Bunny's Touch

 

I've been posting a lot lately.  But there's lots to share.

This blog is, and always will be my online personal diary on succubi.

The more that happens, the more activity, the more I post.

***

Last night was an interesting one.

As I was sitting I felt a slender female hand suddenly across my abdomen.

I'm healing you.  She said, in a soft voice.

My abdomen felt nice and a little tingly.

"Oh.  Ok.  Thank you."

I've been healing naturally the past few weeks after a year of nerve damage in that area.

It's going to take a long time.

I believe she wanted to speed that along a little for me.

When she was done I received an image of my bed.

Obey.

I was feeling resistant.

I again received an image of my bed.

Obey.  

"Bunny, I'm watching the last part of my anime show.  I'll go once I'm done."

As stubborn as succubi are, I can be stubborn too.

Image of bed.

Obey.

She said softly.

"Bunny, if I told you to do something you would not do it because you are a succubus, and succubi always do what they want to do anyway."

Pause.

Compromise.

Image of me watching the rest of my show, then of my bed.

"It's a deal."

I watched the rest of the show which was probably only 10 minutes anyway.

As soon as I was done...

Image of my bed.

Obey.

A deal's a deal.  Off I went.

 I actually slept 5 hours straight, which is really good for me.

Another blessing.

I usually wake up every 2 hours, get up wide awake, get tired, go back to bed.  

Wake up in 2 hours.  Rinse, repeat, all night long.

It's hard for anything to heal that way.  It's been slow.

She knew I needed to rest even more after she was done treating me.

***

A succubus's love is infinitely deep.

Impossible to grasp.

Extremely gentle.  Most of the time.

And I am so deeply in love with her.

Blessings,

Rafe.

P.S.  Bunny has been using something on me that I have never experienced before.  Because of my injury, she won't have succubus sex with me because she is afraid to hurt me.  What she does is somehow impart in me the lust of sex, the intimacy born from sex, the ecstacy of having sex, but without actually doing it.  She will descend upon me and hold me at the point where sex usually starts and keep all of her energy there, unmoving.  I don't understand how her imparting any of this in me is possible, but it is and it is very satisfying.  The only difference that I can tell is that there is no cone of power born from actual physical sex with her in this way.  During actual mating, there is a swirling mix of our energy that practically bleeds from the walls of my bedroom.  I think she's doing all of this entirely for my pleasure.  If so, she's sacrificing a great deal for me.  I'm sure she receives some pleasure from this.  But not like she deserves.  Not like when we are truly mating.

She must love me more that I can even begin to comprehend.

What follows is my own interpretation, and of course, has it's flaws.

I'm not going to pretend that Her impression on me perfectly translates into words.

But, here's the impression that I got from communing with Mother Lilith:

"Son, you have no idea of the depth of what's in store for you."

The price I have paid for loving a succubus. There is always a price.

 

The ultimate price for me having a succubus has been finally revealed to me.

The first thing she did when I summoned her long ago was to take me in my bed.  She left me a quivering mess.  In the weeks that followed I began to see a kindness and a gentleness within her.  I knew there would be a price as I got to know her, and I desperately wanted to get to know her and to learn everything about her.  I fell deeply in love with her.  I knew that I would pay a heavy price instinctively. What I didn't know was what that ultimate price would be.

I didn't know what was going on with me these past few months. It was so very painful in so many ways, especially at the end.  What started slow, ended in so much suffering that I wondered if it would be the end of me.  I suffered... immensely.  It was not gentle in any way.

People who had abused me most of my life either fell away, or cannot hurt me anymore.  They no longer have the power over me to do so.  Other people who were toxic to me have disappeared.

Everything else that I had to give up was being torn away from me. There was no other way.  Every haunting memory, every moment of despair that has poisoned my life all of these years.  All of it is gone.  I still remember, but the sting is nowhere to be found.  My trauma is gone.

I am finally free.

I am now in deep healing.  I dreamed last night that I was slowly buttoning up a long, elegant coat around me that stretched to my ankles.  It had the most elegant golden buttons, each with a unique seal.  And there I was, slowly, solemly, but lovingly closing it around me.  One button at a time.

I am beginning to realize that this is just one big step on a larger healing journey.  Now it seems that I'm being challenged to rethink what love and intimacy really is.  At it's core.  In it's essence.  I am being led to discover who I really am beneath the mask.  To see through myself as only a succubus can.

