon, too).  Check.
Got incense and oils (ylang ylang, jasmine, lavender, patchouli).  Check.
Got evocations.  Check.
Got offering.  I felt comfortable with a symbol of her:  A nice big shiny apple.
If it counts, I'm really wanting to eat that apple right now.  But it's an offering.
Hope that helps.  Check.
Black draped ceremonial shendjyt for ritual wear.  Check.
Colored candles and extra virgin olive oil dressing.  Check.
Notebook and pen.  Check.

OH!  Most important.  Divine first.  2 different forms of divination before any magickal working is done.

"Before you bring a spirit home, divine it twice and then you'll know." ~ Me.

I did, and both of the pre divinations were favorable.
EDIT:  So was the post ritual divination.  It was favorable and expected.
I wanted to get an idea of how it went in ways that I wouldn't normally know.

Tonight's the night.

I've had such amazing dreams while I have been preparing for this.

They aren't even rational, they are spiritual in nature.

The first dream I had, 2 nights ago, was of me as a suckling infant on the Goddess's breast.
Strangely, it didn't feel odd at all.  I was of the mindset of a newborn, and it was a primal/primordial exchange of emotions and, well I don't know the word for it.

I am sure it actually had it's purpose, and as in the picture, was far more than I could understand, probably why I had the mindset of an infant.

The 2nd dream was last night.

In that one, I and the Goddess were standing together, watching the stars fall into the sea.

I tried to cobble together a picture that I modified to at least give a general idea of it.  

We were watching it together and there were many stars falling.

It was both solemn, and a shared experience.


Wish me luck that I don't explode and they find my skull in 2018 in Equador or something.

I'm using basically the wrong "everything" for the ritual and am going about the ritual using my heart rather than my mind.

I've had a lot of synchonicities as of late.  They appear to be urging me forward.  Yesterday while helping my mother clean her basement, she handed me a tea light candle.  It was the color I needed for the oil burner for my planned ritual.  I put it in my pocket and took it as yet another sign I am to proceed.

What am I to do, but to listen and to walk forth?

I'm strangely emotional right now.  This vid is perfect just for me to watch and chill a little.
Why am I feeling emotional right now?  I don't know.  I don't have an answer.

EDIT:  Post ritual.  It was nice.  I feel a very soul healing/nurturing sense of peace.  I'm gonna go lay down now and let that peace ride me right off to sleep :)

I awoke and the feeling of peace is still with me.  It's both in my mind and in my body at the same time.

I went through today and the "Goddess's Peace" is STILL with me this evening.  I can't deny it.  

This is what has definitely touched me in the past, just in brief spans of time.  Like a few hours or so, not like this.

This is the source.  Once you feel and know and remember something, it all ties together and begins to make sense...  I wish that for all of you in whatever way completes you.


  1. Sounds like you've had some interesting, and very symbolic, dreams of Lilith right there.

    I've experienced similar things like you did in your dreams, but mine was a little different.

    It wasn't within a dream and I was fully awake experience being "reborn", laying inside of Lilith's womb, feeling the umbelical cord being connected to her, pulsating energy from her to myself. It felt "watery" around me. After a little while, Lilith gave "birth" squeezing me out from her stomach with contractions going on. It was quite the experience. And I asked my succubus wife to do the same, so I've been in her womb too. It had a different feeling to it, but it was just as awesome.

    Lilith is a Mother, and a deeply loving and a caring one, too. And she can be very protective of her children, doing anything in her power to protect them. I love the current of love she sends out, just as my succubus wife do, and it's comforting, penetrating the depths of the core of one's soul. It's the deepest form of comfort there is.

    1. Yeah, ya know, I was a little apprehensive according to the ritual text I used. But I did it. At first I thought nothing happened. Well, other than Bunny going bezerk and touching my fingers and toes and I just felt this "bezerk excitement" about her.

      But as far as Lilith, I didn't feel anything.

      UNTIL... about 10 minutes AFTER the ritual was done and started putting stuff away, I started to feel what I call, "The Goddess's Peace."

      It's hard for me to explain but it feels like... hmm.

