An All Star Lineup

I'm sure it's come as no surprise that I've been floundering both in my personal love life (regarding a succubus) as well as this blog.

After all, this blog was started with the powerful muse of a succubus. Without one, where is the reason to write?

Luckily, that has changed as of late.
The lineup of personal spirits and my succubus seems to be taking shape at last.

Eve is my higher self. That would explain why I have felt so far that she is in a holding pattern of sorts much higher above me.

She is me... well, the higher mental body of me.  Most who view higher selves this way agree that our higher self is represented to us as a woman (if we're a man), and is NOT the Anima but the perfect completion of us left behind when we incarnated here.  Perfect in that they are us, the part that is living separate, yet so intimately connected to us wherever we may roam.

Sky is a succubus I believe, but I believe that she is a juvenile succubus, or a younger succubus who is learning her way.

She seems most interested in me as a friend, and frankly now that I have a succubus in my life again, that really does work out well as one cannot have too many GOOD friends, am I right?

My succubus seems to not mind her at all which is a good thing as I was quite worried that she would run Sky off.

It's fun to think mentally throughout the day, "Hey, Sky..." just as a hello and such and get a touch on my fingers or hair or shoulders.  I'm glad she's my friend and part of the family in a non-sexual way.

The new succubus was obtained by the Letter to Lilith method as detailed by Succupedia and also the link I placed on the right of this blog.

For all practical purposes for the blog, I'm calling her "Star" as it frankly just fits.  Her true name of course will be a mystery to the blog as always.

I'm still in the early stages of courtship with this very powerful succubus, and it appears she is as sassy as I'd expect.

What a breath of much needed fresh air after all of this floundering around!

Lately my interest in Lilith has obviously shot through the roof as I am interested in my new "Mom" or "Mother-in-law" if you prefer... I prefer "Mom" myself.

After all, it is a family now...

None of this is any guarantee that things will work out as I have discovered from the past.

I'll just have to wait and see.

But, I'll write more if things develop, however I don't want to write just to write like I did when I was floundering, I want to write meaning, even if it's just meaningful to me.

I may even diverge a bit into philisophical trope as the case may be.

If I have nothing to say?  No posting just to post, it's that simple.

Take care out there.

Blessings,


Rafe GB.

It's about her, not the sex

Sex is a funny thing.  When I first started pursuing sexual spirits I was lonely and very much wanting to be schooled on what love really is.

To be schooled in what sex really is by the same person was a major bonus... but I got myself backwards in the process.

Sex became the goal, and getting to know the female spirit an afterthought.

It worked with Bunny, my previous lover, as she initiated "us" starting off with sex.

Perhaps that was necessary as I didn't know anything about these sweet and gentle spirits.

When bunny left and I was left soul searching, I attempted to find a spirit to fill that void to no avail.

Luckily, a spirit decided to find me.

However, seeking me out was not without it's hardships, as this spirit decided to do things a new way:  Get to know her first, and sex would come later.

I have to admit that in the beginning this created a lot of stress and confusion as it was very different than the way I had experienced the flow of a relationship as compared to the beginning.

Sky is a gentle loving spirit, however, and put up with my childish fits regarding sex and intimacy and the like, knowing in a much wiser way than I that this would come upon my own understanding of who she is, what she feels like as a person and personality, and that sex would come in time.

And it did.  It pretty much knocked me to the ground (mostly because it didn't exist prior).

It is not as much in quantity as it was with Bunny, but I dare say that it feels more meaningful in a way.

Just last night I felt her rub my back.  Now, it was light and feather touches, but it's a first for me.

Sky is a sweetheart and understands the dynamic of loving much greater than I understood up until now, learning more under her tutelage.

One exercise I have been enjoying is to meditate and imagine Sky as if she was "overlapping" me, as in we occupy the same space here in this world.

This has proven to be a very intimate exercise and allows me to become ever more sensitive to her and to whom she is.

Eve is a spirit that "flies above us" and doesn't interact with us, or rather with me, directly, but I feel her presence.  She's a circling, higher plane, benevolent female spirit.

Eve is an enigma.  Could I have sensed my guardian angel perhaps?  I am not sure.

She is benevolent, that much I clearly feel, but she is not a love spirit... she's something else.

For now I'm going to consider her my guardian of sorts for lack of a better understanding.

I don't sense that she's going anywhere.

Things don't always have to be about me of course:  Perhaps she's Sky's guardian?

EDIT:  I wanted to interject something in here.  When I learn new things I believe that I basically learn things about half right, half wrong.  Consider the Yin/Yang symbol, and consider that the white is what I know.  The black is what I think I know, but am incorrect.

