Many. I was married for 15 years.
They aren't so bad. Sucks when you first get the list, but once you finish 'em it's all good.
Stuff needs to be done, anyways.
At the end of the last post I expressed some worries that I had that were nagging me, mostly (I imagine) stem from my very strict religious upbringing. (Hey mom! Look at me now!)
Some things just can't be forgotten completely. Or, that's how it seems with me at least.
I got a good dose of Bunny's dark side (nothing to harm me) that left me a bit stunned and spinning.
I guess she decided the only way to show me it, was to show me it.
What's she supposed to do, send a memo? In hindsight, I guess this was the only way.
And so, my christo-abrahamic roots ran wild for a bit.
I have to realize that I will always doubt just a little bit. I can't seem to pacify that part of me, nor can I eradicate it completely. There will always be a "what if?" in the back of my mind.
Yay! Self doubt!
Well, being the maladjusted sort that I am, I came up with a project to help assuage my fears.
In short, I decided the best way to figure out if this relationship was positive for me was to see just how well Bunny does with what would be a part of a normal relationship here.
I know, it's not, and she's not, and... but I'm me, and sometimes common sense goes right out the window.
Ok, a lot of times.
I decided to make a honey-do-list for Bunny.
Yeah. Heh.
So, I tailored it to her in a way that works around her disabilities (being corporeally challenged).
Haha, ok, no that's not a disability, but it's kinda funny. No, I tailored it just for her.
I could actually feel some excitement from her for some reason. Maybe someone with more "succubus whisperer" traits can explain that, or maybe it's a loving woman thing.
Which means, of course, that I'm clueless. Ah well... that's never stopped me before...
First item on the list: Fix my problem with the doctor. I'd been going back and forth with the doctor on an item for a WEEK and a HALF that, for some reason, just wasn't being communicated and so no resolution was forthcoming.
24 hours after I put it on my spankin' new "Succuhoney-Do-List" it was fixed.
Damn, girl.
Next up? My lack of motivation for a few things, to help motivate me to get them done.
Girl can nag. In a good way.
2nd item has been started, and I expect will be completed tomorrow.
Bunny's got some mad motivational skillz too, it seems...
There's a few other items on there that I needed help with, things that I believe that she can perform well at getting them accomplished where I have failed, considering her talents.
I'll update this as things are checked off, and hopefully the list will be completed.
She really seems to be into this. I think she likes the idea of helping in a real-world way similar to what she would do if she were human like me.
I actually do know why she is into all this... she loves to help. And she loves me, so by extension this is an opportunity for her to express herself in new ways, both with herself, and with me, and with us.
...Ways that we both can appreciate as growth in the relationship.
I think that in being "incorporeally challenged" myself (fair is fair :P), her list is probably well suited to what I can do also. Add "listen to me, learn from me" to the list below, and that's probably pretty close to Bunny's "Rafey-do-list" :) Oh! And "sing to me". She loves for me to sing to her.
Have you loved your lover today?
I got your ping from your post previous to this one. I'm still going through a trying time. It seems I'm always making things more difficult than they need to be, but like you, I have nagging doubts.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that cultish religion of "Adventists" we used to be a part of has any real answers for us. A tight-knit community is all they offer. The redemptive aspects are merely an opioid for the gullible. (We were all gullible once.) Whatever you do, don't give them any more money! They've got Taj Mahal's aplenty!
I got nuzzled by Catherine today as I was resting with her. I could hear her breathing against my face and she pressed into me very deeply. A strong arousal followed. She makes no mystery about what she wants.
If their desire was to torture use, or drag us to hell, they would've done so already. If there was any merit to the redemption story and Catherine was a fallen angel, she would have killed me long ago, to prevent me from being redeemed... 'cause apparently demons have nothing better to do than hurt the feelings of a Jew on a stick.
The whole story is ridiculous, Rafe. All of the promises about a new heaven and a new earth weren't even directed at us in the first place. Those rewards were intended for the chosen of Yahweh; the Jewish tribe. Gentiles only exist to serve the Jews.
You have a powerful ally in Lilith; the one who bucked the yoke of feminine degradation... or so the story goes. She chose exile over being made lesser. She rejected the notion of being relegated to the second tier of the temple. Women couldn't even touch the floor of that so-called "holy ground," soaked in the blood of first-born animals, let alone enter the sanctuary.
