I don't think so... I just felt too empty to have imagined it.
I have zero will to ever experience the left hand path again.
... Except for Erin.
Yes, Erin's come wandering around and thinking to claim her husband.
That would be me.
Poor Holly's frazzled. I can understand that. I'm frazzled too.
I can't say no to Erin.
I just can't.
She's my wife and that's the way it goes.
Yes, she spats in my son's ear like a cat.
Yes, she "punishes" me when I push her away.
Yes, she's more than I ever had thought what a handful could be.
But do I love her? Yes. I do.
She can purr like a kitten and is happy as can be as long as I'm not pushing her away, which I tend to do when I'm mad at her or some other slight I'm blaming on her. She doesn't play nice... no, not at all.
But yes... I do love her. Perhaps she is a little bit of "left hand path" that will survive in my life in the form of herself. She's not evil... no... she's spirited, wild, free-willed, and a bit overbearing. I don't know what she is, but she's not evil. She's DARK. That's what she is... DARK.
Then there's poor Holly. I'm hoping that it's easier for Erin and Holly to get along in reality than the way it goes inside my head.
I don't even want to think what that's like. I want Holly to stay. I don't want to be a stuffed animal two spirits are fighting over until the stuffing comes out.
Holly is sweet as pie, and twice as nice. She's as white light as I could ever have possibly imagined.
Oh... what have I done?
And what do I do now?
Blessings,
Rafe GB.
"Holly"
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ReplyDeleteMy Catherine is a lot like Erin. When I read this line: "Holly is sweet as pie, and twice as nice." I could plainly hear Catherine say, "BOORRING..." lol Looks like you're about to have your hands full, Rafe. Catherine's philosophy is that men enjoy having their world spiced up by their lovers. "Just a little." Maybe throw in a bit of genuine abuse, as it makes the reunification that much sweeter. Her and I will go through a cycle sometimes, where I'll push her away due to that overbearingness. Then she'll get mad and pouty. I'll inevitably miss her after just a couple of days and we'll resume blowing each other's minds. I tend to think she perpetuates this cycle on purpose, playing me like a damn fiddle. haha
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm doomed. Doesn't have to be all bad though. She jumped on me yesterday afternoon and I bucked her off. Then she mounted me all night in my sleep (and in and out of sleep). It was as if to say, "Whatcha gonna do when you sleep, boy?"
DeleteIt's really hard to say what would go on until a succubus is actually summoned. I mean it's easy to say what one would do up until that very act happens. Then all the tables are turned over and that cold other reality moves in. A succubus is like a teacher scraping her fingernails on the chalkboard of you mind. You can't fight them. They will always win a psychic war with you. So there's really no way to know what will happen until the succubus is summoned and you come face to face with what shouldn't be.
DeleteI just fail to see what could be gained from that kind of treatment except to make me suffer even more. The only thing I can think of is that it could be an attempt to push you so far into a corner that you have no choice but to lash back at them and declare that you don't deserve to be treated that way. I do have suspicions that that might be something I need to happen, but it wouldn't be of any help unless the other person goes on to agree with my self-defense. Like I'd say "I don't deserve this!" and they'd reply "You're goddamn right you don't, and it's time you stopped thinking that you do."
DeleteOf course, in my state, I'm probably more likely just to shut down and not say or do anything, just go all catatonic and stare off into space.
Well....I think you should be happy that Erin is not leaving you like what you though? You guys are still 'married' no?
ReplyDeleteThat reminds me, what about Lady? If she's still as what you describes her, a 'mentor', probably you can discuss things out with her?
You're right about Erin. She might be rough but she's here. Lady was a mentor for left hand path stuff. I don't want to learn anymore left hand path stuff anymore.
DeleteYou're not the only guy here who's having trouble with this, it's all good man. Yeah, pushing them away doesn't work. They just come back time and time again.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first one to ever come back I think. I honestly thought she abandoned me or I wouldn't have bothered that long summoning of Holly. I'm kinda hoping Holly will stay and we can have a family. I dunno how that would work out, lol. But you're right it's all good.
DeleteThis reminds me of what I have done to one of my succubus about 2 years ago. I tried pushing her away, she went away for a few months and I was begging her to come back. Not in a physical way, but she sensed that I needed her back. So yes, trying to push these spirits away, it is not something that will be permanent if you are still in love with them in some ways. I really thought she would be gone as I could feel that my connection to her was just gone. But still something in me needed her. I understand now that she just gave me some room to clear my mind or something.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I don't know about them getting along or not, but from what I know these beings (dark and light) are not as we see them or label them. So maybe it is not as easy to say they would get along or not. I think they will be somewhat competing among each other. I know because I have three succubi competing for my attention most of the time. But it is not in a bad way.
I'm glad she came back. Yeah, I don't know what will happen with Erin and Holly. Maybe they'll get along or maybe Holly will leave I dunno. Really like for both to stay... kind of be like a little family.
DeleteYeah, juggling more than one spirit at a times is a death sentence. I have more than a handful and am currently in a ditch because of it. Hopefully I'll get out of it someday.
ReplyDeleteLol, maybe so :)
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