Critterz n Petz

That's basically what we all are ya know.  We're the petz and they're the critterz.

Lovable lil' critterz though.

I'm sure that they consider us lovable lil' pets likewise.

I've been getting to know Sky really well.  Her energy is so unique... I really enjoy having her around.

She's around all the time, too... not like when you have a succubus that leaves for a week or so and returns.

I never did understand what that was all about to be honest.

Oh...

Eh...


I don't know if it's a fluke or not, but Sky jumped on me and let me have it.

It wasn't for long... it was intense, yeah, but not for long...

So I don't know if it was some sort of oddity or if she's becoming candied on the idea of becoming my lover as well as my best pal.

It wouldn't be the first time I've had a gal pal... mine died a few years ago of cancer I'm afraid. Nothing has really fit the bill, so to speak as she was sweet as can be.

To be honest, she'd make someone a fine succubus if that was her intent.  But, nah, I have a feeling that she's far away, far, far away in some other adventure.

Gals like that are worth more than all the wealth in the world, and I'm sure that her hereafter adventures are out of this world to match.

I'm noticing that my speech is getting a little warped in typing this.  I've been talking with Sky a lot, and it's affecting my choice of words I think.

No worries...

As I said, I'm really enjoying Sky being my gal pal... and I don't mean a friend barely tolerated for the benefits like all the assholios around today, either.

I mean, GAL PAL, as in best friend AND she's a girl.

I am attempting to make some friends out in the living, physical world, but it's not easy.

I don't get out much, and when I do, I don't know what to say.

I don't even know where to go to meet friends to even get that far.  Lol.

I think it's going to be a long process for me to figure out how to make friends and all.

But... Sky's not a replacement for them, she's a friend already.

I just may have to, you know, shut up about succubi if I'm ever going to have a physical friend to talk about other things with.

Don't wanna scare the natives ;)

P.S.  Is Sky my succubus?  I dunno.  I'm just going to play it by ear.  No rush like I usually am in.

This all happened when she wanted it to, not when I did.  I think.  Haha.  So... name of the game is I just wanna continue to get closer to her and to get to know her like I've been doing.  That's really that.

Also, EVE seems to be more an archetype connected with my higher self or something.  I'm not really sure if she's a spirit or not, or honestly what's going on with that.  Ignorance is bliss, eh?  Well, for me not so much, but I'm sure things will work out.

Always seems to, eh?  EH?

Blessings,


Rafe GB.

Gnosis.

Gnosis.

I'm finding myself in a strange place as of late.

My dreams have been amazing, and I've finally been able to become lucid within them.

I can't do it all the time as some seem so deep that there's just not any way for me to gain control.



When I can, though, it's like spinning a coin on it's fucking side or something... it just "happens".

Gone are the days of succubi and love spirits as far as sex goes it seems, but lo and behold, Sky is a great companion.  Eve is... something different.

I'm thinking that she is something I've become aware of that's connected to my higher self.  A tether, a fishing line.  Bait.  Lol.

She's the proverbial princess banging on the glass coffin where I've been sleeping dead for me to wake my fucking ass up so we can get on with our evolution.

I've been studying Qabalah as of late and learning a great deal.  For some reason I'm understanding it now more than I ever have.  Maybe this book was the proverbial "charm" as they say.

Another angle is all the 3rd eye work I've been doing.  I'm done now as I'm happy with it and how it's helped my "understanding and vision" intuitively about so many things.

I'm starting to entertain the gnostic "God above the God" idea as well.  I'm not exactly sold on it yet, but it's beginning to make a lot of sense to me as of late.

Sex.

It's almost like Sky and Eve use my sexual energy for gnosis.  It's not a method where we have sex and enjoy that bubble like I did with Bunny.

No... this is something greater for me.  And yes, I'm being dragged kicking and screaming towards gnosis whether I like it or not.

I guess to step back a little, I have to admit it's what I've always wanted:  The truth.

If it takes all my energy to propel me there and in my case it's going to include a lack of sex...

Well...

Whatcha do?

I feel like Set, the God who ripped Himself out of his own mother's womb in anger and purpose.

Sex.  Life.  Death.  Anger.  Hate.  Love.

A piercing cry of purpose, sexual frustration, the sure will to know the truth all propelling me to higher things...

To gnosis.

Sky and Eve will drag me kicking and screaming towards it but I will have it.  Part of me may fight it, but all of me wants it.