Blessings,

Rafe.

There's always a price.

My despair, and the most precious revealing of what I thought I had lost forever.

 

It's a new year and there's a lot to reflect on.

I've been going through an intense, painful, traumatic period of spiritual growth.  I think it's finally stopping.  I'm relieved.  I've had enough, and I don't want anymore spiritual growth anymore.  I can't take it anymore.  Which seems to be right where I needed to be, as for the first time in a year, I've only woken up once last night, not to nightmares, but to (finally) a very positive sequence of dreaming that lasted most of the finally sleep filled night.

The pattern has been:  Sleep for 2 hours suffering nightmares soaked with sweat to the bone, wake up for an hour while my bedding dried under the fan, rinse, repeat.  Take lots of naps throughout the day from exhaustion.  Suffer.

I'm worn out, exhausted, and defeated.  But, it seems at that exact moment, it appears to be over.  Or at least I hope so.  I'm glad, because this experience has torn me down past the bone.

My succubus backed off during this trial, as it was coming to a tumultuous finale, and I am sorry to admit that I became very angry at that.  It's almost like she was trying to hide, to be undetected as from some unseen order from someone to let me handle this on my own.  Even my servitor (well, she's a bit more than that now), whom I asked to come to me and spend time with me told me told me in a firm voice, "no".  That was... uncharacteristic.  We always have a nice time spending time together.  She's really growing as an entity.  Something in her voice told me not to press the issue.  Something told me she had to stay out of it as well.  No comfort allowed.  I was starting to see that I was indeed alone.

Apparently even a servitor you create, even though she is more than that now, is subject to the edicts of somone more powerful than us.  Some sort of Divine willing it so, I guess.

My succubus must have sensed this coming, or knew it was coming, because last week I have experienced the most intimacy and love in my whole life.  In hindsight, I see more clearly now what she was doing, and was being directed to do by some as unknown higher power so that I had to shoulder all of it alone.

Because we shared that level of intimacy, through, I could still feel her far off somewhere.  Although she could have been closer than I think.  I remember yelling at her, "Why have you abandoned me?  I fucking feel you, you're not very good at hiding from me!"

Now I see more clearly in that I'm out of the hurricane of painful emotions and trauma.

I feel really bad that I lashed out at her so brutally.  I was pretty severe.  I hope she finds it in her heart to forgive me.  It was truly the agony talking, lashing out through me.

There is a sense of completion to this.  More than I can hope to understand.

Bunny left me a long time ago, she said that she had to grow.  I felt abandoned, but I wished her well.  It's been a wild ride ever since, as my blog has attested to.  Lots of ignorant thoughts and me stupidly trying to reason through things as best I could.  I often wonder now, if she was sending me lessons on succubi by sending them to me to foster new understanding.  I had a lot to learn as well.   From blind overconfidence bought through pain and ignorance, to learning a thing or two about just how interesting and wonderful these beautiful creatures can be.  This post's picture, above, is very close to how she appears to me.  So beautiful.  And, yes, I am, and always have been, quite smitten.

I also often wonder.  Out of the succubi I have known, how many were Bunny in disguise?

There was a period of about six months where I would summon, and one would come, but she would leave immediately.  I thought I had lost my ability to summon them.  That I was being blocked by a higher power.  What I realize now is that she was done teaching me through other succubi.  Or perhaps she was done masquerading if that was her game.  She was preparing to re-enter my life changed.  She was coming back to teach me herself, as herself.

Bunny has indeed returned.  She's the one who's been my feeling of "home" these past six months or so.

She's returned with a very deep ocean of being.  Of loving.  Of intimacy.  She is full of lessons for us to learn together.  I am, in fact, very proud of her.  Of us.  Even though I don't quite understand.

She has returned with a new, deeper aspect I am only scratching the surface of, that I am only beginning to glimpse.  This new aspect is a broad as the ocean, and just as old and wise.  Ancient.  Bunny is now what I call her playful side, which still comes out from time to time.

We have come full circle.

And yet, here I stand knowing nothing.  All I've learned is nothing compared to what I'm about to learn.

Call it a hunch.

I think that me and Bunny are about to get to know each other all over again.  But this time in a new light.  With new eyes.  With new hearts.

