I think she's comin' after me

Oftentimes I wake up with a song on my lips, or a phrase.  Sometimes the word is ambiguous, for instance yesterday I woke up with the word:  "Trilocyte".

I looked everywhere, and that word just doesn't exist at all.

Maybe it will make sense one day, I don't know.

Sometimes I wake up with a sigil... don't know what to do with that either.  Can't find them anywhere, not a commonly known sigil, and I'm not really up to calling a number in the astral I don't know, if you get my drift.  So, filed away it goes.

I did finally figure out one from a few years ago that was burned into my brain... turns out it was a custom bindrune:  2 runes interlaced from the Eldar Futhark.  Not completely positive what it means, but I do have my suspicions.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that when you open up to supernatural connections like that of love between a succubus and a human, other stuff happens.  For one, you'll never be the same.  Can't go back because you've already seen too much.  Not a good or evil thing, but a... innocence/illusion/brainwashing by the religious establishment... is gone.  Long gone.

"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." - Nietzsche
Once Pandora's Box was opened, everything escaped but one thing:  Hope remained when the box was finally closed again.

So, we're left with hope.  And that's a good thing.  I'd rather be ignorant, hopeful and awake than full of useless knowledge (the wool pulled over my eyes) and asleep.

Anyway, I'm rambling, and I haven't explained the picture for this post:

I don't really know this song, I haven't heard it lately anyway.  But... that's how spirits communicate with me a lot.  Songs mostly, sometimes words, sometimes sigils (that I'll figure out in 6 months).

That's the language of things that crosses the veil and follows me back from my dreams.  This song was burned into my brain this morning upon awakening:

Looks like she's coming after me hard.  "Comon, Succubunny.  You don't scare me!  (much)"

"I can take any seduction you can throw!  (doubt it)"

I think I'm her addiction, too.  That's kinda funny.

Blessings,

Rafe.

EDIT:  I quit dwelling about all of this when I finished writing... however... I just got this burned into my brain of all things so I thought I'd come back and add it.

Guess I'll see what happens on Saturday night?

How strange.

She's back! (and so's my Mojo)

She's back!

I took a nap about 2pm, and wow, what an experience.

It was my wedding night... and she was my bride.

Strangely enough it was in olden times, and seemed to be during the renaissance period.

Oh... she was beautiful (she can take any form she wants in my dreams, from a beautiful woman (and she changes the form of the woman often) to an animal... Or even just as the non-form of pure spirit).

Whatever form she takes usually depends on if it's what I call a "teaching dream", or one for communion like this one.


Wow, the love we shared, the soft, tender, slow and caring, loving sex we had.

It just felt so... wholesome.

So "filling" to the deepest recesses of my being.  I feel like my soul itself has received healing.

I woke up feeling great!  I feel like there's a part of me that's been missing this winter that has finally returned.  I guess I didn't realize how much I missed her active presence, or maybe I didn't want to realize it.

I feel so much better...

I'm even warming honeysuckle in my wax warmer I picked out from the store tonight.  It really fills the atmosphere with what I feel as well.

So... where'd she go?  I don't know.  I'm not the boss of her.  Honestly I don't think she went anywhere:  She just gave me space to learn and to grow, which I have, and which I continue to do.

It's kind of weird that I "finished" in my dream but upon awakening I had not in this plane.  Also weird that everything in my body reacted as if I HAD had physical sex in the waking world.

Wow.

I'm just in the afterglow I guess.  It's nice to feel her again in this way.

I think the bridal atmosphere was her way of announcing her return to being more "present" again.

I'm rather wondering about you guys/gals and if you've had a "return" experience as well with respect to the spirit world recently?

Much love,

Rafe.

The more I learn the less I know

The more I learn the less I know. I can't think of anything in my life where this is more true than with the reality of and interaction with spirits in any kind of loving way (friendship, companionship, etc.). All from occultists to the abrahamic religions seek to dominate, to enslave, to gain subserviant fealty of spirits and to bind them against their will.

Has anyone heard of "friendship"?  

Now, I'm sure that some spirits need to be treated in a certain hard-handed way, and those spirits are probably ones I'll never summon anyway.

But not all spirits are that way and need to be treated that way.

I'm reminded of a friend who asked me for help with a spirit who was making his job hell.  My friend was a plumber, and when he would go upstairs, the spirit would undo all his plumbing fittings.  Lol.

Anyway, my friend called me and asked me to banish the spirit.  I said no, it's probably his home and you're the tresspasser.  He said then what can I do?  I said lemme think about it a bit.

I meditated on the problem and figured out a win/win.  The spirit was attached to the place, and he just wanted to relevant again.  That was his frustration.  So, I had my friend get food and put it in a bowl, to stand at a crossroads at night and offer it as an offering to Hecate (Goddess of earthbound spirits) and to ask her to bless a small bottle of whiskey that I had him buy.

He did this and the next morning he went back to that house, and into the basement.  I told him to explain that he promised that he would be gone after he finished his plumbing work, and that the plumbing would make the house better.  I told him to tell the spirit he didn't mean to intrude, only to do his job and be gone.  He then uncorked the bottle of whiskey and left it in a hidden place in the cellar telling the spirit that the whiskey was a gift.

