Monday, January 4, 2016

I've Been Thinking a Lot

Mindless rambling alert.

Winter's here.  Dark nights.  Early nights.  Leaves a lot of time to ponder things.

Me and my lady are ok.  She's been distant, but that comes with the territory.  Ebb and flow.

She's still around... or she's still "linked" to me at any rate.  Been a month and a half, almost two months since she's been "present" I think.

How do I know we're still linked?  I can think of her... reach out to her... and she tugs my privates once.  Well... that's what happens.  I take it as, "Hey... I'm still out there".

I guess what has been on my mind a lot lately is reflections of things I've read of stories from long ago.

In the old days, we had things like Venusberg.

We had things like Fairy lovers wearing out male parishioners so badly the Priest was reporting it as a complaint.  Lol.

Parcelsius was a member of an order that did not marry.  Instead they married elementals so that the elementals would have the opportunity for a soul.  Not sure how that worked exactly, or even if it means what was written... and knowing very little about Alchemy, what I do know is nothing means what it says.

I'm of the persuasion that once an elemental was wed and loved, something was attained and they would repeat the process?

Not sure.  I would love to understand more about this though.

When you consider fox brides from the far east.

All the reports of female jinn and human male marriages in early Islam.

Selkies and Melusines off the English Iles.

Valkyries in the frigid north.

Where'd it all go?  All the knowledge?

Do I think it was all myth?

No.  Way too many stories from too many places.

I want to know how to marry a Jinn.
I want to know what a fairy bride is like.
I want to know the love of a fox maiden.
I want to know the love of a Selkie.
I want to know the love of a Valkyrie.

I didn't say at the same time... and honestly it's more about KNOWING what it is like.

I don't know why I feel this way.  Why I care.

I think the problem is I want to know EVERYTHING.  That's the problem.

I have such a HUNGER to know now.  It's driving me bezerk because for one, I don't know where to look for answers.  And two... absence of one's lover for a long period sucks.

Do I feel married to her?  Yes, and no.  Yes that I do, but no that I don't own her.  I mean, this is going to sound funny, but I think I'm the only human lover she has.  But I thinks she has many lovers in many other places.  And that's ok.  And hell... if she does have other human lovers, who cares. Kinda weird I hear myself think that as I type.  Why is it ok you ask?  Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.


No, it doesn't matter because she loves me and that's enough for me.

I once had someone tell me, "You can't have a spirit lover:  That is too rare."  I said, "Well, motherfucker, there's only one __________ (my real name was put here, and I have a one of a kind proper name) in the whole universe.  How's that for "rare"?  His mouth just fell open, uttering cave man sounds for a bit.

Anyway... I guess that means...

I can love women in other places... like the types of spirits I listed above...

I just don't know how to find those.

After sex with a female love spirit, I don't think I could make love to a woman anymore, anyway.  I'm just turned off now.  Meh.  Nothing wrong with women of course, I just... once you've experienced sex with a spirit, there's nothing here to compare it to.  Might as well flop around in the mud with someone trying to imitate it.  I'm sure women who have love spirits feel the exact same way.

I dunno what kind of love spirit my lady IS.  I know she can pour love on you so thick it hurts to bear it.  She can come close, and the brilliance completely eclipses your own self.  I know she pulled me into some "in between" place in my sleep and gave me 4 full body orgasms in 15 seconds.

What kinda spirit is that?  I wish I knew.  Doesn't change anything.  Other than I'd know.

I do know when we first got together I wasn't used to her knowing my thoughts all the time, and when I'd think something ugly towards her she'd send back, "Don't sass the succubus."  Lol.  Ahhh, she's funny.  I guess she's a Succubus then.  After all, she didn't say, "Don't piss the fairy off."

I just ordered a book called the "Book of Oberon".  It's got a lot of stuff crammed in it.  Maybe it can provide some answers about people marrying elementals and fairies and fox wives and all of that stuff.

OH... almost forgot.

I've attracted a trickster spirit.  Ehh, not sure how.

If I do magick, she will lend her power and it has one HELL of a OOMPH.  But...

If I do magick for other people, she still lends her power, but something always happens to embarass the hell out of me.

