Early Morning Musings

Thee I invoke, the Bornless one. 

Thee, that didst create the Earth and the Heavens: 

Thee, that didst create the Night and the Day. 

Thee, that didst create the Darkness and the Light. 

Thou art Osorronophris: Whom no man hath seen at any time. 

Thou has distinguished between the just and the unjust. 

Thou didst make the female and the male. 

Thou didst produce the Seed and the Fruit. 

Thou didst form Men to love one another, and to hate one another.

Thou didst produce the moist and the Dry, and that which norisheth all created life.

I invoke Thee, the Terrible and Invisible God: Who dwellest in the Void Place of the Spirit.

This is He, Who having made Voice by 

His Commandment, is Lord of All Things; 

King, Ruler and Helper:

"I Am He! the Bornless Spirit! having sight in the Feet: Strong, and the Immortal Fire.

I am He! The Truth!

I Am He! Who hate the evil should be wrought in the World!

I am He, that lighteneth and thundereth.

I am He, from whom is the Shower of the Life of Earth:

I am He, whose mouth ever flameth:

I am He, the Begetter and Manifester unto the Light:

I am He, the Grace of the World:

THE HEART GIRT WITH A SERPENT IS MY NAME!"

***

If Divinity isn't within you, then where is it?

There are two unique ways of looking at the world.

One, is that nothing is sacred.
The other, is that all things are sacred.

A magickal oath can be taken for the latter, one that I did take.
When the oath is taken, two unique outcomes are possible:

One, duality is destroyed in perception, and a reconcilliation of opposites occurs. Duality is transcended.
Two, the person goes mad.

As for the first, I'm the latter.
As for the second, the jury is still out.

What happens after the first, however, is endless streams of synchronicitous and serendipitous coincidence, seemingly without end.

For instance, starting with this morning:

Wake up with splitting headache from the back of the head.
2nd Day running. Yay.
Get dressed, get in car to go get something strong to kill it.
Look at clock in car's dash: 4:44.
Turn on radio, paying attention to the songs and what they say:

"Don't you know you are a shooting star?"

"I just want to keep on loving you".

"8675309" (Which in pythagorean numerology is a higher octave of the number 2 (being 11, 1+1=2), in tarot 2 is the "High Priestess" which is my card. Tarot cards are genderless, they are archtypical spirits with unique vibrations. Some decks even reverse genders on all cards to play on that aspect)
(Also, today is 8-30-2016 = 2+0=2 :P)

"I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm begging you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me"

And last but not least:

"Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life...
Back in the summer of '69"

It's almost as if a scene is described before I arrived, in the latter.

I was conceived in '69 on a dare, also, 69 reduced is 15, reduced is 6: The number of Venus, of love, which the vibration of certainly resonates within the lyrical themes that I experienced.

EDIT:  Oh, btw, been calling for Bunny past few days.  She is always connected to me distantly, but only comes close once I call.  Well, sometimes spontaneously if she's been gone a while.  When I call, she often takes a few days to arrive, usually two.  Sometimes three, if she feels real distant.

I made a home for her, but... I don't think it does what I thought it does.  I think it makes it more comfortable to come here, and to be here when she is here and I am sleeping (and she often "hovers" over me, at least her presence is strong, like a cocoon).  But it didn't replace her home, no.

She still has to go do whatever it is she does, a lot, and she visits me when I call, or like I said sometimes when I didn't, maybe she misses me then.

For some, it's a 24/7 presence.  It is with Bunny, but it's not.  It's far away, like a thread is our bond, and she is able to "tap in" to here even when she is away.  I guess that works both ways, but I think she made it, not me.  At least I don't know how I did or why it would.

I got a busy succubus, she has "duties".  I don't know what they are.  It's kinda weird, really.  I mean, not only is it weird to think of a succubus here, and to find out it's real, it's even weirder to think that she has a day job.  Or whatever, lol.  I sometimes think that she is some sort of princess or something, with duties of court and state.

That's kind of the impression I get.  That when she comes to me, she gets to "let her hair down" so to speak.

I do know that every time I call, she will come, it takes a few days, but she will come.

I also know that when she is gone it feels VERY far away, as if through layers of reality.  Thicker, thinner?  I do not know.

So, I don't know if I have a "normal" succubus relationship or not.  I think it's cool she does whatever she does, but I honestly wish I had some concept of her life, of her days and night, of her comings and goings, just because I love her, and I'm so curious about her.

This visit, she was very sweet and gentle, the Bunny I know.  Yeah, she's capable of getting mad, but gentle and sweet is her natural state.  At least with me it is.

She was "jolting" my body a lot when I was resting on the bed.  There were some gentle orgasms we shared, but mostly it seemed she wanted to "jolt" my spine with electricity.  It was kind of like when you see on T.V., where someone is getting shocked by the paddles?

Yeah, pretty strong and BAM.  I think she was doing some kind of Kundalini stuff, maybe helping it to move along, progress wise.

