Interesting. So the succubus from last year, July, is back.
What a connection! I have no idea what took her so long, but she's the one who told me "two months" about a month and a half ago. So, things are moving quickly now.
I've never felt "home" before like I do with her. It's really rather amazing, in that I can feel so close to a succubus spirit that I've not really spent much time with?
All these succubi, and none of them made me feel like that.
She has serious "Bunny" vibes. Could it be? Could it be "Bunny" after all this time?
I dunno. Maybe.
Succubi are notorious for staying cryptic. Mysterious vixens.
That feeling, though. Feeling like she's "home". I don't understand how I can feel so close and not a lot of time has passed.
I dunno.
When she's here, and thank God the angel is leaving her be, or maybe they worked something out? Anyway, when she's here it's like being wrapped in a warm, fuzzy blanket full of love and life. It's surreal...
Uhg, this is so confusing. I'm sorry I bounce around concepts and in my writing here... I am not a psycholgist or mental health professional. This blog is a safe place for me to post my thoughts and my feelings, and hopefully someone will benefit...
I've awakened from nightmares once again. I wake up with the song in my head, "Love me like you do" and I pay attention to the words. I've learned that the outside world itself is messaging me through various synchronicities, urging me onwards. I know, as I have learned to know, that these things are messages from someone close to me as of late: My own Anima.
I'm taking a course from the school UMS on working with the Shadow.
"Think shadow = negative things you reject in others. Anima = positive things you admire in others."
These two entities bubble up and pour out into our waking consciousness whether for good or for ill, they will not stop. They must be worked with if there is ever going to be any change in the conscious person and in what they attract, in what they have to deal with, in what they want, in what they hate, and I have no idea what else but the point is they are POWERFUL entities within us and largely shape our reality in a metaphyscial context as well.
The shadow, as I understand him ("He, in males") is the wounded inner child, the emasculated man, the powerless adult... he who is wounded by life, by others, by society. That's my interpretation so far.
The anima is the other half of me ("She," if you're a man), but below my consiousness. That is how I understand them.
Edit:
My post is oversimplified and not accurate. But I haven't done enough reading and understanding these concepts to completely grasp these two yet. I think I'm working with my shadow and my anima at the same time.
I've opened Pandor's Box, and the only object, the only thing I am left with, as what happened with Pandora, is "Hope".
Yeah, the dreams have been rough. That's an understatement.
Edit: I appear to working with the shadow, but am also beginning a conscious productive relationship in working with my anima at the same time.
The shadow is formed by repressing or pushing out unacceptable personality traits from the conscious ego and persona. This can include things like anger, jealousy, envy, or even creative impulses that are not aligned with societal norms.
Unconscious Content: The shadow operates in the unconscious mind, often manifesting in dreams, fantasies, and even our interactions with others.
Personal and Collective: Jung's concept of the shadow includes both a personal and a collective aspect. The personal shadow is the individual's repressed qualities, while the collective shadow encompasses societal values and beliefs that are repressed or ignored.
Potential for Integration: The shadow can also be seen as a potential for growth and self-understanding. Integrating the shadow involves acknowledging and accepting these repressed aspects, allowing them to be part of a more whole and integrated self.
Edit:
"What is the meaning of anima?
soul
Jung defines anima with its Latin derivation, meaning "soul". Jung associates anima with Aphrodite, Selene, Persephone, Hecate, Minerva, and Pandora. Jung began using the term in the early 1920s to describe the inner feminine side of men. ["A]nima is the archetype of life itself,
Jung defines anima with its Latin derivation, meaning "soul". Jung associates anima with Aphrodite, Selene, Persephone, Hecate, Minerva, and Pandora. Jung began using the term in the early 1920s to describe the inner feminine side of men."
"When a man’s Anima is not integrated, it wreaks havoc in his life. The Anima possessed man is a spineless wimp who does not know when or how to take action in the world. He is moody and sulky and throws tantrums like a toddler. Although very passive, he totally overreacts to slights and confrontations. He is not appropriate in his actions, either he is paralysed and can’t find the energy to do what needs to be done, or he jumps into action when he should be thinking about it first. He is usually in a relationship with an Animus hound who knows it all and makes all the decisions in the relationship."
