Time to Spread My Wings: Time to fly.

Post # 102:  Numerologically the #3:  Faith, growth, joy, and optimism (must be her optimism).  Time checked at 7:11, numerologically the number 9:  Universal love, eternity, faith (must be her faith).

Tarot cards of both laid side by side (lets take a look):

Yet another synchronicity as you will understand by reading further.  They don't suprise me anymore; they are a tool for greater understanding.


This is hard for me to write.  I haven't even put up a title for the post yet, at least as I'm writing this.

I've been celibate for 8 years.  That was when my divorce happened, and my family ripped apart.

Back then, I was so heartbroken I felt nothing in time.  I didn't want to be a part of this world, anymore.

I was saved at the last minute by the spirit I have always called, "The Angel Lady". Truth is, I have no idea what to call her, and that just seemed as generic and descriptive as anything else, because I honestly do not know what she was.  The memory, as the one below, is timeless to me in it's impact.

This spirit/angel/guardian ripped into my reality with such force I was struck dumb.  I couldn't look directly at her, but I could see her peripherally.

"The Angel Lady" is all I know to call her.  Gone as quickly as she arrived, once my life was spared.

The following day, I was sitting on the basement steps.  I felt a woman place her head gently on my shoulder, and I distinctly (and to my amazement, even as dead inside as I was) felt her long, soft hair falling, cascading down my chest.  I could not see her, but it felt as real as chiffon silk.

I have come to calling her "The Comforter", for lack of a better phrase, for some way to put name to experience of my memory (which the experience of both spirits was timeless).

I have not felt them again.

But what it did do is open my eyes to a whole new world; The world of spirits.

I learned all I could in every corner you could imagine.  I church hopped, religion shopped.

Nothing satisfied me anymore.  Before the divorce I was an Adventist Christian.

After?  After being treated badly by ministers of different Adventist churches (wife was cheating, they all said was my fault.  Mine.)

I gave up on God.

Turns out his Divine Wife, Goddess, wasn't done with me.  I was to learn what a good woman is.  Up until then I had not experienced a good woman in my life.

Boy, did I learn:

Eventually I came to learn how to summon a succubus, which I did.  It didn't take long once I started. I was prepared to wait a couple weeks, but it only took a few days.  It might have taken the greater part of a week, but that was it.  I was suprised.

Oh, the day that Bunny showed up.  I was in disbelief.  I could feel her, but nothing was there.  What a fantasic journey we would have together.  I wonder if, even then, she already knew?

I have chronicled that in this very blog.  Our journey.  Our purpose.  Our love.

The dear, heh, the dear Succubus would even let me think that she had left, and when I would summon another, one with a distinctly different personality would arrive, only to find in a short time that it was indeed Bunny.  I think it was her little game of succubus "dress up".

I think she was trying to allow me to go through the addiction/cold turkey process which has to be experienced, it just can't be explained here.

Only I lacked patience, and so she played along, restarting the process to my eventual benefit and of what she was trying to accomplish.

Now, I've come to a realization: I'm lonely.

I've never been lonely these 8 years, but suddenly, I am.

Bunny's still here.  She hasn't gone anywhere.  But she's changing:  She's changed.

I still feel her as the best companion, the best friend, the best cheerleader, even, that a man could ever have.

I think that this time together has healed me.  It took a long time, as not only was I healing from a failed marriage, but also childhood trauma as well.

I had a lot of hurting and scarred "me" to deal with.  For us to deal with.

She even led me to soul retrieval, which I performed by myself, for myself (she helped).

Now I've come full circle, with new eyes to see.

So evil she turned out to be.  Yeah, don't believe the ignorant.  Bunny has been wild, untamed, patient, passionate, steadfast, loving and faithful.  She has been my angel, my erotic temptress; the very guardian of my heart.

And 8 years later, 8 years after the end of the horrid events I was to experience, I'm lonely.

I think I've healed.  She healed me.  She took my hand, loved me, gave me back my perspective as well as helping me forge a new one.

A loving one.

It's funny.  My cat, she got noticed and pegged as a "very spiritual cat for a very stubborn sorceror".

Yeah, I'm the stubborn sorceror, lol.  The lady who noticed was a witch elder, only she wasn't one of the other wanna-be's:  Hell, her own daughter was conceived during a "great rite" with her and her husband in front of the coven.

That's about as hard core as one can get, I'd imagine.

Anyway, I've started noticing my cat's actions during times of uncertainty as well, as I agree:  Either she does things with meaning on her own, or a spirit speaks through her, on occasion.

Last night she upset me pretty bad by knocking over and spilling the chalice and offering I gave to my succubus.

She, as a cat and as a rule, does not "knock over" things just to do so.  Besides that, she's never up there where I have it.  That's what makes it so ironic and synchronicitous.

