Lady has been teaching me magickal things and things about the universe.
It's pretty mind blowing.
I'm on track with what they have me learning at the moment.
I'm not sure why but I'm not allowed to elaborate on some things that they are teaching me. I dunno why but I'm sure that they have their reasons.
As far as the magickal stuff that's not such a big deal. As you might recall I've been working through the Hexagradior.
It's all making a lot more sense now than it did when I first bought the book. Maybe that's because I have spirit tutors now. Ah, nothing more demanding than a succubus teacher, I'll tell you that.
Dreamed a male spirit was trying to have sex with me last night... I pushed him off. Not sure what that's about but it happens once in a blue moon or so. If it's the succubi's sense of humor I don't find it funny at all.
That's probably what it is, honestly. They have to get their jokes in some how I guess.
But anyway... my new tulpa Miriam is doing well. Not sure what to do with her so I try to interact with her a lot during the day. Her personality is growing little by little. I do hope the succubi aren't corrupting her, lol.
She does come up with good insight from time to time. Not sure how much is her and how much is my succubi piping in to give their 2 cents worth.
I'm on step 4 of 6 in the Hexagradior so I'm wondering what course of study is next.
I'm wondering if it's the Goetia, but that's just me pondering I don't know for sure what it will be.
I'm sure it will be interesting whatever it turns out to be. It might be the courses from Black Witch Coven. I've been drawn to those lately.
Or it could be something among the books I already own. That's a possibility. Actually that seems the most likely considering succubi seem to be "waste not want not" by nature.
Succubi are interesting critters. You summon them for sex and the next thing you know you've got stern taskmasters teaching you magick and cosmology with very little sex.
Ironic, isn't it? Sometimes I feel as if I'm being groomed for something...
Lady had me set up to learn the Hexagradior, the Bible of Magic, but I rebelled and decided to learn sexual tulpamancy.
Although they both were quite amused I that I made an alternate choice, I suddenly began getting nightmares.
That's a sure sign of a displeased succubus.
So, my dallying with the sexual tulpamancy done with (and one sexual tulpa in her first days of existence later), it's time to turn back to what I was told to do.
I'm now on the first step. Boring, but I don't want nightmares anymore.
Now, there are those who say it's wrong to send me nightmares and I would say well... kinda, but I rather signed on for this and Lady's just doing whatever it takes to bring me back in line.
It's really hard to explain... it just is what it is. Plus I did kinda tell them to fuck off. Haha. Ahahaha.
Here it is. All those nightmares or study this book... which I have already started.
If I really wanted to quit doing this kind of stuff I'd send them on their way. But I'm not done playing with them yet, and I rather doubt that I'll ever be done.
I've often wondered why it matters that I study magick down here if and when I die it won't matter anymore to me. But, what if it's like running a marathon with a gas mask on?
What if it's like swimming with arm and leg weights?
Maybe THAT'S the point, I don't know.
Just for fun... my sexual tulpa: She loves clothes and shoes. I didn't teach her that. Heh. It's cute actually. Every time I call her over she's in different clothes. Like, being an astral being... who's closet is she raiding/getting ideas from? It ain't mine.
I think both Lady and Erin are amused by Miriam (the name of my sexual tulpa) and let her be. I wonder if they'll teach her stuff? Oh man that could be bad. Although... maybe that's where the "astral clothes" she keeps showing up in are coming from hahaha.
You know, after thinking about it... a few posts ago Lady instructed me that we are gods. Since I took that to heart I went and created a tulpa... maybe that's the amusement for the succubi in that I acted from exactly what I was told...
There just isn't a comparison to loving Lilith's daughters. And so, she's set me on the path of loving them one or two at a time and for different reasons.
Speaking of loving them, not all succubi I summon come to me in a sexual way. Sometimes this creates a lot of confusion for me.
Sometimes they come to work on deeply buried problems that I have and to help me work on them.
Sometimes they come to teach other things like magick.
Lately they seem more interested in those things than sex. That kinda sucks, lol.
The adapted "Letter to Lilith" method that I usually use doesn't always bring the results I seek. In all cases she sends what she feels is right and I could ask for no less.
Hell, I've used the adapted letter method so often over the past few years I've just been doing it in my head lately with the same results as if I did it physically. Although I've recently gotten a hold of a kindle book that seems like it has the potential for a much more powerful summoning ritual (than the letter method alone). I might begin to use it instead just for fun.
Lady. Lady is one such daughter who was sent for other reasons. She's on my ass since last night to learn more magick and energy work.
My curriculum is laid out at least for the beginning of such work. I have a feeling that my bookshelves full of magickal theory and practice are going to be considered fair game for my next phase of instruction one book at a time. That's what I get for buying a book and putting it on the shelf without even glancing at it. Probably.
So, her foot is in my ass about learning a new book of magick that I bought years ago and now I have it right next to me on the table instead of on my bookshelves. She's not having it so we're starting with this one, lol.
It's amazing how much pressure they can put on me to get something done. But, it is what it is.
Sometimes I wonder what benefit it will be to me once I leave this world... like, who cares?
But I guess it matters or she wouldn't have her foot in my ass... right?
It's kind of funny... I won't give the name of the book yet, but I will give a hint.
If you assemble the first letter of each section in Latin, it spells out "Vae Hominibus", or translated: "Woe to Humans". I think that's kind of funny, actually.
