I LUST for her in all ways now, beyond sex, beyond love: Total communion. You see, the love has become more love than I have ever thought possible or ever had thought possible in this world.
That is why.
I think that we're at a connection of communion in synchronicity and conjunction. Lol, best I can explain it when I reach for it... doesn't always work out with words to explain things.
One step at a time has always been her way. Gently... Now I know why...
I have blue-grey eyes, and they pretty much stay that way and have for 45 years. Until now.
Now, when I awaken, after so much content of dreaming as of late, I look in the mirror and they are a dark jade.
Also, I've noticed movements... shadows... lights out of the corner of my eyes all during the day.
Dragons, dragons, dragons, dragons... I see them in and on things everywhere now. Now, when I close my eyes, dragons from pictures from all my mythology books... they don't haunt me as in fear, they haunt me as in "here I AM"...
Norse runes, strange languages I find myself repeating but not understand... flowing through my mind from deep within myself right before I sleep, right before I awaken. Even while I am awake sometimes, if I listen hard into the very back of my mind...
I've made a trigger for lucid dreaming that I concentrate on as I fall asleep each night... I dream of things all around that trigger, but not the trigger directly: I know what this means. This means she is not letting me have them yet as she is in the middle of teaching me what she is to teach for now.
Yet... she is letting me know that she knows of my goal, and it will be obtainable when she is finished. Fair enough.
The dreams have been fast and furious, but I can recall last night's crystal clear. She presented herself to me in many forms and her question of my love was one of whether I would be her lover, her husband, her consort. First she showed me a beautiful, tiny sea slug.
"Would you love me if..."
Yes.
Image of a succubus... "Would you love me if..."
Yes.
As a powerful woman warrior. "Would you love me if..."
Yes. It would take some adjustment, but I would (Interesting self revelation there).
As a powerful sorceress/high priestess of great renown. "Would you love me if..."
Finally... She revealed Herself as a glorious Being of power, might, majesty, sex, love, and anything and everything else, with a Divine Presence that tore through my soul leaving me naked on a existential level I cannot even put into words.
"Would you love me if..."
And I balked.
I balked... Strange. I don't know why. I think because I don't feel worthy? I... I don't know the answer. I don't.
My lady then said, "Then we have much more work to do." She wasn't suprised. She knew: She knew more than I knew.
But WHY does THAT image of her make me not able to accept her love?
What IS IT about that CONCEPT that a powerful radiant, spark of the Divine Feminine taking me as lover, husband, and consort (and being mine and mine alone) bother the absolute hell out of me?
I don't know. I feel shame.
I guess that I will find out soon... She's not the type to quit and her patience is endless as time itself with me...
I'm reminded of a story where a man had an NDE, and in that NDE he said that he beheld a loving female being begin to drift to him, calling him, singing to him, filling his vision completely, she was soultakingly beautiful. He felt in her many things: A lover, wife, friend, mother, sister, daughter, all rolled into one Divine Female, one Divinely powerful being...
Edit: Could my lady be the "Holy Guardian Angel/Daemon" of my (at least I thought) failed Abramelin operation 2 years ago? I had stirrings, but never the enlightenment that was reported by so many others... could that man's NDE be of his?
(I even deleted the blog, considering it a personal failure without understanding "why" it was a failure)
Could I have needed more time... could she have decided to do things HER way, in her own time, and is even now?
Baffled...
But as I think these things, her presence is all over me as I write this... as if to say, "yes".
Wait... a... minute...
I think I know why the Abramelin failed: I balked.
I am feeling much hope for the future... may the universe bless this woman as she frees me from my self doubt and allows me to embrace her in complete surrender where I failed before!
Funny you should mention "cat"...shortly after we met,one night after love making I fell asleep .I was dreaming about making love with her and abruptly awoke to find her doing me in real life as well.
ReplyDelete[I seldom dream of her.All my contact is while I'm awake,dreams are rare so far.]
