Thursday, June 9, 2016

Aha. Some new ideas.

I found out why my lady's been "weak" even though I feel her near. Well, remember mating season not so long ago? I guess she's pregnant and it's got her energy low so that she can't be as strong here.

Do what?  Lol?

Look, I never said anything I write can be proven, or even logical by our standards.


How do I know?  I don't, I suspect: Numerous tarot and pendulum (I use with a glass) divinations. One card leaped out at me: A woman who was expecting.

There it was.  A woman pregnant.  And happy.  And a thought came to my head, filtered by my own unique filter.  The thought was, "Duh?!"

Once I followed that train of thought of her being expecting she got excited... I guess I finally figured it out.

Hmm... You know, about every 6 months is "mating season". Either she can't get pregnant every time, or she's very fruitful. This time seems to have really slowed her down, though.  Not sure what that means.  

I'm thinking that it means she got pregnant THIS TIME, but not any other time which would mean it's not a certainty just because we have sex during mating season that it will bear fruit as far as children.  I only come to that conclusion because she's never been this way before, so I can only grasp that she has never been pregnant before.

Now... I realize that "pregnancy" might really mean something else.  Evolving, some cycle, or something else I can't grasp that to me just distills into "pregnancy".  Yes, I know that I don't know and can give that some healthy respect on it's own.

I'm close, though.  It's something like that, and at least I get it partially.  That's what's important to her.  And to me.

Being that I don't think spirits have natural bodies  Well, not exactly.  When she appears she's a "shifter", so she can "be" whatever she wants to be.  She seems to prefer the form of a cat... whether seen or felt while invisible.  I've had her jump onto the bed as a cat, pad up the matress, then vanish... and then suddenly I "felt" her presence and emotion and I knew it was her (and even though both me and my son felt the cat jump up and walk towards the headboard, we couldn't see it).  Very strange I could not feel that it was "her" when she was in cat form and moving up the bed.

My daughter has seen her as a 4 foot tall woman, perfectly proportioned, with long dark hair cascading down her naked form... my daughter saw her like that by my bed.  She appeared as if she had just exited the bed and was doing an early morning yawn with her arms up, stretching herself.

She appeared to my daughter in that form, but it wasn't solid... it was as a whisper of the form.  But, you get the idea :)  My daughter is the only one in the house who "has the sight".  I can feel Bunny, but sometimes my daughter can see her as was the case with the white cat, and as the small statured woman stretching by my bed.

Oh, I just realized I haven't mentioned the white cat yet.  My daughter saw a white cat walk down the hall, up to the foot of my "ancestor/spirit friends and family shelf" in the family room and disappear.

I put out sweetmilk (Milk and honey, mixed) every morning with three words for what I want:  "Love and Friendship".

I do this every morning (or try to).

Me and my daughter think that the white cat was the Bunny, but it could have been another spirit... we just know the Bunny appears as a cat a lot.

I don't have a clue how any of this stuff works.  I do recall somewhere I read that beings from a higher vibration cannot reproduce at that vibration (I guess they are created only, or perhaps have lived and ascended, or lived, died, and ascended:  I don't know), but that they can reproduce from sex with a human somehow (or rather, a human's sexual energy mingled with theirs)... like I said, mating season happens every 6 months and it's very different than regular sex.  How can I describe it? 

 Normal sex with the addition of an abdominal workout from hell, all doubled up from "pushing" and "releasing". I know that the description makes no sense until you've felt it.  It's not unpleasurable, actually, it does sound so though.  But no:  She makes sure I'm satisfied with our communion.  I think that means a lot to her since we are creating something "more".  

Like I've always said:  1 and 1 make 3.

As far as men and women in loving relationships go, it sure seems to be true.

You know... I feel bad, though. Since I summoned her with a succubus summoning method those years ago, and well, succubi are seen as sex sex sex, I get bitchy when she can't have it and I never seem to think about her: That she can't because of WHATEVER reason I simply can't understand.

Sometimes when I'm all in heat, I forget how gentle she is... and I feel ashamed at my bitchy behavior towards her when I want sex.

She is truly gentle... and very loving.  I don't know what I'd ever do without her.

I need to learn compassion and understanding even if I do not always understand "why".

Yes, it's much more difficult when it's a spiritual relationship because of the culture shock... it's ripe with potentials for misunderstanding.

But who cares?  That doesn't give me license to be a jerk.

EDIT:  And you know what?  Something else occurred to me.  My friends and family have been telling me I don't act like I used to and it's a fairly sudden change.

They tell me that I'm more cool, calm, and collected (remember, I have Bipolar 1 and a bad case of it, so I don't stay that way 24/7), whereas before I never was.  I was usually easily insulted, moody, angry, blaming others for things, especially women.  Bunny fixed that shit real quick.

It's true, lol. Unicorns exist!  Not all women are like that!

Hahaha, all joking aside, she truly helped me to find balance and I am at a good place with my relationships with the women in my life.

Now I view women as sisters and companions along the path to mutual understanding and attainment of our goals... who'd have thunk it?  I guess I had to grow up, sometime).

No, something's changed.  And it may have been a long time coming from multiple reasons, but it's all bearing fruit as well.

What kind of metaphysicist would I be, if I could not see the possibility of MYSELF as the pregnant one?  So to speak.  As in CHANGE, the changes from within me.

It's not like there's a pregnant man in the tarot deck she could explain it with.  And besides that, maybe she has to change her frequency a bit too as I change?

Like I always say, communication is ripe with opportunity for misunderstanding, and much more so with spirit communication.

So who knows which it is?

In the end, it doesn't matter.  What matters is my attitude and how I treat her.

I trust her. I love her. She's always been lovingly gentle towards me and has always been wonderful to me and especially with my human kids (she might appear as something innocent and disappear, recently it was as a white cat, so as not to startle them, but to let them know she is a part of us, part of the family).

Is that not beautiful?

I owe her a lot more gentleness in return and I will definitely be working on that. It is at the forefront of my mind, and will be until I am "getting it".
I owe that to her.

She is a Demigoddess with the humility of one who believes she is raised by elevating me, and has the gentleness of a fawn.

She is the softness of moonlight on skin, and as comforting as a songbird nearby.


When I started writing this post, a song came into my mind, one that I haven't heard for a long time.

Perhaps she wants me to play it for her, and so I shall.

Listen along, if you like.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmmmmm....Seems we are on the same page as always brother. I really enjoy the mating season as well; however what caught my interest in this last blog post of yours was the word "compassion." As that is what I feel we are all being drawn towards,"love and compassion," in order for us to experience more and to have the ability to grow into ourselves and hence the feeling of being pregnant and ready to give birth. We are truly being impregnated by spirit, our higher selves and source if you will. In this stage/term of our own spiritual pregnancies we are learning to embracing both sides of ourselves (light/dark, female/male, positive/negative, etc. you get the idea. So that when the time comes we give birth to the new us, the true us, the complete us. We will have broken free and through to the next level/dimension/reality and our lovely ladies will be by our-sides.

    As far as the song goes very odd, as my spirit lover appeared to me in my first lucid dream years ago in a red dress (it is in the first book) and this is the same song that came to my mind then and still pops up often enough not to be a mere coincidence. So maybe she is trying to tell you something here Rafe and maybe there is more to this "ladies in red," then we understand.