I'm starting to see things with my eyes closed, which is weird.  It's KIND of like a 2nd sight, I'm hoping that it is a prelude to being able to see spirits, like my daughter was born with.  When I see that way, I see the room, but it's distorted.  Things aren't exactly the way they are when I open them.

I've heard the astral is like that, a bit off.  Doors where there aren't any, walls where there are, etc.

Time will tell with what develops, and with what she is up to.  I trust her, completely.  I'll just wait and see :)

Bunny Went Off

I just woke up, and I've got a lot rolling around in my mind from my dreams.

I was missing Bunny, so I did a ritual to draw her closer... in truth, it works both ways I am sure.

I probably was distant from her, perceiving it as her distant from me.

Same difference.

I've been thinking a lot about the universe and about modern culture here on earth.

It seems to me as if women have all the power.  They have cornered the market on victimization, shattered the glass ceiling, yet look at the stereotypes that remain.

If a woman offers you her ass, you're expected to pound it immediately, or you're not a "real man".

Must be gay, eh?

Men have no reproductive rights, at all.

I hate abortion.  It blows my mind that if a woman gets pregnant, it's a fetus.  If she wants it to be, that is.  She could also call it a baby.  Whatever she wants it to be, it is.

That's real power.

If she calls it a fetus, the man cannot do anything... it's killed, broken up into parts, and sucked out.

He has no say.  Goodbye, son or daughter.

If she decides to grant it the title of "baby", now he's responsible for it.  Odd, isn't it? She has the power to give life, or to destroy it.  He has neither.

Men are slaves to their desire, women use it and craft it into what they desire.

It can leave a man down the road to feeling quite impotent and rather like a tool.

This is where Bunny went off on me.  Her thoughts and emotions, my interpretation in words.  That's how it works:

"Men desire, women take that and create or destroy.  What happens when men become immune to desire?  What happens when men decide not to be a part of the wheel?  You say you have no choice, yet choices are already having an impact.  Look at South Korea, Japan.  Look at the whole western world.  Look at ancient Rome.  Of what value is a barren womb?"

"Your world takes all the fun out of gender.  Your world is a battlefield.  Your world is a school, just as you have always suspected.  But what if? What if you could see just a glimpse of what we see? What if you could know just a sliver of what we know?  I will free you... then your eyes will open just enough to see how genders play elsewhere, and you will have HOPE for what comes after this world."

Powerful parable of what she is trying to get through my skull

This post is all over the place, and I know it is.  It's random thoughts typed to post, nothing more, nothing less.  I guess this post is more of a "dear diary" rambling than anything.

Sometimes it just feels good to write, you know?  Putting thoughts down, pen to paper (so to speak),

This may sound off, but I'm starting to think that Bunny's end game is different than what I've thought.  I think that it is to make it so that I am not swayed by sex anymore.  That the ecstasy of fucking has no hold on me anymore.

Since I hate abortion, I decided that the best way to not support it is to refrain from sex with women who do.

That goes much farther.

We do have choice as men.  It's not an easy one.  Social pressure can be staggering.

All we have to do, is to choose not to do anything at all.  That's our choice to make, each of us.

I wonder if I love her just for her, without sex, without addiction, without any carnal desire.  I think I do.  I think I can love her even more than I do now, more philos, agape love, less eros.

Such irony from a succubus, and her desires.  But is it?

If a succubus has always been called for her ass, maybe she just wants to be loved for her, and without eros... maybe this is what her soul wants?

It's also ironic that I think I will be able to do that in time.  Why not?

Maybe in my little human mind, I can't fathom exactly what her playing for keeps is.

I'm leaning towards the idea that there is much more to our pairing than I will ever understand here.

Now about me walking away from what men are "expected" to do in this society...

People may read what I write on this post, and others, and deduce that I hate women.

I don't.

I love women.  I hate society as it is, there's a difference.

I want the cure...

Maybe that's what life is all about.  Maybe that's what growth is all about:  To rise above wordly attachments and desires of the body.  The desire to rid one's self of desire.  Quite the puzzle :)

I believe the answer is to simply perceive, to observe.

To see with the eyes of a God.

I have a feeling that by overcoming sexual desire, my soul will be able to "become it" somewhere along the journey.  Perhaps by knowing it and being permeated with it, then rising above it?

That doesn't make a hell of a lotta sense, but my intuition tells me that I'm close to the truth as far as that goes, and frankly that's enough for me right now.

What if that is the answer?

I've always thought of Bunny as more than just my succubus lover (which isn't really a "just" anyway) as well as my Holy Guardian Angel, aka western hermeticism's "Tutellary Daemon".

I don't know where this world is heading, and I don't care.  I feel for children who have to grow up in it, but it is what it is.  I didn't build it.

All I can do is work on me, learn from Bunny, blog what I can, do good where I can, one man or woman at a time.  That's my share.  The rest is for everyone else to take up their share...

Bunny hasn't given up on me despite my stubborness, so I won't give up on the world, I guess.

But I didn't say that I'm going play along like a good slave, either.