I will have it...

White Rabbit

It's funny because I realize some things from this moment forward, and I don't think they're going to change.

That's not really a bad thing, just a weird thing.

You know, sometimes you just get tired of being the weird one.

But, it is what it is.  I don't have much control over things, and I sure can't control them now.

We are born here for a reason:  I don't know why exactly why I was born, but there's a few things that don't appear to be changing at all.

1.  I have an intrinsic love of spirits.

I don't know why.  They just... fascinate me.  Where are they?  How are they?  And the big question I'll never get to know in this lifetime:  How do I look to THEM?  What about me attracts them?  Why am I attracted to them as well?

2.  I attract a lot of spirits, who come and go like I'm a revolving door.

Yeah, kind of sucks.  It's not that they "get their fill" I don't think... it's more I change so fast after I've had dealings with them.  I guess.  Lol.

*shrugs*

The point is... if spirits leave, others come fairly quickly.  Maybe I taste good (Lol)!

3.  The spirits that do come have something to teach.

Here's the question of all questions:  If we all die, and we all learn whatever at death... who cares?

Why the rush for me to learn stuff?  Either it matters, or it doesn't.  I'm guessing it matters by how it changes me, and death coincides with what I become, not in spite of it.

Best guess here?  I'm not sure what else to say.

4.  I haven't figured out the mystery of Sky and Eve.

Eve feels "higher".  By higher I mean from a plane less dense.

Is she tied into my own higher self?  

Am I still right in thinking they are connected to the left/right sides of Kundalini rising, representing that Shakti force of evolution/ascension?

Am I thinking too much?  Heh.  Yes, that's very possible.

I did draw a card to help me understand and I got this one:

I take that as Sky sitting, and Eve at a higher "plane" yet they both seem to be together, don't they?

That's why I was wondering about my higher self, etc.

Hey, I just work here, and the possibility that I'm over thinking is very, very high ;)

I asked about the bird in the picture, for clarification, and I got this card:

So... I'm thoroughly boggled ;)

I'm chalking it up to over thinking things at the moment.

Maybe I'll just leave it at that for now... not likely to change or for me to figure it out all sudden like, now is it?

:)

Some days, all I do is follow the white rabbit.

I'll never catch it:  But I damn sure try.  I don't know what else to do!

I don't even know why I chase it!

"White Rabbit"

More like a diary entry than a post

That belly dancer lady is yummy!

I don't have much to blog about so I'll treat it as a regular diary entry.

I'm halfway through the Qabalah book I've been studying (omg, if I knew it was this hard I probably would have shied away from it.  Too late now).

I'm learning a lot from it.  One thing I learned is that if I see God names from now on in an evocation pay close attention to who or what is being summoned.

I'm getting to know Sky and Eve better.  One thing I don't understand is why I can feel Sky almost instantly when I meditate, but to feel Eve I really have to reach while meditating and to feel her up, up, UP!  Wherever "up" is.

They seem to work well together.  They got rid of that night mare together easily enough.

Not much else going on... just the usual... reading a new magick/mysticism book, and getting to know spirits.

That seems to be what I do these days, isn't it?  :)

OH!  I almost forgot!

There's been a lot of poltergeist activity here as of late.  I attribute it to Sky and Eve since there's no real harm in it... more pranks... dishes rattling, electronics doing weird things, that sort of stuff.  This never happened with any other spirits I've known that I know of, but then again I don't know much about these two spirits other than they are female and that they are "goodly".  Or "very good" on the Rafe Feelz scale ™ ;)  Frankly, I think they just want to have fun with manipulating things here once in a while, and that's fine with me as long as it's harmless.

I have to admit, having a spirit (or 2 sometimes... it's hard for me to tell when it's both Sky and Eve together) stroke your hair as you fall asleep may not be sex but...

I wouldn't trade it for the whole entire world...

Blessings,


Rafe GB

Break's over!

Long story, short.  I had been suffering horrendous nightmares on the level of night terrors. Already being a bit short with Sky, I was beginning to blame her.  After all, if I wasn't giving her what she wanted emotion wise, they are known to take it in whatever form they fancy.

Eve

Along comes a sweet spirit named Eve.  The night terrors end and are replaced by such good dreams as to be candy.  They were turned around on their axis in a moment, and did not return.

