Wrestling with myself

See that meme?  Yeah, that's how I feel.  Except I'm both the wrestler and the angel fighting with myself.



I see the changes I have to make and they feel insurmountable.  There's the part of me that wants change, and that part is fighting with the part that doesn't want change.

It's kind of funny, really.  My spirit family (I'm just going to call them this from now on I think, makes it easier and frankly it's about as accurate as I can think of) has been trying to spur me on by repeating certain lyrics from the song "Jenny" from Nothing More.

My spirit family often uses signs, symbols, and lyrics from music or even words spoken by someone in my memories and flashes them to me as a medium of communication.

Kind of interesting really.

Smart, too.

As far as change goes, I think I know where to begin at least.  Tomorrow as I just happen to have an appointment that should give me the momentum to get the ball rolling.

If that doesn't get me going, I'll have to resort to plan B.  I'll have to make a plan B first.  Lol.

Oh, ego, let me just change myself without your constant challenge for once...

***

On the less serious side of things, I decided to "prank" my lover since she and my spirit family seem to enjoy pranking me in my dreams so much... (with her it's sometimes sexual, sometimes play... with the others it's always play, play, play.)

I discovered not so long ago that I can "evoke her" and then sexually tease her while limiting her ability to influence my body and be able to touch me back.  I learned that if I concentrate hard enough, somehow it affects her across the veil and she doesn't get to dominate.  As above, so below they say...

So last night I evoked her and teasingly and passionately delighted her all in and around her yoni, thighs, hips, the back of her knees, her lower back and buttocks, her fingers and arms, her breasts, her lips, her neck, her ears... and pretty much everywhere in between including little love bites, and then back to teasing and passionate pleasing of her between her legs with nothing but my tongue and my hands and fingers.

All the while preventing her from reciprocation.

She was a hot mess by the time I slowly willed myself to sleep while doing all this (with my own evil smirk because that's what I intended to do).

That sure put her off her balance :)  Ahahahaha.

All's fair in love in war though... she got me when I woke up with a vengeance... it's like she had been planning all night.

Sweet vengeance I say, hahaha.

Yes, sometimes she does tease, and lately I've felt a difference sometimes that she is doing it for a purpose and the energy is being changed to help me evolve as I've said before, but, she's a she and she's a girl:  And this girl's a prankster.  Sometimes she just teases because she can :)

So it's nice to get her back for once in my own way, ahahaha.