Monday, January 4, 2016
I've Been Thinking a Lot
Mindless rambling alert.
Winter's here. Dark nights. Early nights. Leaves a lot of time to ponder things.
Me and my lady are ok. She's been distant, but that comes with the territory. Ebb and flow.
She's still around... or she's still "linked" to me at any rate. Been a month and a half, almost two months since she's been "present" I think.
How do I know we're still linked? I can think of her... reach out to her... and she tugs my privates once. Well... that's what happens. I take it as, "Hey... I'm still out there".
I guess what has been on my mind a lot lately is reflections of things I've read of stories from long ago.
In the old days, we had things like Venusberg.
We had things like Fairy lovers wearing out male parishioners so badly the Priest was reporting it as a complaint. Lol.
Parcelsius was a member of an order that did not marry. Instead they married elementals so that the elementals would have the opportunity for a soul. Not sure how that worked exactly, or even if it means what was written... and knowing very little about Alchemy, what I do know is nothing means what it says.
I'm of the persuasion that once an elemental was wed and loved, something was attained and they would repeat the process?
Not sure. I would love to understand more about this though.
When you consider fox brides from the far east.
All the reports of female jinn and human male marriages in early Islam.
Selkies and Melusines off the English Iles.
Valkyries in the frigid north.
Where'd it all go? All the knowledge?
Do I think it was all myth?
No. Way too many stories from too many places.
I want to know how to marry a Jinn.
I want to know what a fairy bride is like.
I want to know the love of a fox maiden.
I want to know the love of a Selkie.
I want to know the love of a Valkyrie.
I didn't say at the same time... and honestly it's more about KNOWING what it is like.
I don't know why I feel this way. Why I care.
I think the problem is I want to know EVERYTHING. That's the problem.
I have such a HUNGER to know now. It's driving me bezerk because for one, I don't know where to look for answers. And two... absence of one's lover for a long period sucks.
Do I feel married to her? Yes, and no. Yes that I do, but no that I don't own her. I mean, this is going to sound funny, but I think I'm the only human lover she has. But I thinks she has many lovers in many other places. And that's ok. And hell... if she does have other human lovers, who cares. Kinda weird I hear myself think that as I type. Why is it ok you ask? Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
No, it doesn't matter because she loves me and that's enough for me.
I once had someone tell me, "You can't have a spirit lover: That is too rare." I said, "Well, motherfucker, there's only one __________ (my real name was put here, and I have a one of a kind proper name) in the whole universe. How's that for "rare"? His mouth just fell open, uttering cave man sounds for a bit.
Anyway... I guess that means...
I can love women in other places... like the types of spirits I listed above...
I just don't know how to find those.
After sex with a female love spirit, I don't think I could make love to a woman anymore, anyway. I'm just turned off now. Meh. Nothing wrong with women of course, I just... once you've experienced sex with a spirit, there's nothing here to compare it to. Might as well flop around in the mud with someone trying to imitate it. I'm sure women who have love spirits feel the exact same way.
I dunno what kind of love spirit my lady IS. I know she can pour love on you so thick it hurts to bear it. She can come close, and the brilliance completely eclipses your own self. I know she pulled me into some "in between" place in my sleep and gave me 4 full body orgasms in 15 seconds.
What kinda spirit is that? I wish I knew. Doesn't change anything. Other than I'd know.
I do know when we first got together I wasn't used to her knowing my thoughts all the time, and when I'd think something ugly towards her she'd send back, "Don't sass the succubus." Lol. Ahhh, she's funny. I guess she's a Succubus then. After all, she didn't say, "Don't piss the fairy off."
I just ordered a book called the "Book of Oberon". It's got a lot of stuff crammed in it. Maybe it can provide some answers about people marrying elementals and fairies and fox wives and all of that stuff.
OH... almost forgot.
I've attracted a trickster spirit. Ehh, not sure how.
If I do magick, she will lend her power and it has one HELL of a OOMPH. But...
If I do magick for other people, she still lends her power, but something always happens to embarass the hell out of me.
She's not a bad spirit. Sometimes I think I caught the eye of a Kitsune. But then again I live in Indiana. What is a Kitsune doing here? So I don't know.
Regardless, why I think she does the embarassing thing (causing an embarrasing coincidence to happen soon after the magick is cast) is twofold: One... to teach me humility. I don't have a big head, but... I don't know... best I can come up with. And two: To keep me casting magick for myself and to quit helping people all the time who don't really appreciate it.
Have to say, it's definitely affected how I THINK before I offer to help someone. Maybe the trickster is trying to teach me to value magick and myself more than I do.
I THINK she's female, just because I get that kind of vibe... but she's not a love interest kind of spirit/human relationship. No, I've attracted her somehow and she's taken me under her wing so to speak.
Definitely makes me see more value in what I do... because there's consequences if I do cast for another. Heh, kinda funny when I think about it. Up until the embarassing thing happens.
The only good thing is... when I do cast for someone... and the embarassing thing happens (so soon after it's almost rediculous)... you know the debt's been paid.
Ok, what the heck... I'll give an example. I gave my friend a simple spell to work for his dad, who is in the hospital, to get a few people off his back while he was having surgery. I told my friend, ok... I like your dad, I'll do it. I hang the phone up and decide to get dressed and go eat.
Next thing I know, I am putting on my underwear, foot gets caught, I trip, head slams against doorframe. Didn't really hurt... but I was embarassed even though nobody was here.
I called my friend and told him the debt's paid... do what I told him to do and it will be ok.
Anyhoo... I've rambled enough for one post.