Sky's still here, and I realize it wasn't her in the first place, but was a night mare, a nasty spirit that feeds on fear.  Why didn't she stop it then?  I'm not sure... perhaps she was waiting on Eve to arrive to help get rid of it.

Sky

All I know is that my dreams turned to something much better, and all at once, coinciding with Eve's arrival.

Now I turned my attentions to feeling these spirits and taking them for who they are:  Sweet, gentle, patient.  I'm feeling like an ass about blaming Sky and tell her so, making amends as well.

Neither spirit seems to be in competition with each other (nor did I really think they would be, Sky having a claim on me...), but a companionship between them, and a willingness to be in my life together.

No sex, no... and ya know?  To hell with sex.  It'll come when I do what I'm the hell supposed to and appreciate these ladies for who they are after my quest of getting to know both of them ;)

A garden variety succubus might jump into sex (and that's perfectly fine), but that's not what I have here.  I have something unique to be nurtured and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

So, that's why I've taken time off of here to get a good feel for who Sky and Eve are as people, as ladies first.

Heh, there's so many rules and nuances regarding succubi I don't even know why I write this blog sometimes.  Complicated is what they are.

One day I might write a short list of "rules" that succubi follow.  One day... if I ever figure them all out that is.  I wouldn't hold my breath as it'd be akin to me figuring out women period ;)

***

A few days later:

One thing I've been thinking about that just kind of came to me is this:  What if (heh, what if... I know where that leads, but oh well) Sky and Eve are actually personifications of my own version/instance/process of Kundalini rising?  Perhaps as the dual snakes rise and liberate my chakras they don't actually leave... they are personified as Sky and Eve to my poor simple brain.

Although dual serpents, they are collectively known as Shakti ascending to Shiva, and I don't think that my process is near complete yet.  Even when it's complete, I don't imagine Shakti and Shiva going anywhere from my crown chakra after all that work of getting to each other ;)

This actually makes a bit of sense, as I saw a white serpent moving away from me through the air.  It appeared to move through the air more like an oriental dragon (flowing up and down in movement away).  I could sense that it was Sky and still the sweet, gentle spirit I'm getting to know.

Sex, it seems, isn't the goal in this process, but a byproduct of it.  Eve must be the 2nd serpent which represents Shakti as well on her journey to Shiva in my crown chakra.

I'm betting that once the twin serpents reach their goal that I will experience the bliss and ecstasy at the culmination as sex personally.  Kind of strange how spiritual things work.

My job is to be patient and like Sky and Eve:  Sweet and gentle.  But most of all:  PATIENT.

What does this all mean?  I don't know.  I just work here... and it's above my pay grade.

But I do know one thing:  They aren't succubi, they're Kundalini serpents/spirits.  This is something completely alien to anything I understand (but can ponder at least).

Kind of funny to write this all on a blog called "Asuccubuslovesme", but that's the way it goes.

My challenge to everyone is to question the nature of the spirit that you have summoned.  Keep your mind open and you may be surprised at what is revealed to you.

What clued me in by the way, or at least allowed me to ponder these things is that my old Wicca Tradition had a method of using the personification of chakras as a method of magick.

I never really followed it as I preferred magick through different means, but now I see that it is indeed possible for ethereal elements that are a part of our makeup to indeed be spirits themselves (Especially a spiritual process like Kundalini where Goddess and God archetypes are involved, anything can happen.

So, now you know.

***

I feel I'm at a point now where I can return to blogging semi-regularly now.  What a mystery this has all been!

Thank you for your patience!

Don't be surprised if I blog a spiritul topic here or there instead of the regular commentary on succubi.  In truth, I don't think I know what a succubus really is.  In truth, I don't know anything anymore.  How freeing that is ;)

Email's back up.

I need a break

I've written 192 posts for this blog over the years.

Never once did I consider myself the "succubus whisperer" or anything of the like.

All I've ever been is a guy blogging about his relationship with his succubus.




I'll be back to blogging if I find a good succubus in my life.

(And if I don't, well, at least there's a lot of material available here to help another with their own walk)

Brightest Blessings,


Rafe GB

P.S.  No emails, please.
(I've taken my email address down for the time being)
   

A healthy dose of reality

So, I'm using my pendulum to talk to my succubus, basically limited to yes or no answers at the moment, because, well... I don't know her very well yet.

