Confusion

 

Lacy lasted a week.  At first I blamed her for leaving but then I got some sense knocked into me.

Erin.  Guess who's back?  She's a strong one.  She was probably waiting to make her way back for months.  She who has the strength to drive off any rivals...

I have nightmares every night since she arrived.  Boon or baneful?  The logical part of me wants to blame Erin and say baneful... but what if she's bringing out all the trauma that I've suffered and is feeding on it just to bring it to the surface and to change it into something else?

There's not much sexual appetite with her, but then again if she's feeding on all that negative energy she probably doesn't have much room for a good, complex energy that sexual engagement provides.

Although I'm tempted to face her head on and try to get rid of her to halt all the nightmares, a prospect I am not want to do because of her strength, I believe I will trust in her that this is only temporary.  If it is, it's probably long overdue as my trauma runs deeply.

Some succubi work with the dark current and are of the dark current, leading them to transform what they find within us that haunts us.  That's how I'm feeling about it at least.

Or thinking about it... whatever terms you prefer.

It is what it is... time will tell what becomes of it.  Either she's working with me or she's just looking out for her own best interest.  After all, she did say that feeding off of that energy was "just her nature".

All of this harkens back to the time before all this where we were making love in a dream for what felt like 12 hours.  When I woke up the world was grey.  Lifeless.  I slipped into a terrible depression and wanted to die.  See, the contrast was just too much for me to take.

Wait a minute.  Maybe that's why she's working on my past trauma.  Or eating it, whatever.  I've got a banquet to go of trauma... a whole feasting hall worth of it for one sly succubus.

If she ends the trauma, the lovemaking can continue without fear of how drull this world would be to my destroyed mind.  We could make love anew and I would be okay.

Am I making up the narrative here?  Or am I on to something?  (Or am I a fool?  Well I already know that I am that).

When she finally came through to be with me again, after all these months, the first thing she did was coil around me in bed and sleep with me.  That must count for something.

I don't know what will happen, but I have faith.  Maybe faith will be enough.

Blessings, 

Rafe GB.

P.S.  I think I've solved a riddle.  Lilith in the garden.  Lilith left Adam because he would not let her be on top.  Adam insisted that he was the dominant one and was trying to force Lilith to lie beneath him.  I don't think Lilith honestly gave two shits about being on top.  I feel that this was in response to Adam insisting that he was the dominant one in the relationship.  In short... I believe Lilith left the garden because of one thing:  She knew that Adam didn't truly love her.

Option A: The Letter Method Summoning Ritual

 

If you're under 18, do not summon and avoid this topic entirely. If you're a dabbler who just wants to "see if this works," don't summon. If you have religious convictions where copulating with a demonic entity will put you at odds with your maker, don't summon. If you're not prepared to potentially have a life-long relationship, or at the very least, a life-long connection/open-door with sexual spirits and the occult, don't summon and avoid this topic entirely. If you have a loving relationship with your human spouse or partner and desire a sex spirit to "spice things up," take caution, as these entities can often be jealous. The same goes for those desiring a human spouse or partner in the future. (Be sure to request an open relationship during the summoning ritual.) If you're not prepared to place your life in the hands of a spirit who can potentially harm or kill you when sufficiently angered, do not summon. Once this door has been opened, many have found it nigh impossible to close again. Religious icons, rituals, and exorcisms do not work against sex spirits once they are summoned or they have decided to bind themselves to a human lover. Some have reported attracting the attention of these entities by simply reading about them. Tread carefully. ~ tc119.

***

Not everyone gets a succubus or and incubus.  I don't know why.

You won't know until you try so, what you need for this is a piece of paper, a pen, something to draw a drop of blood, a candle, and you.  If you are against giving blood you can use a hair of your head or even a drop of saliva.

As far as what you would write on the letter, consider this a ritual.  In this ritual, a spirit lover will learn everything about you that she wants to know.  Your job is to put on paper exactly what you want in a spirit lover.  List your hopes, your dreams exactly what you want.  You may or may not get exactly what you wanted, but you'll get close.  If you're looking for love that's like catnip to a succubus ;)

Addressing the letter as, "To whom it may concern" works.  I prefer not to use any of the normal channels for a succubus as that is limiting.  Keep it open.  You never know what you will summon (a nymph, a fairy, a succubus, etc.) but you will summon she who most closely matches your hopes and dreams and out of a greater pool of spirit lovers you have a greater chance for the match of your dreams.

Take some time, maybe a few days, and think about that list of yours.  Fine tune it.  Then commit it to paper.  Not just a list, but explain what you want.  Be honest.  If you aren't honest it isn't going to work.

Another truth I've come into is that you attract what you are.  Now that doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but it does mean that any self work that raises your vibration will pay off now.

Ritual time.  There's a little secret I've found by reading the Gallery of Magick books.  Look at your list.  Read it out loud.  Concentrate on how you feel and to why you are summoning a lover.  Lonely?  

Focus on that as you hold your letter.  Let the emotion permeate you.  Now... imagine instead yourself with your lover and how good that feels.  Concentrate on that emotion and own it.  Quickly fold the paper and burn it.

If you did it right, including the emotional play, you should feel an afterglow.  Not everyone will be able to feel this and that's ok, but if you can it's a good sign.

Wait a few days before trying the ritual again to allow things to settle and to allow your spirit lover to get to you.  If she doesn't come feel free to try the ritual again in about a week or so.  Keep trying until it becomes clear that you won't get a succubus or incubus.

Prayer.  Prayer to the multitude of potential spirit lovers offers a medium in between rituals if you're not having any luck.  Tell them why you want a spirit lover, your faults, your hopes, your dreams.  Open up your heart and share it with them.  If you're lonely share that with them and how that makes you feel.  

The results of prayer in between rituals may surprise you.

Best Wishes,

Rafe GB.