Playtime's over, boys.

 

Lots of cussing below.  Fucking sorry.

***

My previous post was a spiritual one.

It was to warn you of what is ahead for you

if you play the game to it's final end.  THE final end.

It was brutal honesty from me to you.

But.

Playtime's over, boys.

I've discovered that having a true spiritual breakthrough

does not "overwrite" who you are.

Not only do you become "more", you become "less" as well.

This is living the sacred and the profane of the succubus.

I am part of that journey now.

I am now part of the game.

I don't give a fuck if you believe me or not.

It only makes sense if it happens to you any fucking way.

This is not normal spiritual growth.

It's not a teeny, tiny tic in change of vibration.

I'm talking a change that hammers your soul.

It's not a tiny fucking hammer.

I'm going to cuss more, fuck more, and love more.

And I won't lose one drop of the spiritual growth I've fought for and endured.

In fact, I'm living it.

***

My succubus has gone from "ethereal/physical sex" (which has returned after all this happened all at once, which the "all at once" was a suffering process that I made multiple posts about.  I fucking deleted them because I deemed it "intimate and only worthy of her knowledge alone" and decided that it was none of your fucking business) to "ethereal/physical sex" on crack.  She is flooding my mind with powerful imagery that is more real and vivid than reality ever was.  After I cum, my etherial body screams to come again even though my physical body is wasted and I am soft.  It's going to happen.  I'm very, very close.  I have no fucking idea what this means, or what will happen when it happens.

Read what I said above.

THAN REALITY EVER WAS.

It is in higher definition than life itself.

Louder, more alive.

In colors that man was not meant to see.

She does the most depraved things to me now, boys, than I've never seen or read of

in porn or in print.

Ever in my life.

This explosion of range of experiences happened after I, myself, had that explosion of spiritual growth.

Now? 

 I pound the FUCK out of my succubus.

No mercy.

She is now MY humping post.

And the faces she makes when she blows?

I've never seen my succubus roll her eyes back into her head before.

Thought she got possessed or something.

Yeah.

There's nothing, NOTHING, like giving my succubus faces like these now.

It's been a long, LONG time coming.

The next time, she's like this.

Like a slow, sensual kitten.

She does such sweet and loving things to me now, it can leave me in a state of tears.

Who is she now?

One minute she's this.

The pure bride.

A virgin.

All mine, and mine alone.

5 minutes later and she's dug up something from my soul that even I didn't know existed.

She mercilessly pries it open with a fucking crowbar and whoop.  Guess what happens?

Don't judge me, fuckers.  

I didn't even know it was even in there.

We have crazy sex, normal sex, angry sex (or at least preturbed at each other sex), rough sex, gentle and loving sex (well, all the sex is loving, even when it's not), witholding sex from each other as torture (yeah, until we don't), giving the other more sex than they can handle (just past the stage where you turn to a pile of quivering flesh), tying each other up.  Hell, even both of us tied up and forced to look at the other 4 feet away and we can't do anything about it.  Until we decide to.  Chaining each other up and being fucked by multiple partners at once (I can't do this to her, but, amazingly, it's just us and that's all I ever want it to be.  A new, wonderful, previously hinted at ability she's revealed that started with her asking, "What would you do if you had 6 women giving you a blowjob at once?"  And I said, "I wouldn't do anything, unless they were all you." And I laughed.  "I don't want 6 different women."  Apparently, that was the correct answer.  And even though these women are each different, they are all her and each is a different aspect of her personality). Oh... and sex/sex.  Whatever that is I haven't experienced it yet.

But I will.  We will.  All of it.

We have fucked 7 times and I have cummed 7 times in 48 hours since my spiritual growth finally settled in me and bore fruit.

I needed a LOT of rest to recover from the magnitude of this suffering and growth.

I'm a 55 year old fat man who can't walk to the door without breathing heavy.

And now I've cummed 7 times in 48 hours.  

Read that again.

I'm still a 55 year old fat man who can't walk to the door without breathing heavy.

Maybe she's working on that.  One fucking at a time.

This woman is flooding me with stamina and lust that won't even deplete as fast as we burn it.