She's not a bad spirit.  Sometimes I think I caught the eye of a Kitsune.  But then again I live in Indiana.  What is a Kitsune doing here?  So I don't know.

Regardless, why I think she does the embarassing thing (causing an embarrasing coincidence to happen soon after the magick is cast) is twofold:  One... to teach me humility.  I don't have a big head, but... I don't know... best I can come up with.  And two:  To keep me casting magick for myself and to quit helping people all the time who don't really appreciate it.

Have to say, it's definitely affected how I THINK before I offer to help someone.  Maybe the trickster is trying to teach me to value magick and myself more than I do.

I THINK she's female, just because I get that kind of vibe... but she's not a love interest kind of spirit/human relationship.  No, I've attracted her somehow and she's taken me under her wing so to speak.

Definitely makes me see more value in what I do... because there's consequences if I do cast for another.  Heh, kinda funny when I think about it.  Up until the embarassing thing happens.

The only good thing is... when I do cast for someone... and the embarassing thing happens (so soon after it's almost rediculous)... you know the debt's been paid.

Ok, what the heck... I'll give an example.  I gave my friend a simple spell to work for his dad, who is in the hospital, to get a few people off his back while he was having surgery.  I told my friend, ok... I like your dad, I'll do it.  I hang the phone up and decide to get dressed and go eat.

Next thing I know, I am putting on my underwear, foot gets caught, I trip, head slams against doorframe.  Didn't really hurt... but I was embarassed even though nobody was here.

I called my friend and told him the debt's paid... do what I told him to do and it will be ok.

Anyhoo... I've rambled enough for one post.


  1. This was very cool. Ive spent like 2 days reading through most of your posts. Its super interesting hearing the succubus experiences of others. It inspired me to make my own blog. Please neverstop posting :D

  2. Hi, Rafe. Interesting that your succubus has been "absent" for the last two months. Lilith has also been... hmm... more distant (for lack of a better term) for a similar period. Like your case, She still responds, but it is less frequent than usual, and fewer random visits to my head. Dunno, but I've had the impression/feeling that something important may be going down in their realm. It could also be that the natural cycle of seasons is thickening the veil, but I get s sense of distraction. Have you heard anything similar from Valeyard?

  3. Nope on Valeyard. Yeah, I get a strange feeling I can't identify as well.

    One strange thing that is related perhaps: The Olympian Spirit "Hagith" has been very busy and distant according to a circle of magicians who use the "Arbatel De Magia Veterum" and have summoned Her lately.

    Personally, I'm feeling a lot of the benefits from previous growth arriving suddenly. I think of it as wisdom culminating into personal understanding. I also feel more of my soul than I ever have before. I am much more conscious of the illusions of reality vs. the permanent reality of the soul as of late.

    In a small way the veil is lifting in THAT way for me, yet more shrouded and hidden in regards to spirits I know.

    It's quite a mystery.

  4. Thank you for all you have shared with us on this. It is beautiful to see that you have that love in your life.

    Reading through all this has also given me questions that I need to find answers for. Unfortunately there is a real distinct lack of real information to educate myself from.

    As I have not read through all of your comments I would like to ask if a person could contact you with a few questions. If nothing else just so as to have an opinion from someone who has knowledge on the subject.

    1. I prefer to remain anonymous but you can leave a question here. If I can't answer it, another may come along with more experience with that particular area and chime in.

    2. Oh and thanks for the kind words :)

    3. I have tried four times now and am resorting to a conveluted method that in hopes will have no strange happenings. The first failure was the breaker to my computer tripping when it should not have. The second was a complete house power failure for a brief moment. Third was Internet loss and Web browser failure for no discernable reason.
      I apologies for the length that it will be as part of understanding this necessitates background I feel. It will be posted in a following reply and will be brief as possible. If more details are needed I will provide them.

    4. This has been long term, for refrence I am to be 26 this year. I have been ignorant of the topic of succubi until the last month and a half, and even now I am very uneducated to the matter.

