99 Red Balloons!

99 red balloons!

That's the song that she plays in my head when she's wanting some special attention, or when she's announcing herself as very near and I'm otherwise occupied.

She CRAVES attention.  Lusts for it, yearns for it.

Is she different than any of us?






Interesting to me is that I find that she displays traits that are found all over google when you google the word "succubus".

She attacks me at night.

Actually, she's so into attacking me at night when I'm helpless that when I accidentally wake up I'm like nooooooooooo!  Don't goooooooo!  As her wispy form floats away.

I haven't figured that part out yet, but I've gotten some hits from friends.  One says that it's because I'm completely submissive and I don't "get in the way" of us mating.

That KINDA makes sense but it just doesn't satisfy.

Maybe she just has to be in control of mating or she doesn't feel comfortable doing it.

Could be.

Maybe that's her version of the brown bag over the head method.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, I can only be mated with with the succubus putting a brown bag over my head.

Heh.  Well, it's what it feels like.  Like I can't participate and I'm unwanted.

Erin's cooing at me.  Maybe that's not it.  Maybe I'm not so ugly as to need the proverbial succubus brown bag over my head in order to mate with me by me being asleep and helpless.

But for what reason?

The big thought... hey, why doesn't she tell me... I have no answer for.  She just won't.  Not even one of her symbolic hints like a song.

Maybe she's of the type of succubus who really does feed upon the helpless.

Not that I complain in the morning because not only can I tell that we mated all night, but I wake up as she's drifting away and I feel like my night was complete and satisfying.

But why complain if it's great you ask?

But, but, but, but, what ifs infinity, that's what.

Can't Erin just tell you what's going on?

Not really.  Erin speaks with me in symbols and emotions, feelings and touching.  I can try to put those into words, but it doesn't always pan out.  And yes, sometimes she speaks plain as day but it's very, very rare.  I think that it's my lack of psychic ability that complicates it so.

I don't know.  Mehhhhhhh phoey.

Well... one thing that's going good is that Erin has been with me every DAY this past week and I've really grown to enjoy her constant presence.  Takes a hell of a lot of attention given to her to get this far but isn't that what happens when you fall in love?

I mean, I give her that attention because I love her.  I admit... sometimes her dark energy is a might bit heavy for me and I notice that she gives me a little space to breathe, but other than that it's been every day and night.

Every evening I call it "talk and tickle time".  I talk out loud about my life, my dreams, my fears, my pains... all of it... and she responds by feeling my hair, tracing along my forehead, poking and prodding me here and there (I think she's trying to tickle me... why doesn't she know about my super secret tickle spot?) and patiently listens to me prattle on.

It's a very intimate time and before long I'm far into sleep.  Sometimes she's with me and just hovers near.  Other times she's putting that SUCCUBUS BROWN PAPER BAG OVER MY HEAD AND FUCKING ME SILLY.

I guess one never knows.  I love you, Erin <3

Blessings,

Rafe GB.