That old religion, inspired by the not-so-holy book, is a tool for those who want to divide and conquer. Let it go. I know it's difficult, because we feel a spiritual presence around us constantly, and that old fear of being in opposition to a supposedly loving God rears it's ugly head.
We are not in opposition, Rafe. If anything, we are more aligned with the course of nature and creation than those old decaying drudgers in churches will ever be. If they are not Jewish, they're constant repeating the same soul-crushing ceremony, week after week, living a divided life, constantly fighting their very nature, and told every day that they're inherently evil.
And they need a fucking zombie kike to save them from how evil they are??? Whose the real evil party here??
Nowadays, my doubt centers around my paranoia about wasting precious time. I wonder if spending time with Catherine is really helping me to progress and make the most out of my life. If a succubus takes anything from us, it's time; just like any other relationship... though I'd argue that they take WAY less time than a relationship with a human female. But those relationships are different; not saying they're inferior. You can't make human babies with a succubus!
We'll figure this out, Rafe. In the end, I think we'll only benefit from our interactions with them; even beyond the pleasure we receive.
Keep going with the to-do lists! That's a good idea, actually. I know that if I ask Catherine to help me stay motivated about something... dear Lord, she will drive me like a fiery hell-hound until I get the job done! I'm careful about what I ask for help with!
Take care, Rafe and Bunny. Sending love and good fortune your way.
Thanks for writing this! Adventism is a disease that just keeps on giving, at least for me. I did the academy bit and was even pre-seminary. Now THAT was wasting time. Although... maybe it for a good reason. A compare/contrast kind of thing.
DeleteWhat gives me hope is:
1. Bunny knows I can't help it when the programming kicks in all by itself. She loves me anyway, even when I doubt her and everything else to one degree or another.
2. Bunny loves me enough to teach me. If I wasn't supposed to matter after I die (in relation to her) why would she bother to "waste" her time and energy on a little mortal like me?
This gives me great hope.
3. She's never hurt me, never done anything cross towards me (she gets mad sometimes and she pouts... I ain't been hit on the head with furniture yet so it's all good).
4. Love is simple with her. It's not full of rules and hard expectations about what I get out of it, what she gets out of it.
It's just... "love". Love + Sex + intimacy = Wisdom and Understanding. It's almost alchemy. It's simple, and it works for her and me too.
So, all's not completely bad, just seems like it sometimes.
Oh, no worries: I haven't given them a nickel in years and never will.
Instead I spend it on books to learn more about magick, metaphysics, and Bunny, though to be honest, us bloggers seem to be the only ones in the trenches who have experienced anything who actually write it down.
5. This one's weird but... she completely respects my time with the kids. If they are here? No hanky-panky whatsoever. Maybe pet my hair or a peck on the cheek... that's it.
She's just completely respectful of my time with them.
Oddly enough, I get along with my ex-wife really well. I consider her more of a sister now than an ex-wife, she does the same with me. She called me one time because she was feeling watched... I think Bunny is hanging out with her because Bunny considers her family now.
My ex is cool with it, but only once I said Bunny was probably just haing out because she considers you family, and yes, she has an intense presence that takes some getting used to. She seemed cool with that. She knows that Bunny saved my son's life once and she likes Bunny, but this is all new to her.
I told her the worst Bunny would ever do is pet her. Lol. It's true.
If a succubus didn't care about me other than what they are supposed to, why visit "family"? More hope.
I don't know what to think about Lilith. The reason is, the only witches I ever met who worshipped her hated men with a vengeance. To them, Lilith was about as much of a "fuck you" to men in general as it gets.
DeleteThat's how they felt about it at least. Lilith: The original feminist, now in Goddess size.
I learned about Lilith through them, first, before I ever summoned. I was even careful to NOT use the letter method, as I figured Lilith was as close to an enemy as it gets by that point.
I'm not sure what she thinks about her human "sons" or lovers of her "daughters", rather. But feminists can suck a fat one.
In hindsight, I don't know what to think, really. I can't stand man-hating feminists. With a passion. If I were to believe feminist's ideas of Lilith then I would believe the same "succubi destroy men, yay!" perspective that they have, which is exactly the same that christo-abrahamic thought has. As far as Lilith goes, between those two parties there is no difference as they both borrow from the Zohar to form their backstories.