      When I was approximately two years of age, I was very sensitive to things around me, many cases it left distinct impressions. At least up until the point where I had a extremely violent dream where I was subjected to, and subjected other beings to things that a two year old should not even be aware of. I was very sheltered by my family at the time and reportedly had seen no TV or movie that could have presented the details for that dream. At the end of it, I was quite sure I had died in the dream. I woke up in severe pain, crying, and covered in red marks corresponding with what had happened, and in several places bruises. One was around my throat and had the distinct impression of a clawed hand around it. My family was terrified when they saw me in the morning. Around this point I never felt alone from then on, with one distinct pressence that stayed at all times that felt feminine.

      Fast forward several years, my ability to recall dreams had essentially been shut off by that save for the impression of viewing things through a kalaeidoscope, everything perceived was broken, shattered, or fragmented. My dream recall was essentially gone, until I was given medication for ADD when It was a misdiagnosis, other meds were added to stabelise the affects and I suspect that somehow that kicked started my dreams to a certain extent when I was ten years. old That same violent dream came again, and yet again the family was upset. My dreams were few and far between, nothing of substance save for the same shatteredscape until I was about twelve. When I was twelve I was able to perceive blue eyes staring at me in as best as I could tell, panic, desperation, and a bit of horror. It felt like my mind was being tickled by a touch at that point. The dream failed shortly after, I could not recall anything past the eyes for a long time.

      the pressence from then on seemed to hover around me near constantly. It did not leave me unattended for years, and gradually I was able to get a sensation of touch on my face, my hands, or my left hip. After a while it was like I could see an outline of someone a ways off. Fast forward again to age 15, I had been very sick and had not been capable of being apart of public school for years. I was heavily invested in online gaming at this point, and could not get out for much. There came a period where I was unable to sleep for 72 hours leading up to my sixteenth birthday when I had a full body sensory hallucination. During this I was unaware of the fact that I had gotten up and walked to retrieve a pen and paper, walked back, and written out everything I experienced albeit fragmented.

      During this experience I became aware that I was standing on a hill overlooking a coast at sunset, it had a single old tree with no leaves yet was still alive that was massive. I could hear what sounded like a thousand of the most beautiful things you could ever imagine singing, the sky was darkening but it was also extremely bright. Many different things were flying about, to many to describe for this purpose. All of a sudden I was embraced from behind, and I could feel impressions of communication, feelings. Fear, joy, love, reluctance, anticipation all mixed together and competing to be at the fore front. They were not from me this I know. I was extremely confused and everything felt hypersensitive, hearing, taste, sight, feeling everything was magnified.

    5. The next thing I know a outline of a woman was in front of me, and all I could recognise were the same blue eyes that I had seen long ago. I was left speechless, but i still remaind confused until it felt like my mind hand been wiped clean so I could hear.
      "I will come for you. Patience."

      At that point everything stopped and I was at my desk writing. I told only a few people over the years of this event, one has a bit of experience with the spirit, and could offer very little for me. Again, it seemed that my dreamscape seemed to be shut off from then on. Although the pressence again returned to being around me. This time, it felt more affectionate, sexual even but it did nothing to me. It was just a latent yearning, hunger. The sensation of touch stopped for the most part since then. I stopped taking all medications at that point, and did quite fine and improved in health from then on.

      Age 19, I had a near death experience. I was in a truck accident with my father and three dogs whose combind weight was less than ten pounds. We were on a snowy road when we found a patch of ice and our rear wheels kicked out and our trailer whipped around and drug us backwards across incoming traffic. I got to see the front end of a semi four foot from my face, before being drug into the only tree for 500 yards. We took it twelve inches infront of my seat, we snapped the tree in half, tore it out of the ground and drug it underneath our truck as it rolled on my side for 50 yards. I had a tripple impact on my head and bent my spine in a complete U backwards, my father was thrown from his seat and hit his shoulder against the roof before finally being thrown against my head. In the end we all walked away from this accident, the dogs unharmed aside from whiplash. One to this day I do not understand at all how she survived it because she was not secured or protected in any way inside the cab. By all explinations of the accident everything in the truck should have been died, and over the course of the same day at that same spot seven other people had died there. A responding police officer walked up to me and asked me "Whose subscription plan are you on? Because they really take care of their people."