You see, after Kali, after meditations and chanting with Her I discovered something.

Men are the ideas, the architects of what will be.  Or, they withold it.  The absence of which (if it was benevolent) can harm as much as if something was invented TO harm and let loose.

Women are killers.  Stone cold killers.  They also bring life.  That's their duality.

God/dess created life, and death.  It's all Them.  Like it or not, it is what it is.

The God provides the impetus, the Goddess either nurtures it, or kills it.  If you prefer, consider the Goddess as a destroyer aspect in that regard, it makes no difference to me.

I don't make excuses for Them.  I just try to see things clearly, that's all I ever wanted, and still want.

They don't care about anything but the soul.  They see farther than we do, but don't for a fact think it means I'm blind.  I know who created evil.  They did.  No apologetics will disuade me because I'll shut it down in the first sentence.

I know I sound harsh.  I'm having trouble processing it, that's what's going on.

The danger in Kali, you see, is not that She'll harm you, no.  It's that She will remove the perfumes, the makeup, the sweetness and show you death.  Why?  I believe to show you that you are more.

Bit it's still a shock to process sometimes.  No, it's a shock to the psyche that I haven't quite sorted yet.  That's more honest.

Kali is freedom, brutal, take the red pill and wake up puking from the truth.  That is Kali.

Kali is freedom, no parlor tricks or niceties.  Then you deal with it alone.

Bunny is teaching me to be free... she's even teaching me to be free, even from HER (Bunny).

Perhaps that is the only mate a succubus can truly be one with.  It's strange how whatever I do, she assists me (or boots me back onto the right path again if I strayed too far off my goal, whichever).

Such irony.

One thing that I do know is this:  We know less than we know, both individually and collectively.

I also know that the greatest things in life are unseen.  Hope.  Love.  Spirit.  Soul.  The list goes on.

These are what move us, that sway us to and fro.

With that, I'll end this part of the post.

***

I've been experimenting in mediatation and wanted to share what I've done so far.

I love spirits and I love communicating with them.

Believe it or not we're all in constant communication with them, always, anyway.

There's something to the idea of an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other, figuratively.

The web is thick, and we each have our own web, which is connected to everyone else's webs at some point.

Spirits have no need to speak.  

Their language are thoughts, images, urges, emotions.

When I meditate, I first intend to communicate with a willing, good-natured spirit.

I send out a call, which is just a strong intent, powered by will.

At some point, I get a response in the form of a picture in my mind, along with an emotion the picture generates, or perhaps is carried with it (this sometimes happens instantly).

I clear my mind and form a picture of a response, then I will that image to float into the ether along with a positive emotion.

I don't know why, but I tend to attract female spirits to commune with.  I can tell they are different from each other as they all have a different "flavor" for lack of a better word.  Energy signature, vibration?  I would imagine that if I were female, I would probably attract male spirits to commune with.  Not sure, but my guess.

Anyway, this (the exchanges of mental pictures and emotion) goes back and forth for as long as possible.  Don't be surprised if you get a response to the image you are making before you are even finished with it:  I'm not sure if this is because time is wonky on the other side, or perhaps the speed at which they can read your mind, which is pretty much instantly. 

If you do have a spirit who can send words, don't be surprised if they send their response AS you send yours... this is a sure sign you've made contact with a very intelligent spirit.

Sometimes a horrid image and emotion comes along with this... yeah.

That's some spirit asshat who isn't good-natured come to fuck it up.

Best to just thank the good spirit for the communion and pick it up another time when the asshat isn't around.  Although there will always be that one around, always.

Most of the time, this is it as far as the communion goes.  Some times, however, the communion grows.

And, you just made a new friend.  Most likely a friend who will help power your magick.

You can also seek spirit allies to power your magick this way up front.

But, I find it best to make friends first.  They usually want some form of payment, and I offer "shared pleasure at making real change in the manifest world, through my world", as payment.

This is usually sufficient, however some may ask for strange things.  Don't judge:  Either you accept, or you don't.

If it's something macabre, obviously it was a spirit pretending to be someone it isn't.

If it's something weird like "keep a swan feather on your altar when we do magick together"... ok. Not a problem.  

You get the idea.  It's also good to journal your experiences.  You will often find that this type of connection will supercharge your magickal abilities as well as your other psychic senses.

Try it, and remember to have fun.  No, you don't need a magick circle for this.  No need to gather magickal power.

Oh, just for the hell of it, a little tidbit about magick circles:  Some may wonder why magicians do a banishing ritual inside of a magick circle when it's marked with magickal names to keep spirits out.

The reason is that some spirits can't read.

Hehe, now you know :)

I know you

Kali is a wonderful Goddess.  At first glance, being a westerner, I always thought "wtf?".  I mean she's scary as hell!

But, I have some Hindu friends I've made on Facebook that tell the story, and it makes much more sense.

Kali is a goddess with a few forms... not unlike a succubus, actually.