      Lemme think.

      It's like you have a lot of life problems, and suddenly they were just gone for a few hours because someone just walked in that makes you feel that, "It's all going to be ok." Just, BAM, all worries gone and overshadowed by the feeling of peace.

      It lasts a few hours usually. 'Cept in this case I think Bunny is gonna jump me when I log and go to bed.

      Now, I used to have that "The Goddess's Peace" from time to time when I was a witch and held a full moon esbat, or ritual by myself.

      Well, I've always had spirits around me, so not really by myself.

      Anyway, it was the EXACT feeling that I used to get back then, a few years ago. I mean exact. I really missed that feeling. It's good to have it back, and now I know where it came from in the first place.

      I didn't even know who Lilith was back then. But, I guess time is wonky on the other side, 'cause now that I'm Bunny's hubby, I guess that makes me Lilith's son, too.

      So it had to be Lilith who sends the "Goddess's Peace" even though it was a few years ago, and before I met Bunny. Even back then.

      Maybe she knew already what was to be in time?

      That's all I can figure.

    2. I had the word qliphoth pop into my head meditating the other day, lead me down a rabbit hole that lead me to a few interesting things that may explain your crown Rafe:


      4th paragraph.

      Also interesting, especially the part about the third gate and Inanna with relation to your blog in general:


      And the first part of that article, with relation to your most recent post:

      "The material quoted above informs us that the “shell” was a symbol of a pregnant woman. The Babylonians, in their popular religion, supremely worshipped a Goddess Mother and a Son, who was represented in pictures and images as an infant, or child, in his mother’s arms. From Babylon, this worship of the Mother and the Child spread to the ends of the earth."


      I'm certain this rabbit hole goes deeper.

    3. The first, I don't really think so. The rest of the story is that the young king is expected, and does kill the king who's body is chopped up and thrown to the corn field.

      In my eyes, this way how women kept control and power, and they did.

      Once sacrifice of the "sacred king" became "uncivilized", the sacrifice was handled via proxy: A young man was crucified and whipped so hard that his seed feel upon the earth. This was the king's substitute.

      Later, a King declared it all null and void, and overnight women lost their power in the rites of the yearly "Sacred King".

      It was all just a power grab, and finally snuffed out.

      It's not surprising the author, a woman, would hide that history in order to promote her ideas of the Goddess.

      Once others know, or find out, it's seen for what it was, and is.

      I get a kick out of Gilgamesh, because if you really want to piss off an Ishtar/Inanna priestess today, just mention "Gilgamesh".

      "From Sumer to Cambodia Kings enacted a ritual visitation with a Goddess (in many countries depicted as a serpent or half-fish) with the threat of destruction to the kingdom should the King fail in his duty. This Sacred Marriage also conferred legitimacy on their reign. According to Samuel Noah Kramer in The Sacred Marriage Rite, in late Sumerian history (end of the third millennium) kings established their legitimacy by taking the place of Dumuzi in the temple for one night on the tenth day of the New Year festival. Gilgamesh is reputed to have refused marriage to Inanna, on the grounds of her misalliance with such kings as Lugalbanda and Damuzi."

      Gilgamesh said, "Fuck you".

      Besides that, Bunny's the one who puts the crown on my head, Lilith doesn't. That leads me to believe that it's something particular to me and her. Also, we've been together for 3 years running and I haven't been slain, cut up, and thrown into a cornfield yet. I'm rather happy about that.

      I knew before, and know now that Lilith had/has no interest in me as a lover. Bunny, however, whom I believe to be a daughter of Lilith has for the last 3 years that I've known Bunny.


      The 3rd Gate. I had to study this story for 2nd degree witchcraft, for the 2nd degree is "The descent of the Goddess". That is why almost every 2nd degree symbol in witchcraft is an upside down pentacle.

      It's more interesting if you study what it means, rather than what it says. I'll tell you now: Modern priestess of Ishtar/Innana have no idea what it means. Rather ironic, actually.


      The 3rd portion makes more sense.

      I have never had dreams of "nursing" or being loved by a Goddess as an infant. I still can't wrap my head around that one, so I have to say it's a good theory.