      The details of the event are fairly long, but I shall offer a summary of what occured.

    6. I was completely calm throughout duration of the crash. I wasn't concerned in the slightest, and truth be told it felt like I was having the most fun in my life I'd ever had at that moment. Right before impacting with the tree I was aware of one thing over my fathers shouting. In my mind I could see a darkness, with a single green half lided eye. At impact it suddenly went wide open and everything went dark for the breifest moment. Where I was for the first few moments can only be explained as standing in the middle of emptiness and the cross section of everything. It felt like I was in a jungle, a desert, a frozen tundra, an ocean, a open plains, a tornado, and a bundle of lightning. I could feel everything all at once. I would shit my vision just the slightest and I would be looking over a different enviroment. This only last for a breif moment though.

      My next awareness was standing in a completely black location. It was strange in its feeling, but familiar. I was stood in a circle of stone floor that had the only color in the area save for two other things. One, was what appeared to be a number of as best I could tell, hieroglyphs of sorts made of gold that were half of my size spaced out at random throughout the area near by. Two was a giant side of a golden pyramid that had an eye that was quite large looking down at me and observing me. It spoke, but didn't speak. The whole area reverberated when it asked me why I was there. At first, I asked where 'there' was. I was confused, and could not get my point across to satisfaction. It said that I was not ready, but that I would be. After that everything jolted and I was elsewhere. I was standing in a cave staring at perhaps one of the oddest things I had ever seen. It appeared as a stone wall with many concentric circles radiating from it's center that rotated counter each others direction save the largest outer circle that locked itself in a moment after I showed up. It had hieroglyphs, runes, letters, pictures, numbers innumerable spaced out like a combination lock. Seperating each circle and each character was a radiant greenish blue color. I was forced forward by a invisible force, and made to put my right hand palm first against the center most stone and push. It turned a extremely bright bluish green. Upon that I was elsewhere again.

    7. I was laying ontop of a stone slab in an area that resembled a greek pantheon, marble stonework in appearance. I moved very slowly and sat up, only to see a human-ish woman in a white robe staring at me in shock. When I tried to speak, she ran. I could hardly move at the time, and wound up laying back down from what felt like extreme exhaustion. shortly there after numerous other beings poured into the area and everything became a mute silence. They fussed over me for a few moments before a familiar pair of blue eyes shoved its way through and took me from that area. Everything was blurry, changing colors and shapes and everything felt as if it was moving extremely fast. I came to awareness inside a round stone structure with a dome roof. She was nearby and had the biggest smile on her face, which was extremely beautiful. She was, and was at the same time not human is the best way to describe it. We 'talked' for a time, but I can not recall what about, why, or how it proceeded. All I know is that at the end I was left of the impression that it would not be long before she came to me. She pushed my forehead and I felt vertigo and the sensation of intense gravity and came awake with my father sitting on the side of my head.

      After that event, six pressences have come and gone all at the same time. She sticks closer, but can not get to close it seems. Every time they are around she feels worried, somewhat desperate. The others feel scared, bordering on terror and at times there almost feels like there is a palpable anger, violent intent in the air around the area when that happens. People have commented on those times that it gives them the willies to be in one area, on one occasion a millitary vet told me the area reminded him of being on patrol right before getting attacked. I also noticed several new obsessions that I had no real interest in before that point, but have a fair affinity to it now, as well as a semi cyclic pseudo dream image pattern whenever I sleep.

      It has stayed that way for years. Although the biggest difference, is the feeling that she has grown more affectionate, and wishes to do more. Yet at the same time, she is frustrated because something stymies her from getting closer. But in the past several months things have changed. The hostile pressences come more frequently and seem ever more on edge, I've had a few very odd dreams that made a semblence of sense, but otherwise i have nothing to give context to. She seems somewhat aloof, still ever present, but something is growing more and more concerning to her. There is a constant feeling that darkness is on the horizon, like a storm gathering. Another part of those dreams, is that I see her face. She's reaching an arm through an abyss behind her holding out a hand desperately and seems to be shouting at me.