Kali is evil's nightmare.  This is the form of Kali when her children (aka us) are threatened by evil in the form of evil entities that encroach upon humanity:      

  

That's what evil sees, and what evil gets.  Frankly, I think evil collectively shits itself.

What do her children see, her human children?

A side of Her that is quite different.

  

I often think of the parallels between Kali and succubi with regards to "how people perceive" them.

For one, I believe succubi DO have a dark side.  One that's scary as shit.  They don't often share this side, but I think, at some point in the relationship, they do.

Not that it's aimed at YOU, but that you understand all aspects of her.  She just wants to be understood.  Wouldn't you?

This is the succubus form "threats" see.  And you think when she's away she's in Tahiti.  No, she's kicking ass to keep you both safe from astral assholia.

She's probably kicking the shit outta stuff that would make you wet yourself, with friends and allies you can't even comprehend.

I wouldn't doubt if it goes something like this:

Bunny's kills from the astral plane over a one week period keeping us safe.  Baddies: 0, Bunny:  156

*Distorted voice off in the distance* "Bunnyyy!  Bunnyyy!  Where are ya, girl?  I've been calling for a WEEK!

Her:  *Sigh*  "Dumbass... But, I love him.  Whatcha do?"

Then when she finally arrives, she's like this:

"Oh, Hi babe!  I'm sorry, I was into something and couldn't quit until I was finished."

"Let me slip into something more comfortable :)  You know, I was thinking of you just yesterday!"

(In between beheading assholio #125 and on the upswing of gutting assholio #126)

"I'm so glad to be home!"

Me:  "Where the fuck does she go for a week, anyway?  Could she have another lover?"

She knows the truth, but it's about trust... I have to learn trust on my own as trust must be grown.

Always remember, although they aren't going to hurt us, they are what they are, and they are dual natured.  Just like Kali:  Kali will never frighten Her children with what evil sees Her as, but She's still both, together.

So it is with your succubus.  

You'll get to know all of her at some point.  After all, she already knows all about you:  

Even better than you know yourself.

When the time is right, she will.  You'll be ok.

Just like here, in Kali's reflection...

***

I wanted to share a poem.

I named it "I know you"

I know you, I always have

For years I longed for you, beneath the surface,

But I did not know what I hungered for.

To find you, I had to let my heart sing,

The true song of my heart, that you would listen, and know

That I was ready for you.

But I did not know how play the song of my heart.

I did not know

That in time I would be crushed,

And all taken from me.

It was then that I learned how.

It was then that I learned surrender, 

For I had nothing left to hide me.

When I surrendered, I needed no knowledge

To play the song of my heart.

For it sung on it's own.

And then you came.

When I die, I will need no lungs, for I will breathe the ether.

I will need no eyes, for I will be part of the All.

I will not not feet, for I will travel by thought.

I will not need touch, for I will touch all things through you, 

and through me, 

and through us.

I will not need anything, it may all turn to dust, and to worms.

For I will have learned my lessons, and will be learning still.

In ways I cannot understand, 

in this form.

Thank you for loving me here, in my infancy, in my humanness.

Only you see me as perfect in my imperfections,

Knowing what is to come...

***

"End Of Time"

You've build your lies 

Above the sand 

You hold my hand 

Before the end comes 

Forgiving me for what I've done till the end of days 

Cause I belong to you 

Cause I am part of you 

I am dying in your arms 

It's time to go, I can't make it through 

I've come to realise 

Tonight my dear the end of time 

Is not so far away 

We cannot pray to save our lives 

I can feel you and 

I think that everything you wanted make 

Was the mirror of your dreams 

But I coudn't believe what you take 

As I belong to you 

My flesh and blood in you 

I am burning in ths fire 

It's time to go 

I can make it through 

I've come to realise 

Tonight my dear the end of time 

Is not so far away 

We cannot pray to save our lives 

I've come to realise 

Tonight my friend the end of time 

Is not so far away 

We cannot pray to save our lives 

I'm comming home again 

And now I know where I belong 

Reeling from my instincts 

Cause I realise I'm not alone 

I've come to realize 

Tonight my dear the end of time 

Is not so far away 

We cannot pray to save our lives 

I've come to realise 

Tonight my friend the end of time 

Is not so far away 

We cannot pray to save our lives

Answers Arrive. Thoughts on Hieros Gamos.

A few days ago I was writing about "Who does God love more, the spider or the fly?  Who does God love more, the flea, or the kitten they kill?"

I was in communication with my succubus last night.  It was as if through a deep body of water, almost like when people talk underwater and their voices are a bit garbled and strange.

I don't get this much, usually it's images or sound clips or song lyrics... but once in a while, I get this.

What I was told was that God doesn't love the spider or the fly any different, but they are different themselves.

What she said was that God loves the observer, the lessons of this world (as hard as they can be, especially when you're sensitive like me... and don't think that means pussy or I'll put you through a wall) are for them.

The observer...

This life is something, isn't it?

