A Tickle Me Succubus Doll for Christmas

I was listening to my succubus lady coming through pretty clear tonight.  She asked me, What do I want for Christmas?"  I thought... "Well, I don't know.  Guess I'm not very imaginative, huh?"

She told me, "What about a Tickle Me Succubus Doll for Christmas?"

I laughed pretty hard, and I immediately thought of that Tickle Me Elmo doll my daughter got when she was like 1 1/2 years old.  That was sure a while back.

She said, nnnnooooo, I think you have the wrong image in your head.

So, she gave me something very close to this image instead (with me being the bound tickled one):

I'm like do WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?  LOL,  Me?  Nah, you've got the wrong guy!

Then the more I thought of it, the more I'm afraid to admit I liked the idea... a lot... In fact, the thought of it excited me a great deal...

(She has this way of delving into my mind and finding things that I would like, but am afraid to bring to the surface.  Yeah, they don't stay hidden from her, and she has no fear about acting on them to bring me, and her, some serious pleasure.)

(Maybe that's the way a good lover is supposed to be... But man it's so hard... she leaves me so emotionally and completely naked, so vulnerable before her.  Yet, she proves to me time and time again that it's OK to feel that way, that she will NEVER hurt me.  And you know?  I adore her more and more because I CAN feel vulnerable.  Because I CAN feel emotionally and completely naked before her and still be ok.  That's what intimacy really is I think...)

Kind of wondering if she can really do the stuff in the picture or not, or if she's just fucking with me.

Knowing her, she can and she will in some form or another...

Should make for an interesting Christmas!

The Lady and the Grimoire

In a particular obscure book of magic from the past, often called a "Grimoire", there was a certain set of rituals.

What's interesting about these particular rituals, is that their intent as stated was to find great treasure upon culmination.

In performing the long process of performing the rituals, along the way one must be won: A spirit lady herself, who came in many forms, however: Each was completely individually perfect as far as her ability to completely enthrall and raise the passions of the mage performing the process.

She became his greatest attaction and focus, intensifying his ability to finish the rituals. This would happen for each and every mage who performed the rituals to find the great treasure.

They were each loved completely and fully, as no woman had ever loved them before.

In the end it seems that by all accounts that the information about the great treasure never panned out.

Upon their disappointment, the mages would go their way eagle-eyed to a different pursuit, leaving the book, the spirit lady, and any hope of finding the treasure behind them.

Fools.

What fools! If only the mages had understood.

The irony, and what is easily seen is that the great treasure was always the woman herself.

She still waits...

Unless one of us has found her, of course :)

Mating Season!!!

So my lady let me have it with both barrels when I laid down for a nap earlier today.

Oh, boy...

That was... AWESOME!!!

So hmm... I'm trying to see if it's a seasonal thing.  I see in a previous post it was about 6 mo. after the last time.  And this is about 5 mo. since then.  About 6 months here or there.

I mean, she makes love with me a lot of days at least a little bit for intimacy's sake I think, but... when it's like this it's much, much different.

Lots of moaning, lots of writhing around, lots of... passion, energy, amazing release of energy.

Lots of tensing of the abdominals, holding it, holding it, and then a hugs (lol, yes hugs... she must be in my mind a little still from our communion, but I meant to type huge) release of energy on my part... within her.  To her, through her... all around her.

She's everywhere around me when we do this.

I don't feel exhausted, well, not anymore than anyone would feel after sex.

Actually kinda invigorated.

What gives, little lady?  The last time was very near Beltaine (on 4/18/15 read the post back in April '15), and this time a day after Mabon.

This Sunday's rare supermoon eclipse?  They say that the energy of an event is 3 days before and after...

I'mma figure you out, little lady!

Nah I won't.  But I'll try.  Same as always.

Would I have it any other way?

Hell, no.

Love ya, Bunny!

Lol, the absolute and terrible (yet deliciously hilarious) irony.

http://video.foxnews.com/v/4495419208001/seti-scientist-aliens-might-be-trying-to-contact-earth/?#sp=show-clips

"... first in our own neighborhood".

"We are not advanced enough to get their signals..."

Pay special attention @ :40.

Ahahaha...

Spirits DO have a sense of humor and one hell of a talent for irony.

I guess that's one of the reasons why I love them so much.

Confused. And yet, not confused...

Who is this lady that I love?  I get the feeling that if I truly saw her for what she was, I would be more apt to worship her than to love her.

Sound strange?  Yeah, it does.

Today I took a shower, and I was talking to her in my mind.  I told her that I have had many lovers, I think... many spirit lovers at least.  But then I started thinking... what if SHE was the only one I really had?

Which honestly is fine by me.

But why the deception?  Again, the first paragraph...

What if there was a part of me that was as awe inspiring as her, and that we were indeed lovers... if I were her I would probably do the same with regards to me.  The lover across the veil, the secret lover, the holy guardian angel, the scarlet woman of my soul...

Hmm.

So I was in the shower, and I said, "If you keep leaving me and toying with me, then step off."

I immediately felt as if I had hurt her.

Reallllllllllllll smooth brother, real smooth.  Not my wish to hurt her at all.

I think she knew this, but still... I stung her and that is shameful in my book.

I said, ok... if you're the only lover I've had in spirit, then how will I know?

She said, "Look up!".

I did, nothing there but a wet, painted white ceiling.

"This is bullshit, I'm parroting myself." I thought.

I get out of the shower, dry off, do my thing... get the phone out and call a friend to tell them something funny that had happened earlier today.

As I was talking, the air shut off, and the very same moment my smoke detector went off in the hall.