You know what? I'm feeling rather stubborn so I think I'll read a different magickal book first. I'll read the book that they want me to read second and the one I want to read first.
Lol. Look at me the rebel. I guess Lady and Erin STILL get what they want in the end.
Fuck 'em both.
Cue video:
My roots, my roots to run deep into the hollow...
***
"Roots" performed by In This Moment
I thank you for all the lives you've led
I thank you for every word you said
I thank you for walking away
I thank you
I thank you for the promises you broke
For always watching, watching while I choke
I thank you for teaching me
Yes, I thank you for your hurting
I bite down a little harder
My blades a little sharper
My roots, my roots
Run deep into the hollow
Strike back a little harder
I scream a little louder
My roots, my roots
Run deep into the hollow
I'm stronger than I ever knew
I'm strong because of you
I hit back a little louder
Fuck you a little harder
My roots, my roots
Run deep into the hollow
I thank you for the hole you dug in me
Filled it with cement, sunk me in your sea
Thank you for being so obscene
I thank you
I thank you for never facing me
Swimming in the mud, never coming clean
I thank you for nothing in between
Yes, I thank you for leaving
I bite down a little harder
My blades a little sharper
My roots, my roots
Run deep into the hollow
Strike back a little harder
I scream a little louder
My roots, my roots
Run deep into the hollow
I'm stronger than I ever knew
I'm strong because of you
I hit back a little harder
Fuck you a little louder
My roots, my roots
Run deep into the hollow
You wanna know why I like the pain, you say?
There's a sick part of me thankful for the hate, I
I stay positive and I, I push forward, ya see?
I, I gotta do the right thing for my family!
So I smile and I say that the world is just fine,
as these fucking parasites eat up my spine,
Being bipolar I have extreme ups and downs sometimes. Today it was a massive down. Really down.
Yeah... it sucks.
Anyway...
So, there I was in bed... not too long ago, really.... and I was talking to Erin. No, I was really talking to Erin heart to heart. I was telling her my fears, my traumas, my deepest darkest feelings.
I could feel a touch here, a tap there on my body to let me know that she was here listening, and then all of a sudden through the tears...
I saw her.
Now, this picture is an approximation of course... I can't find a picture that is exactly what she looks like or that can even express what she felt like, but it's close enough for the blog.
I've been doing this for a few years now (4?), and I have never "seen" a succubus before...
But there she was, clear as day. I saw her suddenly as if I were in 3rd person, and she was straddling me on top of my covers in my bed just listening to me talk.
I have to admit that this is a WONDERFUL development and really makes me proud of things, considering.
Lady is a great spirit and a wonderful companion... however she continued to reject my advances.
I've never had a spirit who JUST wanted to teach me and guide me, but you know? How rare is that?
To have a spirit who is willing to take you under her wing?
So Kudos to Lady for being that person and for sticking around.
Erin...
Ohhhhhh, Erin...
What I have summoned is my most vocal, teasing, practical joking, red hot female I've ever had I think.
I can just hear her saying in the picture to the left, "Are you looking at my eyes boy? (pointing at her eyes with one hand) I know you're looking at my eyes aren't you?" (As she slowly takes down her panties with her other hand.)
That's Erin.
If ever there was a spirit who felt strong, powerful, dark, and yet feels a lot like her mother Lilith, Erin is it.
Don't get me wrong: I don't see Lilith as anything but mother... however that's probably my limitation and one that she lets me get away with. But I do feel Lilith's dark current as well.
But Erin, lol... she is of that dark current. She is definitely a daughter of Lilith.
It's as if I have a daughter of Lilith the mother (Lady), and a daughter of Lilith's dark current (Erin).
How I've been getting closer after summoning her...
Well, I'm inviting her to read this and to make suggestions. I talk to her at night and I always try to have her name on my lips as I fall asleep.
I reach out constantly and try to feel her spirit, her energy, and I always try to surround it if that makes any sense... to reach out to it, to devour it... no... to "taste" it at all times and in all situations.
Where my mind is, she is also. I invite her that way.
I think that Lady is a little jealous, but I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm clueless but I don't know why she'd be jealous... after all I have to put in the effort to synch with Erin's energy and that involves a lot of attention and spending time together. I summoned Erin because Lady wasn't interested as a sexual partner. I don't get it?
EDIT: I talked to a psychic female friend of mine who offered some insight. It turns out Lady is a bit jealous of being left out of the attention. A friend she might be and not a lover, but I should treat her as an equal to Erin because she's equally valuable to me and as part of my "team". I can see where I need to include both of them in things, and even only include some things with Lady, and some things with Erin specifically. But for the most part include both of them together. Sometimes it takes a girl to get where a girl is coming from. Some things never change, lol. And from the ladies now that they're both talking to me again: "Rafe wasn't considering my feelings. I was his companion first and I have helped him through some really rough times. All I wanted was the respect due my station in his life. I think between us three, we can find a happy equilibrium where we all thrive." ~ Lady "I was caught up in Rafe's desires to mate with me and I got carried away. I can get along with Lady or I wouldn't have come in the first place. In other words it's all Rafe's fault. Little does he know (I do now ~Rafe) that mating with me is akin to uncorking a bottle: That once you uncork THIS bottle you can't put the cork back in." ~ Erin
Blessings,