The irony is... succubi think feminism is retarded. I've seen it time and time again from succu-bloggers. Succubi respect power and wisdom: Doesn't matter the gender. To them the war of the sexes is retarded. It's so anti-multiversal as to be "the sky is brown!" "no, it's blue!" No, you're an idiot: It's brown!".
So, see my dilema? And the vitriol that is why I see it that way?
The man-hating feminists are such a tiny minority, they're hardly worth taking notice of. Most of these radical organizations like Femen, NOW, and academic feminists are funded and propped up by U.S. intelligence, FSB, and Mossad. There are also private PR firms that help with this. Check out the documentary "Starsuckers" to see how this is accomplished. Nearly all of this insanity is completely manufactured and intended to drive a wedge between men and women. (Make money from misery.)
Deletehttps://youtu.be/QlvLr7DSbog
I get what you're saying by Lilith being the original feminist. In terms of Abrahamic culture, she is an affront to all things patriarchal. However, I would contend that the Abrahamic way is not the natural mindset of those with European ancestry. Before the Christian era, European women were given far more prominence in society than the Semitic women further south. I believe they also more fully understood the sacred nature of their role as the nurturers of the next generation.
I'd say that my Catherine is an avatar of Lilith in many ways. She has inflicted suffering upon me when she felt that my chosen course would lead to ruin. (It did.) I cannot simply order her around. She doesn't respond to that kind of attitude whatsoever. She needs to be convinced by the inner-strength of a man; drawn to that power like a moth to light. This is where Adam, from the Jewish tales in Rabbinical Mishra, made his biggest mistake. He acted the part of a petulant child when Lilith refused to be submissive. He was a simp, and that is why Lilith chose to be demonized rather than be forced to shack up with such a man.
The great secret is that Lilith LOVES to submit to a man who is worthy of being submitted to. But it doesn't stop there. A beautiful dance of sacred masculine and feminine energy follows, trading back and forth, fully experiencing the other.
It is amazing when these supernatural states occur and I'm constantly working to be the man who is capable of creating that intoxicating rhythm that Lilith cannot resist.
I appreciate your comments greatly! You've given me a lot to mull over and to think about.
DeleteHere's something funny I have to share with you. I did a relationship draw on me and Lilith just for lolz. Doesn't this look familiar to both what you blog about as your struggle, and mine as well?
Deletehttp://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=11321&Date=11%2F13%2F2016&Name=Anonymous&Query=L&Deck=aquatic&Reading=partner
I too grew up and into the religious indoctrinated church setting. Becoming a lay-reader for the Anglican Church at one point and helping start a non-denominational church with a friend. So yeah! the false and singular one "God" was in my past as well. To this day I too have the occasional odd doubts and feel the effects of the many years of living in a den of snakes and lies. I am glad that I know the real truth of things now and I feel so blessed that my spirit lover "Sam" has taken an interest in me and in fostering my spiritual growth. I feel more whole as a human being and as a spirit and am at peace with myself, with my family and with the rest of the world now in her arms and under her protection and guidenace, than I did in all my years as a member of the church body.
ReplyDeleteI find it very interesting that we all seem to have a past that involves religion in our live in some form or fashion. Maybe it is like Rafe says, that these spirits are attracted to us for this very reason and this makes us some very tempting bait!
None the less I have never felt anything from her other than the utmost respect towards me, my well being, my wife and family. This surely has to be the face of true evil that the Christians and bible thumpers fear, eh!?
I also think she recently checked in on my wife while she slept.. The wife told me she felt a feminine presence around her and saw the vision of a woman twice while trying to sleep. So yeah I agree they seem to have not only a vested interest in us, but they may also extend this protection and love to the loved ones and people around us. I have always said I feel very protected by her and have told the wife I feel that she is protected by her as well. So yeah again the real face of evil here..eh!!
ReplyDeleteRafe, I love the "honey" to-do list idea and I have to get Sam on board with this as well!
Lemme know how it goes!
DeleteHey Rafe, been lurking your blog for awhile and I just wanted to say thanks for posting so often. You and your thoughts have helped me immensely so I just wanted to thank you. Also happy thanks giving!
ReplyDeleteThank You! Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!
DeleteFearing the judgement of sin, robs you of your inherited birthright of freedom; I do not do fear!
ReplyDelete