I said, "The power just went off." To my friend.

I took the smoke detector down, took the battery out, let it reset, put it back in...

*Beep!  Beep!*

Wait... it's a battery, phone's working... power can't be off.

Took battery out.

Then I remembered...

*She said, "Look up!"*

That moment, lol.  Flashback to when I challenged her in a previous post and my car wouldn't start.

Confused. And yet, not confused...

This song came on the radio and I thought it was just about perfect:

So, what have I been learning lately? (Or rather, "we")

The sex part has gotten more tame lately.  It sucked at first, but it's okay.  It's hard to explain, but it's moved more "inside" than "outside".

I think what I mean is that it has become more "intimate" and in the present, rather than an act.

Actually, to sum it up, I would have to say that we are sexual "all the time in the present", if that makes any sense.  There is not time when she is not with me, nor when she is not "touching" me, or has her presence upon me.  Ugh, english sucks.  I am "held lovingly" constantly.  Close as I can get :)

I'm hoping that we can still have the "act" lol.




Maybe I mean I want "MORE" of her.  MORE!  

What?!

Well, they can be SO addicting!  :P

She's teaching me a lot of stuff instead.

I continue to learn with my Lady, and here's where we are today!

Such strange places I have gone with Her, and yet haven't travelled very far :)

I've known for a long time that trying to figure out the definition of who my Lady is, is rather fruitless and an endeavor in monotony.  Truth is, like us, they are much, much more than we can understand.

Meh.  That's okay with me.

Currently studying the power of sound! Lately, Mantras for Kali, Tara, Mother Mary, Kundalini, and others... too many to list I think.

Also collecting the "silver threads of truth" between the world's religions, myths, and legends.

She showed my how both Hinduism and also American Indian belief speaks of their people being saved from a great flood.  So much for those churches who have begun teaching that the flood was local.

She is quite the helpful Eudaemon!  At least as tutelary teacher.  Or maybe that's a teacher who's also a tutor?  

Meh.  I dunno.  Anyway...

I've also been studying words of power from Hebrew, gnostic texts, and even speaking in tongues (well, my version. When she is especially close to me, even within me, but not "in" me... I will speak a strange language softly.  That's more of an experience than a study.  I've been trying to piece together words, but I can't seem to).

(I'm nothing if not thorough)

Here's some words in Zulu from Africa. Note the meanings as you sing along with the intro, and notice how it feels in your throat, your heart. How it affects the different energy centers in your body, and hence: Your environment...


Words are powerful beings (yes, I said "beings": Born of thought, will, and intent... powered by emotion) with the power both to cut deeply, or to heal deeply.

Click the clip below and read along:

(In Zulu:)

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba [Here comes a lion, Father]
Sithi uhm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion]
Nants ingonyama bagithi baba [Here comes a lion, Father]
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion]
Ingonyama [Lion]
Siyo Nqoba [We're going to conquer]
Ingonyama [Lion]
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala [A lion and a leopard come to this open place] (Repeats)

Longing for Source...

Kali.

I find that I am longing for a Goddess I don't even know.

Described as benevolent, and dangerous:  Divine, yet Feral.

The Destroyer.  The Dark Mother.  Laughing Loudly.  Giving fear.  Removing fear.  Fond of Sacrifice.  Giving of the fruit of every possible desire.. while holding a cleaver.

Goddess of Time, Change, and Destruction.

I can feel a lot of hunger for Her:  A hunger to know.  A hunger to commune, a Hunger to... a hunger that did not come from me, but was placed there.




I never was one to do what one might consider to be intelligent regarding spiritual matters.  I close my eyes and take a fucking leap.

I am highly intelligent, but I have found it is only a self-deluding trap.  Unbridled intelligence is just as dangerous as a rock solid ego.  You cannot experience spirituality with the intellect.  You cannot receive it with the intellect, nor the ego.  We were given softer and more accurate tools of discernment than intellect, I assure you.

Love + Wisdom = Understanding.  There is no room for anything else.

I do what my heart tells me to do and fuck the consequences.  I am not afraid of ego death.  I am not afraid of death, period.  What I fear is living in illusion.

"Kali and Lilith, two geographically, historically and culturally so distant goddesses are also frighteningly very similar."

She's going to get a load of me.  Planting this hunger within me, She knew I would seek Her out, and here I come:

"If Thou dost oppose me,
Thou wilt learn what sort of mother's son I am."

Hahahaha, as Her son, if that is what I am, I'm going to be a handful.

I desire complete intimacy, even unto madness...  I do not care.

Let my journey begin toward the blessed Dark Mother (and strangely, I'm beginning to believe that my lover wasn't so... random.  I think she's a true daughter of Kali from Kali's Dark Tantra aspect) that I may know both completely, or that I may be consumed... and what my heart tells me means... "changed forever":

"Mother, am I Thine eight-months child?
Thy red eyes cannot frighten me!
My riches are Thy Lotus Feet,
which Shiva hold upon His breast;
Yet, when I seek my heritage,
I meet with excuses and delays.
A deed of gift I hold in my heart,
attested by Thy Husband Shiva;
I shall sue Thee, if I must,
and with a single point shall win.

If Thou dost oppose me,
Thou wilt learn what sort of mother's son I am.

This bitterly contested suit between the Mother and Her son-
What sport it is! says Ramprasad.
I shall not cease tormenting Thee
Till Thou Thyself shalt yeild the fight
and take me in Thine arms at last."

~ Gospel of Sri Ramakrishma, p. 673

Love and Wisdom until it fucking hurts,

Rafe.