He said the spirit stopped taking his fittings a part and that the atmosphere just felt as if a great weight had been lifted.

He finished his job, he got paid, the spirit understood and felt better, the end.

How did I learn what to do?  It came to me in meditation.  

See, spirits are people or entities.  Entities think rather alien to how we think (we think circularly while they seem to think lineraly.  God and Goddesses are different of course as are many other entities), but they still respond to love and kindness in one way or another.

In my own experience I'll read about a spirit (one that is amicable to humans) and then read about what magicians say they are like, and the process that they followed to invoke it.  It never fails that half of them report the spirit trying to be crafty, to be elusive.

Well, duh?  They are playing the game as set up for them to play.  

I summon with kindness, with ideas of making friends (if possible).  I summon just to feel and understand the spirit, to bask in it's nature.  The 78 spirits of the tarot are a good bunch to work with. Also the 24 elder Futhark spirits, or spirits of the runes. 

I've only had one badass demon show up, and damn... yeah, they exist.  Anyone who says love spirits are demons hasn't felt a real "hate everything that is" demon.

The walls were practically dripping in blood.  The demon felt exactly as one who murders, and the horror of the one being murdered all wrapped up into one being.

I felt around for my protective spirits... they were gone.  

Oh, I prayed... yes, indeed I did.  It took a bit, but he left.  He was raw power of the most evil, nasty, ancient sort.  I don't know who he/she was and I don't care.  I'll never forget that experience.  As the worst thing I've ever felt, I use that to gauge the alignment of a spirit when I meet them.

I asked my mentor at the time why the demon came and she said because it was meant to at that time. Yeah, textbook answer but probably true. I didn't mention the silence of my protective spirits, but I have the feeling they weren't allowed to intervene in the "meeting".  Now that I remember back, they felt gone before it even got here for some reason.

I don't presume to know the rules.

I once was meditating and I felt something icky coming towards me from the periphery but one of my protective spirits told it "No, this one belongs to the Goddess."  The icky thing just turned and went away.  Dunno what that was about either but at least I could get back to thinking about not thinking and meditate.  Well, except for wondering who "The Goddess" was, was it an aspect of "THE" Goddess or was it a particular "face" of the The Goddess or... ah heck with it... you can figure out how the rest of my meditation session went.

Now, my personal favorites are the Olympian Spirits.  Every time they've been helpful, kind, friendly, and they answer true (not saying I can always understand their meanings though).  Honestly, they are really great to get to know.  They teach us who we are in all our aspects of being.  Or, they'll beat the snot out of you.  50/50.  Hah, no I've heard stories, but they all seem ok to me?  I don't seem to have any problems with them.  Then again I just want to know who they are.  To "commune" with them and to gain understanding of who they are, what they can teach me about who they are "in me". Maybe others are up to no good when they summon them?  I don't know.

But the name Olympic "Spirit" is a misnomer.  They are Gods in every sense of the word.  Long story short, I look at them like white light hits a prism and 7 colors are created from the one.  Those "colors" are the Olympian Spirits.  Take them all together and you've got a blueprint for who we are and who God is.  Well, my theory at any rate... and as close as we can get on this plane. Why does white light have to split on this plane?  Because it's too pure for here.  It had to be split, and the colors became dominion.  I'm talking of the "as above" form of white light, not the "as below" kind we see when we see white light here.

Some magicians use magick circles and triangles of art to talk to these Gods.

You think that magick circle and triangle of art are going to keep an Olympian Spirit in it's place?  

Hahahaha.  Ok.

My best advice to anyone who wishes to get to know them is to not piss them off and to be polite and humble.  There aren't any other rules. 

I got myself shamed out of a wiccan tradition because of my views regarding spirits. To most wiccans there's Goddesses, Gods, Fae, and demons.  That's about it.

Meh.  I have proof enough that I'm on the right track.

Anyone who comes to my home remarks at how peaceful it feels, how protected they feel. Like they can just relax for once in a really long time.  Actually it's hard to get rid of the guests because they like the feeling so much.  Makes me feel like Bilbo wanting to get rid of the dwarves sometimes :)

That's the effect I've observed of having good spirits around. That's the lasting affect of affection for what is not seen.

Why do I receive this?  I don't know.  Either grace, friendship, or I have a galactic multipass that says I'm a special needs wizard (who rides the metaphoric short bus and licks windows).

I've Been Thinking a Lot

Mindless rambling alert.

Winter's here.  Dark nights.  Early nights.  Leaves a lot of time to ponder things.

Me and my lady are ok.  She's been distant, but that comes with the territory.  Ebb and flow.

She's still around... or she's still "linked" to me at any rate.  Been a month and a half, almost two months since she's been "present" I think.

How do I know we're still linked?  I can think of her... reach out to her... and she tugs my privates once.  Well... that's what happens.  I take it as, "Hey... I'm still out there".

I guess what has been on my mind a lot lately is reflections of things I've read of stories from long ago.

In the old days, we had things like Venusberg.