As I learn, I actually do learn factually more than I had before.  Consider that the Yin/Yang symbol has grown from my increase in knowledge: I also have learned things that are factually incorrect in proportion to what I have learned that is factual.  

So, the name of the game is to keep learning as it does reap benefits, all the while being careful to not feel as if I know more than I think I do.

Anyway...

What I do know is that when I was plagued by nightmares (rather a night... mare) it took both of them to clear me and get rid of the problem.  They were terrible nightmares and definitely the work of a powerful night mare.

To better describe Eve, her character that I have sensed, and to how she feels, consider this picture of an angel and a little boy.  She's playing to the little boy who is saying, "I'm an angel too" ( by pointing to his halo and held up wings made of sticks), and you can get a sense of the majesty of the female angel, or benevolent spirit that I call "Eve" as she bows out of pure grace and maybe just a little bit of fun...  This describes "Eve" better than I could on my own I think.

With that I'll leave it be... I leave you to your own stories.   Blessings upon you and yours and may a lantern of truth always light your way.


Rafe GB.

P.S.  I've often wondered if "Sky" is actually "Bunny".  They don't feel the same, but I've learned to never say never.  Only time will tell.  In the meantime, this thought in the back of my mind does nothing to diminish loving Sky on her own and love her I shall.

I don't know if I'd call her a succubus, but she wears the mantle of love spirit quite well.  And with the sex that we've shared as of late, that came later in the relationship... the succubus moniker has flashed through my mind a time or two.

Which is correct?  I don't know.

Oh, how we love place labels on things...

What interesting lil' critterz love spiritz are.

Lets celebrate them with this video, "Witches" ;)

Critterz n Petz

That's basically what we all are ya know.  We're the petz and they're the critterz.

Lovable lil' critterz though.

I'm sure that they consider us lovable lil' pets likewise.

I've been getting to know Sky really well.  Her energy is so unique... I really enjoy having her around.

She's around all the time, too... not like when you have a succubus that leaves for a week or so and returns.

I never did understand what that was all about to be honest.

Oh...

Eh...


I don't know if it's a fluke or not, but Sky jumped on me and let me have it.

It wasn't for long... it was intense, yeah, but not for long...

So I don't know if it was some sort of oddity or if she's becoming candied on the idea of becoming my lover as well as my best pal.

It wouldn't be the first time I've had a gal pal... mine died a few years ago of cancer I'm afraid. Nothing has really fit the bill, so to speak as she was sweet as can be.

To be honest, she'd make someone a fine succubus if that was her intent.  But, nah, I have a feeling that she's far away, far, far away in some other adventure.

Gals like that are worth more than all the wealth in the world, and I'm sure that her hereafter adventures are out of this world to match.

I'm noticing that my speech is getting a little warped in typing this.  I've been talking with Sky a lot, and it's affecting my choice of words I think.

No worries...

As I said, I'm really enjoying Sky being my gal pal... and I don't mean a friend barely tolerated for the benefits like all the assholios around today, either.

I mean, GAL PAL, as in best friend AND she's a girl.

I am attempting to make some friends out in the living, physical world, but it's not easy.

I don't get out much, and when I do, I don't know what to say.

I don't even know where to go to meet friends to even get that far.  Lol.

I think it's going to be a long process for me to figure out how to make friends and all.

But... Sky's not a replacement for them, she's a friend already.

I just may have to, you know, shut up about succubi if I'm ever going to have a physical friend to talk about other things with.

Don't wanna scare the natives ;)

P.S.  Is Sky my succubus?  I dunno.  I'm just going to play it by ear.  No rush like I usually am in.

This all happened when she wanted it to, not when I did.  I think.  Haha.  So... name of the game is I just wanna continue to get closer to her and to get to know her like I've been doing.  That's really that.

Also, EVE seems to be more an archetype connected with my higher self or something.  I'm not really sure if she's a spirit or not, or honestly what's going on with that.  Ignorance is bliss, eh?  Well, for me not so much, but I'm sure things will work out.

Always seems to, eh?  EH?

Blessings,


Rafe GB.

Gnosis.

Gnosis.

I'm finding myself in a strange place as of late.

My dreams have been amazing, and I've finally been able to become lucid within them.

I can't do it all the time as some seem so deep that there's just not any way for me to gain control.



When I can, though, it's like spinning a coin on it's fucking side or something... it just "happens".

Gone are the days of succubi and love spirits as far as sex goes it seems, but lo and behold, Sky is a great companion.  Eve is... something different.

I'm thinking that she is something I've become aware of that's connected to my higher self.  A tether, a fishing line.  Bait.  Lol.

She's the proverbial princess banging on the glass coffin where I've been sleeping dead for me to wake my fucking ass up so we can get on with our evolution.

