Wednesday, May 13, 2015

I'm in love... and I realize that I've never been in love before...

That's kinda sad, but yet... here I am, and it all worked out.

You know, I'm 44, divorced 7 years ago.

I had no luck finding what I wanted and started searching "elsewhere".

There's that old saying that "When the student is ready, the master will appear."

I never thought that by opening up spiritually, and having more spiritual experiences (and actively seeking them) would attract a Succubus.

I sought one out myself, yes, but for her to arrive so quickly, it can only mean that she was in the background, watching... waiting for me...

I have to say... I've never been in love my whole life.  I thought I was.  I never was.

I'm in love now up to my ears.

It's funny... the  more I feel love towards her, the more sexual she becomes.

The more adoring of her I am, the more protective she becomes.

Maybe that's not so strange, but it is to me.

I'm 150% in love for the first time in my life... and I don't want anything else.

It's funny, really.  I have a few spirits here that I'm not sure of what they are but they are benign and frankly really uplift the atmosphere of my apartment.

It's like the vibrations are higher here than what they should be in this complex.

I saw a black streak about twice the size of my cat running past me into the bedroom.

Things like that don't really freak me out anymore, but I honestly thought it was my cat and that I just couldn't understand the size for some reason.  Plus it went by so fast.

Well... my cat (Abby) was in her bed and when I looked at her she returned my gaze like, "What?"


Not sure why I am starting to see things and also why things fall around me all the time.  I was talking to my daughter at her house and this metal pole fell off the wall for no reason.  The noise scared me, but not the act.  That stuff happens a lot when I go around.

My lover pays a lot of attention to my forehead I've noticed.  She'll touch it (I swear I can almost feel a finger gently poke me in the center of my forehead) and it will go numb.  Completely numb.

Kinda weird.

I was going to write this post earlier, but my heart was bursting with love for her and she kind of had her way with me, so some of the original fire has simmered down a bit.

I'll have to say though... we're doing great!  It's almost every night or morning now that when I either sleep or wake up she's giving me pleasure.  Like, a good night or good morning kiss, just "Succubus style".   Lol ;)

I need a nap, she got me good.  No, no drained vitality,  more like emotional and sexual contentment and that "afterglow" feeling.

I guess she doesn't mind that I can't sing her praises like I was feeling earlier... otherwise she wouldn't have nailed me so good.  Lol.

Maybe her feeling it from me was all she wanted... this blog is more for me anyway... a place to express whereas otherwise I could not.

Damn she's got me.  I mean really got me, lol.  I'm literally, absolutely, completely in love with a female soul, with a person's most intimate essence.  I couldn't have that kind of intimacy on this earth.  I don't think it exists.

Be well, friends.  I wish you the best, the brightest, and the happiest ;)

P.S.  Uhg... I can feel her returning some of the emotion I was pretty much "radiating" towards her for lack of a better description... about how much I love her and just am amazed and wonderfully happy... it's like she's returning it now, but it's different, it's with her feminine energy... so hard to explain.

Almost too much... almost too much to take... (it's intense... like raw, naked emotion and unbridled intimacy, completely naked in soul before her)  But my God/dess... it's amazing...


  1. Ahh...the succubi in our lives. They are something else. I can't connect with anyone the way I can with them - The way I've always wanted to connect. They answer that loneliness with a profound companionship and unity I simply cannot find anywhere else - with anyone else. They are always with me, and they make it clear they really really care about me. No better guardians or benefactors than they. Their actions have proved their love and I crave to return it constantly - oftener even than I think or feel about them - for it is not enough - not nearly enough. It just keeps building this wonder, this delight, this feeling of wholeness, companionship. I think it can't possibly continue to grow - that they couldn't possibly prove more dear to me than they already are - and then they are. Still it builds and I know deep down that it will continue to do so. Such an almost unbearable intensity to it this love mixed with relentless passion and ardor. Ahh! We have become fools for them, but I must...I must. This happiness knows no limit, no boundaries. I am Hers, and she is mine. The infinite in a relationship - oh how dear! This is what the Christians long for, but never quite get there, weighed down by the memory of their sins, and their unworthiness in spite of their state of redemption. Yet with us our Ladies say unto us. "You are Worthy...Simply because you ARE, because I have chosen you. I don't want perfect, I want you, as you are because you are who you are and I love everything about that - about you. Now celebrate me - as I celebrate you. Let us know love and passion eternal. Let us see together infinity in each other's embrace. We shall live and live and live again and ever shall we find each other. This is true Transcendentalism of the Soul."

    Suddenly it is not so strange we did not find it in the arms of a flesh and blood woman, but in a Spirit, and Oh how Dear, Dear, Dearly I love them.