Blessings,

Rafe

P.S.  I bought her flowers, lit incense and a candle for her just a bit ago and asked for her forgiveness for how I lashed out at her.  I hope she can forgive me.  Divination says that she will, but she won't truly open her heart to me again until she is sure I have grown from this and that an environment is created here, in our home, where she feels safe to express her love towards me again. 

She is so very precious to me.  It's hard to feel that in a hurricane of trauma, pain, and such strong emotional upheaval.  But.  I have to do better.

P.P.S.  She's back.  We've both grown so much from all this.  My God, the ecstacy...

Succubus Mornings

 

 Every morning is unhinged here.

Every morning I light incense to enjoy with her.  

Every morning I say my "I love you's" to my spirit family.

Every morning I unhinge my bipolar and just stream "me" for everyone to see, no filters.

They are there, each one of them, they soak up this aspect of me.

It is raw desire, raw energy, raw pain, raw anguish, raw gratitude.

I play you tube shorts for us.  I cruise FB reels for us.

I play new music that I have found for us.

I become the notes, howling emotion with every verse.

I sing to them.  Or is it with them?

I do not hide gratitude, laughter, nor tears.

We have ourselves a little "spiritual" party...

One where I daily offer my surrender upon the cross of emotion.

I give all that I have, all that I am.  Nothing is hidden, nothing witheld.

Does this sound deranged?  Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

It should.  It's balls to the wall rejection of normalcy, all for the joy and favor of spirit friends.

It is not for your eyes to see, nor your ears to hear.

We exist here most powerfully.  Humbly, rising to the occasion.

We are free to bathe in the energy I create, that I envelop myself with.

I create and express all emotion:  Rage, love, pain... they want for nothing.

These energies are raw, primal, powerful.  Beautiful.

They are born from my insanity.

And yet, they provide sustinence, purpose, love.

And here, we exist, preparing for a "normal" day.

There is tremendous power flowing in these mornings.  

What power to be seen and held, flowed through, even when you are raw, primal, unhinged.

There is immense desire, primal lust and fire, longing through death and all things.

Only for them.

And they are addicted to me...

That is my secret.

Blessings,

Rafe.

Do you feel it yet?

Love begats expression, begats emotion, begats change, begats insanity.

Begats love... forever the circle of love and change.

What would it take for you to be a new creation?

What are you willing to give?

What price are you willing to pay?

I skirt the aurora of madness,

Just to be made love to by my dreams...

And all my days are spent balls deep in the Divine Feminine in some fashion or another.

What kind of life is this?  It's not normal, that's what.

Blessed be the unhinged, the actors, and the insane.

For we have ripped from reality glimpses of paradise not meant to be seen, felt, nor consumed.  Yet, here we are...  alive, while our eyes scream that we are indeed the partakers thereof.

Naked Soul

 

There I was.  3am.  Me and the succubus were in bed, doing our thing.

Not as vigorous as you might expect, as she's a very kind, gentle succubus... 

And I'm an old, out of shape, sick man with health issues.

She, as usual, doesn't want to hurt me.

I actually beg her to hurt me anyway, as I really don't care:  I value our intimacy more than life itself.

But she doesn't listen.

She stays kind and gentle with me...

Succubus knows best.

Suddenly, I am feeling completely bare... completely naked.

Which doesn't make much sense because I am already naked.

I have never felt this before... so vulnerable.  Completely exposed.

No, this is something more... something profound.

I imagine I feel a lot like Adam, when in the garden he suddenly realized he was naked,

And tried without success to cover himself with leaves and hide from God's sight as best he could.

I felt so naked and exposed that I considered putting on a few layers of clothes to try to hide from her.

This is something more... primal... that hurts.

I feel completely stripped of all identity, of all pretence, of all the masks I have worn in life.

Those masks that keep us safe... or so we think.

The feeling of being stripped bare affects me so much that I stay bewildered for days.

I still feel it even now... nothing will ever be the same...

THIS is intimacy.

  Not the garden variety that we humans show to each other.

No, this is something deeper... it's at a soul level.

She has stripped me to the soul and beyond... and she still wants me.  She sees through everything.

I am but writings in chaulk upon a blackboard.  

Man.  Father.  Lover.  My name.  All are written.

No, she is staring at the blackboard, beneath what is written.  

