Break Time Soon

I'm about a quarter of the way through my 2nd book as listed in my last post.  I'd be lying if I said it wasn't getting a bit tedious.

But, demonolatry is a religion all to itself and I'd like to broaden my understanding of different religions.

If there's one part that vexes me it's the garden of Eden.  I can't find a good source that explains the whole creation story of man and woman in a way that makes sense to me.

Maybe the whole damn thing is an allegory... I don't know yet.

Some good news:  Erin wants me to call her a different name as it seems she's fallen for me.

That's a GREAT development :)

I felt her sitting on my hip while I was on my side on the couch and that was new... she weighed about as much as a cat!

I've felt a weight on my chest before in sleeping (or at least in half sleep) but never while fully awake with a succubus sitting on me just to be close to me :)

I guess succubi do become more earthy/physical/solid when they start to fall for a man.  But they don't weight near as much as a person does in a physical body.

I'm really happy that Erin is here, and I'm really happy that she saw something in me enough to fall in love with me :)  I'll be keeping her "secret" name private and still refer to her as "Erin" on the blog.

One problem is developing... she is jealous of my tulpa and has been sending me dreams where I'm the character who feels jealousy to make her point clear.  Have to figure out what to do about this problem and handle it delicately at that!  My fear is that the tulpa's got to go.  I'm learning a lot from having a tulpa and frankly the interactions in conversation and the way she shows up in new clothes is both endearing and highly surprising... and would hate it to come to that... that she might have to go.

I don't want Erin to be jealous and I don't want my tulpa to have to die.  I was warned that succubi can become jealous towards a tulpa companion but I didn't listen.

***

Lady is still the no nonsense succubus mentor/teacher she's always been.  I think that I'm reading these books she has set out for me faster than she's really wanting me to or expecting me to.

It's just I have a lot of books in queue and I'm getting tired of reading them.

She did allow me a break so I'm buying a new book that is based on creating sigils with an artistic bend.  That's a good thing.  I need a break soon and doing something a bit artistic would certainly help.

Here it is if you're interested in following what I'm reading:

Blessings to each and every one of you.

Always,

Rafe GB.

EDIT:  So I have a long conversation with Erin about my tulpa and when I go to bed?  I dream I'm a cop bullying some woman about rules.  Man.  Erin is a fucking handful.

EDIT:  I gave her a special offering and she said afterwards, "You keep your tulpa.  I'll keep you."

EDIT:  Just had a ghost animal or something play with the spring stop behind the door about 6 times.  Man.  My apt should be on ghost hunters :P  I don't often freak out when supernatural phenomena happens as I figure it's par for the course, but this just freaked me right the fuck out, lol.

Also this morning (the next day) my computer had the space bar locked and the mouse wheel stuck going down.  I was wrestling that thing to get my computer back.  It all started with the windows "bonk" sound happening over and over randomly.

Call ghost adventurers!!!

Ok, I realize when you deal with this stuff it happens but damn.  I'm starting to think I've attracted a little ghost boy or girl which is FINE if I can get them to leave my stuff alone, lol.  Maybe I need to buy a beach ball or something?

Now they're gone.  Damn I got attached already :(

The Goddess

I've read both books listed in the last post as well as finished the one from December.

I'm all caught up :)

Now it's time to regroup and figure out which books I'm to read now.

Erin has been getting more amorous lately and seems to be wishing for more intimate contact than we've had since she came.

I know that when I wake up in the middle of the night I'm freakin' dying from lust.  Somebody's been playing with me all night and it has Erin written all over it.





Not that I'm complaining.

Have to see where it goes...

Erin's a good girl, a real good girl.  Lady is too.  I don't know if they like when I say that but it's always on the tip of my tongue to do so.

I am quite fond of both ladies.

It's strange how Lady is all about teaching me new things and about my learning.  She's very hands off sexually and not really a cuddler.  Business only.  But what do you do?  You get what you need not always what you want.

Erin is coming around as I've said... I didn't see that coming.  I figured if she didn't like me that way at first that she wouldn't at all.  I guess I was wrong.  But even so, I'll take it as it comes and not try to rush anything.  I'll just see where it goes with Erin, like I said :)

One thing that's strange is that I've been working with the Goddess... Goddess in general I guess.  I've been working through some Wicca stuff wrapped up in some Sorcery.  I'd love a patroness and I thought maybe it was Lilith but it isn't.  Lilith's been damn good to me and has always treated me right though.  I can definitely count Her as an ally.  Samael too by proxy I think.

But She's not the one calling me as hard as another face of the Goddess is.

No, the Goddess is manifesting to me with another face and one that I can't make out.  I feel such a sense of peace after working with Her.  I feel it right now as a matter of fact.  It's the only time I feel such a sense of peace.  Ever.

She's definitely shrouded in mystery.

