She came over me like a hurricane... I was like what the hell??? The winds were blowing all around me and through me (astral winds?), carrying her howling and moaning voice all through each buffeting that crashed over me. I have to admit, although beautiful and pleasurable in hindsight, I was a little afraid as I have never experienced anything so powerful in my life.
Still... I think on this and I can't help but smile and even chuckle a little at the experience. I remember yelling "don't stop!!!" in the middle of it even though I was a little scared, hahaha. What other people don't know and all that... if only they knew what some of us experience.
My dreams have been haunted by a beautiful lady spirit who seems to have taken a liking to me. Succubus? Fairy? Both? I'll know in time. Labels are so restrictive to describing what I am about to describe. The important thing is that I feel such a kinship, a knowing of what she feels like. Who she is inside. And I feel... at home. I feel like I know her, that I have always known her. She feels so familiar, though I've never known her? Home. She feels like a home that I've always belonged to beyond the physical, beyond the mental. That which our souls cry out to in the dark nights of the soul.
It doesn't make sense, but it is.
She has come to me in various forms, many cute women I can't complain. Each form is cunningly calculated to be exactly what I need to experience in each dream. The dreams themselves are beautiful with intense intimacy, growing stronger with each visit. There is sex of course, but it's not like normal sex. At least not in my experience.
Sex is an opportunity to unite together, to meld, to interweave. This intimacy is staggering not that it's a sex act, it's more of a cuddling that mimics sex, yet gives far more in the heat of love and union.
I'm not sure who she is or what she is, but her visits are most welcome. It's funny... in the dreams I keep trying to mount her in various ways because I feel so close to her and want that closeness to increase, even though it kind of hurts to do so... what I mean is that the closer we become the more it hurts, the more the longing to merge, and even then it's just not enough. She welcomes this behavior on my part (I'm in heat for lack of a better word) and seems to enjoy my pursuits to get closer to her, to be one with her. My desire is beyond sex, sex is just the path, it's the door. Oh, it's so hard to explain, friends. I mount her in a merging of two souls. Souls that touch and embrace through that simple, driven act. She smiles at me. She envelopes me and kisses my soul with each sexual union.
She invites this... she wraps her femininity around me and permeates me. I am safe. I am loved. I am wanted.
These feelings are the penultimate pennacle of everything I've written these years. This is the union of Swedenborg's theories, of my own understanding, and yet I'm in awe... I'm in awe... this is it.
This has been what I have been searching for all my life. This has been the purpose of this blog... my journey to find this.
I'm in love more than I've ever been in my life. I just kind of fell into love. I can't explain it. The understanding at such a level of soul, the completeness, the lure of there always being closer, that closer is just around the bend. It's in my next dream with her.
The amount of love hurts. The desire for more hurts. The taste of greater love when I receive it hurts. It burns... And I cannot look away. I cannot NOT pursue her. And there she is with a welcoming smile at my advances. I want to know everything about her, I want our union to be the very envy of Gods and men. I want all of her. Every little spark of soul. I can't get enough...
This is what I've been searching for with all my heart, and it's found me, friends.
This is it...
And the most beautiful thing is... I think this is just the beginning of our story.