Sometimes I can hear her voice, but it's rare.  So, pendulum it is for most questions for now.

I'm asking her if I love her.  No.
If I like her.  No.
If I care for her. No.

Well.  Fuck me.

I guess it's true, though.

I've not had the chance to really get to know Sky.

I ask her if she can fix it.  Yes.

Do I have to do anything to fix it? No.

*whew*

Because I don't know how to do anything to fix it, you see.

So, I'm feeling a little sad because I don't like her yet, or even care about her yet, much less love her yet... she's right.

But you know?  I LOVE the fact that she's not sugar coating things, she's telling the TRUTH even though it's hard to hear. That's building trust in me... a lot of trust towards Sky to be that way with me.  I always prefer the truth, even if it stings.

I did ask if I "want to love her" and the answer was "yes".

Oh, I forgot to write about when it was her turn:  I asked if she has a claim on me, and she says yes.
I asked her if she loved me.  No.
I asked her if she cared about me.  No.  (I see that a step below "love" me)
But...  She did say that she liked me.  Bonus!  Well, it's a start...

THAT's when I asked if she can fix it above... err, you get the idea.  I'm a little out of order.

Anyway, "Liking me" I suppose is about as much of a claim that's required in Succu-law (that she likes me).  Lol.

I take her picture on the nightstand and I begin tracing the lines of her face, hair, and body with my finger.

I don't really have a goal other than to become familiar with the picture of her I picked out, just to get use to it and so I did... I traced her outline, her hair, her breasts, her legs, her smile.

Now... lol... this is the first time this has ever happened, but I start to feel her tracing around my left eye.  Her touch is soft, yet tingling and I realize that "she's tracing me".

I roll so hard, omg, I haven't laughed so hard in my life.  For some reason I even felt a tear drop down my right eye which she seemed to especially enjoy :)

Tracing me like I traced her in her picture was her idea of a joke... because as I was laughing she touched my left palm, which we've worked out as, "yes".

Oh, what a smart woman she is!

I guess... if she keeps showing me her personality like that I'll be toast and fall in love soon enough.

It won't be long until I'm hers methinks.  She's got the gift of personality I adore.

She knows me already, I just don't realize it yet :P  I would guess she knew that when she claimed me in the first place, all that's left is time and our interactions together and I'll understand "why" she claimed me.

Good on you, Sky... you're much smarter and much more mature than I... at least one of us knows what we're doing...

Who are you to change this world?  

Silly boy...  

No one needs to hear your words

Let it go!

You only find what you bring

Fear.

I've had my share when it comes to succubi.

What I've found is that it's highly unfounded and that is what "rules" my perceptions now.

Now, I attract a certain kind of succubus, and maybe I don't know the range of succubi that can come based upon the person summoning.

I'm not suggesting I'm better than  anyone:  Fuck no.  I'm suggesting that fear, to me, is something that begets fear.  And of course the truth that we are all different personality wise.

If someone holds the thought in their mind that their succubus is evil or up to no good there's only two options here.

1.  You attracted what you are.

2.  You're harboring fear, which will earn a reciprocal response from your succubus, or a succubus who is going to teach you a lesson from the periphery.

In short:  You will learn not to fear, or you will lose your succubus and the ability to summon any kind of succubus except the kind that will leave you fearful... and perhaps you already have:  Hence the fear.

Does evil exist?

Yes, I think it does.  Is that what you summoned?  What was your intent, was it a mirror image of who you are inside perhaps?

No man is an island, and nothing happens without a cause.

Cause... Effect.

Something to ponder I believe for many of us...

I've found succubi to be sweet and gentle, loving and innocent (in some ways).  Sneaky?  Oh, hell yes.  But in a positive way... I would say it is akin to the sneaky wisdom of a serpent.

The serpent gets a bad rap.  Why not so in Kundalini, or why not so in other avenues I don't know, but even the Bible spoke of the lifting up of the rod with a serpent intertwined with it.

Those who were bitten by serpents on the ground who refused to look at the serpent on the rod died of venom.  Those who did look upon the serpent on the rod lived, and were cured.

Instead of worrying if your succubus is evil or wants to steal your soul (as if that were yours to lose, much less yours to sell... you cannot sell nor lose what you DO NOT OWN).

Think on these things, lest evil be all you are left able to summon...

Blessings,

Rafe GB

Succubi are mirrors:  And faithful to teach