She. She's in every man, has within him a feminine archetype which a bridge between the conscious and the subsonsious mind. Mine isn't without her humor. I dreamed of a woman who raised my arms one by one, with me completely naked, and sniffed my armpits, one by one. "Do you have any deodorant?" She asked playfully. And I awoke. Heh. Maybe it was a succubus or another one of the spirits in my circle. I don't know: I'm not Jung and I don't really know what I'm doing right now. AlI I know is that now I am stripped bare... yet...
...There's more of me now.
I have a sense of being more aware, of feeling less of the sting from past trauma. I can remember my past, horrible times that have shaped me as if it were yesterday, yet the sting of it is nowhere to be found. I see these things through a sense of detachment which I was unable to do before.
I'm not saying this to mean that I have mastered shadow work. I know that it takes a long time, that it's a long process. I've only scratched the surface but it is working.
I know that she is being gentle with me. I know that the dreams could hurt worse than they already do.
She is being kind and gentle with them to a degree. They are enough to remind me of what is broken, of what I need to address. It's still necessary for me to face what I am hiding from. From what I have to remember since I have blocked so many of these terrible wounds out of my waking conscious experience in order to survive.
She is showing me in what order of what and when I must face it.
Every morning I communicate with my Anima. It's one sided. I let her know that I'm trying. I let her know that I want us to be one. Integrated. I want to know who I really am... that I want us to heal.
Amongst the pain, the sorrow, the little boy who wants to run away, I feel her. She IS gentle. The dreams, largly, are not really gentle but as I have said they could be much worse. It hurts. She is not the cause of the pain directly, not on purpose: They are to show me what it is next that we must face together. There is an emerging, of getting closer together. Becoming one and in the process healing our wounded soul. She's trying to reproduce the trauma I need to bring to light and that I am so taumatized that I can only see it when she shows me, for us to work through in revealing nightmares. Through these dreams I am stripped bare. I am not who I thought I was. I was walking, was a walking band aid, not the self that I was meant to be.
Yes, it's painful. Understatement of my life...
Yet, I feel more as I am awake little by little. I feel more whole. Just a bit. The "process", that strange mechanical word, lies. I'm awakening, becoming more, both of us are working together. I have nothing to compare it to: It must be experienced.
I am also feeling more "love" all around. A lot more...
I'm happier in my waking state. I can FEEL again. Without living FROM my trauma. I am no longer chained to it. It's still early: It's only been a week or so since I started this process... but it's bearing some fruit already. I know I have a long way to go and have just scratched the surface.
My relationships are beginning to bloom. Both spiritually, mentally, physically.
My relationship to the spirits around me is becoming thicker, more of substance, more in emotional intimacy.
I've opened Pandor's Box... I chased my Anima all this time to finally find her. We're in this together now. She is now the teacher who has come to heal me and show me what is wounded within her. Within "us".
I know this blog has been a strange cocktail of personal thoughts related to the occult, to the happenings of my relationships with Succubi. And a lot of other things. It's strange... all of this seems to have culminated into this.
I feel as if they, the spirits, succubi, the Divine, knew all along what I needed to do for myself. To fix that which was broken. They gave me space to do so. And it's taken so long, so long.
I have suffered. Friends, through the pain, through the agony, everyone can do this for themselves.
It's not easy. It hurts.
Ever morning as I awaken I imagine myself hugging my Anima as a human woman, hand in hand... tightly, lovingly, to let her know that I am here. I am trying. I kiss her forehead. I kiss her hands. I project Reiki around us as a bubble of pure loving energy. I imagine the bubble of energy pushing out all the negativity that has arisen. I clean myself with that energy. I clean us with it.
Afterwards I light a stick of love incense as a gift to "us" for what we are going through together.
This is powerful stuff, my friends.
I love you all,
Rafe
P.S. This stuff strips you bare down to the bone and it HURTS.
