Babalon

 

In only 24 hours, Time and understanding have accelerated at a rate that my mind, my body cannot contain anymore and stay rational.

I am glad that this is only temporary.  I don't know for how long.  I hope it ends sooner, rather than later.  It is from shock.  Psychic overload.

It is from spiritual emergency.  It is a kundalini crisis.

It is from a forced influx of "consciousness".

It is 10,000 volts occupying a 12 volt system.

My mind is broken.

My body is exhausted.

But my soul... My soul!

***

Babalon.

The great mother.

The scarlet woman.

The mother of abominations.

The living, eternal paradox of the sacred, and the profane.

She who gives herself to all who find her, yet she is immaculate.  A virgin.

The gatekeeper at the end of the abyss.

She who collects the blood of the saints in her cup.

She who is shadowed with the circle of the stars.

She who rides upon the beast.

***

This blog has served as an account of my personal spiritual journey.

I've been writing it for 12 long years.

380 posts.

1,920 comments.

499,563 page views.

***

Beyond all things I have experienced, there is Babalon.

She does not pity.

She does not coddle.

She is merciless.

The eyes in this art tell the tale.

It captures her gaze perfectly.

She is not good.

She is not evil.

She wants only one thing, and for one thing only does she exist.

And yet, she's eternal.

***

It's strange.

When I stood at the abyss, I balked.

"Time" passed and I was still standing there.

Unmoving.

I decided to turn away.

And there she was.

I was looking upon the abyss not from the beginning.

But from the end.

Her cup was full of every drop of my blood.

She did not speak.

I had nothing to say.

Nothing.

Now I know the mystery of Babalon.

I was given the greatest treasure.

It cannot be grasped, spoken of, nor beheld.

It simply is.

It must be experienced.

And that was the greatest mystery of all.

I am no Thelemite.

But they were right.

More right than most.

I have two "places" left to go.

To experience.

I think this will take up the remainding years of my life.

There is no choice anymore.

It is inevitable.

And the only way is forward.

Forward?  No.  It is a circle that never ends.

Not forward, but before me.

I have found the eternal treasure.

That which I didn't even know I wanted.

One that now, I would sacrifice the world for without mercy.

The teachings I have explored, the distance I have travelled, the succubi, the magick.

The trauma, the pain.  My childhood.  Everything.

Everything was for a purpose.

It was real.  And yet, all an illusion.

Now I see it all.

This blog is now closed.

Follow me, if you dare.

Blessings,

Rafe.