We had things like Fairy lovers wearing out male parishioners so badly the Priest was reporting it as a complaint.  Lol.

Parcelsius was a member of an order that did not marry.  Instead they married elementals so that the elementals would have the opportunity for a soul.  Not sure how that worked exactly, or even if it means what was written... and knowing very little about Alchemy, what I do know is nothing means what it says.

I'm of the persuasion that once an elemental was wed and loved, something was attained and they would repeat the process?

Not sure.  I would love to understand more about this though.

When you consider fox brides from the far east.

All the reports of female jinn and human male marriages in early Islam.

Selkies and Melusines off the English Iles.

Valkyries in the frigid north.

Where'd it all go?  All the knowledge?

Do I think it was all myth?

No.  Way too many stories from too many places.

I want to know how to marry a Jinn.
I want to know what a fairy bride is like.
I want to know the love of a fox maiden.
I want to know the love of a Selkie.
I want to know the love of a Valkyrie.

I didn't say at the same time... and honestly it's more about KNOWING what it is like.

I don't know why I feel this way.  Why I care.

I think the problem is I want to know EVERYTHING.  That's the problem.

I have such a HUNGER to know now.  It's driving me bezerk because for one, I don't know where to look for answers.  And two... absence of one's lover for a long period sucks.

Do I feel married to her?  Yes, and no.  Yes that I do, but no that I don't own her.  I mean, this is going to sound funny, but I think I'm the only human lover she has.  But I thinks she has many lovers in many other places.  And that's ok.  And hell... if she does have other human lovers, who cares. Kinda weird I hear myself think that as I type.  Why is it ok you ask?  Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Lol.

No, it doesn't matter because she loves me and that's enough for me.

I once had someone tell me, "You can't have a spirit lover:  That is too rare."  I said, "Well, motherfucker, there's only one __________ (my real name was put here, and I have a one of a kind proper name) in the whole universe.  How's that for "rare"?  His mouth just fell open, uttering cave man sounds for a bit.

Anyway... I guess that means...

I can love women in other places... like the types of spirits I listed above...

I just don't know how to find those.

After sex with a female love spirit, I don't think I could make love to a woman anymore, anyway.  I'm just turned off now.  Meh.  Nothing wrong with women of course, I just... once you've experienced sex with a spirit, there's nothing here to compare it to.  Might as well flop around in the mud with someone trying to imitate it.  I'm sure women who have love spirits feel the exact same way.

I dunno what kind of love spirit my lady IS.  I know she can pour love on you so thick it hurts to bear it.  She can come close, and the brilliance completely eclipses your own self.  I know she pulled me into some "in between" place in my sleep and gave me 4 full body orgasms in 15 seconds.

What kinda spirit is that?  I wish I knew.  Doesn't change anything.  Other than I'd know.

I do know when we first got together I wasn't used to her knowing my thoughts all the time, and when I'd think something ugly towards her she'd send back, "Don't sass the succubus."  Lol.  Ahhh, she's funny.  I guess she's a Succubus then.  After all, she didn't say, "Don't piss the fairy off."

I just ordered a book called the "Book of Oberon".  It's got a lot of stuff crammed in it.  Maybe it can provide some answers about people marrying elementals and fairies and fox wives and all of that stuff.

OH... almost forgot.

I've attracted a trickster spirit.  Ehh, not sure how.

If I do magick, she will lend her power and it has one HELL of a OOMPH.  But...

If I do magick for other people, she still lends her power, but something always happens to embarass the hell out of me.

She's not a bad spirit.  Sometimes I think I caught the eye of a Kitsune.  But then again I live in Indiana.  What is a Kitsune doing here?  So I don't know.

Regardless, why I think she does the embarassing thing (causing an embarrasing coincidence to happen soon after the magick is cast) is twofold:  One... to teach me humility.  I don't have a big head, but... I don't know... best I can come up with.  And two:  To keep me casting magick for myself and to quit helping people all the time who don't really appreciate it.

Have to say, it's definitely affected how I THINK before I offer to help someone.  Maybe the trickster is trying to teach me to value magick and myself more than I do.

I THINK she's female, just because I get that kind of vibe... but she's not a love interest kind of spirit/human relationship.  No, I've attracted her somehow and she's taken me under her wing so to speak.

Definitely makes me see more value in what I do... because there's consequences if I do cast for another.  Heh, kinda funny when I think about it.  Up until the embarassing thing happens.

The only good thing is... when I do cast for someone... and the embarassing thing happens (so soon after it's almost rediculous)... you know the debt's been paid.

Ok, what the heck... I'll give an example.  I gave my friend a simple spell to work for his dad, who is in the hospital, to get a few people off his back while he was having surgery.  I told my friend, ok... I like your dad, I'll do it.  I hang the phone up and decide to get dressed and go eat.

Next thing I know, I am putting on my underwear, foot gets caught, I trip, head slams against doorframe.  Didn't really hurt... but I was embarassed even though nobody was here.

I called my friend and told him the debt's paid... do what I told him to do and it will be ok.

Anyhoo... I've rambled enough for one post.