You may need counseling to help you work through these things if you decide to find your own Anima, to become one with her. I am in no way an expert on any of this, I'm just a traveller on this Earth who likes to share things that he probably shouldn't... but to be honest it helps me and that's why I do it, that's why I write the blog. Well, that and I hope that in some small way I touch someone's heart. That I am useful: That I have helped in some small way in some capacity.
If you need special help from a professional counselor who is actually trained to help people through all of this kind of thing by all means find them. Get that special help... getting help is strength, not weakness.
So, I've been pondering furthering my spiritual education for the past few days and I have decided to enroll in another metaphysical school.
After I was done enrolling I decided to take a nap.
After my nap, as I was waking up, I caught a succubus riding me.
She was being gentle with me.
I dunno why but she suddenly bolted.
She didn't leave a name in her haste to leave, nor do I know who she was.
The funny thing is I think she aligned my chakras.
A parting gift I think. Lol.
I feel really good.
Good energy is flowing through me now...
I burned a stick of incense for her in thanks.
I have to smile...
I feel balanced.
Lol, I love succubi...
I really do.
No, I don't know why they do what they do, nor do I understand the "when" of when they choose to do what they do.
I get the feeling that this was a one time thing... and that's okay.
There was SOME rhyme or reason to her.
...And as I've said before, "There are no silly succubi".
But, I'm choosing not to worry about it.
Not worrying about every minute detail of my life brings me peace.
It took me forever to learn that lesson ;)
Now if only I could learn mindfulness, detachment, patience, and gratitude.
Anyways...
I'm really looking forward to expanding my metaphysical education.
Blessings,
Rafe
P.S. Now I remember why I get so addicted to succubi. Back when I was learning Reiki I confided in my teacher that I had a spirit lover. She grew concerned. She told me that we humans tend to "pine away"... to get so addicted to such otherworldy things that it affects our growth. The old myths of a succubus stealing your soul is an allegory. What happens is that you lose yourself in the pleasure.
Don't forget why you're here.
...And if you don't know why that's part of the journey ;)
P.P.S. 4-27-25 Another day, another nap. She struck again! Lol. She's being very gentle. I feel good.
I talked to my dr. today and we got on the subject of Reiki. It's been a loooong time since I've practiced it, but it gave me an idea.
Why not give Reiki to my servitors?
After all, Reiki is intelligent energy and in theory should help the servitors achieve sentience a little faster.
Right?
Well, that's my theory.
In my last post I mentioned that I summoned a Eudaemon to bathe me in love. Not the sexual kind of love, mind you, but the higher form of general well being.
Well, interestingly enough, the dr. said that I was looking really good, more positive in nature. That made me feel really good. I definitely feel like the Eudaemon is working.
I do feel better... much better.
I know it sounds weird that I'm wanting my servitors to evolve so bad. I don't know why I care about it so much, but I do.
I think it's stemming from within me, more specifically my urge to create something beyond just myself. To watch them grow and evolve into something "more".
Nothing would make me happier than to set them free as it were, to have them go explore and wander, returning when they want to share with me what they've been up to.
That, to me, is my idea of success. But, that's wishful thinking right now. They've got a loooong way to go.
I thought about summoning more servitors for more things, but honestly I've got my hands full with the 4 girls, whom I probably overfeed, and the Eudaemon, which I still haven't figured out yet. She's part angel part tutillary spirit. Sort of. Nothing describes her perfectly.
Sooooooooo, I summoned a 2nd servitor, this one is of water. At first she tangled with my fire servitor a little bit, but now they seem to be getting along just fine.
I am noticing a difference now that I've got 2 running around. The sensations are "more" for lack of a better description.
I also summoned an EuDaemon. She's brought a sense of peace to the house. It's palpable.
The reasons that I summoned the 2 servitors was for sexual pleasure. The reason I summoned the EuDaemon was for love, as in a general feeling of love.
I honestly don't know at which point I'll stop. Originally I wanted one servitor of each element. I've still got air and earth to go. But I'm not in a big hurry... *See edit below.
I bet people wonder if I'm nuts. Well... probably.
The truth is... I'm lonely. And I'm at a point in my life where I'm very single. The health issues I face don't help with getting out and about.