I've been studying Qabalah as of late and learning a great deal.  For some reason I'm understanding it now more than I ever have.  Maybe this book was the proverbial "charm" as they say.

Another angle is all the 3rd eye work I've been doing.  I'm done now as I'm happy with it and how it's helped my "understanding and vision" intuitively about so many things.

I'm starting to entertain the gnostic "God above the God" idea as well.  I'm not exactly sold on it yet, but it's beginning to make a lot of sense to me as of late.

Sex.

It's almost like Sky and Eve use my sexual energy for gnosis.  It's not a method where we have sex and enjoy that bubble like I did with Bunny.

No... this is something greater for me.  And yes, I'm being dragged kicking and screaming towards gnosis whether I like it or not.

I guess to step back a little, I have to admit it's what I've always wanted:  The truth.

If it takes all my energy to propel me there and in my case it's going to include a lack of sex...

Well...

Whatcha do?

I feel like Set, the God who ripped Himself out of his own mother's womb in anger and purpose.

Sex.  Life.  Death.  Anger.  Hate.  Love.

A piercing cry of purpose, sexual frustration, the sure will to know the truth all propelling me to higher things...

To gnosis.

Sky and Eve will drag me kicking and screaming towards it but I will have it.  Part of me may fight it, but all of me wants it.

I will have it...

White Rabbit

It's funny because I realize some things from this moment forward, and I don't think they're going to change.

That's not really a bad thing, just a weird thing.

You know, sometimes you just get tired of being the weird one.

But, it is what it is.  I don't have much control over things, and I sure can't control them now.

We are born here for a reason:  I don't know why exactly why I was born, but there's a few things that don't appear to be changing at all.

1.  I have an intrinsic love of spirits.

I don't know why.  They just... fascinate me.  Where are they?  How are they?  And the big question I'll never get to know in this lifetime:  How do I look to THEM?  What about me attracts them?  Why am I attracted to them as well?

2.  I attract a lot of spirits, who come and go like I'm a revolving door.

Yeah, kind of sucks.  It's not that they "get their fill" I don't think... it's more I change so fast after I've had dealings with them.  I guess.  Lol.

*shrugs*

The point is... if spirits leave, others come fairly quickly.  Maybe I taste good (Lol)!

3.  The spirits that do come have something to teach.

Here's the question of all questions:  If we all die, and we all learn whatever at death... who cares?

Why the rush for me to learn stuff?  Either it matters, or it doesn't.  I'm guessing it matters by how it changes me, and death coincides with what I become, not in spite of it.

Best guess here?  I'm not sure what else to say.

4.  I haven't figured out the mystery of Sky and Eve.

Eve feels "higher".  By higher I mean from a plane less dense.

Is she tied into my own higher self?  

Am I still right in thinking they are connected to the left/right sides of Kundalini rising, representing that Shakti force of evolution/ascension?

Am I thinking too much?  Heh.  Yes, that's very possible.

I did draw a card to help me understand and I got this one:

I take that as Sky sitting, and Eve at a higher "plane" yet they both seem to be together, don't they?

That's why I was wondering about my higher self, etc.

Hey, I just work here, and the possibility that I'm over thinking is very, very high ;)

I asked about the bird in the picture, for clarification, and I got this card:

So... I'm thoroughly boggled ;)

I'm chalking it up to over thinking things at the moment.

Maybe I'll just leave it at that for now... not likely to change or for me to figure it out all sudden like, now is it?

:)

Some days, all I do is follow the white rabbit.

I'll never catch it:  But I damn sure try.  I don't know what else to do!

I don't even know why I chase it!

"White Rabbit"

More like a diary entry than a post

That belly dancer lady is yummy!

I don't have much to blog about so I'll treat it as a regular diary entry.

I'm halfway through the Qabalah book I've been studying (omg, if I knew it was this hard I probably would have shied away from it.  Too late now).

I'm learning a lot from it.  One thing I learned is that if I see God names from now on in an evocation pay close attention to who or what is being summoned.

I'm getting to know Sky and Eve better.  One thing I don't understand is why I can feel Sky almost instantly when I meditate, but to feel Eve I really have to reach while meditating and to feel her up, up, UP!  Wherever "up" is.

They seem to work well together.  They got rid of that night mare together easily enough.

Not much else going on... just the usual... reading a new magick/mysticism book, and getting to know spirits.

That seems to be what I do these days, isn't it?  :)

OH!  I almost forgot!