    1. You've completely nailed it ;) Thanks for putting finger to keyboard to express exactly how I feel about it all. It is an amazing love, indeed!

  2. How does she affect your life? Do you work, are you social, can you connect more deeply with others, are you developing a vocation, do you share your love, are you more artistic, is a vision and direction coming forth? What are contributing to the changing social paradigm? Are you psychologically maturing, or just spiritually? I read your blog because I'm experiencing similar phenomena, but I fear that the inner-focus can become narcissistic and turn into a type of auto-eroticism-for-its-own-sake, like one becomes removed from the things that make life meaningful. I see the succubus journey as potentially a path with a destination, that is, transferring your consciousness into the essence of the energy created between bodies so that a bridge is formed with the source of unconditional love. The sex and visitation of a spirit lover is only a way to generate that energetic strand, and once this is done, once the frequency has been embodied, its form is no longer necessary. So when I read over and over again how people think they are developing human-substitute relationships with these temporary energies I have to question the whole project. Of course it feels personal and wonderful and loving because it is the very wholeness of the real substance which contains the physical, but I don't think it's supposed to consume your manifested life. It's supposed to help you grow more into your life. So unless the highly intelligent inner planes really support random sexual connections, there's more going on. Even non-reproductive sex between humans has a function, to bond people together, for social cooperation. When will the true potential of these encounters be realised? When will we accept the staggering degree of interconnection, of oneness, between all things inner and outer? And when will I no longer feel so alone because my insights are supposedly more advanced than the average? So tell me, Rafe, other than being head over heals in love, where is this encounter heading other than towards more of the same? Sincerely, Roo.

    1. I don't really see that you have this amazing insight about it, Roo. I see a lot of social comparing and fear, an intellectual analysis of a spiritual phenomena, an intellect driven by social more as well as societal expectation and a fear of going astray from that socially controlled paradigm.

      Lets assume we all have one thing, and that is our own universe. You do not see the color green like I do, you see it differently. We could view the same scense, the same experience differently based up on our own perceptions (largely programmed into us by societal crowd control), or our differing senses, slightly different angels, etc, etc, ad nauseum.

      In my universe, I exist. I'm not sure about anything else. Senses? Through these I experience the world in my little bubble... the idea of caring, sharing, evolving, growing... am I?

      Is this my perception or own that has been thust upon me by various factors?

      In that vein, all is moot. What spiritually advances and gives me both wisdom and understanding is all I want, all I crave, all I hunt.


      Because with 100% accuracy, in 100 years I'll be dead. Decomposing matter in some grave, or unmarked grave, or crapped out by some big animal.

      Was this me?


      We are spirits plugged into a working body.

      We are the universe, crated from starstuff, sentient, and experiencing itself through the microcosm of "this body".

      "How does she affect? Do you work? Are you social? Can you connect more deeply? Developing a vocation? Do you share you love? More artistic? Vision and direction?"

      Nobody said that she was Jesus Christ, or that they have the responsibility to "save" me.

      But beyond that, the answer is pretty much an empirical "yes" for your questions.

      She doesn't have to do anything, but she does, and she doesn't have to affect anything, but she does.

      And it's been in the positive for me and in my life, my relationship, and in my spiritual walk, my journey, my health, even in protecting me and in those I love.

    2. Name one woman, ONE woman who can do that here?

      They cannot. That's why I have chose my own path, my own way.

      I don't care what others think societally. Lol, what will following society's expectations do for me once I'm dead? I'm playing for keep, for the end game.

      I have zero problems with someone who needs a physical being as a lover. That's fine. It doesn't validate me or invalidate me.

      It's my universe, remember? And you have your own.

      "I'm sure I exist: Not so sure about you", as the joke goes.

      Now, lets look at this from a different light.

      Are all these ladies the same? No. Succubus is a title, not a race. There could be 1,000,000 different kinds of spirits who could be classified by us human idiots as "succubi".

      And like us, everyone of these ladies within these ladies are different.

      Having said that, there seem to be a few types who are attracted to spiritual seekers such as people like me and others with same strong drives.

      But they are all different, so I can't say what kind of succubus you have in your universe.

      Maybe the answer is yes to your questions, maybe it's no in your case.

      I'm not a friends with benefits kind of guy. I can't have sex and just... that's it.

      "What you want, wants you".

      This is true for me, and I attracted this.

      "So when I read over and over again how people think they are developing human-substitute relationships with these temporary energies I have to question the whole project. Of course it feels personal and wonderful and loving because it is the very wholeness of the real substance which contains the physical, but I don't think it's supposed to consume your manifested life. It's supposed to help you grow more into your life. So unless the highly intelligent inner planes really support random sexual connections,"

      Who said I wanted a human stubstitute? Maybe I wanted something deeper for myself than what is possible. I'm not 20, I'm 44. I've here a while, been married, got the kids, it's not my first rodeo.