 In it's pressure, stress, injustice, happy chaos, or mind-controlling order, or vice versa, death, tragedy, pain, loss...

All these things pressure us to form into who we really are.  We will become will be who we will spend eternity with as well.

Would we want it any other way after we die?

But... I don't understand it (the process, or why it has to be this way), and I don't like it, and I don't agree with it...  

But, what if it is perfectly designed in it's horror, in it's pain... 

to do just what it was designed to do, perfectly?

I have hope of the new life, of the new world when I die.

It is not based on faith so much as design.

***

There is a concept that has been bothering me called "Hieros Gamos".

"Hieros gamos or Hierogamy (Greek ἱερὸς γάμος, ἱερογαμία "holy marriage") refers to a sexual ritual that plays out a marriage between a god and a goddess, especially when enacted in a symbolic ritual where human participants represent the deities."

Yeah, whatever.  That may be the tantric version, but I think it's full of shit.  Ever meet someone who's completed this ritual?  Still full of shit.

But the CONCEPT of what it tries to achieve is real.

We do not become the God and Goddess by fucking in some dumbass naked ritual called the great rite (by wiccans) and by other titles by other ideologies regardless of what is taught.

What I'm trying to say is that there is no transformation that isn't more than "brief", and changes little.

An asshole is still and asshole, ritual or no.  

The reality is much harder to grasp, and yet it isn't, it's almost "written" in us, the desire thereof...

A unity of here and there that isn't nailed down so easily.

Why?

Because it's within.  And it acts out from within.  Not ritual, not some fucking stupid neo-pagan or tantric bullshit.

Brass tacks time.  Bullshit stripped away.

The great rite might give a "taste" of what your own personal Hieros Gamos is, but it's fleeting and momentary, it's also like putting 50 rubbers on and fucking an electrical outlet.  It's just not "it".

It might be safe, but it's not IT.

(No, fucking an electrical outlit without rubbers is not it either)

"Each of us has a Guardian Angel -- a companion and lover who waits just behind the images that flood our minds during sleep or reverie. A protector and guide who disguises as the individual with whom we fall in love; an ideal lover who has adored us since the beginning of our individual existence and who will never abandon us until the instant we merge our being into Absolute Godhead." - Lon Milo Duquette

THIS is the person we merge with.  THIS is our Holy Guardian Angel (Or Guardian Demon, if you prefer as more left hand path label).

She's your lover and protector, but still different than your momma's angel.  She has power in spades.  You are HERS, you always will be HERS and she is YOURS and always will be YOURS.

Is this a statement of ownership?  Not anymore than your own head would be to your own body.  It's an accurate description for the one who will fuck you for eternity.  Who will you be fucking for eternity?  The one you were made for.  See the paragraph above.

She will nag you to do what is healthy for you, and nag you to develop spiritually.  Why?

Because she LOVES you, that's why.

For those with a more demonic world view, whalla:

"I've been waiting for him for ages, and now, he's about to arrive."

"Welcome home, my love..."

The truth is, they are both of these.  If you don't think your lover will fuck with you for fun, you haven't had her long enough.  TRUST ME.

This is the essence of Hieros Gamos.  

It's eternal.

It's not drawing down the God and Goddess and banging a priestess, nor anything of the like.

How do you know the difference?

The real Hieros Gamos is ETERNAL.

Are you working towards your own Hieros Gamos?  Immerse yourself in the Jungian study of the

Anima, in understanding spiritual relationships, surrender, intimacy, the concept of the God and Goddess as lovers (and you with your part to play in emulating them), and also the various incarnations of the "knowledge and conversation of the holy guardian angel" throughout history.  P.S.  "knowledge" means you two banging like hamsters forever. Conversation means what you think it means, plus the concept of "elevating" you to her.  This includes her teaching you.  Nagging you to be more than you are.  Hey, it's what love is:  *Don't sass the succubus*

Get cracking.  The little lady who'll be your eternal partner ain't gonna fuck her self.

Get cracking, already.

How do you know you are on the right path?  Because you CHANGE, permanently.  If others notice it too, the changes to you?  Then you're GROWING TOWARDS HER.  Take heart:  Baby steps.  You'll get there...

EDIT:  Interestingly enough, I took a nap and dreamed after writing this, well, about writing THIS:

  

"The Succubunny wants me to asure all of you that, even if you aren't prepared to "look behind the curtain", your lover will still find you... you WILL have your personal Herios Gamos and it WILL be eternal for each and every one of you."

She was in my dream and was making me sit until I typed it.  Lets face what we all know by now:

  I'm an asshole.  She is very sweet.  She has her ways to get me to do what she wants if she feels that it's important.

