Until Then...

I've been thinking a lot about the afterlife, and I was surprised to find out that my daughter has also been thinking about what happens after death... the difference is that it's been keeping her awake at night.

Her mother tried to hang herself a month or so ago and I feel that this event has caused an existential crisis of sorts in my daughter.  At least about what happens when you die... if anything.

I'm a closet Swedenborgian at heart mixed in with some Wicca and some Christianity, and frankly with a shit ton of spirituality garnered from spirits themselves:  They exist.

I can also attest that my spirit lover is most often gone doing her own thing.  She's a busy girl... that in itself tells me that there is a lot going on in the life to come.

And if they exist without bodies?  So do we.  This is just the "play", the "arena".  Consider our bodies part of the uniform.  Lol.

This is just our lives...

There are thousands of NDE's cataloged by, well, really by any which way you can imagine:  Race, religion, country, etc.

I think all experienced are "flavored" or "affected" by cultural expectations and beliefs.

I also believe that these persist for a while in the afterlife, gently being removed as truth is revealed as the departed person's future life and options are fully revealed... and I bet it will surprise all of us in many ways...

Disclaimer:  Please understand that I am not pro-suicide and am 100% against it... we're here for a reason and a purpose.

However... I don't believe that suicides go to "hell" or any of that garbage, either.

But if someone does themselves in so to speak there's always consequences.  Not diabolical, no... but there's always consequences.

I have a feeling that the person who commits suicide must go through the pain that they have caused each person in their lives to truly understand.  I don't care to explain anymore as I don't want to enter into any debates.  This is my diary, remember?  Heh.

Lets just say that I believe that the afterlife is fair but loving.  Firm but always redemptive and restorative.  Rather the opposite of here...

The word is "apocatastasis".

Another belief that I have is that after death we are drawn to our spiritual mate, the one that we will be with for eternity (for those of us who do not have that on this planet - and to have that kind of love would be infinitesimally rare).

This does not mean that we will not love many on this earth... I know we do.  But I believe that there is one that is set apart, one alone that calls to each of us even now... even if we cannot reply completely or at all at the moment.

...She feels like home.

While my spirit lady is a wonderful lover, teacher, and friend, she is not the one (at least I don't think so)... but she has gently lifted my eyes in the right direction...)

The Swedenborgian idea is that two who join in this way eventually seem to be one being because of their depth of love and closeness to one another.  Not everyone chooses this... but if one does, so does the other echo from across the veil... sometimes it's just "time"... and "time" is an illusion they say.

Probably easier to understand "time" from the other side, wouldn't you think?

Regardless, I truly appreciate the idea of bonding so closely to someone and look forward to having that kind of connection for eternity once my little "game" here has run it's course.  And as always, much love to my spirit lover.  May she find her way back to me soon.


Brightest blessings... may your days be bright and your nights full of learning, and love.



Rafe GB.

Gender is an illusion

Down here gender is a bit more cut and dry.  Well, mostly.  I do know of people who are male some days and female some days, so there's that.

What I'm referring to is the gender of spirits which isn't so... concrete.

My lover is female when she's loving me sexually, and definitely has everything sensually I could ever ask for.

She's so female I'm bathed in it.

And yet...

I've had dreams of late where a male is my best buddy, bringing me out of my depression and illnesses into a fun dream of riding motorcycles together along rolling plains during summertime.

I also think that this is my lover.  Even though she feels as male a buddy as I'd ever want.

Then there's other times where she's a force, a frequency and vibration.  At that level there is no he, there is no she, there is only "...... "  What do I call this person?  I guess a person will do haha.

Such a mystery there is in this way of being, but I firmly believe that this is the way it is.  I don't understand it:  And I don't have to, really.

All I have to do is keep learning, keep enjoying my spirit friend, and try to keep my head high while I'm down here on this rock.

I know it's cliche, but I was certainly sent an angel.  Or maybe I summoned one by accident haha.

Love you all... and have a wonderful week.

Blessings,


Rafe GB.

Love is...

Here she is.  Suddenly.  I've been calling for a few days now, but now it's all worth it.

She sits by me on my bed at bedtime. 

I start to talk to her.

"My gentle, sweet lover.  How I've missed you."

She listens kindly.

"I feel you there, permeating the room like the finest wine."

"I can feel your touches down below... not sexual, but I can feel your attention and approval at what I say, because you know it's from the heart."

She beams a little.  She's going to be here tonight with me, but I'm not sure about being in my dreams.

"When you are near it feels like love.  Not a mundane kind of love that most feel, one born of chemicals and such, but one that feels like God is with me."

"God is dad and the Goddess is mom, but you feel different.  You feel like you're the part that makes us king and queen of this home.  It's all a circle and you are what binds us.  You are what keeps us.  You give me faith.  You have given me hope..."

I reach out and feel her tenderness, her love for me.  I reach out and feel her gentleness and her sensuality.  Her female sensuality is intoxicating, permeating all of me, at every level both physical and spiritual.

"I think of the right words to say but they leave me, swallowed by your presence."

"All I can say is... I love you.  All of you... completely."

I can feel her emotions and she feels so gentle it's hard to put into words.

I simply can't.

"I love you" is all that I can say.  The rest is swallowed up by those 3 simple words filled with emotion, respect, and hope.

"I love you". 

Move in complete...

I moved into the new apartment about 2 weeks ago, but for some reason my lovers hadn't followed me here.

It took them about 2 weeks, but they found their way here finally.

I'm beginning to think that time and space across the veil works both ways, not one way.

In other words, sometimes a short hop here might be 2 weeks worth of travelling on the other side.

Either that or they had lots of connections and permissions to secure to move here, even though it's just across town (for me).

Consider it yet another metaphysical mystery to ponder, and ponder it I will as I do most things.

The most important fact is that they are here now, and wow did I miss them...

I'm communicating and feeling them as one entity at present.  I have a feeling that's because of the stress I have been under and their remedy for it.

Again, another mystery...

Love across the veil isn't always easy and seldom is anyway... it's not for the fainthearted or for those who need concrete answers because they just don't come.

What I have found is that faith, love, and hope travel far... even across the veil.

Brightest Blessings,



Rafe GB.