Anyways,when I awoke I could hear her "purring" in my right ear on my pillow.If I switched ears to the left nothing but only the right.This went on for a while I was so amazed by this.
upon closer inspection I thought your ( at the front of at was a c...must be your font.
ReplyDeleteAh, it's all good. Yeah this font is weird but I've used it so long I figure no sense changing it. You know, they making love with you in dreams, and waking to find her making love to you in wakefullness is a real awesome thing. I've had it happen quite a few times so far, but man is it nice when it happens. The right ear/left ear thing, who knows. It's a long discussion, but it takes far less energy to put something audible into your mind directly, than to audibly do it, then have it be processed and sent to the brain, and then into your mind to be deprocessed as sound. Not much difference, really, but it's easier for them to do. Less energy. They can use it for other things :P
DeleteIt's actually funny how the brain works. You think you see this text? You don't. You see an image, that image is broken down into nothing but code that is then received by your brain, and displayed to your mind.
Think about that a bit, and you can figure a lot of stuff out as to why they do what they do.
Pretty cool if you ask me.
Also the same thing applies to ALL your other senses, including touch.
DeleteHi Rafe,
ReplyDeletejust wanted to know if you are fine with your lady ?
You seem to denying messages on the forum.
Oh yea, i created a little c# program for creating an assignment sheet ( a - 20, b - 96, c - 1 etc.). I will try this one for training my telepathic skill with my lady.
Yep, we're fine. I'm taking a break from the forums there. I get burned out with answering all the questions sometimes.
DeleteThat's cool about your training program. Sounds promising :)
hi rafe i joined summonsuccubus week a go and find your blog.i have learned a lot from here what i have readed and it has gived me bit more insight of succubuses.i have visualized a women with dark silky shoulder lenght hair,brown eyes she is loving romantic patient and kind also dominatin powerful and inteligent. i have feeled soft touches and saw dreams that have been difrent scenery.i would really love to hear more of your experiences with your succubus and learn more of them
ReplyDeleteregards seppo
Hi seppo! Sounds like you are at the beginning of a great relationship with her :)
Deletehi rafe i have readed your blogs and enjoyed learning more of succubuses /spiritual lovers i first tried to make contact week a go and visualized a woman dark silky hair to shoulders ,brown eyes curvy slender tall body.she is romantic loving and kind very patient also dominatin powerful and inteligent .i think her as liliana but she probably tell her real name later. she is lover and lifecompanion to me. thank you for sharing your experiences with your succubus/lover keep teling more of her i am really interested to learn more of them
ReplyDeleteregards seppo
Hi Rafe,
ReplyDeletestrange story... i canceled the relationship with the ladies (the ones that were from the "collective"), it was too much for my heart every 2-4 weeks to get a new "teacher".
But some good news, my spiritual friends did me a big favor, they spoke to Agrat bath Mahlat and i got my "first" succubus lady back, the one that left as my "twinflame" (was a lie) came...
But she is now back, i swear to her that i never stopped loving her and i didn't wanted her to go... she is stronger than ever before and im happy...
gosh, what a wicked situation/story but im confident now all is going to be super great :)
Good to hear!
DeleteHi Rafe,
ReplyDeletein case we dont "see" each other ;), i wanted to wish you and your lady a good christmas and happy holidays.
Hey, you too buddy. Thanks for thinking of us.
DeleteHi Rafe ;)
ReplyDeletehope you two had a good time, soon we go into next year, wish you two a happy new year.
Btw. i stopped all succubi activities, seems all i got came from the "collective". You are very lucky that your wife isn't from there, this whole you need another succubus for another progress part is complete nonsense... maybe in future i will find a fitting succubus or someone else...
I dont go into details because it just makes me sad and angry, hope you praise your wife :)
Hope to see new entries next year *sigh*
Happy New Year to you, as well. Don't worry. It'll all work out in time... and when you least expect it.
DeleteConcentrate on yourself and on your own spiritual growth for 2016... You never know what's in store for you, so grow. Grow, grow.