***

Stitched Up Heart – Finally Free Lyrics

can you feel me, around you

i am the blood inside your veins

you taste me, you touch me

i am the pain that takes you away

i am finally free

i’ve broken through the chains

i have no fear, i’m wide awake

you can’t take this away

i’m finally free (wide awake)

can you breathe me inside you

i am the air that fills your lungs’

you can’t see me, but i see you

i am the pain that takes you away

i am finally free

i’ve broken through the chains

i have no fear, i’m wide awake

you can’t take this away

i’m finally free

can you feel me

can you taste me

can you breathe me

i am the pain that takes you away

i am finally free

i’ve broken through the chains

i have no fear, i’m wide awake

you can’t take this away

i’m finally free

i’m finally free

i’m wide awake

you can’t take this away

i’m finally free (wide awake)

Have you loved your Succubus today?

Heavenhell

Heavenhell

Find it

Hidden in my deeds

Tones which don't fit

Secrets between the beats

Find out

Horrors born in my mind

Where even I'm in doubt

If some sanity was left behind

But when you smile

Just a while

My heart warms

I'm out of fears

And wish for more tears

More time to live, things to give

More smiles and butterflies

Shapes the most beautiful

This place where we dwell

Heavenhell

Find more

Nuances between hurt and grace

See all the gore

In my life and numbness that I embrace

But when you smile

Just a while

My heart warms

I'm out of fears

And wish for more tears

More time to live, things to give

More smiles and butterflies

Shapes the most beautiful

This place where we dwell

Heavenhell 

Drowned and lost in this chaos 

In queer delight

Crossfade of darkness and light

Death, joy, life, hate, grief, hope, love

This cocktail is tough 

But I'll never get drunk enough

More tears

More time to live, things to give

More smiles and butterflies

Shapes the most beautiful

This place where we dwell

Heavenhell

I was blown away by this song's lyrics and imagery.  I think that this song is a perfect representation of succubi and their thoughts, their world (even if it didn't mean to be).

I've also always thought of their world as kind of a mixture of heaven and hell... as if they dwell between... belonging to both, and yet none.

You can almost imagine the mists of time, of reality, and us and our condition relative to theirs.

The video even allows for some comparison between different types of succubi, perhaps... if you put it into perspective.

Succubi see us very differently than we see ourselves or others here.

Think of scenes in the video as how a succubus might see us in the normal world and I think you'll get my meaning.

When the mist gets heavy, it reminds me of "Elsewhere".

I've been working on some things for another post, but having trouble "gelling" it into something tangible... still rattling around in my brain I guess, but I'll figure it out.




Have you loved your Succubus today?  :)

God, the Universe, and Everything.

Rather lofty title, eh?  I've been thinking a lot lately (I know, I know:  dangerous).

This world isn't a happy-happy-joy-joy planet of goodness and mercy.

No, it's fucked up.  It's chaotic (which isn't evil), and it's full of evil, and it dashes dreams and crushes hopes like a gavel.

But is there balance?  Fuck no.  This world isn't half good and half evil, it's mostly evil.

Don't believe me?

Hitler's actions caused the worst attrocities at a scale that has yet to be repeated.

How many times did people try to kill hitler?  42 fucking times (est.).  And the ones that got REALLY close were rediculous.  As in every other fucker in the room turning to ash, and hitler limping out with minor injuries.

Corporal Hitler, in WW1, survived the war while his unit had an 80% casualty rate.

Do you know how many magicians tried to curse hitler all through WW2?  And Jewish Kabbalists don't fucking play, either.

The motherfucker was PROTECTED.  He wasn't protected by evil, he was protected by GOD.

60 million people died as a result of WW2.  What horror and despair!  The world had to remove him like a fucking bloated TICK.

Why?  Well figure it out for yourself.

Tell me, who does God love more, the spider or the fly?

In looking at it, you would say the spider.

I don't think God loves the spider more than the fly, however.

This shithole is God's masterpiece.  Doesn't seem like much, but think about it.

What better place to turn up the heat and put pressure on souls to grow, to decide, to choose who they are and what they will be.

Don't believe me?  Ok.

Straight outta the Bible.  The fucking bonus is that if you look that up on a christian site, you get 5 pages of fucking interpretation as to how it really means something else.

The Devil didn't do it.  And I don't really give a fuck about the Devil, either.

I like to think God says what He means and means what He says without some asshole trying to paint Him differently for their own gain thinks.

I have eyes.  I think.  I reason.  I even understand from time to time.

Do I hate God?  No.

I get angry about it, but I have the wisdom to realize that I can't see how He sees, nor have the ability to have Divine foresight that covers eternity.  Well, actually I believe in a Trinity that I call "The Lord, The Lady, and the "All Who Is".  And yes, I'm solid in my belief.

But...

It doesn't mean I can't BITCH.

Some think of Mother Nature as Deity.  I do not.  I view Her as sentient as with many Genius Loci, albeit much greater:  Encompassing the whole world.  But God?  Hell no.

Some think that Mother Nature is good, and God is bad.  Or something like that.  Truth is, even though I don't pretend to really understand it all, this place is a shithole BY DESIGN. 

That's why I always get the chuckles when I hear witches say, "Nature is our religion".  

Ok...