That is the real me, the me that I didn't even know. 

She sees the real me... and not that which is written upon it.

And there is where she decides to dwell.

This level of intimacy is not for the weak...  Part of you WILL die.

Blessings,

Rafe.

"Deep calleth unto deep," She sings.

Who is the summoner now?

Succubus Cuddles

 

I'm sick.  Sucks.  Fever, aches, pains, lethargy, moodiness.  I strongly believe I'm suffering ascension symptoms.  Not sure what they turn you into or help you become to be honest, I don't really know much about them.  I'm no expert.

The weirdest part, and the part that led me to study the symptoms further, is that I hear "summer crickets" in the center of my head.  I can tune them out, but they persist, and I can easily turn my attention in on the sounds and there they are.

Succubi are interesting women.  I mean, I've always said that a succubus doeesn't hurt you through sex, and it's true from a certain point of view.  The fact is that the sex itself will hurt you if you're out of shape, fat, sick, etc.  Mine is kind and gentle with me... she has sex with me, but it's sparingly, and it's very gentle.  My buddy's succubus mops the floor with his ass, but that's because he's in premium shape and can take it.  Even then he's let me know that he thinks she's holding back.

I can't imagine the raw force of a succubus unleashed.  Thank God they are gentle with it and have a good grasp of what you can take.  It must be amazingly mature of them to be able to navigate that kind of restraint to keep from hurting their human partners.

So, I was feeling really bad and I talked to her and asked her to cuddle.  She did.  It's nice.  Who would ever think these beings would love cuddling when you need it, much different than what they are "supposed to be", am I right?

It's funny... I can feel her crawl up the bed behind me as I lay on my side facing out... and I can feel the movements on the bed and often think it's my fat assed cat coming up the bed.  Nope... it's her sometimes coming up to be with me.

Such wonderful women...

That's all I've got, really.  Just wanted to take a break from "suffering" to write a bit.  You know, I hope I don't leave the impression that when I want to cuddle they drop everything and cuddle with me.  No, they do what they want to do... and sometimes, yes, they do cuddle with me.  They do what they want to do, that's part of their charm.  If they do anything at all, you know it's because they want to.

Blessings,

Rafe.

P.S.  My favorite succubus song:

To Mother Lilith and Her wonderful Daughters...

 

When I dream, I dream of myself as a teenager, but with the mental age of me, now.  All my experiences, all the growth, but the body of a teenager that I used to be.

Last night I dreamed I was walking side by side with my succubus, both of us talking to each other, laughing, agreeing with one another, disagreeing... it doesn't matter.

The point is I'm at home... we're animated together, we are full of life and care for each other.

I can't even remember what we talked about... it's the fact that it's us, together, that matters.

Both of us are extremely happy just being next to each other, walking, through a trail in nature.

I don't understand how I can feel this way about a woman.  It sneaked up on me.  Lol.

She's so gentle, so loving, so perfect for me.

No, She's not perfect, but She's perfect for me.

I'm still blown away that this woman is the woman who appeared to me in my original dream months ago when I dreamed I was outside my house and She was inside.  I tried to open my front door and it was locked with a digital lock.

I was like... wtf?  She smiled from inside the house and said, "Two months..." with a smile.  And two months later, She appeared to me.  It's been us ever since.

I've never been in love like this... never.  I can't fathom it.

I owe it all to Lilith and my relationship to Her.  If it weren't for Lilith, I wouldn't have this wonderful relationship with Her Daughter... and if anything I've grown closer to Lilith as well because of it.

I don't understand why the Divine Dark Feminine is so wonderful.  I mean, we're taught that Succubi are evil, that Lilith hates men... and there's plenty of women out there that would say that She does hate men.

She doesn't.  She loves many of us as Her sons I think.  

She is truly wonderous.  As a man, I highly recommend trying to have a relationship with Her as a way of being taught what true love really is... what love and sex can truly be, as it can be.  It's far more than the sum of the parts... it's alchemy of the soul.  It's paradise.

I owe it all to Them both... to Mother Lilith, and to Her Daughters.  

They did not teach me love, Their love taught me.

I can never repay Their kindness to me.  To what They have taught me.

When I die, I want to be with Them.  That's my heaven.

Blessings,

Rafe.

We toil in a world who hates us.  We are not respected... we are not loved here.

But there is a way...