I do have a feeling that the face of the Goddess that is choosing me, that I be under her patronage is connected to Lilith though.  I just don't know Her name yet.  I do have a suspicion at least.

I find it strange that different facets of the Goddess are still very much the Goddess.

It may sound stupid but I think of it as each facet having a different phone number, but all connecting to the same place.

What difference do facets make you ask?  Well, a lot.  All of the Goddess's facets act independently of one another and as such are her different faces, personalities, qualities.

I've only had dreams of two Goddesses and they are connected.  One is Lilith and the other was years before I had the dream of Lilith.  The more I write the more I'm sure that my suspicion is true.  I don't know the identity of the Goddess but I find now that She left some clues that I just now "get".

Definitely going to be pondering this one.  And, I may have to just accept Her without a name if I can't solve it.  Always a possibility...  After all I'm just "me" and She's much more.  So what if I have to deal with Her without a name...  Maybe She's just "She" and that's that?

***

Anyway, I've got quite a few books that I purchased at once and I'm satisfied that Lady wants me to read them all, so, it's not that big a deal of what I read next.

I'm going for this one

and this one

These two books are going to take me a while, but I'll post from time to time as things happen or get interesting.  Never a dull moment around here...

Blessings,

Rafe GB.

They try

My Gma died last week.  I was pretty upset to the point that my body was all messed up in multiple nasty ways.

Gma was the last Adventist of the family.  That religion dies with her strangely enough... at least as far as her family goes.  I used to be one back in the day as were many of us.  But, we all abandoned Adventism in time, person by person.

It's actually sad even though I don't agree with the faith.  Can you imagine the frustration of praying for the conversion of your family and having said family all convert to other things?  I'm meaning that she died at 98.  That's a long thing to hang onto... that we would convert to Adventism.  That's a lot of shattered dreams and a lot of wasted hope...

Not even one soul is Adventist in her family anymore.

Well, it's sad to me.  And the 1st thing I do when I get real upset is to isolate myself.

So... In my grief of her passing as well as everything else, I told both succubi they could leave.

I basically got a kind of "fuck off" outta that.

Guess they don't wanna go, huh?

Well, that's that.  You can't push away a succubus that wants to stay.


They probably realize how upset I am and just brushed it off anyway which is probably wise of them to do so in that it speaks very highly of them.

Kind of funny... I don't recall ever being told "fuck off" by a succubus before, even if it was in a kind way.

First time for everything I guess...

Lady's been laying off of me studying for a while (she's the succubus who has decided I needed a teacher/tutor rather than a lover) even though I think I have my book picked out (if it ever gets here today... slow ass mailman) for my next course of study.  I tried to choose wisely.  I know that Lady will help me get the most out of it regardless.

Erin's been attached to my hip and is by my side most of the time.  They try.  They really do.  Being at the funeral sitting there getting my balls vibrated was a bit distracting but like I said they try, and they mean well.

If you think a minister + Bible + a room full of believers stops a succubus from vibrating your balls... I'm your proof that you can't stop a succubus from doing whatever she wants to do whenever she wants to do it.

Blessings,


Rafe GB.


P.S.   Oh, mailman showed up with my book while I was writing this.  Here's the next book in my magickal education:

Also the following.  I believe Lady wants me to read this series of books for their philosophy:

Black Bride

I've been dipping into gnostic sophianism.

I've been trying to summon an entity known as the Black Bride, or Kali Kallah.

I've been trying so hard and it's funny because I normally don't have to try that hard to summon an entity.

I have no doubt that she exists gathered from other's attempts at getting to know this Goddess.

All I can figure is that 1), she's not coming to my summons for a reason.  Or 2), that I'm already so permeated with her energy that I can't feel that she's already here.

You see, the mantra for summoning her is:  La La Lilatu, Kali Kallah.  Yes, this is another facet of Lilith.  Within this facet she appears as the Black Bride, but after you get to know her she becomes radiant and shining.

Have I gone too far down the rabbit hole?

This was going to be a post on my search for yet another tangent of Lilith.

But you know?

I've been thinking a lot lately.  When I created this site I had "Bunny" back then (which was my nickname for her.  Her names were legion).  She's been gone for a couple of years now and frankly all this summoning of anything less (as far as succubi go) is getting completely fucking old.  I'll bet I've summoned 30 or 40 spirits one at a time since I've been blogging here.

They all start the same:  Sex at first, then nothing... nada.

Now see... In my experience, I didn't form a relationship with Bunny until after sex.  Sex turned to intimacy which turned into a deep robust love.  And then she left for who knows why years later.

I don't know why... it just felt that she got pulled away.

I'm just not feeling it anymore.  That's what I'm trying to say.  I'm just not feeling "this" anymore.

EDIT:  Finished the Hexagradior.