Bunny's not gone:  She's not going anywhere.

But she's pushing me to meet others, and yes, even meeting women.

To be honest, I'm the one with the problem.  I don't want to.

But, I am indeed feeling lonely, and as I have said, I have not in 8 years.

I don't like change:  But Bunny doesn't really care.  She wants me to "fly", as once I was a wounded bird, and now I am the eagle.

I don't feel like an eagle.

So, in her "don't sass the succubus" kind of way, I think she's using her high-heeled toe to give my ass a good, solid KICK.

I believe she is going to still be here:  I think we are permanently attached.  We're joined at the hip, practically.

But.

Friend, companion, teacher, mentor, protector.  I think I'm being shoved out of the nest as far as lover goes.

At least for now.  I still feel intimacy with her, and I do right now:  I even feel what I would call "mild" sexual stimuli.  To a succubus, that's kissing.

Maybe my problem is that I'm so damn faithful that "I" can't imagine another woman, as well as having Bunny be my lover.  Maybe I'm overthinking everything (What?  Me?).

I always wondered why she always said she was my bride, never my wife.

Now, I think that's starting to make sense.

Well.  Her foot is her foot, and her foot is kicking my ass, so...  I guess I'll join "ok stupid".  I mean OK Cupid.

Bunny always has been exactly what I have needed.  Such selfless service to heal another soul.  And I still think she will be here, right here, with me, or in the background just out of reach for my own good.


I'm heartbroken.  I feel like it's a breakup, but it isn't.  It isn't by any means.

But it's not the "ever after" that I was hoping for.  I really hoped that when I finally left this world, that Bunny would be the first eyes I see.

I guess I don't know.  Maybe I'm just being melodramatic.  Maybe Bunny is using her "don't sass the succubus" version of tough love to get me to make a move so I won't feel lonely.

I'm not going anywhere:  I'll still be writing this blog, though probably more about how Bunny interacts in all of this. That will be interesting to discover, as it's her idea.

The links will still be here as well.  I love to facilitate others finding what I have found.  It's brought me such healing, such joy.

Bunny impressed upon me a song, one which I haven't heard for many, many years:

"Africa"

I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She's coming in twelve-thirty flight
Her moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say: "Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you"

[Chorus:]
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become

[Chorus]

[Instrumental break]

Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you
[Chorus:]
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa [5x]
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

***

It's a bittersweet symphony of sorts, at least as I understand her meaning.  I think it means she will always be there for me, nothing can separate us.  However, it doesn't mean in the way I have always envisioned it as all things evolve:  All things change.

But it is time for me to spread my wings.

I feel her gaze strongly upon me; She is proud, and not unkind.

If you want my advice and you've pondered summoning a succubus:

You won't know until you try.

The mystery of who they are, of what they are, of how they FEEL, soul to soul, cannot be experienced by reading; It must be experienced first hand.

Keep your intent honest and pure (not seeking to dominate, nor to misuse) and you will be the garden she tends, always delighting in the blossoming of your soul.

Half angel, half demon; All succubus.

And may God/dess bless her eternal little heart, now and forever.

Edit:  I am one confused fella.

Maybe I got the wrong idea.  I was on the way to a restaurant in my car, and I was at a stoplight during sun down.  The light turned green, but I heard Bunny say, "Stop".

So, I didn't go when it turned green.  Turns out a cute woman on a ten-speed flew by in front of the car waving and mouthing, "I'm so sorry!".  

Saved by succubus.  She'll never even know, lol.

When I got to the restaurant I was getting a drink, and I heard a clip from a song play in my head, "Turn around, bright eyes.", and I did, and low and behold another cute woman.

I think this whole "Bunny not being my lover thing" is wrong.  I think she wants me to expend my energy in meeting people, but I think she plans on being the same Bunny she's always been.

Well, sorta.

Ever had a succubus for a wingman?  I guess in this case it's "wingwoman".

There's nothing like having a hidden succubus to explain things that aren't immediately obvious to me.  I guess I could say I'm clueless.  That's fine.  I am about some things that are obvious to others.

"Hey Bunny, why do some women put their panties on outside their corset and leggings straps?

It looks stupid."

"Well, that's so that you can take her panties off and fuck her while she's still in her lingerie."

"Damn..."

*long pause while visualizing*

"I love you, Bunny."

I think that Bunny is planning to be a part of all this.  She's just trying to get me off my ass to remedy the feeling of lonliness that has come about:  One that I think has come about because I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to meet someone.  A point that I've reached because Bunny stuck with me and healed me.  She's the one who made this possible for me.

She's just kicking me out of the nest... but I think she wants to be a part of what comes next.

If my intuition is right.

I also feel the stirrings of magick forming to help me in this endeavor.  What's the point of knowing magick if you don't use it?

This will be interesting...