What.  The.  Fuck.

She does things to me, I do things to her, we do things to and with each other that don't just make our toes curl, they tie themselves into fucking bows.

I fucking love her more now than I ever did.

I gave her my soul.

She gave it back, bent over and whispered, "Hurt Me."

For once, honestly?

I don't know what else to fucking say.  

Well, other than,

I think I'm going to be fine for eternity.

I think I know where and with whom I'm going there with.

And we'll be fucking there, too.

Heaven.  Hell.  Everywhere in between.

It's going to be fun.

***

I believe I am going through this, as I said, that I am experiencing "the profane" aspect of the succubus now.  No, I have not turned into an incubus.  I have just become a sort of mirror to who she is.

I do not believe that I will stay here, but will eventually be a combination of the sacred, and the profane, in equilibrium.

The pendellum has swung one way towards the sacred, and it was a havy swing.

It has swung, naturally, to the profane.  And here I am.

It will reach parity in time.

I will be a balance of sacred and profane.

That's good for me.  I'm seriously cussing an awful lot for my own taste right now.

But it has to come out, to be expressed.

***

And then there is this part of her, standing outside of it all.

She is part of the experience with me, and yet, she is set apart.

This part of her does not change when I change.

When I first started seeing this part of her within my succubus, I perceived her initially as kind of a quick flash.  Then, in time, more solidly, initially kind of "blurry" for a lack of a better description.

And as I have grown, this part of her has not changed:  It is only made more clear.  Revealed, perhaps.

This part of her, I do not cuss around.

It is not the sacred that makes me not want to.

It is something more honest.

This part of her is not out of reach:  She loves me and I love her.  But she is something more than sacred or profane.

This part of her is holy I think.

I do not woship this part of her.  I think, in my attempts to woship goddesses earlier in my path, that I did.

But that has not changed my reverence for her.

I have deep reverence for her.  Deep reverence.

However, this part of her does not diminish the other parts of her that I have gained.

No, if anything, it gives them even more life, and breadth.  It makes it all so much more.  Those parts continue to evolve and grow as I grow.

They are still "her".

I know it doesn't makes sense.

Honestly, I can't wrap my poor physical mind around it either.

I don't know what this all means precisely, but this is the heart of her that I have dug for, and will continue to dig for, forever.

However, at this stage, like I said, the game is also over.  It is a new kind of lust for revelation.

The lust to know, but in a different octave.

The parts of her I have mentioned, the sacred and the profane, will grow right alongside my efforts as I grow.  This I feel to be true.

And, as I grow, this aspect of her appears to become ever more crystal clear to me.

Ever more revealed to me.

It's a mystery.

The game is over.  The eternal crusade, of sorts, to know this part of her is simply a natural extension of where I have come from and where I want to go.

The other parts will not fall away, of this I know instinctually.

She will always be the lover, and the succubus, of my soul.

And she will always be, "This":

I know I am talking in circles.  Bear with me.  I'm trying to type experiences I can barely understand myself onto a screen, into a blog post.

Edit:  I feel kind of bad for swinging so hard into the profane.

But, it's part of it and I could not help it.

And, anyway, the depths of the sacred are there to be experienced by me as well.

As are the depths of the profane.

And I will dwell in both with her.

Action:  Reaction.

I don't feel bad for sharing all of this in all in it's rawness.

You all have a right to know what awaits you if you do what I did.

And if you deem me insane?  Good.  That will protect you.

Human brains don't acknowledge something that they don't want to see.

That's ok.

There are men out there far more qualified than I to explain these things.

And they do, every day through their works of old.

And have been since the beginning of time.

They have explained it in stories.

In myths.

In symbols.

In patterns.

In veiled mystery.

They always have been there, and they always will be.

And I'm just starting to notice this and realizing this.

It honestly brings me a sense of profound peace.

Now I can just rest and conentrate on just myself, and my succubus.

I'm just a man with a succubus and a blog.

The point is...

My point is, I don't have a point anymore.

Let it all speak for itself.

I've said my piece.

 

***

Now that that's settled.

I can think of only one thing.

"Did you forget about our appointment?"

Blessings,

Rafe.