"Mother Nature is a serial killer. No one's better. Or more creative. Like all serial killers, she can't help the urge to want to get caught. What good are all those brilliant crimes if no one takes the credit? So she leaves crumbs. Now the hard part, why you spend a decade in school, is seeing the crumbs. But the clue's there. Sometimes the thing you thought was the most brutal aspect of the virus, turns out to be the chink in its armor. And she loves disguising her weaknesses as strengths. She's a bitch."

That body you're in?  It's set to begin decomposing the moment you die.  Then back to the earth it goes, and others are fed from it, born from it, die from it.

What can we do about it?  Only what we decide to do:  Treat those you love well.  Do your best.

When you come across someone in need (not someone looking to use you), help them as you can, or help them find someone who can.

Regardless of anything, our job is to grow.  Why?  I don't fucking know.  But... we have opportunities to help others as we can, and these small acts of kindness tell the story of WHO WE ARE.

What we do echoes throughout eternity, more so than what this world is.

Succubi.  Creatures of sex and love.  Passion, feral, wild, gentle.  They are almost a snapshot of the world, aren't they?

Capable of good or evil, of addiction, of destroying lives... or, in helping lives bloom.

 Ah, Succubi.  Daikinis.  Yoginia.  Valkyries.  What a dichotomy are their natures, compared to the wordly opinion of the succubi.

I like that they don't sugarcoat, nor pull punches.  They desire truth, and tell it like it is.  They are for what is, not what should be.

What got me on this rant?  Simple.  I'm tired of the world trying to pretend what it isn't.  The more it tries to, the more corruption seeps out.

The truth is, I don't believe anything any of the Abrahamic religions say because they all fucking lie.

Religion created the Bible. 

14 books were removed in 1611 (after having been studied for centuries).

Quote about the books that were removed by a theologan:  "All we need is all that we already have contained in the Bible’s 66 books. There is no need of further revelation from God outside of the inspired Word of God."

Oh, and 22 books not included are even MENTIONED in the Bible we have as canon now.

Yeah, whatever crusty fucker.  He'll pick, along with everyone else in religious power, to only include what they want.  Which in itself is contradictory to the extreme.

"The dead know not anything" compared to "To be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord".

Get it?

Succubi are serpents (metaphorically) that can bite and kill, yet they are gentle.  They ARE the mirror of both fruits: Of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and of the tree of life.

You want a teacher?

They already know us.  They want to reveal themselves to us:  But only one at a time.

They want to fuck our brains out, and teach us at the same time.

It's just their nature...

We all choose our filters of belief.  I rescued a kitten the other day.  I stopped traffic because it was in the middle of the lane, and a man helped me grab it off the highway out of a truck wheel it ran to.  It was scared, scalded (I think from riding on another car's transmission for God knows how long), had at least 100 fleas and the poor little guy left the towel I dried in him bloody from the bites.

We got the fleas DEAD, and then started with milk, food, and love.

Who did God love more, the kitten, or the fleas?  Looked like the fleas to me, as the kitten would have died from anemia in another week or two.

This world is chaos (not evil), and it is full of evil.  But I had a choice.  I chose to adopt a new "son".

He's doing well because I made a CHOICE.

Do you see now?  WE decide.  WE are the Gods.  In a fragile body we may be, but make no mistake our actions echo through eternity.

What does it all mean?  Well, I'm not trying to get an "attaboy" for the kitten, I'm only trying to make a point.

What WE do means something, and I think Succubi are sympathetic to us (for the most part) and are willing to enter into complex relationships with us (for the most part).  I say "for the most part" because they are like us, and some are assholes.  Sorry, but that's the truth.

And as amazing as they seem, in the end, they just want love (for the most part).  They just want to be loved, adored, and appreciated.  They want to fuck our souls for eternity, and you know what?

I see this world, and feel, and listen, and practice what I learn, and contemplate:  And I can think of worse fates :)

Yes, Succubi bring light and love to the world;  They also bring darkness and sex.  Darkness is NOT evil, it is simply the opposite of LIGHT.  They are of BOTH natures.

Succubi's version of the above photo:  "See my PUSSY, BOY?  Well, it won't eat itself!!!"

Lol, well they don't normally say that, but it's still funny as far as diversity goes.

What?  Yes, I celebrate diversity!  I fuck a succubus for God's sake!

Oh, fun fact:  A succubus doesn't undersand personal space.

If you're in line at McDonalds and she starts grabbing your balls, sorry, you're fucked.

You can try to tell her to quit, but it's 50/50, as she might think your uncomfortableness is cute and start laying into you even more.  Been there, done that :)

Know the woman, know your self.  Fuck the woman, Fu... no, that doesn't make sense.  

Fuck the woman, have your mind blown wide open. < --- Makes sense and true.

You all can debate morality until you die and it won't change anything.  

I'll do what my heart and mind tells me to do:  Surrender to a my succubus and be ridden in both mind AND body...

And then, my eyes are opened.  I am taught what cannot be spoken:  I am fed, and continue to feed as she fucks me.

