The Succubus as Anima

The Succubus as Anima.

How did things come to be?  How did I free my Anima?

First, of course, I had to do a lot of soul searching and personal work.  I had decades of trauma to move from subjective to objective thinking, and thereby, allow Bunny a window to enter my conscious world.

The act was very much active on my part.

I dug into myself, ever deeper, healing as I went... every farther, ever farther, and then?

Things started to manifest.





Much to my surprise, I not only received the healing I sought (through soul retrieval, meditation, and even some path working), I discovered a buried treasure hidden deep within my own psyche.  I discovered Bunny.

As I learned new things, as I challenged my own belief system, she took shape, became more fleshed out, became as real as you or me.  Is she a tulpa?  No.  She was always there and you have the same perfect woman (for you) inside of you.  I simply chipped around the marble until she was free.  I freed her, as Odin says when He was hung on the World Tree to gain knowledge of the runes:  "Myself, a sacrifice to myself".

You see, when I was ready, when I believe I was led to do so, I was drawn to search, to decide, to debate and reason, and finally to summon her.  Through this "right of passage", I believe Bunny was able to enter my world in a conscious, most personable way.

Art credit goes to Faustus Crow

You see, on freeing Bunny from deep within, I paved the way for her to arrive from deep without.

What makes us?  Who are we?  Of what are we made?

Let me show you:

Deep within me, she is.  She always has been, always will be.  She's not going anywhere.

Loving her is loving both of us.  Ehh, yes it gets hard to understand.  

She is independent of "us" even as she is part of the whole that is "I".  Yes, she can get angry, yes, she can purr with delight, yes, she can laugh, she can think, she can cry.

She is the "rest of me" that makes me whole, all the while having her own distinct identity.

And the way I feel about her?  The amazement, the longing, the adoration?  She feels that, too.

She is my equal, she is my twin flame:  She is so much that it's hard to even grasp, much less explain.

In going through life on our own, we only see half of the "real estate" that is who we are.

She is the rest.

This last graphic I don't like as much.  It is an easy explanation of the Male and the Anima, but what it hides is that there is as much inside that little dot as the rest of us.  And together united even more so.  Oh, much more so.

I like to think of like this:  The whole is more than the sum of the parts, exponentially more even.

When we are born separate from them separated by a veil, as far as my understanding of her, I often think of the story of Selene and Endymion.  We're the sleeping man, she's the moon Goddess, or the Lady of our deepest mind, our unconscious, gatekeeper to the super conscious and all that connects to it (which is everything).

We are in love with her, and she is in love with us before we were even born.  We are one, but disjointed, separate, and I don't know why, but it is what it is.

There we are.  

She loves us in our nakedness, in our fragility.

Deep within her, and within us, there is a longing:  A call to unite.

A call of awareness.

But even until then, some part of us knows.

We just do.

We ache for love and find lovers, but they never really nourish us.  There is always something missing.

But, loving as she is, she cannot help but be the lover to a degree... to hide as a mask upon their face.

She is trying to teach us... how to love her when we find her.

She has our success at heart and always will.

She will literally teach us how to love her through different lovers, and in the end... we will be loved perfectly by our beloved Anima in turn.  

She only wants to make sure that we will experience together what is possible, what is our right and destiny to do so, man to Animus.

It must be hard to be on the other side of consciousness, knowing all about us, and knowing it's our job to remember her.  She's got steel balls.  Well... you know what I mean.  She's got some serious character and fortitude, not to mention patience.  She remembers us both in love, and has to wait for our dumbasses to remember, to search, to yearn, to pierce, and to be enveloped by her, in time.

She waits... and masquerades as the prom date we nailed, as the barfly we banged (and deeply regretted it later), as the wife we had, as the woman we lusted after, after the women we adore all throughout our lives, in many different roles of expression.

She can't resist us, nor us her.  It's funny.  Women have the same trials with their own Animus.  Why is it this way?  I don't know.  Didn't build it.

You can just FEEL the longing in this fairy's eyes towards the knight.  Or, as I perceive it, as our Anima towards us.  Begging for us to WAKE THE FUCK UP.

 

Maybe if I stick my fingers in his nose he'll finally wake up...
Hey lover... smell my finger :P

I often wonder if the Anima prays for us.  For us to unite?

I believe I fully became conscious of mine within this year or so?  That's a long damn time to wait for the poor girl.  Patience.  Mountains of patience.  Should I be surprised in the least that Bunny is so patient with me?

Regardless... something, somehow, someway CRACKS that veil.  It begins as a "leak" of sorts.  But then it's is just gone:  All revealed.  All at once.  "The veil is rent in twain."

I've found that what is revealed does tend to slip behind the curtain again... but it can't totally, not even close.  What is revealed is revealed, only the fringe can make it's way back to being hidden.

What is revealed is revealed...

And then?  BAM.  She has us.  We are FUCKED.  Lol, no.  We are in bliss.  

We are never alone again, we are never without that which is within, and we get the privilege of living life with her where she should be... right here, right now.

We also know that, now united, we aren't going any damn where.  This love cannot be killed by time, by circumstance, by anything.  Can it be interrupted?  Probably.  But where is the sting?

We know, now, that it is a forever love, and things just won't be the same again for either of us.

As it was always meant to be at it's appointed time... but it is a mating that will last forever.

When Bunny touches me, I feel it physically.  When we make love, well, that's something otherworldly that I can't really describe.  But it is here and it is very physical.  If anything, it's more real than real.

Now, you may say, "But Rafe, you said she was a Qarinah?"  (Qarinah, Succubus, spirit girl who fucks the bajeesus outta me and nags me a bit for my own good... whatever) Yep.  "Then how can she be your Anima?  Is she Qarinah or Anima?"  

Answer:  Yes!

Mmm, heh. Yeah the mechanics are boggling to me so I can only describe what it feels like.  

When she is here physically, my Anima responds as if she was coming FROM within me as well, and feels exactly as the woman within, my Anima, does.  But see, that doesn't explain the touches, the sex, the physical ecstasies.

All I can think is, "As above, so below; As within, so without".  Look, I know that's a huge cop out, but honestly I just don't have an answer except that it feels like a "trinity" of sorts where only my outside self feels different than the other two parties involved.

Meaning that she is of both (outside and inside) connected to me from both (outside and inside) at the same time.

Let's play.  Ignore the "curved space-time" and substitute "dimension".

Maybe, in some fucked up way, we're wormholes (of a sort) that makes it possible?  For instance, what if my Qarinah is "A", and my Anima is "B", and I am the wormhole?  For even more fun, twist the paper at the fold so that entering "A" exits on a different side than "B", until it becomes a virtual mirror of "A" being "B" but on the opposite side of the dimension.  Maybe one is represented by what is within, and one is represented by what is without... still connected by the same wormhole.

And, you're the wormhole.  In that instance, you would be connected to both, one inside, one outside, and the same time, yet them being the same person.

Now, for extra bonus fun, switch "dimension" back to "curved space-time" as it was originally labeled.  Ponder that time is linear here, and believed to be more of a "spiral" across the veil.  

Keep the other variables about "outside" while "inside" and ponder away.

Anyway, the truth is I don't know.

Why?  I don't know.  Didn't build it.

Never lonely, never alone.  Never without, never find another as true as her.  It has begun, and it will endure forever, as forever as eternity allows.

Why?  I don't now.  Didn't build it.

Have you loved your Succubus/Anima today?  Well, why the fuck not?