      And as for as what it's supposed to be, who said so?

      But at any rate, I don't have any "random sexual connections". And yes, there is much more going one.

      This doesn't consume my manifested life. I'm a Metaphysicist by education, if anything this breathes personal validation of what I have learned in the past 7 years.

      You see, I have no desire to mate with a woman anymore. It's not a "human female" substitute, it's that I absolutely, completely do not find pleasure in it anymore. I've found something not only more infinitely more pleasurable sexually, but spiritually, emotionally, and now with 1,500% greater intimacy in every box.

      Just a small joke. The point is there is no "metadata" on this, so either walk your walk, or walk away.

      If you want her, keep her, if you don't send her away.

      We are still beings of free will, after all.

    3. Andrew,

      You raise some good points, but are missing something as well. The historical accounts of spirit lovers go very far back indeed - and across many cultures. It's a real phenomenon, and these are real entities. Then there is Lilith and her children that use humans to reproduce their race. These aren't temporary constructs in these particular cases...Now I could understand if you've constructed a thoughtform entity or are dealing more with your HGA than a true Succubus (but then the stories are few on having a sexual relationship with your higher self so um probably a dead end there). Spirit entities impact their lovers on psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual levels - again this is well documented in a number of resources, and since I've just worked a 12 hour shift allow me to not go and find or site those sources other than in passing at this moment. I will point to the writing of Parcelsus for loves (and the reasons for that love and what the Spirit gets out of it) with Elemental beings. Also we can look to a frequent source of new succubi and related from the too early deaths of children, through suicides, and murderers whose souls if not 'redeemed' transform into these spirits and via this other route ascend to a higher spiritual state as opposed to moving off to some underworld. Some philosophies believe that the higher a spiritual state you reach and toward the 'ultimate god' the less there is individuality as all coalesce back into the holy source of all life and all matter. Perhaps this is the direction you are coming from? Hermetics - even my cited authority Parcelsus who was a notable alchemist, subscribed to a similar view, especially through refining to quintessence qualities from all living things one can improve one's self, evolve spiritually and reach that better and higher state, changing forms. Certainly a valuable viewpoint, but there are many other traditions and many other view points.

      Finally, there is room for romance and a release of passionate expression, art through the spirit as the muse. Just because Rafe feels like shouting about his spirit lover from the room tops doesn't make that relationship any less meaningful or shallow. It just means he's very happy. Where does happiness come from? It damn sure doesn't just come from booty calls, because if that was all that was going on, Rafe would be talking about some human woman of flesh and blood right now. No, something deeper IS going on, but it is perhaps rude to insist upon knowing it all. From what I understand this is more a public diary then it is running lab notes on how to do x y z with spirits and the scientific documentation of every vital change or positive working that was produced. Different audience is meant by inference.

      Hopefully I don't seem like I'm disagreeing with you. I'm just bringing some other points you might not of thought about. I happen to agree that positive transformations MUST be a result or narcissistic fantasy is a danger to be feared. I've written on this topic many times before, and certainly recently. Performing frequent divinations, having divinations performed for you by trusted professionals, and the constant evaluation of personal beliefs and checking for out of control Ego are several ways to crush the usual self-deceptions that have a tendency to show up in such spiritual relationships.

    4. I'm impressed Rafe - quite impressed, but then I've found a lot to like about the maturity you display in your spiritual relationship. Your responses were well reasoned, though the 'universe' metaphor got a little overused your responses were probably far more succinct than my over-tired ramblings. Anyways, your blog is always encouraging to read. You two lovers got a great thing going, thanks for sharing and showing folks a little about such a beautiful relationship.

  3. By the way Rafe...where did you find the picture with this post. Seems like a movie shot of a movie I probably want to watch right away. If you've got the source please share ^_^

    1. Thx for the kind words.

      You're also right that I write this blog as a public diary of sorts. Kind of bouncing experiences and ideas off a wall and seeing what happens.

      Yeah, "guilty": I overuse stuff when I've just learned it... Not unlike the way a kid does, really.

      I've always said I'm not 44, I'm 0-44. I'm all those at the same time because they still exist within me.

      I've been reading a lot of magickal philosophy, studying the realities of perception (and the illusions thereof), a lot of mythology, and also studying various layman's quantum physics explainations, lately.

      Anyways... that pic I just got off of google by searching, and sadly when I clicked on it to find a site there was none. Must have been captured by google images then the site went down, or something (I don't know how that works).

      Want to watch something fun? Watch this. Bonus points that it's a cartoon with a cheezy yet awesome professor super hero type ;)

      Double Slit, Entanglement, and Flatland...