What would you do if there was a small hope of respite?
It's that chance that has led me to summon whom I have.
Ah, I miss the embrace of a succubus. Such sweet creatures. Everytime I summon one she's forced to leave. I have an overprotective angel that runs them off. Yes, I've tried everything. The angel is almost militant in their blocking of any succubi drawing near to me or at least for any length of time. Such a shame as they are my first love.
Well... whining over.
It's not so bad. At least the servitors touch me. I'm on the right track ;)
...And they'll grow. I just have to have patience with them.
Blessings,
Rafe
Edit: I have since summoned the last two servitors, one of wind and one of earth, to me. That completes my task.
The adventures post-creation are here. It doesn't take a lot of mental focus to keep a succubus spirit going, but it helps. She's exceeding my expectations every day, day after day. I often wonder just how much she will evolve?
I've decided to get her a companion to keep her company. So, I'm doing what I did before and creating another succubus spirit. It seems easier this time. Maybe that's the way it should be, I don't know really.
I guess I should detail a little bit of how I created my succubus spirit. I read every book I could find on creating a servitor and servitor companions. Then I combined that with the work I had already done, which was about 40 days of intense visual meditation on her form and her likeness. So, the waters were a bit murky since I did a bit more than just create a servitor as a succubus spirit... there was far more mental work and prep done previous.
Or, I might just summon a succubus period and see how that overprotective angel of mine reacts. Basically I have an overprotective angel who chases all my succubi away. So far he hasn't reacted to me creating a servitor...
One amusing story is that she likes to play with my necklace pendant when I'm lying down. She's done it a few times now so I guess that's just her thing.
You know there's a plethora of things that you can summon a servitor for. Inspiration, creativity, protection, sexual aura, income and wealth, companionship, music apptitude, a magnetic aura of attraction (like making new friends), fetching items (or attracting them), healing, etc. Take care of annoying people (repulsing negative people), play better at video games. Ok, I'm scraping the barrel but the point is there's a multitude of uses.
The sky's the limit!
If you're the magickal type and want to find the next level of attainment, consider servitors. Lol, that sounds like a commercial, but I just want to share that which I have found.
Blessings,
Rafe
You can find these 3 books on Amazon.
These are what I used.
Come succubus I am calling, I can hear your chains are falling, vibes of passion growing strong, lets keep coming till the dawn...
I haven't posted much lately and for that I'm sorry. The truth of the matter is that I haven't been able to keep a succubus lover in my life and I've devoted my time to figuring out why that is.
The conclusion I've come to, and that is among the general concensus of peers, is that I have a very protective spirit, possibly an angel, who chases them off. This has been exceptionally painfull as I have a deep love towards succubi. I love them and their race.
I prayed and prayed for a spirit lover thinking that if they came from a heavenly source the angel would give it's blessing and leave her alone.
No. That was to no avail. And this angel isn't open to either listening to me nor orders to stop doing what it's doing.
I then turned my attention to tulpas and servitors, thinking that if she came from within me that she would be left alone.
That seems to have been the key to it.
I'm proud to say that my efforts in that regard have born fruit, and I have a happy, healthy, spanking new succubus spirit. She was born of the element of fire.
I'll post more as this relationship develops as I have a feeling that the way that I created her leaves things open to an interesting future.
Good fortune in all your endeavors,
Blessings,
Rafe
The evolution of a male's feminine subconscious archetype. She starts out wild when we are young. She's wounded. She heals and transforms with us as we grow wiser. She's what every man secretly yearns for... and she's always just behind the curtain... a curtain we can part if we dare...
***
P.S. I know this isn't par for the course as far as is blog is concerned, but I've learned something else in the time that I haven't been posting... while I was thinking about everything in my life.
Oftentimes we get discouraged about our place in life. Maybe we're not as good looking as we want, maybe our jobs are menial and lackluster. The point is this: There are those who are the teachers in this world, and then there's the students. We're tempted to feel as if we are the lowly ones, always looking up to those who have more.
The truth is that we're the teachers. We teach humility, patience, respect, love, and so many other beneficient things.