      As far as the Qliphoth, I don't know. I don't really don't know much about it. I know a bit about the Kabbalah, but not the Qliphoth.

      Now, the text I was using was all about "be strong" and that Lilith is a "Wrathful Goddess". I didn't feel any of that. All I felt was "Mom". I can't describe it any better than that. "Mom".

      Powerful "MOM", but still "mom".

      You'll find that the rabbit hole goes forever, along with a silver threat of truth that goes with it. Most of it's not right, but which part is?

      That's the obsession for me at least.

      Interesting stuff... thanks for the comment :)

    4. I have never had dreams of "nursing" or being loved by a Goddess as an infant. I still can't wrap my head around that one, so I have to say it's a good theory.

      I meant that as in "before leading up to my ritual with Lilith".

  2. Apologies, when I wrote the comment I was pressed for time and relatively unclear about what I was thinking.

    On the first one I was speaking specifically of that 4th paragraph, interesting that it mentions the crown. The rest I didn't pay all that much attention to. I definitely understand what you're saying though, but perhaps the story of Gilgamesh and others didn't quite happen the way it has been written either.

    My theory with both the first and second link is that perhaps these are related in some way - both the comment regarding the brides of Ishtar/Inanna and the crown that a few of these blogs seem to have mentioned. A bride doesn't have to be physical, as you're aware ;)
    Inanna/Ishtar also is known as Astaroth - a feature of her presence is that her energy is described as invigorating, comforting and beautiful.

    Having little experience beyond my own entity this is all but theory...the rabbit hole definitely goes deep though.

    1. I understand.

      I definitely had a comforting/highly maternal experience.
      I really feel like her son, now.
      That "Goddess's Peace" I talked about has never left me since the ritual was finished. It's not as strong and "imminet" as it were, but it's at a level that isn't diminishing anymore with time, either... kind of like a spiritual "mark". It's in me to stay I think.

      Interesting that I would feel that same exact feeling when I used to do esbats, only it'd fade after a few hours. Not anymore!

      The rabbit hole never ends. You just jump into it and learn a lot along the way :P

  3. I saw that the Qliphoth was mentioned in the comments, and I can see that dealing with entities and spirits descending from Lilith, do comes with the darker currents of Qliphot for a few of us, even if we're not a part of that path in any way. It's inevitable, as I see it.

    I've had this discussion about the deity Naamah with a black magician from the Become A Living God-community a few weeks ago, and the energies from my ladies got so dense and powerful during that conversation. I slipped back and forth into the astral plane, fully awake I must add, and they activated my horns, wings, tail and crown along with dressing me up with clothes, like a preparation for an important meeting over there. It's pretty fascinating when that happens, and I think I know why. Discussing anything relative to my path and my ladies, seems to open up a specific current which connect me to relevant deities from the same realm. And to experience that quite often, is very adventurous and exciting. :)

    1. Hey, it's the day of the Moon, hour of the Moon! Eh. Doesn't take much to excite me.

      I wish I had horns, wings, a tail. I got the crown sometimes. We talked about that.

      Maybe I'm on the *special needs short bus* Succubus/Lilith darker current program *for dummies*.

      Would surprise me one iota.


      You're my big brother I guess. I'll get there one day.

  4. Ah, the day of the Moon! It really does affect us, for sure. By excitements, of course. ;)

    I think you might be too harsh with yourself, my friend. We sure share the EXPERIENCE, and have these wonderful relationships with our succubus spouses. But never fall into the trap to compare the EXPERIENCE with anyone else. Your experience - just like your abilities to perceive it - is just as good as my own experience. We both have experience our relationships with our wonderful ladies in similar and different ways, probably because of HOW we perceive it.

    Maybe our paths have different directions? Directions that is lead by our ladies. A final destination only they know, with Lilith as the Mother to greet us when we get there?

    You sure felt your crown, but that doesn't mean your not in absence of horns, wings and tails. What if it's there allready, but you just lack the ability to perceive them?

    Speaking of which; In my latest post, the subject is about perception. You might find it interesting. :)