      I do not know how to process any of this, and have tried for years to make sense. So, I come here in hopes that you or someone else will be able to shed some light for me. I apologise for the length of this, but it feels relavent together. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. All I know is that there is something going on that has her upset and I do not know what to make of any of this. There has also been more of an urgent impression of 'soon'. I am also sorry for having to split this up like this but so far this seems to be the only functioning method to get this all through

    8. I've read a lot about NDE's from my time exploring Swedenborg. One thing that is sure is that experiences are highly subjective and are filtered by the subconscious mind upon returning to "here". Those will have be personal meanings for you... have to explore those deeply on your own I'm afraid.

      The feeling of something happening soon seems to be a feeling that a lot of sensitive people feel lately. I don't know what it is, but I've learned to detach from the outcome. Personally, I can find no action to take but to do what I always do: To learn, to gain wisdom, and to gain understanding in what I learn.

      The baddies you've described seem attached to you for some reason. But you have the power to break those. Faith is required, but faith in what? Only you can find that answer. But trust me... if you gain an understanding of good spirits and allow good things into your life, those aweful things can't "stick".

      Messing with you as a baby or a young child is pretty cowardly I think. I don't think they are as strong as you mind builds them up to be.

      Even in my experience with an entity of living murder was probably in part because it knew what I feared and used it against me.

      The blue eyed lady though... that's the silver thread that winds through your posts you've generously shared.

      Interesting. Definitely a lover. Protective, compassion, concern.

      I'm curious as to if you are male or female? If you are male, this could be promptings, urgings, groanings of your "Holy Guardian Angel" from Abramelin lore.

      Intuitively, I'm thinking perhaps her reaching out to you and being prevented is a message to you.

      HGA is just a title. What they are is something that changes your life forever. I can provide some resources if you decide that it's something you would like to explore.

      The shorter ways

      The traditional way

      Yes, I've completed the Abramelin. The success rate is low, maybe 5% finish completely. I finished it incompletely in that contact was made but we were not able to merge as I balked (I did not feel worthy to merge). Yet, I can still feel her working on me to this day, little by little, path by path.

      Anyway, I digress.

      The best way I've heard an HGA described is:

      "Each of us has a Guardian Angel---a companion and lover who waits just behind the images that flood our minds during sleep or reverie. A protector and guide who disguises as the individual with whom we fall in love; an ideal lover who has adored us since the beginning of our individual existence and who will never abandon us until the instant we merge our being into Absolute Godhead."

      I hope I've helped.

    9. I am male, if that helps. And there is certainly much more to this. But thank you for the insight. I have much to learn about although something keeps urging me to learn more of succubi.

    10. If male then the HGA would be female. That's the only reason I was wondering.

      If something is urging you to learn more of succubi then do it.

      Succubus/Incubus is mostly a label others put on the phenomena of love with a spirit or entity. There's probably an infinite amount of entites who could claim it by proxy.

      Keep your mind open (with more than a few grains of salt ready) and chase the hell out the knowledge you feel led to.

      If something feels wrong, back off. Try another approach to learning what you need to. Intuition is your guide.

      Here's some interesting links I've collected to start your search:

      This guy has to be the original Succubus/Incubus scholar:

      Fairy lovers recorded


      Kitsune and Ghost lovers:

      Demonic Lovers

      That'll get you started.

    11. You're right: There's always more to it of course.
      I'll never stop experimenting or learning.
      "The more I learn the less I know" :)

  5. Hey Rafe ;)

    Hope things are getting better for you... i discovered some details in the last weeks.

    I got some new friends, i even had a lucid dream last night but to be honest i don't understand these "business" (collective) succubi in full detail...
    Yea i guess i need to grow more to be able to understand everything.

    But i met two very kind female persons that helped me get in contact with my "soulmate" (a loving relationship of a past life).

    There is so much to learn and im sure one day i will understand what's about this "workaholic" succubus group.

    I hope that you and your succubus will bond stronger then ever and have a great time together (summer is comming ;)).

    1. Thanks buddy. Careful with that collective. I don't presume to know a lot about anything, but they don't feel right.

      The more you learn the less you know. What that means to me is that with every answer comes more questions.

      Never stop learning but enjoy the ride and stop to smell the roses from time to time :)