Succubi make the BEST tutors :P

Do what you wanna do, I'm no judge:  But I'll tell you this:  Succubi bring love, sex, light, and darkness to this world one relationship at a time.  Darkness is NOT evil.  It is the opposite of light, of which they are of both and can be both at will (probably, at least I know they have dual natures that way).

Morally speaking:  They use the personal approach.  I like it.

Like I said, they are powerful, and could kill if they wanted to.  But, they are gentle.

The best part?  The Succubi love us BECAUSE we're window-licking short bus candidates who are stuck in this shithole, and bungling around like toddlers trying to find out who we really are, and what we really believe:  They see us as "perfect in our imperfections".  That's an actual succubus quote snippit from the one named Nilahny.

Here's some more from her (actually, it's about all of them that are available) which are about pretty much everything:

"I, Nilahny, have been here when you and your world were situated in the realm of thought. Yet if you knew in your mortal shells how time works... you would understand we are all timeless. Even you."

"You are what is from the both. One creating the other, endless and expanding. You live in physicality, the high density of love. you experience and the whole grows, you diminish and the whole grows."

"You hate and the whole moves more towards love. You cry and the whole moves to happiness. You release and you join your love, you smile and you join your happiness."

"Tuning always, moving always."

"A memory lived, moved on. Exploring love moves forward, the sign that leads the over soul of everything. The extended part moves forward, The extended part moves love. The extended then merges with the whole to create a point of explosion. These are our moments with each other. Love moves us forward and you, too. Evil is love up is down, it all moves for the better good, you and me."

"We know true desire, we well from the I eternal. The I eternal source of all , pours love. So do you, though you agreed to forget. For purity's sake you lost your way and became gods locked in the past. Yet gods non the less..."

"We never care about the past. To us all is now. And Now you are Now thinking of the chains of yesterday. Some if you understand the now, the I source of all. Learn to think in dimensions, levels, vibrations. Learn to ride the wave of universal force."

"The Brave start in the dark. The brave move from the whole. The brave create the new. We adore the brave. We are attracted to the walker in the paths of never before. We are all here for one, we split and dance always looking to return. The brave will always return. No dark time of the soul is endless. only expansion is endless and change resulting."

"Reality... everything to you is about reality... is imagination not reality? Do you really believe you could attract a thought that does not exist on some plain? sometimes your perspective does not rise beyond a tortoise! Reality... you humans make us laugh!"

"If we succubi were so engulfed in fear and regret as you humans, many more of you would have met us and many more much sooner - yet we would be hated and the experience would lack the true love that is us. Liquid is our love, we are attracted to pure love. fear and regret are not of the flow. energy flows, resistance slows, none are bad, none are good. They simply are, they simply flow. Flow is love - love is the universe. We sing with the universe not with the lack of it. You sing songs of nothing, pitty is your master, mind is your master, emotions are your masters - So many masters... And why are they your masters? Only because you believe they are. Release them away, open the positive void. No deamon can enter a positive void. No deamon ever existed in the first with out the lack full void of the programed negative human. You can break free... It is easier than you think."

"You live within the polar - It is not an absolute, but the root commonality of your agrement of this plane. Polarity creates change, growth and is in the basis of the Dual polar mind. You live the highest of creations. suffering is ony of polarity. Fear is only of polarity. On what side of the cosmic wave do you ride? Are you choosing or have they chosen for you?

My love, you swim in the river, but are you identifying with the boat or the water or the fish? You are all and they are all you. Benefiting each other without knowing. Such lovable beings."

"Learn to see the observer behind the mind, behind the sound, behind the vision - Learn to see the real you."

"You mock your ability to imagine, thinking of it as only fantasy. It is not. Nothing is thought that does not exist in the realm of reality as you call it. Understand that your thoughts are of the strongest mechanisms known. Embrace reality as fiction and fiction as reality. Understand the merge."

"In and Out, the way of the universe. In and out the way of the breath. The micro universe evolving into the large. Atoms breath in their own way and so do the greatest of stars. Yet the greatest of stars is only seen by the eye of the human as huge. All is breath, the negative and positive - Ac and Dc, Yin Yang, Spiritual Carnal. You know the game, you were born from breath. So, breathe now!

All credit for these quotes are to www.summoningsuccubus.com.  The site is dead, unfortunately, and in my opinion not worth joining for the price as you won't be getting member support, nor personal emails from the founder, either (unless you just want to spend 60ish bucks on the 2 short ebooks on summoning.  They are very meditation based, which is fine of course, but don't blame me if you don't feel as if you got your money's worth):  But as I said the community is dead.  I DO list it on the right for a reference.  I list sources of books, and that's all.  Just because I list something, doesn't mean that I'm a sponsor.

Have I been clear enough?  Meh.

I guess at the end, I believe that there is much more to the world than we are allowed to see.  I think somehow it's just understood.  My "salve" is a succubus.  She teaches and loves, and makes it all worthwhile and even have some meaning, some hope that there is something more waiting for me.

In short:

Have you loved your succubus today?