There's been a lot of poltergeist activity here as of late.  I attribute it to Sky and Eve since there's no real harm in it... more pranks... dishes rattling, electronics doing weird things, that sort of stuff.  This never happened with any other spirits I've known that I know of, but then again I don't know much about these two spirits other than they are female and that they are "goodly".  Or "very good" on the Rafe Feelz scale ™ ;)  Frankly, I think they just want to have fun with manipulating things here once in a while, and that's fine with me as long as it's harmless.

I have to admit, having a spirit (or 2 sometimes... it's hard for me to tell when it's both Sky and Eve together) stroke your hair as you fall asleep may not be sex but...

I wouldn't trade it for the whole entire world...

Blessings,


Rafe GB

Break's over!

Long story, short.  I had been suffering horrendous nightmares on the level of night terrors. Already being a bit short with Sky, I was beginning to blame her.  After all, if I wasn't giving her what she wanted emotion wise, they are known to take it in whatever form they fancy.

Eve

Along comes a sweet spirit named Eve.  The night terrors end and are replaced by such good dreams as to be candy.  They were turned around on their axis in a moment, and did not return.

Sky's still here, and I realize it wasn't her in the first place, but was a night mare, a nasty spirit that feeds on fear.  Why didn't she stop it then?  I'm not sure... perhaps she was waiting on Eve to arrive to help get rid of it.

Sky

All I know is that my dreams turned to something much better, and all at once, coinciding with Eve's arrival.

Now I turned my attentions to feeling these spirits and taking them for who they are:  Sweet, gentle, patient.  I'm feeling like an ass about blaming Sky and tell her so, making amends as well.

Neither spirit seems to be in competition with each other (nor did I really think they would be, Sky having a claim on me...), but a companionship between them, and a willingness to be in my life together.

No sex, no... and ya know?  To hell with sex.  It'll come when I do what I'm the hell supposed to and appreciate these ladies for who they are after my quest of getting to know both of them ;)

A garden variety succubus might jump into sex (and that's perfectly fine), but that's not what I have here.  I have something unique to be nurtured and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

So, that's why I've taken time off of here to get a good feel for who Sky and Eve are as people, as ladies first.

Heh, there's so many rules and nuances regarding succubi I don't even know why I write this blog sometimes.  Complicated is what they are.

One day I might write a short list of "rules" that succubi follow.  One day... if I ever figure them all out that is.  I wouldn't hold my breath as it'd be akin to me figuring out women period ;)

***

A few days later:

One thing I've been thinking about that just kind of came to me is this:  What if (heh, what if... I know where that leads, but oh well) Sky and Eve are actually personifications of my own version/instance/process of Kundalini rising?  Perhaps as the dual snakes rise and liberate my chakras they don't actually leave... they are personified as Sky and Eve to my poor simple brain.

Although dual serpents, they are collectively known as Shakti ascending to Shiva, and I don't think that my process is near complete yet.  Even when it's complete, I don't imagine Shakti and Shiva going anywhere from my crown chakra after all that work of getting to each other ;)

This actually makes a bit of sense, as I saw a white serpent moving away from me through the air.  It appeared to move through the air more like an oriental dragon (flowing up and down in movement away).  I could sense that it was Sky and still the sweet, gentle spirit I'm getting to know.

Sex, it seems, isn't the goal in this process, but a byproduct of it.  Eve must be the 2nd serpent which represents Shakti as well on her journey to Shiva in my crown chakra.

I'm betting that once the twin serpents reach their goal that I will experience the bliss and ecstasy at the culmination as sex personally.  Kind of strange how spiritual things work.

My job is to be patient and like Sky and Eve:  Sweet and gentle.  But most of all:  PATIENT.

What does this all mean?  I don't know.  I just work here... and it's above my pay grade.

But I do know one thing:  They aren't succubi, they're Kundalini serpents/spirits.  This is something completely alien to anything I understand (but can ponder at least).

Kind of funny to write this all on a blog called "Asuccubuslovesme", but that's the way it goes.

My challenge to everyone is to question the nature of the spirit that you have summoned.  Keep your mind open and you may be surprised at what is revealed to you.

What clued me in by the way, or at least allowed me to ponder these things is that my old Wicca Tradition had a method of using the personification of chakras as a method of magick.

I never really followed it as I preferred magick through different means, but now I see that it is indeed possible for ethereal elements that are a part of our makeup to indeed be spirits themselves (Especially a spiritual process like Kundalini where Goddess and God archetypes are involved, anything can happen.

So, now you know.

***

I feel I'm at a point now where I can return to blogging semi-regularly now.  What a mystery this has all been!

Thank you for your patience!

Don't be surprised if I blog a spiritul topic here or there instead of the regular commentary on succubi.  In truth, I don't think I know what a succubus really is.  In truth, I don't know anything anymore.  How freeing that is ;)

Email's back up.